I'm pretty anxious about delivery and don't really like the idea of a lot of people in and out of my room during labor. We could ask everyone to just stay in the waiting room, but then I'm afraid I'll worry about how bored everyone is if it takes a really long time. I also want just some family time after she comes and time to breastfeed for the first time. It seems to me we should just wait to have everyone come up, but I don't want to be selfish or hurt anyone's feelings either. My husband thinks the idea to wait to call people is weird, is he right?
it's up to you! some docs limit the amount of people in the room anyways. as for them being bored, they will realize that babies take time to be born, so let them deal with that.
Oh - such a hard thing to think about and the birth of babies is so emotional...for everyone. No matter your decision, someone may have their feelings hurt, or you may have your vision altered. Sounds like you are a 'pleaser' and worry quite alot how other people are feeling -- a true mom in the making ;) but this can get tiring...and your feelings can often get pushed aside.
We planned for everyone to be called as I went into labor with my first child...but I labored overnight and my family started their Monday morning off with a wonderful phone call announcing their newest grandchild (the first for my side.) With our second I labored quite sometime at home so most of our family knew the baby was on his way...my mom ended up being there because we were at her house for a short time before heading to the hospital.
With our twins, yes twins, it was a c-section after going into labor. Nothing was planned but family showed up and waited. I didn't care much, plus I was quite nervous about the surgery so it was nice to know people were right there!
These decisions are even harder to make if family dynamics make it difficult for some family members to be in the same room. So - my advice would be to take a deep breath. Try to really understand what this all means TO YOU! Try to remove yourself from making sure everyone else is happy. In the end, it's your baby's birth story and if family is caught up in hurt feelings because they were invited (or not invited), those issues are theirs - not yours to carry. If your intent is to have a safe, happy & healthy labor & birth for you and your baby then your decision is coming from a place of love and mothering...and if someone gets angry over that...well, that shouldn't be your problem, right?!
What do you think about telling everyone that you don't mind that they come but they won't get to see the baby right away as you and your husband want some bonding time, and time to have that first attempt at breastfeeding? Perhaps you can call them once your daughter arrives and they could be making their way to the hospital while your taking care of those precious first hours. It's completely logic that you would want this time to yourself, your husband and new baby! Kudos to you!!
My two cents. Take it or leave it. Best of luck to you -- what an exciting time!!
I don't think it's strange or rude to limit the time at the hospital. When I had my first son I asked the family to please limit the time to give us time to bond and get used to having the baby. It is a time that you get to know your baby and learn more about his/her care.
If this is your choice, then speak to the family BEFORE the birth and let them know your wishes. I did, and it worked out fine. Everyone hung out in the waiting room and every once in a while one or two would drop by briefly to get a status check. After my son was born everyone came in to see him and then left (it helped that it was late at night). Same for when we were in the hospital afterwards. It worked great for us and there seemed to be no hurt feelings. Another great help is to let your delivery nurse know your wishes. Our's (for both births) were good at limiting visiting time and getting people out when necessary.
As far as them getting bored, don't worry about that. Our families visited and had a fine time waiting!! You shouldn't be worrying about that anyway, you are having a baby not planning a party!!
Do what you (and your husband) want to do and don't let anyone push you into anything that you don't want. This is the beginning of your family and you have to do it your way! Congrats!
This is a personal decision and you need to do what YOU feel is best for YOU. Someone somewhere will get feelings hurt and that is just how it is. This is your time with your new baby.
As for me, I did not want people around at all. I was induced, therefore, I told no one I was going to the hospital until after baby was born and we settled in.
Some may call me selfish for that, but I did what was best for my family. It is a personal decision. I didn't want any extra drama.
Best wishes to you.
You NEVER know how long labor will take, especially with the first child. When I had my boy, we were in CA and all our family was in PA and FL, so it wasn't an issue. My sis and MIL flew out to be with us and to help after the baby was born. MIL was in the delivery room to support Hubby. That said, I probably would have done the same thing even if we lived in the same area. Generally only 1-2 people are allowed in the delivery room, and it'd be boring as heck to just be sitting around waiting, especially if it takes 5, 10 hours (my labor was 9 altogether).
Everyone will appreciate a phone call when the little one shows up. Have whoever you want in the delivery room. Dad can call everyone when the baby shows up, and have him ask them to come the following day, and see if you can space out the visits, as you're going to want to sleep.
If you feel up to having people come the same day (I wasn't, as I went into labor at 10PM and was up all night in labor), then call them and say "come on over".
You are the one having the baby, so you get to decide when people come to visit you. It's not selfish to want some time alone after working hard to bring your little one into the world.
Lauren I think that since you're the one that is going to be doing all of the work that you can do it however YOU want. Good Luck and Congrats on your new baby!
Do what makes you the most comfortable. I called everyone both times. The second time I didn't even have any visitors until we were home from the hospital. It was so nice to just have my husband, two daughters, and my mother at the hospital. It was relaxing, calm, and just so wonderful. You are about to be a parent - and your main focus now is to look at what is best for your new family.
Congratulations!
Sheryl
BE SELFISH!!!! It is not about everyone else it is about you and your husband, and really it is more about you. If you don't want them there don't have them there. If you are afraid to say anything, blame the doctor. Say he/she doesn't want anyone there besides your husband. Your doctor should back you up if anyone decides to come. I know when I arrived at Presb. Allen, the nurses told me that if I wanted anyone to leave (including my husband) to just let them know and they would escort them out. Really in the middle of it all you are not going to be worried about them in the waiting room. If they want to wait in the waiting room instead of the comforts of their home, that is on them. I'm the opposite of your husband I think it is weird to have an audience and/or an entire waiting room full of family while you are in labor. They can't see they baby until after you have it anyway, so you might as well wait until after the baby is born and you are adjusted for awhile. Anyone who gets upset with you kicking them out will get over it so don't worry about it.
By no means should you worry about anyone being bored! It it NOT NOT NOT your job to entertain your family at this stage--it is THEIR job to help YOU. You've gotten some good suggestions, but I'll add one more. At the hospital where I gave birth, they had a code word set up--if I asked for grape juice while I was in labor (which, obviously, I wasn't allowed to actually drink)--that would trigger the doctor and nurses to announce that everyone except for DH and medical personnel had to leave the room immediately. The staff would kick your MIL out for you! If necessary, set something like that up in advance with you OB, since even if you have pushy family who will be insulted if you kick them out of the delivery room (which they SHOULDN'T be, and if they are it is THEIR problem), they cannot argue with doctor's orders. Personally, I had no interest in anyone there other than DH--I mean seriously, people, I'm busy, plus have my legs spread and in the air! No need for an audience, thanks! Assert your rights, and do what's most comfortable for you!
I was the same way..i'm like one of those people that is like too nice sometimes and didn't want to hurt people's feelings. But seriously I called my mom and then my husband called his mom and then we just asked that people just wait. When your in labor your so uncomfortable and in pain and believe me you don't want everyone there it gets really akward. my mom showed up which was fine but she invited my friend and then it was just like i felt like i had to entertain them and i was in so much pain. So just be selfish...its your day and the baby's and just tell people you want to be alone with your husband and maybe like whoever else you want in the room and that you know they can come after. and even after you will have to be up front with people becuase you will be SO TIRED!
I was of the EXACT same mindset as you when I was getting ready to have both my kids. As a 'people pleaser' myself, it's hard to put yourself first--but honey, this is the ONE time that you can do so and let the rest pound sand--LOL
One solution is to simply not advise the extended family that you've gone to the hospital. Who wants a bunch of people milling around, in and out of your room whilst laboring (particularly if none of them have seen you naked from the waist down!)? Goodness, there is NO privacy or modesty when you are in the hospital, folks wandering in and out would have sent me screaming like a crazy woman!
And as for your husband--LOL--tell him that when he manages to pass a canteloupe through his penis, he can decide who can hang around the hospital, but that this time, this is YOUR event and YOUR decision.
Seriously though, this is YOUR gig. Hubby should respect your wishes, even if he thinks that those wishes are weird. Ask him if he wants his father or his brother to see your 'particulars', and it may give him a perspective he'd not thought of before.
Good Luck, Lauren!!
Tell your husband to lay down on the bed, strip off all his clothes and let the relatives come over and check out his size. Your don't need the pressure of trying to make people happy when you're having your baby. It may take a while and it is very personal because you won't be clothed.
Remember, it "takes a village" to raise a child. These are the same people you will call upon when you need help....and unless you are bionic, you will need help somewhere along the way. The birthing of the child is between you, your husband and yourself. As soon as the child has arrived, call everyone and tell them of the happy occasion. Tell them that you are recovering and would love to have them come visit TOMORROW or whenever. As long as you are excited about the baby and make them feel that you have thought of them in the process, they will be just fine.
Lauren, I'm sure you will receive lots of opinions on this matter, so before I get started, I would say do whatever is comfortable for you. There is no right and wrong when it comes to having babies! :) I, myself, have had 4 children. Had C-sections with all four, so I didn't have the experience of having people in the labor/delivery room, but by baby #4, everyone came after baby was born. However, I love babies and I love my friends and try to be at the hospital whenever one of my friends is having a new baby. People want to be there to "support" you and welcome the new bundle into the world. It has been my experience (even as recently as 10 days ago), that hospitals won't allow a bunch of people in and out of the room during your labor and delivery. In fact, they usually will limit the people in the room to one or two people of your choosing. This is because the doctor's and nurses need room to work without working around visitors. People that are there to support you, your husband and new baby are perfectly aware that it might take a while before the wee one comes. Don't worry about if they're bored. You have much bigger fish to fry. Most visitors that are staying for the duration will bring stuff to occupy them, or watch the tv's in the waiting rooms. You will have time to nurse and be with baby for a little bit without too much interruption from family during the first 24 hours. Nurses do a go job of making sure that new mommies and babies have plenty of private time to get acquainted. Surely your family and visitors will remember that you need your rest and will only stay long enough to see that you and baby are okay and beautiful and then will "sceedaddle" so you can rest! Don't worry about it! You'll be great! (and probably too preoccupied to even care about all this when the day finally arrives).
Strange... I just realized I never thought about this before our kids were born, and it was never an issue. My mom lived out of town at the time, but my inlaws were here and no one assumed they were invited. We ended up having 2 c-sections, but with my first, my water broke and I went into labor at 2am, so no one got a call until after the c-section was done and the baby was here.
Are you sure everyone is thinking they're attending the birth? Is there a precedence for this in your family? Maybe you'll luck out and it will be a non-issue : )
Either way, do what's comfortable for you.
Good Luck!
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ABSOLUTELY NOT! Baby, this is YOUR baby. YOU arew the mother. Therefore, we will all do it YOUR way. End of conversation...
I totally understand your feelings, that is normal. Don't worry about the family in the waiting room, they will keep each other entertained. The nurses are there for you, whatever you want make sure your nurse knows and she can help you tremendously. After I had my baby, my nurse asked everyone to step out so I could try breast feeding (this was in the recovery room because I had a c-section) It was totally smooth-no weird feelings whatsoever.
I really think honesty is best. First, find out what the hospital allows. In Louisiana where I delivered the first 2, people came in the recovery room as soon as I was out of surgery (I had c-sections), but here, I went to recovery, baby came with me to nurse, and no one was allowed in for an hour after the birth. Not my rule, hospital rule! I would just tell people that you've decided you don't want anyone in the delivery room with you other than hubby and maybe your mom, so you'd be glad to call when you go into labor, but who knows how long it will take, and you don't expect everyone to be hanging around all day, plus, the hospital rule is for mom & baby time for 1 hour after delivery, so you just really hate for people to have to wait all that time. So, you'd be glad to call after the baby arrives and see them later that day when things have calmed down a bit. If they say they want to be in the waiting room, that's their choice, and let them! They are just concerned about you and the baby! Hubby can call when you go into labor and say basically the same thing "she just went into labor, doctor said it could be hours, and we'll call again when the baby comes. don't forget, you won't be able to see the baby until 1 hour after delivery, so you'll have plenty of time to get here once I call."
I'm sure other people have already said so, but NO, it's not weird. You need time to bond with the baby alone with your husband after he/she is born! I wish I would have gotten that time when my twins were born, people were in my delivery room before I came back from having my C-section, and moved to my postpartum room. It was just all kind of hectic. Some people like it, but if they want to see and you're comfortable with it, I mean, you can tape it for them.