I just need to know from other moms if this is rude because my husband does not agree with me. Every year for Mothers Day I have gotten my MIL a gift.. this year was my first Mothers Day and I got nothing from her, not even a card. My feelings are a little hurt.. is this rude? Or should I be ok with this?
I think it was absolutely rude. Especially since it was your first mother's day. If it was your 3rd or something I would say no big deal, but it was your first and since you always do something for her, she should have not been so thoughtless, she should have done something for you to express her gratitude for providing her a grandchild and for taking such great care of it!!!!!! You are right!
I think she should have done something for you too especially since it is your first. I agree with the Mama A that it was rude.
I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!
I will respond in a different way.
Has she given christmas and birthday cards? or is she just the type that does not do those things? does she call and wish you happy birthday and all the other holiday wishes? If the answer is no, then do not take it to heart for that is who she is. If she is good at celebrating and sending good wishes on other holidays, then what might have triggered her to spite you this time? Is there a recent problem?
Do not keep moaning about this because it will only hurt your husband. Did you get a great mothers' day from your husband? that is all that matters.
Focusing on MIL only takes time and energy you could enjoy with your family.
Good luck.
She's not your child and you aren't her mother. Should you recognize her, yes. Would it have been nice for her to wish you a happy Mother's Day, yes. However, personally I would have found it a little weird to have received something from my mother-in-laws.
I have the best and sweetest MIL that we usually see on Mother's Day, and she will hug and wish me Happy Mother's Day, but no gift or cards. So, I would have thought she'd acknowledge it's your special day too....but really your husband should be the one to make you feel special about this day!
My take on Mother's Day has always been to recognize MY mother - not that she recognize the fact that I am a mother. I expect recognition from my daughter and son. In a nutshell, you aren't her mother, so I'd say it's not her responsibility.
It may be rude, but it's life. It is however, your husbands mommy. Don't vent to him on this. I truly do have one of the worst MIL's ever, okay so maybe she isn't evil but after 8 years of marriage my husband finally saw how mean she was to me. It's been 10 years since then and my husband understands if I don't want to go into the strike zone and get blasted every holiday about how horrible my MIL thinks I am. Yes, that does equal 18 years of marriage.
Your MIL might just not be the card/gift giving type. She also might be jealous or she could just be forgetful. Give her some grace and don't expect her to give you gifts. That way if she does give you a gift you'll be happy, if she doesn't then you will not be disappointed because it's what you expected anyways.
My feelings would be hurt too, but then it also depends on how close the 2 of you are. I use to let my son pick out something I sell to give to his wife, but that didn't happen this year. I would just put it on the back burner and try to forget about it. She may not have even thought about it.
My daughter gives me a Mother's Day gift. I give my mother a Mother's Day gift. Since you are not your MIL's mother, I don't think a gift from her is required.
Not rude at all. The only person you should expect anything from when your child is really small is your husband. It would be be rude if you didn't give her a card (gift) b/c she is your husband's mom and your MIL. Vice versa does not count. I've never heard of a MIL giving a gift to her DIL on Mother's Day...that would be acceptable if the day were called "Daughter's Day."
Personally I feel this was rude. Perhaps it just slipped her mind.
You are not her mom so I do not think it rude. Money is tight and I have had to over the years cut way back. I sent my mom a card and wish I could do more but as I feel I have everything and way more then what I need. Getting together to eat would have been nice. I do not remember if my mom sent me a mother's day card but we did for her. It should be up to your hubby to get you something nice in behalf of the little one. My boyfriend got me beautiful flowers and took my granddaughter shopping but I think most would only think about their moms. Ginger W
Mothers day is for you to celebrate and honor YOUR mother or by your choice your MIL. But why would she give you a card? You are not her mother. You are expecting to celebrate Motherhood, a sorority that you now belong. But that is not really what Mothers day is about. Honor her and let your kids honor you. I don't get my MIL anything from me. Although, I will mail "something" from my hubby and remind him to call on occassion. She is not MY MOTHER. SHe is his mother. I honor my own mother and My Grandmother who mother'd me when my parents were divorced.
Anyway, whatever traditions you set are great. I think it is wonderful that you do honor her in a way. But you are expecting something back also. A gift giver should never expect anything back for it to be a true gift.
Good Luck,
Laura
I had never really thought about this as I have always gotten my mother-in-law a Mother's Day Card too. I am sure it may just not have ever come to her mind. I have never gotten a Mother's Day Card from my mom either and never expected one anyway. I think sometimes card makers can have a tendency to make people feel guilty because they make cards from just about anybody to just about anybody. Not that it wouldn't be nice to have gotten a card from them over the years, (my oldest is 18) I just think it isn't something that comes to their minds and they probably figure that the son that they raised would make sure to get you one. It's funny because even my husband had a hard time remembering to get a Mother's Day card...even though he is one of the sweetest guys around! After many years, I realized one reason he had been a little lax at holidays and birthdays is because his real mom had passed away when he was about 6 years old. He probably didn't have big celebrations around his home like a mother would do in the home. His dad later remarried a wonderful woman in his teen years and has always been an encouragement to us. I wouldn't worry about not getting a card. It may be a few years before your children start making you sweet cards but your time will come! Just love your mother-in-law anyway and don't worry if she doesn't get you a card. I am sure she still loves you and is proud of you being a new mom!
I would agree that she does not need to get you a gift. I shop for my mother-n-law for MD even though she's not my mother. It's a wife thing....
However the gift or card normal does come from both of us. I look at it as... I am so thankful that she helped raise the son that I am married to.
I don't expect a thing from her or anyone else. I am the mother to my kids... not my mother-in-law. If my kids are to young to do anything for me... my husband helped. I have a 12,15,and 17 year old and my husband still helped yesterday. They cooked two meals and cleaned up. So great!!!
My mother is dead but my father is still living and he does call and wish me a Happy Mothers Day. Not expected but nice.....
Lorraine Brock
www.GetOrganized.ws
We have always gotten my MIL a gift too. I have never gotten a gift from her but I do get cards. I don't expect a gift but I feel its important that she gets one from her son. I don't think a gift is required but it does show a lack of respect for you to not even be acknowledged on mothers day. My stepson gives me a card and always calls me and he is 9 and I know for sure he does this on his own. Its just a sign of respect. I am sorry that she didn't even say it....don't let that ruin your very special mothers day!!!!
Maybe she sent something in the mail, but it's just late. I made a custom card for my MIL last week to surprise her, but it has not arrived yet.
I tend to agree with the other Moms that it was not rude. It would have been a nice thing to do but not doing it was not wrong. You need to decide if you want to let this small incident affect your relationship with your MIL. I caution you to be careful. Examine your own preconceived notions and move past this. Your expectation may have been a little out of line. I am sorry your feelings were hurt but don't let it go beyond that. My MIL did plenty to hurt my feelings back in the early days (I would never bring it up to her but now I can look back and laugh at what once brought tears to my eyes). None of it intentional and now she is as dear to me as my own mother. Love her and learn to live with her.
Yes, and no. It is rude in the fact that we all tell other mother's Happy Mother's Day. She just doesn't seem to have any class about her to remember you on this wonderful day. And she is not your mother, so let your husband get her a gift and card. Hello!