I am really concern about my two yr old daughter. She is not talking at all, there is nothing wrong with her hearing, we had her tested and she passed with flying colors. she bables here and there and she likes to "hhuumm" to herself and that's about it. She doesn't even know how to say "mama" or "papa". When she wants something she just grunts. She likes watching TV and when she wants us to change the channel, she'll go get the remote and put in our hands. When she wants her bottle, she'll pull her dad's hand towards the kitchen. For some reason, she doesn't understand that we want her to repeat what we are saying. She gets really frustrated when I tell her to say "mama" or "papa". The doctor has suggested that we get her evaluated for Autism and referred us to the East Bay Regional Center. I have not started on the Austism application yet. I know I should do this ASAP, but I don't believe that my daugther is autistic because she is really playful, she has great eye contact, she takes direction really well, like when we ask her to close the door or to throw something away. She responds to her name and likes playing with toys (I know I am probably in denial about the possibility of my daughter being austistic). But I have left two messages for the Regional center, and nobody has returned my calls.
I think the problem maybe that my daughter is confused because my in-laws watch her while my husband and I go to work. Since we speak two different languages, I believe my daughter is confused. When she's with my-inlaws, they speak in their native language to her, but when she's home with us, we speak English to her. Also, it be genetic because my husband's cousin, who is a little over 3 yr old,do not talk. I've only heard him say, "papa" and my in-laws told me that my husband's brother didnt know how to talk until he was 3-4 yrs old.
I am so stressed and concerned.. I am starting to blame myself, and starting to think what I did wrong when i was pregnant with her...Any moms out there who have similar experience with their little ones?
we are in the same situation ... my almost 20 months old son made the same , he is not talking yet , same when he wants the bottle or something that he wants he put the hand towards the kitchen and says "hhuumm" . but the difference is that, he dont like watch tv, He is not interested at all , but he only says "mama , papa, Amber(sister name)& hello" and I dont think he is confuse , cuz we only speak spanish in home, im concerned too cuz my almost 5 years daughter start to talking at 5 months old at 7 months she speaking too much words , his doctor says , we have to wait more ... but that worries me ,but like u I don't believe that my son is autistic The only problem we have with him is that .
Hi Nancy...
I'm sure this is all together a very hard time for you. I know when our babies aren't following a normal path of development we question so many things and ultimately begin to blame ourselves. First let me say, dont blame yourself..things happen that we have no control over. Now that I've said that..go through your list of possibilities for her not speaking and check one thing off at a time tilll you eventually find something.
I'd say go the medical route and get their opinions..if they believe she should be tested for Autism then maybe you should just go for the test. Easyier said than done, I know becuase there are alot of misconceptions about Autism, but there are over 100 types of Autism and you never know. For years my neice was not talking and we had no idea what could be wrong cause she did everything else in a normal manner. We had cat scans, MRI's, spech evals, hearing tests... In her case it did turn out she had a type of Autism. There isnt anything wrong with getting it checked off your list as a possibility.
You are right as the dual language thing could realy be confusing her..I'd imagine it rally could be hard for a 2 year old to kep up. Maybe haveth in-laws start speaking english and if not possible then maybe a English speaking nanny may become an option.
It also could be as simple as when she wants something she never has to ask for it cause everyone figures it out before she has to say what it is she wants. Try testing her..when she points or gestures for something Tell her what it is she is asking for and hesitate before you do it so she gets frustrated and wants you to get it for her faster..kep saying what it is she wants out loud and hopefully she will start putting words to her actuions.
Either way Good luck and I hope it works out..botom line if all else fails you did say there is family who hadn't talked till late in childhood maybe it will just happen one day.
Nancy-
First of all, let me begin by saying that there is absolutely nothing to blame yourself for. There could be several reasons that your daughter is not speaking that you have mentioned (family history of speech delay, different languages spoken within the home, etc.). I completely understand that you are stressed and concerned about this situation, and I really encourage you to follow through with the autism evaluation through Regional Center If Regional Center is unresponsive, I suggest you contact a local psychologist for a full evaluation. Early intervention is critical for disorders such as autism or speech related disorders. I understand that it is stressful to go through such a process, but the benefits of knowing if your daughter needs some sort of intervention far outweigh the risks. It will also help put your mind at ease to know if something is indeed wrong or not rather than continuing to second guess yourself. Best wishes to you and your family.
I understand how worried and frightened you are. Our daughter was delayed with just about everything (walking, talking). Like your doctor and the other Moms have said, get her to Regional Center and let them start working with her. Once you know what's wrong and start working towards helping her you will feel sooooo much better. Good luck
I have four children, my youngest is three almost four and he is just starting to talk, I was in denial too. He is not autistic just delayed and has some sensory issues, I think I stayed in denial because he was my last one and I thought he let's everyone talk for him. So right before he turned three, I contacted our Early intervention program and had them come to my home so they could do an evaluation. It was painless and quite quick. He is now in a speech program twice a week for two hours and he has been progressing slowly but everyday seems to say a little more. Don't be afraid, in your heart if you feel like it isn't right then just check to see what kind of resources are available. I now see other mom's who have children who are delayed and it is nice to know I'm not alone. By the way services are free. My son gets to go to school with really great teachers that specialize in delays and occupational therapy and its free..Good luck and keep trying.
I am a pre-school teacher of children starting at age 18mos. Many of the children are not speaking much, however, some are speaking a lot. We find that much of a child's language development depends on their environment. The verbal skills of the child care providers and their level of understanding of the importance of verbal development has a lot of influence on the child's language development. The dual language could also delay development. Sometimes grandparents, in over nurturing, hinder the maturation of the child. My suggestion would be to get an assessment done, consider a child care center so that your child will be exposed to other children of similar age, and don't place blame anywhere. Getting caught up in blame will only divert the attention that your child should be receiving. Good luck and enjoy your child.
I understand your concern, but I can assure from the experience my 2 nephews. Both of them did not say ONE WORD out side of MaMa & DaDa until they were 4 yrs old. And when they did, it was amazing. It was a complete sentence, "Mama, can I have milk?" WOW HUH???
So rest a little easier today, because tomorrow just may surprise you.
I also want to add that they also were taken care of by their stricly Spanish speaking Grandmother during they day. They understood both languages when they heard it but verbalizing the two can be very difficult for children so young.
Hi,
My son didn't start really talking until he was about 2 1/2 almost 3 years. We were worried as well. The doctor even wanted to get him a speech thearpist. My husband was against it because he felt our son would talk in time. I remember when we were up at my mother's he said cookie for the first time to her and never said it again until much later. I first put him in a home daycare at about age 18 or 19 months and when he wanted something he would say ME. The daycare provider didn't like it much, but that was my son's communication at the time. When my son was 2 years I put him in a private preschool/daycare and in time he started to talk a little bit at a time. He is 4 now and talks up a storm so try not to worry about it. Take Care!
What you are feeling is normal. I so relate.
And if two languages in the environment. It delays it I learned from two different professionals (school director and speech therapist's director)
The daycare or preschool helps tons to pick it up.
You didn't do anything wrong. I think the parent(s) are harder on themselves than the kids when it relates to the kids. I would try to remind myself not to be hard on myself if it is related to our son.
My brother and nephew didn't speak much until they were three. They were both observant just like my son. Observes things. You can see the wheels of his brain working. :)
Every kid is different. We tend to follow society's child development track to the dot.
My son's now three and hes thriving. last night he said another new sentence "where is it" on his own and we were amazed. Looking back, we were being too hard on ourselves and being worrysome. We did have the speech therapist and preschool. We did have a hard time thinking if preschool would be too much for our 2 1/2 year old. But he LOVES it, one sunday he would walk toward school. They do lots of crafts, singing, dance, storytime and playtime.
I think in general, it is harder for the parents than the children to make decisions like that. We were so used to make decisions for the couple. Etc. The preschool was the first major decision for our son and his future. We felt we made the right decision. If it wasn't we would have one less day etc or tweak it.
We did have plenty of playdates but the structure (circle time) of the school helps. He is a very busy little boy.
Just follow your guts and instincts on what is best for your little one.
Nancy,
I would not wait on the referral to the Regional Center. As stressful as it may seem, your 2 year old should be talking by now. While it is true, she may not be with Autism, your toddler has a language delay based on what you have shared. I am a school psychologist and have worked with a language based program for years and I can tell you the notable improvements with early intervention. Irregardless of what the diagnosis is, ultimately what you want is for your daughter to speak. Unfortunately, one way to have your daughter receive intervention and services is through an evaluation process. I don't believe that it is confusion over two languages. I have a 2 1/2 year old and 1 year old who are exposed to two languages. My toddler is able to communicate verbally in both languages, though it did take him longer to do so. From what I have read and gathered by consulting with speech pathologists, is that exposure to a second language will usually result in a six-month lag in language. Therefore, your daughter really should be speaking single words at the very least. I am not trying to stress you out but rather encourage you to at least obtain additional information so that you can put your mind at ease and make informed decisions.
One of my very good friends didn't start talking until he was over three years old, nearly four. When he did start he just flew into it. Complete sentences. None of this one new word a day crap.
He's amazing and smart. If it's electronic, he can command it. He built himself a "wearable computer" that makes him look like a Ghostbuster when he's all suited up, but I digress.
Every baby is different. If she's 10 and still mute... then you've got a problem, but it won't be the worst thing that could happen to a person.
I knew a girl in school who never talked. She communicated with shy smiles and head shakes and nods. She got A's on all her tests but she would just turn beet red and lower her head when the teacher would call on her. One day in junior high she just started talking. She did it when she was ready. I bet she was a Chatty Cathy at home with her family but just had trouble in school.
I'll repeat again. Every person is different.
Sometimes I feel bad because my daughter is nearly 15 months and she doesn't tolerate most solid foods. I give her all sorts of different things and textures but she has such a sensitive gag reflex and such a preference for her bottle I don't feel like forcing her to eat what she's not ready to eat even though the doctors and all the "specialists" make me feel like a bad parent for not forcing the issue to stick to some average arc of development.
Screw that. I'm sick of worrying about crap that I don't need to be worrying about. When my daughter is 16, I have no doubt that she'll be eating pizza and all sorts of other foods that she won't eat now so there's no sense in forcing the issue.
Same with the talking. Just have lots of monologs with your daughter. Talk to her about things as you do them. You'll get sick of your own voice but it's all education for her.
And don't worry. She'll talk. And as soon as she starts you'll be wondering what the hell you were thinking and longing for the days when she was oh so quiet.
Hi Nancy,
I believe you should get her checked out for your own peace of mind. All kids develop differently. But if you are concerned- listen to yourself. Don't blame yourself for what you should/shouldn't have done when you were pregnant. You can't make your baby autistic from in utero. My second piece of advice would be to read, read,read, to her. The more books the better- even if she is not speaking right now- hearing words, listening to how they are put together- picture books etc. She will learn. Good luck to you!
Hi Nancy,
On the bright side, if you did get your child tested now and they were a problem, the regional center could start her in early preschool and solve the problem before kindergarden and your daughter would be all caught up with the other kids. I know this cause my sister works for the regional center so if there is a problem its best to find out sooner than later. They is no harm in getting her tested and if there isn't anything wrong then you would have your mind at ease.
Cyndee
mother of two boys, one 7 months and one 2 1/2 years old
Lots of kids don't talk at 2, some start at 3 and then never stop talking. Nothing about what you write sounds abnormal to me in light of the fact that your child is hearing 2 different languages and having to integrate all this. What a lot of info to hold!!! and sort and express!!!
If you wanted to find out about developmental issues I would go to an OT who deals just with children.
I had a friend who's child was cared for from infancy by a spanish speaking nanny . Single mom, working career woman. Her son was unintelligible until about 4 years of age. He eventually started to speak very clearly and is extremely intelligent. This is only one anecdote but my point is DON"T STRESS and don't jump to the conclusion that your child has autism under the circumstances. Read about autism and find some good info first if you really want to. Your child is clearly making her needs known just not in spoken language.
You might look at the schwab learning website - Chuck Schwab has a learning disorder.
My son was shy of 3 years old before learning to talk. His hearing was also okay, but just before 3, he started with 5 words and increased to 5 word sentences by the end of the next 2 weeks. He was a busy body then and maybe too busy to speak! He's now a non-stop talker and playing the lead role in the class play. It doesn't hurt to have children evaluated when there are delays but know it there are no conclusions, it can be normal. A two language family can have a small delay in speech and may be your answer here too. No matter what happens, don't blame yourself. If you can focus your energy on solutions to the problem, it's best. Best of luck!
Hi Nancy,
I was equally concerned when my 19 month old wasnt hitting his language milestones so I called my regional center and scheduled for a social worker to come out and evaluate him to have him referred for speech development. IT WAS THE BEST THING WE COULD HAVE DONE FOR HIM. He was enrolled once a week in a 2 hour class where he interacts with other speech delay (or other delay issues) children and within a couple of sessions, I saw improvement, and now 4 months later, he is like a parrot! I truly believe that the exposure to other talking children, the interactive singing and signing etc was the key to unlock that door. The curriculum may seem like any typical day care but the instructors are all specialist who can evaluate him and offer advice to boost your at-home development.
My son stays home with my mother in law while we work and we speak only english but he wasnt talking much because of his tendancy to 'alone' play. He was engulfed in his own world while his dad and I were working. Not to say that she didnt spend time with him, she did, but he really needed more focused interective time so we ramped it up at home and it really made all the difference. It wont happen overnight, but much faster than you would probably expect barring any deeper developmental issues. That being said, the programs are all paid for which was a great releif to us. We are now talking with our case worker about having a speech therapy session at home once a week to work on his articulation, also free! I hope you call today! :)
Good morning Nancy
I can imagine your concerns about your little daughter. Please do not blame you, you are are very caring and loving mother. And you are doing the best you can! Children use language as a communication with the world around them, they use all kind of sounds to imitate sounds they hear, learn how to form and shape words in their mouth. Language is something very complex, creative and important. It could be that she will learn also like her cousin later to talk.
As you describe, she hears ok, as she reacts to your voice, because that would have been maybe one point to check, if she hears good.
I would go to a meeting with your child and see what is best to help her formulate her first words and discover the world of language and communication.
Just to make sure you did all you can, I would try to call again or even go on the website of that place and send an email. Sometimes it helps when your house doctor makes the call, if that place does not respond. I guess they are very busy, like all these places.
I wish you the best and please feel better, you are doing your best.
Anna
Speaking two languages at home will delay her speech. I don't think you have anything to worry about. I think you're right about her being confused. My son was a late talker and he has trouble making eye contact. He's slow to warm to people BUT once he's comfortable with you, he's pretty normal except for less eye contact than most. When he started school they tested him for autism. He is not although he has some minor characteristics of it. A large number of very bright children have a few autistic characteristics. Heck, my husband and I also have a few of these characteristics. My son is now 8 and in a special ed class (for a language processing problem) and all I hear from his teachers is how smart he is. Get her tested just so you have the information on hand. You can never have too much information.
No, it's not you. I had the same reaction and starting going over everything I ate. Was it something I did? No, our society has a weird way of looking at people who fall outside the norm. I'll bet you that your child will test in the very gifted range. Mine did. People outside the norm have a different way of looking at things and solve problems in unique ways. My son is 8 and very happy. He has friends and is slowly making his way. You can tell he has a problem processing language but other than that, he's fine. Most importantly, his friends and classmates have accepted him for who he is. He's happy and functioning and that makes me very happy. Hang in there! Get information, test her and then watch her bloom! It'll happen.
Maria
(11 and 2 1/2 yr girls, 8 yr boy)
well at her age she should know more than just a few words. It would not hurt to get her evaulated just to see if there is something wrong with her or not. You knows she may not have autism but she could have something else. And the person who is evaluating her may tell you that two langs could be the big key for her to pick up some words. Just give it a try and if nothing is going on with her then at least you can be happy about it all. But you may want to see if your in laws can speak to her with one main lang... if not you may have to get someone else to watch her just in case if that is the cause of her not able to pick up more words. wish u luck!