I have a 12 yr old son who would like his ears pierced this summer while he is out of state at his dads.
Background- he's a great kid. Excellent grades in school and generally a good disposition.
We have let him have his hair tipped blonde and red in the past and his hair is quite long in a skater sort of fashion. So, ive been pretty easy going so far. I'm up in the air about the earrings though. (he wants them both pierced) I cant really explain why I am uncomfortable with it.....just that I am. He seems so young.....i also wonder if itll make him appear "punky". I'd really love to hear other moms thoughts on a 12 yr old boy getting their ears pierced and your reasons for your thoughts. It would be very helpful to me. thank you!
edited....yeah, I know red tips and long hair can be considered "punky". I guess what I meant is, will this be one thing too many in the punky arena....if that makes any sense at all....
I have 3 younger brothers all of which got their ears pierced around age 12 (now in their 20's). I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I would tell your son that it's his responsibility to clean his ears so they don't get infected. I would take him to the peds office if you don't trust the places in the mall.
Our 17 year old never wanted any part of piercing or tattooing but so many boys are doing this now that it is not out of sort. It is really up to what you and his father think is acceptable. If you both think it is OK go for it but if you really are feeling this is not right at this time then I would ask him if he could wait. The one thing with ear piercing is the earring can always be taken out where as a tattoo can not be taken off with soap and water.
My son isn't quite 12 yet and it wouldn't matter if he was. I'm going to be very honest with you. Ear peircing (to me) is very gross on a boy, man, either or. That is body art that should be left strictly to women. Maybe I'm not forward thinking enough but I'd never allow my son to do it, especially at such a young age. Think a few years down the road, can you imagine the difficulty he would have. He could have the best grades in the world, be the most polite teenage boy, and he'll end up with the wrong assumptions about him because he's got Dennis Rodman ears.
I have a 20-year-old daughter who has many holes in her ears, and also a tattoo. My 22-year-old nephew got his ear pierced when he was in high school. I also have an employee (young man, 18) who has both ears pierced, and it just seems right on him I guess. He is the best employee and just a gentleman so his personality outweighs what you might think about him and his ears. I guess I would want to get at the "why" of why he wants them pierced. 12 does seem a little young, but that's when my daughter got hers. If he's generally a good kid and kind toward others and a hard worker, I think I would have no problem with it. I'm also not really a fan of boys getting their ears pierced, but times have changed and there are bigger battles to fight down the road probably. Good luck!
I say go for it... as long as it is done professionally and HE is paying for it with his own money!!
I have to say I laughed when I seen you say you wonder if it will make him appear punky! If the longer skater hair with blonde tips and red in it doesnt already then the earrings wont either!
My son, who turned 19 today, had the punky hair, the earrings, baggy clothes with his rear end and boxers hanging out...what was in style then. He was a good kid for the most part besides the typical childhood pranks and trouble- nothing very serious though! Thank God!!!!
This started at 6 years old. First it was the earring, then a year later the tiedyed hair.... yes we had EVERY color possible smeared in there at one time! Then weird hairstyles and then came the baggy clothes. At 12 he got the other ear pierced and then at 15 he wanted his eyebrow pierced. He did that one on his own... with a nail (so he says, but I do not doubt it)!!!!! Somewhere between 12 and 16 he also pierced his cartlidge.
When he was 16 he asked for his tongue... I said no and he then told me he would just use a nailgun and do it on his own again.... I flipped out and talked to one of his friends Moms. We agreed to take them both to get it professionally done when THEY saved up the money! Christmas Eve they both had enough money and they both missed out on great dinners... we took them and they got baby food as a gift from us after. lol
Like I said my son is 19 today, and he is very respectable and extremely funny. He graduated high school- with some help from us (he had a traumatic brain injury at 17) he works full time plus some! I figued the holes would always close up if he did not want them anymore... I always hoped he would grow out of it but it never happened and I figured I would rather have it done professionally than to hear him and his friend used the nail gun or un-sterile needles or shared needles. The day he turned 18 after getting his motorcycle license we both went and got tattoos together and he even convinced me to get my nose pierced... held my hand through that one too! lol
I figure as long as he is a good person on the inside, what is on the outside to make him feel confident does not matter to me!
I wish you luck in finding something to make you comfortable with whatever you decide!
I think it's up to you and what rules you set in your home. My brother (10 years younger) had piercings and every color hair he wanted. He was an ok student but always a respectable kid. He's turned into a wonderful, hard-working young man/husband.
Now, personally, I don't think it's something I would want my boys to do but they are only 3 and 10 months, so I'm a bit away from that. If his grades are good, he's well behaved and such then maybe it's not the WORST thing in the world. My fear is that he would just go and do it himself or have a friend do it. But, that's not a reason to give in to something you aren't in favor of.
What does your husband think? Chat with him and present your decision together. If it's something you don't want, you have every right to say "no". Good luck.
Personally, I wouldn't have an issue with it, but I also have a lot of tattoos and had my nose pierced recently. If my son wants to get his ears pierced, I'll be thrilled to take him. It's very commonplace now; a lot of boys that age have their ears pierced. I say let him express himself as long as it's not harmful or against his school dress code.
I would just like to share a little bit of my experience with the "punky" look. I was very into the punk scene when I was a teenager. Even though I was a pretty good kid, dressing that way caused me to attract some not-so-good friends. Meaning, they were somewhat of a bad influence on me. Also, dressing that way made me feel like I had to look a certain way to be accepted rather than just being myself. Maybe that's just part of being a kid but I thought I'd share a different view on it for you to think about.
Whatever you do I think it's more important to just show him that you love him no matter what he looks like and that there are other much more important things like character etc. Good luck!
I pierced my girls ears as babies. They both love them.
My feeling was if they wanted to have a double piercing at age 12 - which is in fashion now. I would allow it. With this stipulation I have said they are not allowed to pierce ANYTHING else or have tattoos until they are 18 if they want that.
Saying a boy can't have his ears pierced, but allowing it if you had girls would be discrimination in my mind.
What would you think if it were a girl asking you this question?
I say, since this is not hurting anyone else - and as long as he takes care of his ears himself, what's the harm? It's a personal preference.
Well, the fact that you're gut instinct is "no" should be your answer. You've been very lenient and allowed things that many parents would not; just because you've said yes in the past does not mean you must say yes to everything he asks for. Also, I'd question why he waited until going out of state to Dad's before requesting this. Did he wait until he was gone because he thought you'd say yes more easily? Is this an impulse based on friends at his Dad's? If he wants to have this done when he gets home in the fall then you know it's not just a whim. Personally I would tell him that you're uncomfortable with it and that the answer is no for now; if he comes home and still wants it done you will reconsider but he needs to know the answer still may be no.
When faced with a situation such as yours with my 12 year old son, and remembering the sage advice to choose your parenting battles wisely, I ask myself if that is the hill I would want to die on... or would my energy best be spent somewhere else.
Hi! I see you have a lot of varying opinions, and I thought I would throw in mine. I was definately a teenager that was into "fad" type things. I have multiple piercings in my ears and now only use your standard two earrings. I have a tattoo that I wanted when I was a teenager, but waited until I was 24. I thought I might change my mind and never did, until now. I feel you have to let your kids express themselves, but perhaps in a non-permanant way. There is a lot he can say through hairstyle and clothing. I thought no one would look at me different if I had a tattoo. I would still be the same person to the people who knew me. Did I get a lot of looks at the first extended family party I attended and these were people who were friends and family? Human nature is to judge by appearance first, get to know you later. It stinks, but that's how it is. Choose carefully. I know almost anything goes these days (so they say), but it is permanant and he may change his mind later. By the way, Claire's sells magnetic earrings that are small studs and many others. Maybe he could try those first and see how he likes it and if he is getting the reaction he anticipates.
My husband has his ears pierced... 2 in one ear, one in the other. If my son wants to get it done, I won't have an issue with it. Dad has long hair, so if my son wants long hair, I'd be a hypocrit to say 'no' and besides...Jesus had long hair...
Um, so ok... you have an issue with it. I guess all I could really say is it's not something that will be permanent... he can take the earrings out when he gets older and discovers that it's frowned upon during job interviews, etc. it is something easily hidden or 'undone'. My ex husband pierced his eyebrow - YUCK - looked nasty... so i guess... it could be worse :)
That's my personal opinion... I hope it helps you come to terms with your son's 'wants'... :) Good luck!
My stepson actually got his ear pierced when he was 8. We told him he couldn't wear it at recess (that's pretty funny now that I think about it) and had to keep it clean, etc. He was very conscientious about it. At about 11 or 12 he actually stopped wearing the earring because he no longer thought it looked cool or whatever... Now he is almost 21 and has 4 tattoos which we would never have allowed if he was still living at home and under 18 but he's a young man now and has to make his own decisions. He is a very kind and thoughtful young man. It's funny, on Father's day I overheard him telling my 5 yr old that he should never get a 'real' tattoo as my 5 yr old inspected one of his big brother's real tattoos and told him he only gets fake ones. LOL!
As many have said, you know your son's character and if you think this wouldn't be a perception limiting move then go for it. It is hard to know when the times are changing so fast we can't even keep up!!
Sometimes we have to pick our battles with the kids. Is piercing that bad to stress about? I'm not sure, but it's not as bad as having to deal with drugs and alcohol. (which many 12 year olds have to deal with in school and peer pressure)
Make him research about it. Then demand that he report his findings to you about the care of pierced ears.
I took my 7 year old son to get his ears pierced last year - it was what he asked for after his sport season was over. I personally find no harm in an ear piercing in a boy (or a girl for that matter). It's only semi-permanent - if and when they decide they don't want it anymore, they can let it close up and only a small scar is left behind.
Let him express himself! Or, he may find ways to do it on his own - when I was a teenager, I went behind my parents back and got two tattoos and a tongue piercing. The only ones i regret? Tattoos. Obviously!
You seem like a very laid back mom (considering the hair thing, etc...). My feeling on this is that it is "permanent" - not something that can be changed like a hair style should he decide later that is not for him.
I think I"d wait until he figures out more of who he wants to be........... if in college he still thinks that is his "style" - then maybe then.... but to do it now seems pre-mature for something that is not the norm for boys.
He may really regret that later should he become a business exec in the white collar professional world.
I think YOU have to remember WHO IS IN CHARGE in your household. Way too many parents today let the children run the house and if that is how you want it fine, but you had better put your foot down now or no one will like your son when he is grown up!!!! It is called "tough love"!! Some day he will thank you for putting your foot down with him. As long as he lives under roof he needs to abide by your rules, that is the bottom line!
I guess my only question would be is he responsible enough to take care of cleaning it so it doesn't get infected? I don't think an ear piercing is a big deal, when he gets tired of earrings he'll take them out. I'd say no if it was a nose or lip ring, but I think an earring is relatively harmless