Keeping a household of 14 clean, organized, and happy...

Family & Parenting Other Family & Parenting
21

Dear Samantha,
you have quite crew to take care of!

Here are some great advices:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/12660689709631012865
on the relevant topic,
and allow me to copy-paste my response to one Mama,
where we spoke about chores, AND allowance for kids,
so I just put here the entire writing that I did before,
and there is one more link to the similar issue:

there have been conversations based on the question that you ask.
Before I will pass you on my advice,
allow me to say something that does not quite fit into the picture of the contemporary society:

I raised kids without allowances, but taught them to be caring, loving, AND also hardworking: WITH JOY. I had an exclusive and exceptional situation with my sons though, as they grew up in the mountains, in the total wilderness, so we did not have stores around, and the money-issue was out of not only the question but even their life. My boys were introduced to the society at the ages 10 and 8, and by then they had a well developed good character, whereas they did not COUNT what how and when they can help in the house: it came up naturally: they were washing floors, dishes, sometimes socks :), helping in the kitchen-garden, cooking with and without me and so on... It did not happen out of a blue though: I really worked on it, and here is the example, please see below.

Money was circulating in our family like this: "Mom, could I have ... please, as I want to buy an ice cream (go to the cinema). Mom" "Are all your chores done, homework ready, and did you help anybody today?" If I got three positive responses (they never lied), then they got their ice cream money and some extra, 'just in case". Once in-a-while I gave them some money, and they learned to use it wisely, by conversing with me: is it worth spending money, or is it better to save some more and get something more expensive a bit later... Once my daughter wanted a stuffed dog which was way too expensive. I said this is not a wise decision, and anyway we do not have such money. She started putting all the money aside: I often gave them all the change, for example. She also went to the store with me sometimes, and ran to that stuffed dog, hugged it, and always dug it deeper into the pile of toys so that nobody else could find her treasured 'friend', and finally in TWO MONTHS she had about 2/3 of the money to pay for that dog. As her desire was so huge, and she was so consistent with her decision, I added the necessary amount. She is 17, the dog is still 'alive' on her couch. :)
So, in SOME sense they did earn money, but not straightforwardly: you do this, you earn this much... I was concerned that if they do things FOR money they might always wait for reward, and this is not an idea of happiness to me. There are times when an urgent help is needed, and people around should be able to provide this help just because they CARE, not for any reward.
Okay, this is how we worked it out, I will copy-paste what i wrote earlier, answering the similar question:

actively engage them into all cleaning and dish washing and such things: when I needed to wash floors, we turned the house into a pirate ship, and spilled some water on the floor, as if the huge waves washed the deck over, and we took turns who is the captain and the captain gave out orders (not only you alone do it!) how to clean up the floor, how to wash, what corners were missed and what else can be done so that all is sparkling. The sailors, under the captains' guidance (you in some cases) can also have a word to POINT OUT TO THE CAPTAIN what he missed while ordering around, and of course the captain must HELP the sailors, not only just being a chief commander, as if he does not help, he loses the authority of the sailors and they won't obey him...
when I needed to clean the room up, all the surfaces full of eee... whatever, you know, then I did it thus: absolutely EVERYTHING from all over the room, goes into one huge pile in the middle of the room, on the carpet (floor): papers, toys, books, dishes, uneaten snacks, EVERYTHING. Everybody helped to do it, ans it was fun as you do not need to apply your brain into such cleaning, just all from everywhere goes into one pile. Be careful with liquids and chocolate/ketchup only, as you do not want it all wet or stained. Now, what do you see?
A clean room!!!!! One task is immediately accomplished. What else do you see? Now, the next part starts: THIS IS CALLED A "TREASURE HUNT": you can make it more fun if you take turns, and one at a time, you close your eyes, and pick ONE OBJECT from the pile of 'treasures', and decide (together or alone) where would be the best place for this object. garbage? Fine, run take it to the bin. Upper shelf? Great, climb up and put it there... and so on. If your 'crew' had a lot of energy, make then run all over the house to place things up one by one. If you all get tired, you can make smaller piles around in the circle: garbage pile; bedroom pile, kitchen pile, and once all sorted out, put all the bedroom pile into a plastic baggie, walk over there, and take thing one by one, placing them into places.
This way, your house is clean, you teach the kids to be caring, neat, happy, communicative, creative, and all are happy.

I copy-pasted this my response from here, http://www.mamasource.com/request/8359052428103909377
look maybe you will find more great advices, there are good responses there.

All the best to you and your family!
Merike

All the best to you and your family!

22

Why aren't the other adults in the household helping? Just because you stay home doesn't mean your are the maid, does it? Your sister need to take some responsibility for her own kids. Just like other working mom's and dad's, they can help clean when they get home or on weekends. If they are not helping you, they I would stop doing it.

23

Hello
My name is Jessica and I have only 2 kids so I couldn't tell you much on 5 kids let alone 8. But I do know that I have tried to organize alot around my house and I find that putting some of the toys where they can not reach them like the top of the closet or somewhere they know where they are and when they want those they have to pick up their other toys first and have everything put away. also I have all the blocks in a tub and when they play with those they can throw them all over if they would like but they have to oick them up before they play with something else. I know it is probably hard with more then 2 kids but I take care of kids and was raised in a home where my mom had a daycare my wholke life and her house was always clean. I used to wonder how she did it. it takes time to switch them from one way to another but if you stay strong on no you can not play with that until you clean up the other toys. and to help them learn at home get games that you can play with them not just them with eachother. I sell Simply Fun and I have had a few ladies that needed help teaching math or ABC's counting all kids of things come to me and ask me if I have things like that. The good thing about the games that I sell is our goal is to bring families together and all our games are under 30 minutes so you can play while you are cooking and you can have family night where kids and adults can play together and the kids really can win you, you dont have to lie. any ways I am not trying to sell my business but I think you should really look into something like that for learning games we have games for all ages not just kids. if you are intrested you can go to my website [email protected] and my number is on there. anyways I hope that I could have been of some help on getting them to help pick up.

24

There are a lot of great posts, but I wanted to suggest a couple of things.

1- with any amount of children, let alone 8, there is going to be some amount of mess in the house. Are your standards too high? Or are they even yours? (If not, then live up to your standards and let whoever else set higher standards meet them on their own). I'm not saying let the house go until it's unfit for living. But don't kill yourself over it either.

2 - look at how you and your mom ended up being the ones to keep house. Was is a concensus decision with your full consent or did it just kind of happen. Either way, with a new baby and another just beyond infancy, you need to not have all the responsibilities. All the adults in the house need to get together and discuss what is expected of whom. Only after you are all on the same page can chores be doled out to the kids, Especially since some of them aren't yours and you (presumably) don't have the same authority over them. This cannot be a unilateral decision, you all need to compromise and work together to make it work.

25

Samantha, I've lived in a house with two families and a grandparent, but you still have four more then I ever dealt with! A few things to keep in mind: The men can help...the older children can help...the men can help...split up the jobs according to ability, then assign jobs. THE MEN CAN HELP! The Dad's and Grandpa can help with homework just as much as showing how to change oil in the truck, or how to fix the toilet when the inevitable happens. Inside, if you rotate the dish duty, garbage detail, pet feeding, toy pick-up...etc, then no one gets stuck with the same job. We would assign jobs on a week to week basis. At the end of the week, the kids would move up the list to the next job, which would be theirs for the duration of that week, then on to the next job. A white board with jobs listed next to a child's name really helped, as did a white calendar where we would cross-index all the information like school nights, concerts, choir, sports and so on. The most important thing I've found is to make sure each child knew what their job was, and that no body else was going to do it for them. It really took the pressure off me just having someone else sort clothing into different hampers for washing, then having others responsible for switching the laundry, hanging it up, and doing the folding and putting away. It's important the kids see the men of the house helping as well, or the boys will grow up resenting "women's work" and be total babies when it comes time to leave home. (I speak from experience!) My boys can all cook, sew a button, and know where the cleaning materials are to be found. The girls all know how to change a tire, check the oil on their vehicles, and all the kids can haul hay, feed horses, mend a fence and split wood! I hope some of this helps you to organize your house, but the most important item to keep in mind is stay united as adults, make sure you all agree on chores so the kids can't bounce back and forth between adults until they get what they want through sheer confusion! Then make sure the kids understand they are part of the family too, and you're proud of them for contributing. Don't make a big deal out of it, but be matter-of-fact about families staying together and pulling together. Then, be sure to do fun things together as well, church outings, school events, or just a mass picnic or trip to the zoo, can be a wonderful incentive for "doing the job". Be careful not to overpraise, or trade jobs for money. Helping out at our house was just "business as usual", and we expected it of our large group. However, we would pay for special jobs, like cleaning, washing and vaccuming the car, or painting the chicken coop. This taught the value of money and a job well done. I'm down to only three teens and my Mom now, but I'm gonna miss the last of my kids when they've all "flown the coop". Don't quite know what I'll do with myself when I'm not cooking for an army, but I've noticed that even the oldest (35)is never that far away...Hope all this helps!

26

Samantha: You have a lot on your plate. First, give yourself a break! You have toooo much to keep up with. However, I have a wonderful solution to involve everyone in your family without overwhelming just one person. I divvy up chores and break them down. For instance, the kids just took out all the cars, toys, legos, etc. When they have to clean up I would assign one child to all the cars -- only. Another child, to the legos -- only. Another to the dolls, etc. This works VERY well for a horrible chore like cleaning out the frig. One child can unload one shelf. The next can clean the shelves and then a more mature person can wipe everything off and throw out what is not needed and then put the items back. You can also use this technique for difficult, hard chores like vacuuming the steps. Give everyone just a few to do and it won't be so bad. This works in my family and we have been spending the past few weeks Spring cleaning -- really cleaning. Remember: lots of people in the house means more help! You should sit and take care of your tiny baby.

27

try flylady.net

28

Whatever you do, it is so easy to get overwhelmed in a situation where you're having to care for so many people, especially young children. With your newborn and 1-year-old, I cannot even imagine having to handle the other 6 children, and all the housework. I think it's very noble of you.

I know I'm going against a comment someone else made, but please, if you have to wait until the other adults get home, then do so, but please take an hour out of your day to relax.

If you cannot do this, or even if you can, nap when the kids are napping, don't use it to get extra chores done, you need your strength and your energy!

29

I can relate. We have 11 in our house. We have 6 kids that are 14,9,7,6,3,1 and then my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and her 2 year old. I still don't have it all figured out since my house can still look like a twister hit it. But there are a few things that are working. 1)Have a family yard sale. Have everyone go through their things (clothes, toys, ect..) ad sell what they no longer use. Then use the money for the family to go do something special together. We do ours at the end of each summer and use the money for school shoes and to take everyone to the state fair. 2)We have a row of coat hooks on out front porch for the kid's backpacks and jackets and a bookshelf with a shelf for each child's shoes. This way they stay on the porch, they are easier to find, and they don't clutter up the living room. 3)In the laundry room eveyone has their own basket of clean clothes. L labeled them with index cards. As everything comes out of the dryer it is folded and sorted into the right basket so that they can put it away and so that in case they forget to put it away I can easily find what they need. 4)We have a green milk crate in our living room for toys that don't belong there. When we are just picking up toys that are on the floor and belong somewhere else get thrown into the crate. Then on Saturdays we sort it out and everyone puts their own toys away. 5)While we are rotating our kids though the tub each night we squeeze in some indidual time doing something that they have to do anyway. As each kid gets out of the tub they read to/with mom or dad. It makes for at least 15 minutes of indivual attention for each child each day. 6)Keep an arts and crafts box. Ours has siscors, paper, stickers, glue, pipe cleaners, pom pons, ect.. Last week I put out the construction paper, cryons, glitter glue and my halloween cookie cutters and told them to make me some halloween decorations to hang up. They had fun and we busy for about an hour, I had a chance to get some stuff done, and I got halloween decorations for my house.

30

Thank you all for your great suggestions. We are going through the house and “dejunking” and I have started to label and contain everything in our space. The websites people suggested have been a great help as well. Hopefully our home will feel more organized and welcoming now. Thanks again!!