My 12 year old son came home from school very emotional. He did not want to tell us what happened. He finally did tell us that he was pushed to the ground and hit by 3 boys at school. Then he told us that he didn't know who the boys were. Finally he admiditted that he did know who the boys were, but he didn't want to tell us who the were. We did get him to tell us, but now we are not sure were to take this. He was obviously afraid that we would take action and make things worse for him with these boys. Should we call the parents of these "bullying boys" or just keep it between us and the school?
I always ask myself this question, "Would I, as a parent, want to know if my son was doing something like this?" YES! I would!
So, you need to contact the parents and discuss what will happen to ensure that this will not happen again.
I too have a 12 year old who is picked on by a peer in school. At my sons PPT meeting I told the team about this certain peer and that I wanted it to stop asap. My son is passive and dosen't like to fight nor does he like to tell the teachers. Nobody has right to touch your child and my advise is to contact the school and put a stop to it. That is your right as a parent. if you feel the school hasn't done its job on addressing the issue then if you know who the parents are of those boys then yes go to them and put a stop to it........ I hope I have helped.
As a middle school teacher I would suggest that you contact the school first. Many of the parents who would want to know if it were their child, have raised their children NOT to bully. If you contact the parents you may not get the answers you are looking for. If the school can mediate it between the kids that would be great. Does the school have a bully prevention program? If you speak to the school and it still happens(I should hope they'd do their best to stop it, but kids can be sneaky), contact law enforcement...if he is being hit he is being assaulted and that is against the law. Good luck!
Hi, my heart breaks for you as well as your son. I have a 13 yr old son & an 8 yr old daughter. In my opinion, you should definately contact the school and have this incident addressed immediately. I don't know how well you know the other boys &/or their parents, but if you do know them pretty well and are on "good terms" I would also contact them as well. Wouldn't you want to know if your son was the "attacker"? I know I would. I also understand your son's concern about making things worse, but honestly, bullies feed off that fear and thats what continues to make them bullies. I have had a similiar experience with my son EXCEPT it was actually an adult who was doing the bullying! Nothing physical, but sometimes emotional can be just as bad. I contacted the appropriate administration, and also addressed the adult face to face. It did get a little worse for a while but then I filed a complaint to be placed in their employee file, had a meeting with the principal & staffmember and finally they backed off. It is unfortunate that we even have to deal with these types of situations, but we are the only TRUE advocates our children have. My heart goes out to all of you & will keep you in my prayers! Good luck - it WILL get better! :)
Please take this to the school immediately. Most schools and many state have rules against bullying. Although the kids are afraid to "snitch" often one visit to the principals office is all it takes.
By all means, report these boys to the school immediately. I wouldn't talk to the parents directly, let the school take care of that. There are laws in place to protect our children from these bullies. Explain to your son that he would not want to see this happening to anyone else and that is why you have to report it. If left alone, things could get worse, with your son or with some other victim. These boys won't stop unless authorities step in.
My son was having a similar problem. Being pushed and shoved into his locker during the school day between classes and at day's end. I called his guidance counsellor and spoke with him. He was extremely helpful. He spoke with the principal and the boys were called into the principal's office for a "chat" with both of them. They were told that should it happen again, their parents would be contacted. So far it has seemed to work. It would obviously depend on who the boys were and whether they were "well-known" to the principal as behavior issues. Also a factor is how involved the parents are and whether the boys in question feel that there would be consequences at home if they were informed. It is so heartbreaking to see your child going through this. Believe me, he is not alone. Middle school is so difficult. Good luck.
Sherry,
You definitely need to bring this to the attention of the officials at your school. When my daughter was 12 she and a friend were bullied by 2 girls on the internet and in school. When it was brought to my attention by the school, they gave me the phone# of the parent whose child was bulling mine at the mothers request. When I called her she tried everything to convince me it couldn't be her child. I stuck to my gut instinct and the school, who backed me 100%. To the point they suggested we involve the police, when that was presented to the parents of the bullies, the situation was resolved. Bulling should be taken seriously, if left unattended matters only get worse. Just remember to keep your cool as cooler heads do prevail.
Good luck,
Heather B
This was clearly a very frightening incident for your son, and he was very brave to be honest with you about what happened. Please tell him that you are proud of him for breaking his silence and talking about something that was probably terrifying and humiliating for him. By speaking out to you about the truth, he has taken the first steps towards making the situation better, and maybe helping other kids.
Sadly, if this situation is not properly addressed, school could become a "bad" place for your son, not a place of learning and socializing, as it should be. I think it is extremely important that you report the incident to his teacher and to the principal, and possibly also the guidance counselor. The appropriate people at his school need to know that the school has a bullying problem, and that they MUST take steps to address the problem, so that all students can feel safe there. You, as a parent, are instrumental in ensuring that school officials do the right thing here. Going directly to the parents yourself is a little dicey, especially if you don't know them. Some parents respond poorly - or are totally unresponsive - to another parent who calls them to complain that "your child hurt my child", even if it is true. Your best bet is to have the appropriate school officials take the following steps:
1) contact the parents of the bullies and inform them of what happened, and what steps they need to take to support the school's Anti-Bullying policy at home. It is important that school officials explain that failure of the parents and their kids to comply with this policy will result in disciplinary measures, and eventual suspension or expulsion
and
2) Talk to/counsel and - in this case, since there was physical violence - discipline the bullies separately/individually (not as a group), and enforce a No-Bullying policy school-wide. Verbal bullying is bad enough; physical violence inflicted on another kid is intolerable, and potentially criminal. If the school balks at this, remind them that physical violence is considered criminal in our country, and subject to prosecution. And since the incident occurred on school grounds, the school could be liable as well.
The best way to ensure that these necessary steps are taken by school officials is to make it clear that you need to be kept in the loop during this process. I.e. that they need to keep you informed of what steps they are taking, and when they have taken them. It is imperative that your son be safe at his school. We have all seen what happens when bullying is left unchecked in our schools. Either the bullies or the bullied eventually lose control, and the unthinkable becomes reality.
Bullying is a very serious phenomenon, and it needs to be taken seriously, not brushed off as "boys will be boys" behavior. When adults teach boys that it is acceptable to use physical violence, we all are at risk.
Good luck in dealing with this very complex and difficult issue.
I am so sorry that your son is having problems at school. You don't say if you know these parents or not. I would definitely talk to the school so they can watch the situation, if these boys bully your son they may others too. These boys need some behavior counseling and your son may need some to learn to handle this situation in a positive manner. It would be nice if he felt good about going to school :) Blessings on this matter.
Sherry,
My husband and I were discussing just this morning the increasing violence in high schools and colleges around the country as our 14 year old daughter comes home several times a week to communicate conflict between different groups and individuals at school. She, thankfully, hasn't been the victim of violence but sees or hears about it more often than not. I strongly recommend that you make the school aware of this incident and require the administration to take some preventive measures against this type of behavior. It needs to be addressed before it escalates into something bigger and we're experiencing more tragedy among our young people. As parents, we have to protect all of our children and it's a reasonable expectation to require that our children are safe at school. I would also request that the administration handle the situation in such a way that your son feels protected and not further victimized. If you have a relationship with the parents of the other children, it may not be a bad idea to make them aware of the problem but you should definitely document the incident with the school. Also use this opportunity to empower your son to speak out againt violence of any kind and fully understand that it's never acceptable for him to be treated that way. I strongly believe that if we don't teach our children early how they should be treated, we can inadvertently teach them how to become victims later in life. I pray that you and the school can work together to reinforce for your son that he absolutely did the right thing by telling you what happened to him. Please let us know how this works out.
I would act quickly and seek an audience today. Your son their sons their parents and law enforcement. Do not wait. If the school does not respond to your liking and speak to these boys and their parents you move up the ladder. Superintendent and Law enforcement should be made aware when it gets physical. Insist their parents be called. The proper apology is not enough when it gets to a physical altercation! I have dealt with a few principals that just talk to the boys and their parents have no clue. I say this after sitting on School Committee and hearing from parents who felt their childrens bullying was dragged out and not swiftly remedied. It is natural that your son does not want you to get involved. For obvious fearful reasons. However a zero tolerance of bullying is a great concept. In reality it happens and must be thoroughly addressed. The school safety officer needs to be notified and local law enforcement. They may know more about these boys then the school does. Good luck.
I have a 10 year old son and know all about the way kids feel if you say something to the teacher or parents. Of course you want to protect your son, but you also want him to feel safe to tell you things in the future. I would speak with his teacher, let him/her know of this incident but that you do not yet want the boys confronted about it. Ask that they are closely watched, that way if something else happens the teacher can catch it and he's not "tattling". Let your son know that he should tell you if anything else does happen and if something does and the teacher(s) don't notice or do nothing about it, then I would go straight to the principal and demand the boys be repremanded and the parents told about their behavior. I feel for your son and hope this was just a one time incident. Maybe you could think about signing him up for karate or something, not necessarily for fighting back, but to grow his self-confidence and if needed, to stand up to these and possible future bullies. My best wishes for you and your son!
I agree with Kristi. Start with the school. They will have insight into the other parents. Some parents will be horrified and very willing to cooperate. Others will be horrified and defensive. Others will be just as aggressive as their children. You don't know what you might be dealing with -- the school probably has an idea. It's best to start with the school and go through them.
Optimally, the problem-solving will involve you, the school, and the other parents. If meetings occur on school property, that's neutral ground, and a sensible place to gather all involved parties.
I was bullied as a child, and no one did anything. I still remember how helpless that made me feel. Even though your son is afraid of the consequences, he'll appreciate your willingness to defend him, and, if all goes well, relieved to have you involved.
And, if the school isn't helpful and the parents are aggressive, you might need to consider changing schools. This would be the solution reserved for when all else fails, but it is a possibility.
When my son was the same age he had the same problem. I asked the school disciplinarian/principle to speak to all the students. Without singling out any victim or perpetrator, make them all aware that she knew what was going on and did not approve of it. This was a warning if it continued they would be punished. To all the victims, if they were still being victimized they could come to her and she would take care of the matter. This worked the harassment stopped and a couple of the students who had been taunting my child apologized. Good luck. AC
My son was bullied in his old school. It's a hard situation b/c he doesn't want you to make him look like "a tattle tale". I told my son to speak up to them. ANd let the teacher know. I also started a journal of the events that would happen. I then took the journal to the principle b/c nothing was being done about these few boys that liked to bully the kids. I aslo contact the families on my own and we ended up discussing the events. I wish you luck.. and I do feel your pain. As a mom you want to protect your son... but, it's so hard to do so if he is in school and out of your care.
Do NOT call the other parents unless you know them very well. You must contact the school immediately. Most schools have anti-bullying programs and policies. Notify your son's teacher but also call or email the principal, or guidance counselor if they have one. This is a disciplinary issue and the school is responsible for addressing it. They should ensure that the boys do not get back at your son for reporting it. If it happened on the playground, then other kids witnessed it. Failure to act just increases the likelihood that it will happen again. Your son needs to know that it is important to advocate for himself and for other past or potential victims. It is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign of self-respect and self-love, to not allow himself to be treated as less than he is. Let the school handle it, but insist on being told what their policy is and how they normally deal with these issues. They should also speak with your son. Follow up to make sure they do it. Good luck!
I would contact that school so fast. I would not at this time contact the parents, that is the schools responsibility. If it keeps up I would contact the parents. BUT I would suggest to the school that my son does not want those boys toknow that you called the school but they have found out through other children that was concerned. You also need to tell them that it would be in the best interest of the shcool to contact those other parents. I myself do not let anyone attack my children (15,13,6) Its the school responsibility to protect my children while they are in there care.
This should be taken very seriously. Bullying is very serious and is not tollerated in schools. There are policies against this. I can understand your child being reluctant to wanting to say anything in fear of future incidents but these boys need to know that this is not acceptable behavior.
I urge you to contact the principle and set up a meeting to discuss the incident.
Good luck