My personal experience:
My birthday is at the very end of summer and my mom put me in kindergarten a year early. While I was ready academically, I was not ready emotionally or socially. When I started first grade I cried every day because I didn't like being away from my mom and sister all day long. After 2 weeks of crying every day, my mom decided to hold me back and put me back in kindergarten. I AM SO GLAD SHE HAD THE WISDOM and discernment and courage to do that. That must have been difficult to have her child repeat a grade, but I felt much more secure as a result. I just wanted to be with Mommy.
After that I was always at the top of my class as opposed to the bottom and felt very smart and confident and mature. I was also still the tiniest kid in class even though I was the oldest. I imagine it would have been a different, less positive experience if I had continued on when I wasn't ready. I ended up skipping a grade in high school (by this time I was ready to advance) and then graduated half a year early on top of that, so in the long run I started college before the people I had originally started kindergarten with. I even graduated as my high school class salutatorian and a valedictorian in college. In the end, being held back didn't delay or hinder my progress whatsoever, nor was it an indication of my lack of intelligence.
Each child and situation is unique. Do you want your kids closer or further apart in school? I loved being only a year apart in school with my sister. It helped us be a part of each other's peer groups and we shared a lot of the same friends. Keep in mind that she'll be starting college and possibly moving out a year earlier if you put her in now. You may like the idea of her getting a head start on life, or you may want to keep her home and under your influence longer. Is she small for her age as I was? Even though I was a year older than everyone I was always still the smallest kid in the class. My children are born during the summer and I wonder what I'll do regarding kindergarten with them as well. I'm sure you'll make a good decision!
The circumstances involved in my story versus yours are a bit different, but I did go through a similar situation with my oldest girl, now 8 and going into 3rd. She has always had a shy personality, she did okay academically and her Birthday fell just after the cutoff so she was the youngest and smallest in her class for Preschool and Kindergarten. We had also moved quite a bit and she was in a different school each year at that time, which didn't help her shyness. She had just begun 1st grade and was not progressing well socially. She would cry when I dropped her off at school, she wouldn't participate in anything in class that would put her in the spotlight, wouldn't raise her hand to answer anything, stuff like that. We were 1 quarter into 1st grade when we were moving, again, and had parent/teacher conference. Her teacher advised us to take her back to Kindergarten when we get to our new school because even though she would be okay academically, she was on a downward spiral socially. She advised that this would help her feel more self-confident because she would already know the work, and her classmates would be her size. I loved the idea and we went for it. This was an out of state move for us, so I did tell a white lie to my daughter and said that the school system was different there, and she would have to finish the year in Kindergarten. We have since told her the truth, but her emotions at that time could not handle the truth of the matter. Long story short now...she went back to K at her new school and did a complete turn around! It was the best decision we ever made for our daughter. She became more open, her grades were even better, she started loving school! Success! Hope this helps, good luck Mama.
As a teacher, I would say put her in the class where she will have the biggest peer group. If there are other advanced Kindergarteners, she can continue to stay in that class and have an academic and physical advantage. I work at a school that is so small I have had to move some kids into a higher grade simply because there was no one at their level. Also, I would think she wouldn't have to endure the stigma of repeating Kindergarten because it was imposed by her age not by her ability.
This same exact situation happened to my mother concerning me. She decided to put me into a second year of kindergarten because she was mostly concerned about my self confidence. I have to say, I think it was the right decision. I always did well academically and socially despite moving 8 times by the time I was 15. Further, there is a book called Outliers by Malcom Gladwell that came out sometime last year. In it he looks closely at the situations of very successful people -Bill Gates, etc, and found that many of these people were the oldest in their class! I hope this helps. When it comes to the confidence of our kids, us mothers want only positive influences, and I hope you are able to figure out what that will mean for your little one.
Suzanne
It's better to repeat K this year, than to go into 1st grade and later wish that you had waited. I am a September baby, and my parents had put me in K as a younger child, rather than have me wait until the next year. As a result, they realized in 5th grade that it was a big mistake, and they ended up holding me back and repeating 5th grade, as one of the oldest in the class. I did much better through the rest of school, being one of the oldest. We have held both of our children the extra year before beginning K, they are August and September babies. I think it has been a very positive choice. Also, more parents do seem to lean more towards waiting the extra year. In my childrens classes, there were are majority of kids with the August/September birthdays that started K the later year. Especially as the kids get into high school and college, it is important that they are old enough, and waiting that extra year can make all the difference in the world.
Do not believe the principal when they tell you that your child will get level appropriate materials. The teachers will have close to 35 students. They won't take the time to give one student special attention.
My daughter attended a very advanced charter school for kindergarten and a regular public school for first grade. She was doing timed subtraction facts to 10 and the first grade teacher was showing the class how to write the number four! My daughter was bored stiff. When I met with the principal and teacher, showing them work samples from kindergarten, they promised (both of them) that my daughter would go to the 2nd grade class for math while the rest of the class did first grade math. It wasn't until the teacher went out on maternity leave did I find out my daughter wasn't getting the level she needed. By then half the school year had passed. Now, the teacher would tell me she was going and doing well, but she wasn't actually going.
My advice would be put her in 1st grade and let her be challenged. If you leave her in kindergarten she will be bored.
Hi Andi-
Yes, I would hold her back. My daughter is the oldest in her class and so many times I am so glad I made the decision to wait on her starting school. She is the most mature in her class and gets good grades. I also have a friend who's daughter is the youngest and she wishes she had waited. Her daughter is now in highschool and is academically up with all the other kids, but socially she has a hard time fitting in. I have another friend who's son is in highschool now as well and she held him back in Kindergarten do to not being able to socialize well with the kids and she is so glad that she did and he don't even care that he repeated kindergarten.Only you can make this decision for your daughter but my vote is let her repeat kindergarten.
This is tough, and I understand completly. I have been a preschool teacher for the last 7 years and am taking a break this year for maternity leave. I honestly do believe that it's a good idea in this situation to be the older child rather than the younger. I've seen from past experience that even after a successful year in K, a child may start to regress due to being socially and emotionally younger than many of her peers. Also keep in mind as she gets older. Some of her peers may be up to a year older than her, doing things that she wants to do, but is too young. Rated R movies, driving, dating, drinking, etc. . . Good luck this year!
It's my personal opinion that it's better to be older rather than younger. All 3 of my kids are fall b-days and I waited until they were almost 6 to put them in Kindergarten and I'm so glad that I did. It just puts them at an advantage being older. I feel that they have more of an opportunity to succeed in school when they are older going in. It can only help.
Older is better. Think about college. One year at that she makes a huge difference in maturity level
You will rather send an 18 or 19 year old off than a 17 year old. Also your kid will be able to drive sooner than everyone else.
Andi,
I am in the same boat and have been struggling with the same decision for a year now. My daughter misses the cutoff by 2 weeks. I decided I am holding her back. She is petite anyway, so I feel she will benefit socially, physically and acedemically.
I think you are doing the right thing to have your daughter repeat Kindergarten. That will be so much better than being held back at an older grade and having mean kids make comments later in the peer pressure years!
My experience: I started Kindergarten when I was 4 and always felt like I was behind throughout my entire school years. I was always a B/C average student. I always wished I was held back and felt I would have been a better student and more self confident!
Good luck!
I will be anxiously awaiting all the responses you get on this one because I am faced with the same decision with my 3rd kid. He is an August baby and we have struggled all this last year with the decision of whether to put him into kindergarten (making him a very young kindergartner) or hold him back and put him in next year. We decided to go ahead and enroll him in kindergarten this year but not without serious reservations. He is academically ready and socially does not seem to struggle at all. But I, too, worry about the impact later on in his academic career. He is also one of my more likely athletic candidates so I share your concerns. We are going to see how he does this year but we possibly face holding him for a second year in kindergarten as well.
I have heard it is far better for them to be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest. Pitting a younger child against a large group of older kids is definitely putting them at a disadvantage. In our case, most of the preschool friends he has followed in school so far are all close to his age and will be starting kindergarten this year as well. So in starting him as a young kindergartner, we are actually allowing him to be with kids that he already plays with and are closer to his age than if we held him back.
Hi andi-
I have to make this short and sweet due to just having a new baby- but this topic is dear to my heart. We struggled with this with our daughter and decided to make her the oldest in class and the last 2 years have been amazing. It has been the best decision we made for her. I have several other friends who had the same dilemma and ended up being the oldest and worked for them too. I am sure it depends on the personality of the child as well.
I would love to answer any specific questions you might have about your child being the oldest in class. I know it helps to have specifics answered from people who have done it:)
Good luck:)
Dawn
Hi Andi -
I will also keep this short as I have 2 boys. I was probably the youngest in my class. I started in Cali where the cut off was Nov.1 - my b-day is Nov 21. I was never really challenged and was even going to skip 3rd grade - but my parents feared I would be too young so let me continue on the path. To be honest, I was ready for college at 15 - but didn't start until 17 (when I graduated. The AZ school system is SO behind the rest of the country - I wouldn't want my child to be the oldest in class doing work that was unchallenging and levels behind. My suggestion is to push the school into promoting her to 1st grade...or find a different school/district (with open enrollment) that will.
Girls seem to be more ready to be younger students (IMO) than boys. My son has a friend with a Nov birthday that started in the Scottsdale School Dist (via open enrollment) at 4. Perhaps you can try there if yours is not cooperating?
Boys calling me - must run.
Best of luck!! =)
Better to be the oldest, always…the are academic, social and physical and most importantly developmental advantages…my advice as a primary school teacher.
I want to thank everyone for all you input. I mulled it all over, about a thousand times. In the end, my husband and I decided to leave my daughter in Kindergarten. Her teacher is wonderful and I feel really confident that she will get the attention she needs.