I see you have a lot of responses but wanted to add mine. With the delivery of currently our only child (currently expecting #2) I told all family members I would call them when I dialated to 7. That didn't happen. I was in full labor at 4 cm since baby didn't drop all the way and the cord got wrapped around his head he was stuck! I had to have an emergency c-section to get him out. It was awful for my husband to have to call everyone and state "Get here, we're going into surgery" and having the family show up not being able to understand until the baby was born what had happened. If they are there even in the waiting room, if anything was to happened the family is there to comfort you and your husband, good occasions & bad.
Erika ~
As a labor & delivery nurse, I've seen people do alot of different things with visitors.
Being your first baby, it may be a very long process once you get to the hospital (although everyone's different). If you go up in the middle of the night, let people sleep. Odds are they won't miss anything. You have to do what you're comfortable with. If your water breaks but you're not in labor much, you may want some company. You can always kick everyone out to the waiting room once you get active. Check with the hospital about what their policy is during labor. At my hospital, we allow 3 people at a time..so people have to trade off. But it is ALWAYS up to what mom wants. She may want some visitors and not others. I personally think it's nice when visitors don't come up until later...let mom labor, let mom and dad visit with baby after delivery, feed the baby, etc. We have an older doctor that says "whoever was at the conception can be at the delivery." LOL And, how many family members is your husband talking about? Sometimes it's the whole extended family and friends.
Ultimately, it has to be what you'r comfortable with, not your husband. Also, don't call anyone until you know for sure that you're staying....there are times you go in and get sent back home.
You are not being unreasonable. this is your special day and whatever makes you comfortable is what matters. Tell them they are more than welcome to come up and see the baby after the delivery. They don't need to be there while you're delivering. Explain to your husband that you want to enjoy this special time with him in private. :)
Good luck and God bless.
When my daughter was born 7 months ago, we made the decision not to call our family until after she was born. I got to the hospital at 6:00am, and she was not born until 9:00pm. My husband told me while we were at the hospital that there were a bunch of people in the waiting room for someone else, and they were all very excited. Well, five hours later, their relative's baby still hadn't come, and their balloons were deflating, and half of them were sleeping. I didn't want my family worrying about me, especially since she took so long to come out after I went into labor. I also didn't want them spending their day in a waiting room, wondering what was happening. My parents lived less than five minutes from the hospital, and they were very surprised and excited when I called them to tell them that their first granddaughter was born. They did not seem upset at all, and were by my side within 10 minutes of calling them! I figured, why make them worry about me and the baby, and I knew that I didn't want anyone but my husband in the delivery room. You will do what you think is right, but my experience was a good one. Good luck!
PS: I got an epidural, (which I HIGHLY recommend) and the nurse literally had to wake me up and tell me it was time to push! I didn't feel a thing!
I felt the same way when I had my baby. So my husband and I told people they were more than welcome to come and hang out in the waiting room at the hospital and that my husband would be the only person to stay in the delivery room with me. Then my husband would go out to the waiting room and tell people they could come see me a few at a time during the day. This included both of our moms. It worked great for us and our visitors all seemed fine with it, including our moms. I figured that my husband and I made our baby ourselves, and we were going to be the only ones there to see him come out! Good luck
I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital except our parents...AT ALL. now... a ton a people did come, and I was kind of pissed. I wanted that first couple of days with my baby and privacy.
I don't think you are unreasonable... and while my parents were in the waiting room...(and I ended up with a c-section)...they would have left for delivery. Here is the thing...the hospital will do what you want. No need for grandparents to be there. They can see the baby once you get to your room. In about 2-3 hours.
That first couple hours, you shouldn't have to share.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. However, if you would like to compromise, tell them they can come up to the hospital while you are laboring but that you'd like them to wait in the waiting room and not in your room. Most hospitals won't let them be in the room while you are actually giving birth, but will let the families hang out with you if you want prior to the actual birthing time.
But, if you don't want them there until after the birth - that's perfectly reasonable too!
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This is your first child, you do not know how long the labor will be or how your body is going to react. I feel that the birth of a baby is between the parents. You should not feel like you have to entertain the whole family while in labor or delivery. I feel it is appropriate to let the family know when you are going to the hospital but that they should wait for you or your husband to call them to let them know "It's a boy/girl!" and when it will be OK for them to come to the hospital or if you wish to wait until you get settled in at home that would be fine too. I don't like the thought of a bunch of germ filled people breathing on and fondling a newborn baby. Good luck!
Absolutely not are you being unreasonable. This is your baby. You are entitled to have your wishes respected on this subject. With my first one I was so happy to have my mom there. With the 2nd, same thing. 3rd baby there was quite a few people in the room and I wish I could have kicked everyone out. I felt like I had to entertain everyone and everyone wanted to see the baby and it was so chaotic. I just wanted to have some peace and quiet with my husband and new baby. It is not rude and if you feel strongly that you don't want anyone with you, then that is how it should be. Good luck and congrats on the baby!
Hi Erika, Stick to your guns, delivery should be you and your husband. Giving birth is a very private moment. Who wants their mother and father in law present when your legs are in stirrups and your whole bottom end is exposed. For all 3 of my children it was only my husband and I. We called family after the babies were born. I am a labor and delivery nurse, the first hour after birth is spent making mom comfortable, assisting with breastfeeding so baby gets latched on, getting mom a shower and clean bed to rest in, fluids to drink and something to eat. Besides the frequent blood pressure checks,vaginal blood flow checks, babies bath etc... Family can come up an hour or 2 after the birth, nothing will have changed that much with the baby other than he or she will be cleaned up. You and your hubby will need time to bond with baby, take pictures and make phone calls. Good luck. Stick to your plan and tell hubby to be patient, visitors are welcome later on. Mary
My DS is now 6 months old, but I was in your shoes when he was born. I was extremely nervous about labor/delivery; we were called about wacky lab results taken earlier in the day and told to report to the hospital in an hour to be induced-unexpected shock! DH agreed long before that we wouldn't have a crowd in the delivery room, but with induction it was easier to say, "We don't know when the baby is coming for sure, so we'll call you when he's here." B/C DS is first grandson on either side, both sides of parents visited after we were admitted, after that DH called with updates. We explained that we didn't want everyone to be sitting in the waiting room just waiting when they could be comfortable at home. All family members were receptive to this. good luck!
You are not being unreasonable. Having a baby is definitely something that is private and personal, not to mention you are going to have so much going on in the delivery room as it is that if you want as little a distraction as possible, do it. I have had two kids and done it both ways, some were offended some not. In the end it's about what makes you comfortable, after all you will be the one going through the labor not anyone else. Hubby doesn't count as going through it just because he will be there in the room.
My dad and stepmom drove me nuts during my first delivery! They actually stood outside the delivery room door and complained that my baby had been born 25 minutes ago...how come they weren't allowed in yet??? Um, hello! Afterbirth! Not to mention that I was trying to nurse for the first time. Second time around, we only told my step-sister (who was in a different hospital having a scheduled c-section) and my mom. Everything was so peaceful! My mom just quietly stepped out in the hall when it came time to deliver and she waited so patiently. I say you do what you feel comfortable with. Whoever thinks it is rude can just deal with it!
You are NOT being unreasonable! When I had my first baby, I only wanted my husband in the room - no one else. My entire family respected my decision and were fine with it (at least they seemed fine!) Delivery can be a very private experience for many. Many of your bits and pieces are very exposed and I know I didn't want my in-laws or male relatives around that. Plus, the hospitals really limit the number of people allowed in a birthing room these days so it's just easier for everyone to wait until after the baby is born. What my husband and I did was set up kind of a phone tree. He immediately called my mom and his mom as soon as the baby was born and they called other relatives. Don't let anyone bully you into being there when you're not comfortable with it! It's YOUR body!
I completely understand, I just had my first baby in Feb and I did not want people at the hospital either. This time is about you, your baby and your husband. Delievery is tough enough, you don't need a bunch of other people there to worry about or have to deal with. And after delievery you will be so tired, and it's a very special time that you and your husband should take alone to get to know your new baby. There will be plenty of time for everyone to meet the baby after you've had your time.
You are not being selfish or unreasonable AT ALL. I encountered the exact same problem when I had my daughter 4 1/2 yrs ago. My family kinda knows the drill and only comes if asked to while someone is in labor, now my husband's family is the complete opposite. If they get wind someone is in the ER with a sliver, they all run up there. But anyways. This is how I handled it. My MIL and SIL showed up while I was in labor and I asked them to leave. I was not mean, but very direct about it. SO.. they all sat in the waiting room. As long as they are not physically in your room, I would not worry what they do. If they lurk in the hall, then the nurses are likely to ask them to go find the sitting room. Same thing with after the baby is born. You AND ONLY YOU can deside who/when to have visitors. I would explain to your husband that while you completely understand the families excitement, you would like to wait a bit after delivering before being bum-rushed with family. If he continues to press the issue, then I would flat out tell him its your body and your decision as to how much company you want. You can notify nursing staff of your wishes and I almost guarentee they will honor them.