i don't think that's unreasonable at all. what are the people going to do, wait in the waiting room for hours???? doesn't sound like fun does it? some people believe that the birthing experience should be between the mother and the father and no one else b/c it can cause distractions. people coming in and out of your room while you are laboring can cause you to stop laboring, or interupt it. this is about what YOU want. yea i know i sound mean, but the baby isn't coming out of your husband. i wish you a quick and easy delivery!!!! hope this helps...
My parents came to my 1st delivery, but that is only because it was almost 30 hours and I ended up having a c section. They knew that I did not want anyone in delivery besides my husband and they respected that. No on was offended that I had done that, but I had also been saying it since the beginning so it wasn't a mystery. It is such an amazing moment. I only wanted to share it with my husband. You need to do what is right for you and not worry about other people. You don't get a "do-over" if you are pressured into making the situation uncomfortable for yourself. Do what YOU want!
Courtney
Hello Erika, You are the one who is going to be in labor. All of your attention and focus should be on that only if it is what will make you the most comfortable. Your husband should support you!! In all aspects of this. It is not a time for family gatherings with you. If they chose to wait in the waiting room with no interaction from you, that is totally different, as your husband also needs support at this time, and he can do the interacting with his family. The birthing room should be under your control as to who is there. Good luck, this will be best day of your life!
Here's what I did - When you start, until about an hour or two after you actually deliver, you'll be in labor/delivery. After the baby is born you will be moved to a room. I told my husband (and luckily he was fine with it) I wanted the delivery part to be just us. His parents ended up waiting for 4 hours (I did go very quick it could have been worse) in the waiting room and after we were moved into my room I allowed visitors. There is no reason the first precious couple of hours can't be for you and your husband.
Erika there is a happy medium to what it is that you're seeking. It's a wonderful time for you and your husband, but remember, you aren't the only ones accepting a new child in your life!
Ask the family that if they'd like to be there, to be there in the waiting room. Once you are ready, you will have people come in by pairs, or whatever it is that you decipher.
Keep in mind, if you have a C section, your husband will be the only person in the room with you. And then your family will have to wait until you are in recovery, or in your room to visit.
My mom, sister, Aunt, and boyfriend were all with me from the time I started labor until I delivered (emergency C section). It was nice to have the added support in case my boyfriend freaked out, passed out, whatever. It was nice to know that (in delivery if needed) I had an extra Coach who could "report" to the family and not leave me alone.
I ask you to please reconsider your decision, and perhaps think about maybe asking your family to stay in the waiting room until you are ready. Otherwise, your trampling on their happiness too.
Whats the big deal if there there or not? They can't be in the delivery room with you anyway. This is what I would say to your husband its your first child and you would like to have some peace and quiet. You want him there but you want thave the first couple hrs or day to yourselves with the baby. After that they can come visit. Family are all excited because its your first so they want to share the experience with you and they do understand even if they will think your being rude. They also want to enjoy the experience but they want to see tha baby just as much as you do. So just relax and think about it talk with your husband come to some agreement.
I think your right i gave birth to three kids. Everyone came after i had the kids. YOu don't want a punch of people Thats looking at you when your in pain. people she respect that. I felt more comfortable. My sister had her mother in laws there and it was so busy. people talking like your not their. That's how my sister felt. If they want to wait in the waiting room and your husband can go out to have some support. but tell them i don't want people in the room. tell the nurse. they will make sure no one somes in.
Erika,
I've skimmed over a few responses, but haven't read them all. I agree with most of what I've seen so far. This is YOUR deal. If you don't want anyone there, then they should respect your wishes. When my son was born, everyone was there. My parents and step-parents, my husband's parents, my husband's sister and our niece, and my two best friends. They were all in the waiting room. I ended up having a c-section and they all came into the recovery room immediately after. It was too much. I was very shaky from the drugs and giving birth (c-section or vaginally) is traumatic. I just wanted to be alone. This is not rude. It is rude of others to not respect your wishes at a time like this. They can be there and your husband can bring the baby out to see them, but if you don't want visitors for a while, don't back down. If I have another child, I'll have a repeat c-section. No one will be invited. I'm going to do everything differently the second time around. If they insist on coming, they will wait in the waiting room and my husband can take the baby out to them, but they're not coming into the recovery area. I'm thinking we will call them when it's all over and I'm settled in my room...a few hours afterward. Another thing, if you're planning to nurse, you'll want to try it first thing. I wasn't able to do that with ten people standing around me. Sorry to rant. I hope my story helps in some way! Best of luck to you!
Erika, you are not being rude or unreasonable to not want anyone there during delivery. I made the same request to my friends and family. In fact I didn't even tell most that I was in labor and at the hospital until after everything was over. Don't feel like you're being rude or unreasonable. You need to be comfortable in the delivery process in order for it to go well. Good luck!
Beth
Hi Erika, you should be as comfortable as possible when you give birth to your child. I had my son 2 years ago and we told nobody anything until he was born. I orignally did not want anyone to visit right away at all, but I ended up allowing my inlaws to come over the night he was born. (I am more comfortable with my inlaws than with my own family.) My family came by the next day. It is not rude and your husband is not the one having the baby, so this should ultimately be your decision. Take care and try to relax about the birth as much as possible. - Colleen :)
Congrats, Erika!
I've read most of the responses and there is excellent advice in all. Most importantly, is that you are in the driver's seat about who is in the delivery room. If your husband feels like he would like supportive people at the hospital, then work that out with him. Consider this practice for when you need to explain to either or all of your parents why you are adhering to the advice to put the baby on their back to sleep - or why you are choosing cloth/disposable diapers - or why you aren't stressing about potty training - or why you have decided to bottle/breast feed your baby - you get the picture. Discuss these things with each other first because you are a family now - the inner circle, so to speak.
I hope that you have a safe and speedy delivery! My mom gave me one piece of advice that was priceless and I use even now - to stop and look at my tiny baby every day because he won't be this tiny ever again, not even tomorrow. Now, my son is almost 8 and my daughter will be 5 very soon. They won't stop growing - they won't get smaller. We can only go forward, not back.
Enjoy every moment!
Diana
No I don't think you are being rude although others may think differently. What people don't understand is that after you have a baby the last thing you want to think about is company. That's your time to bond with your baby, rest, etc. I know after I had my baby, my parents, sisters, nieces, in-laws etc came up to the hospital and I was so frustrated cause number one I had a c-section and all I wanted to do was rest not have visitors. I wish I would've told everyone to wait and visit when I got home cause it was exhausting. Do what you want to do, the hubby will understand eventually:) Good luck!!!
No you are not being unreasonable. Everyone should respect your wishes and wait until you are ready for visitors. Good luck.
Not unreasonable AT ALL. Delivery is a big deal. If you're already nervous about it, the last thing you want is a bunch of family coming in and out asking how you're doing and blah blah blah.
You never know what is going to happen when baby decides it's time to come. You and your husband need to focus on YOU and BABY. That's it. No one else. Hubby needs to be there for YOU, not running in and out telling family how far along you are. He needs all his attention on YOU. YOU need all your attention on yourself an baby.
Delivering a baby is work. It's your body and YOU will be the one doing all the work. Quite honestly, hubby doesn't have to do a great deal. I think he needs to get some perspective on what is actually going to happen. Have you guys been going to prenatal classes?? I hope so. The instructors typically do a pretty good job of preparing hubby for what is to come. For mom, even though the first time you have NO idea what to expect... you do understand that there is this ever growing life inside of you that needs to come out! I remember I was keenly aware of the fact there were only a couple of ways that baby COULD come out... and both seemed like a lot of work. ;-)
I did NOT want any one at the hospital other than my doula and my husband. He respected that. My parents respected that. They were an hour and a half a way and didn't come until my sister called them and told them baby had arrived. My sister was living very close to the hospital at the time. I called her when we left for the hospital, and then she actually was at the hospital later for an appointment of her own and happen to arrive right after baby was born. So it all worked out.
You are not unreasonable. This is one of the few times in life that yes, everything is about you and you should have it your way.
I know this is long, but I want to say one more thing. One responder mentions that you shouldn't trample the rest of the families happiness in welcoming the child. While, yes...they are welcoming the new child into the family ... you are in NO WAY trampling their happiness by requesting they stay away for a little while.
Family bonding (meaning mom, dad, baby) is VERY VERY VERY important. You will have just gone through a HUGE ordeal. Not to mention it's work for baby too!!!! You and baby are going to be TIRED. Those first moments, hours, between mom and baby and dad and baby are very important. Baby is learning who you are and who will be taking care of him/her. Bonding is important. That will be hard if baby is being passed around from person to person.
In addition, you need to think about IF you will let people hold baby right away and if you do make sure they WASH THEIR HANDS! Asking for some alone time with your new little one is not rude. It's being a MOM! You're FIRST priority is you and baby. Other family members are NOT your priority. They will get their time... but those first moments/hours/day between mom, dad, and baby ... you will never get those back. Ever. Use them wisely.
Absolutely not! And if he won't support you make sure the nurses know that he's the only person allowed in the room and trust me they'll kick everyone else out! You've got a lot to deal with during labor and you need to keep it as light and stress free as possible. Also it isn't a woman's most flattering time either, so being self conscious is the last thing you want to worry about when pushing out a baby is supposed to be your focus.
Honestly when you're in the pushing phase you could march the US Marine Corp through the delivery room and it wouldn't phase you. BUT, it is going to bother you up until that moment, which adds stress to you right now.
Tell your husband it isn't rude and many hospitals won't allow anyone other then your husband and maybe a birth coach into the room without special permission. This is not a time for family coming in to gawk. And if people want an audience that's fine, but its up to the mom to decide what her comfort level is. He's not the one who will be striped naked exposing himself to the world, sweating, pushing and doing all it takes to get a baby born.
It sounds like his mom wants to be there and he's being pressured by her. You might just want to send your in-laws an invitation to come visit AFTER the baby is born. Make it up really cute and see if you can find a cute way to word it, decorate it, whatever. But be clear that you want them to visit but not until you're feeling more like a human being again! You'll be so tired afterwords that you'll be thankful for visitors to keep baby happy while you get some much needed rest. Also remember that many babies are born in the middle of the night, so they might be sleeping anyway. Also labor will take many many hours as this is your first baby. Maybe having them bring food and stuff to relieve your husband through this marathon and any last minuet things that you'd need would be a good activity for them to feel useful and actually HELP you out instead of adding stress.
Blessings, this is a WONDERFUL time in your life and don't let this stress you out. Just have the conversation with people so they understand your wishes and be sure the nurses know so they can back you up and you should be fine. Labor and Deliver Nurses are bulldogs, they aren't to be messed with, so if they're on your side you're in good shape! :)
Its your delivery and you can choose what you want. Personally, I can't imagine NOT having a room full of loving, smiling, excited family just waiting for the miracle! My family is my life and I was just so blessed that they wanted to be right there with me. I think people get a little put off when they can't be involved.
It's not unreasonable to ask that no one come to the delivery room/that you don't see anyone until you are ready once the delivery is over.
However...it is unreasonable to ask that your parents/his parents/immediate close family not even come to the hospital if that is what they want to do. You do not need to see them, but if you are asleep with an epidural (like many typical long first deliveries)...what is the harm of your husband having a little support? Just let your husband know that you need him to be completely available/present/by your side when you are awake, but that it is ok if he is nearby (ie hallway/nearby waiting room) talking to his mom and dad---for example---for some support while you are asleep and only dilated to 4 :)
Chances are, nobody is going to come to the hospital anyhow if you let them know you want privacy in the delivery room (I only wanted my husband in there too!!!), but by making "coming to the actual hospital" an 'issue', it leaves room for everyone to interpret it as rude. Again, just tell your husband that you and the baby are his first priority and to not be away from you for too long if anyone decides to come to the waiting room of the hospital.
One last thing...try not to be nervous. It will be an incredible experience and the labor/delivery section of a hospital is filled with AMAZING nurses that will ease you and your husband through it. You will never do anything more exhilerating in your life!!! Look forward to it and the experience will be that much better! God bless :) The best is yet to come!
I think it should be your choice but I found it really helped my husband to have the family in the waiting room. I had a long labor and by having my parents and his it allowed him to leave the room for a few minutes without me being left alone. Plus my husband was very happy to go out to a room full of people and announce the birth of our daughter. That was his moment!
Good Luck!
erika sounds like your husband is hooked on the hollywood version of having a baby, husband goes in ,and comes out, and announces what it is to a whole group of others, with our first i too wanted it to be special between me and my husband, the way to do that is to call them afterwards, but dont make it a big deal , if they want to sit in a waiting room let them do what ever, he wants to be the one to announce to them what is going on is ok too, just enjoy and congrats deb s
Technically nothing can stop his folks from coming to the hostpital. If you aren't at odds with them I don't see a reason why they shouldn't come. But I would suggest to them to come after the delivery. No one knows how long it will take anyway, so it's better to invite them afterwards, when you're no longer nervous and cleaned up some and the baby is cleaned up.
The experience is between you and husband before anyone else. He needs to understand that and, as mentioned, it can be a long time to wait. Many have lengthy deliveries and some go quickly. It's just as rude to ask people/invite people to sit sit sit if it ends up being a long delivery. Stalemate!