My husband plays computer games every single night when he gets home from work, which makes him slower to help me around the house. He will take breaks to help with the kids or hold them while he plays, but I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this situation. It just seems like something a 37 year old married family man shouldn't do. I will add that compared to who he used to be, I'm at least glad that he's home every night when he's off work, but it's frustrating sometimes! Anyone feel my pain? Not looking for much advice, just some sympathy and company!
Tiara,
I totally understand what you mean! My husband has always been a huge video game player, to the point I actually had to send the new X Box 360, when it first came out, to Iraq! I've learned that it's his "personal" time away from us. Although, you have little ones still, so he needs to understand that you still need him. I remember when we were first married, he would stay up until the wee hours of the morning and never come to bed! Drove me nuts! All you can do is tell him how you feel, and keep in mind he needs his time, but you need your time too. I work full-time and started my own business as well, so my evenings that I do my Spa Parties are my time. I get to visit with adult women and spend a few hours pampering ourselves! Of course, once the children get older he'll have them playing...my daughters play their Wii and I shocked them all by playing for a few minutes the other night!
Hi Tiara:
Wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. There are three of us just on my block alone. My husband now plays mostly weekends butthat means anywhere from 4 to 8 hours. Sickening isn't it?
I too have an almost 4 year old girl & a 3 month baby girl so I can relate.
hang in there!!!
all the best,
Alicia
Definetly not alone. My husband has done the "Every night/every day all day" video game play for gee...almost 8 years now, I'm just used to it. He does break away to do chores etc around the house, but pretty much every other waking moment that he's not at work he's on his computer playing world of warcraft (Before that it was everquest).
I would advise though, to talk to him about it, and let him know that it bothers you, otherwise it'll fester and become a problem. I wouldn't try to make him stop or do it less, just let him know that it bothers you A LOT!
I am sure you will have LOTS of replies to this one! :) You are NOT ALONE! My dh used to do the same thing. We talked and I expressed to him that I understand that this is his 'down time' but I also needed his help when he got home. He still gets on the computer for a few minutes when he first gets home and I am ok with that. I realize he does need to 'debrief' for a few as he comes home to chaos every evening. The noise level in my home is a bit high as I have 3 small kids and usually have a neighbor's kid or two. We have the Wii now and it has turned into a fun family time for all of us. It is still not my favorite, but it brings him joy and I want him to be happy. BALANCE is what is't all about! I do feel your pain. Congrats on having your one day a week with the adult world. I dream of that sometimes.
Oh this is funny to me. Not only are you not alone, plus the responses you are getting, I have friends and syblings around the country who are dealing with it too. Ours is online Xbox 360 though! This started to cause alot of problems with my husband and I. We just made ground rules. The game can come on when dinner is done, the chores are all done, and Ive had a break from the house for a min.(that can mean running to town for milk, going and taking a bath upstairs, or sitting at the computer and chatting with the gfs) If he is any sort of understanding husband he should stick to these rules. Coming straight home and getting on the computer is not fair to you. He hasnt been home all day and now its like he still isnt home. Good luck to you sister!
LOL Is there a man alive that doesn't play video games? Even my dad plays some video games, or at least used to and he's in his 50's. My college boyfriend played video games and would only stop if I had something specific in mind to do...not just "let's go out and do something", but a specific destination...and even then it was hit or miss. My ex-husband played them non-stop...ignored me until I went to bed (and guess what he wanted then lol...needless to say I was not inclined)anyway, he wouldn't stop for anything...sleep,work, earthquake, house fire, whatever...you could not tear him away from them or even get him to listen to you while he was playing. My fiance plays them all the time too (27 years old) and my son sits on his lap and watches the ones that are okay for a toddler to see (doesn't show the ones with killing, gore, etc.), but I am really fortunate because my finace will stop for anything I ask him or just because he thinks I might want his attention. Not many men are like that. I can definately sympathize with you. Since your husband seems to be willing to stop to help, perhaps you can ask him for a specific time each night that he be available and not on the computer.
Mine used to and it drove me NUTS. My son was about six months old and we had temporary custody of my nine year old niece. I was studying for the bar exam and asked my husband to watch the kids for a couple of hours each day (especially on his days off) so I could have uninterrupted study time. I'd hear the baby crying his eyes out and would come out of the bedroom to see the baby on the floor and my niece watching tv . . . no sign of my husband. The first few times I'd call for him and he'd come upstairs. My niece told me that he would go back downstairs as soon as I left. I started getting really irritated and crept quietly downstairs. He was playing video games on the computer. I have to admit that I gave him an absolute earful about leaving a baby in the care of a nine year old and a few other things.
That was four years ago. Now, when he gets a new video game he'll go nuts playing it until he has "conquered" it but I'm just very clear about what I need from him. I still get a little grumpy over this childish obsession, but I figure that as far as vices go this isn't a bad one. (He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, watch every single sporting event, gamble or even GOLF!)
Hello, This is such a frusterating situation my ex-husband was really bad all he did when he was at home was play video or computer games. When my daughter was an infant he was little to no help around the house he would hold her while he played and think that was being helpful. He is now my ex and is still playing video and computer games my daughter now 11 complains that when she is at her dads house all he does is play on the computer. The only upside if there is one is he is the one to buy her all the latest coolest electronics that everyone wants. He is very computer savvy. I felt your pain. Good luck
My hub bought a wii for his birthday this past year. at first i thought it was going to ruin me. now i actually use it to my advantage becasue he plays child friendly game and my two boys like to watch him. But when i need him to put the darn thing down and clean something thats another story. Then he complains that the dishes in the living room are piling up..well thats where he left them anyways yes i think it is a mans way of getting away from it all some husbands go out to the bar together some stay at home and play games...i think its all dumb personally but hey at least he is at home!
My hub bought a wii for his birthday this past year. at first i thought it was going to ruin me. now i actually use it to my advantage becasue he plays child friendly game and my two boys like to watch him. But when i need him to put the darn thing down and clean something thats another story. Then he complains that the dishes in the living room are piling up..well thats where he left them anyways yes i think it is a mans way of getting away from it all some husbands go out to the bar together some stay at home and play games...i think its all dumb personally but hey at least he is at home!
My husband, 49, and teenage son, 16, both play computer games every night and are hard to get to help me around the house, too. It is sometimes like pulling teeth to get them to help with anything. But, I guess it is better than them going out every night. LOL
Boy! Did YOU hit a nerve!!!!! I have to admit, although I have a really great marriage, the computer video games thing really has put a wedge between me and my husband and sons. They are in front of their games continually and it used to drive me up a wall. Then, I started an internet business and now I have joined them! Although I am not one for the video games, I spend hours with my computer making money and then doing fun things like Mamasource. Don't beat 'em....join 'em! They have to come looking for ME now!!! If they want, they can call out for pizza and use paper plates and napkins instead of dishes...then the sink doesn't pile up! Yeeeeshhh...what is this society coming to????????
:>) Jana
You are not alone. My husband plays WOW and a couple other PC games. There are definitely times when I got frustrated and a little jealous of the time he was getting to himself. I work full time from home and balance all of the normal daily stuff as well as a demanding job. Now when he gets home from work, he spends 30-45 minutes with the kids. Only a few nights a week does he play for long periods. The other nights, he will log in for just a short time so he can help me with dinner, baths, etc. It really has helped. Also, now once or twice a month, I have started going out with a couple other Moms from our neighborhood to have dessert and just relax with friends usually right around the kids bedtime. Nobody can be expected to be supermom with only 4-5 hours sleep and maintaining the demanding schedules we have. We get tired and run out of gas...sometimes they just need to be reminded of that. My husband says he forgets that sometimes because I work so hard to keep our family on top of things. Best of luck!
It looks like you have already gotten a lot of responses, but I didn't notice anyone mentioning they came up with a solution. My hubby plays WOW too, and it really annoyed me for a long time. We eventually came to a compromise though. He can play all he wants after a certain time of night. So that means no playing during the day. On the weekends he has to spend at least one evening with me either playing board games or wathching a movie (usually the later). As long as he gets up at a decent time, I don't care how late he stays up to play. I do get a bit jealous though. But I remind myself that it is no different than me doing my crafts....which I would do non-stop if I wasn't in school!
my husband is turning forty this month he to does alot of video playing he says that its to unwind sometimes i think its a diversion of what actually needs to get done i deffently feel your annoyiance,
p.s. my brother inlaw is almost fifty and also does this but like you said they could be doing worse lol, janet
You sound just like me. My husband runs this server for Gary's mod and he plays it even before he goes to work.
My husband is a major video game player. It used to drive my crazy, but like you I am just glad that his hobby keeps him home. My husband is on deployment right now, but before he left he actually decreased his playing and spent some more time with him family. I am just hoping that one day he will be tired of it, but until then I forcus on the positives - like the good quality time he spends with our daugther and myself when he is not playing games.
LOL Well this one hit home for me. When hubby and I were dating he did the same thing. Believe it ot not it's now our business. You are thinking right. He's home at night. I had to realize that he could be out somehere else doing heaven knows, but he's home. So I had to learn to pick my battles. But you know. I's better than the alternative: being home and drinking. I knows it's hard to deal with, but you are NOT alone. In fact he took such a HUGE risk 2 years ago and quit his full time job with benifits to do this "Hobby gaming" full time. Sitting down for this? He is making almost 2 1/2 times his salary with the business, we have 15 employees 24/7 (in different shifts), we have full benifits. Believe me it wasn't an easy thing to do, but anytime you need to talk my door is open to you. I was VERY frustrated when he would play, but it's been almost 17 years of marriage and a 1 1/2 yea engagement on top of that.
oh girl, you are not alone. my husband is an avid World of Warcraft player and it drives me nuts. When i get home, my daughter prefers to play with me, so he automatically goes upstairs and starts playing one of his 3 online games. sometimes i don't mind, but he knows how much i hate it when he just leaves us to do it. AND he will stay up until 1am every night...which means i wake up with our daughter every day, no days to sleep in. i am actually going to have a little talk with him about it because it makes me upset. We used to alternate weekend days to sleep in, and i think we should start doing this again.