I'm wondering how many of you momma's out there feel that it is a parents obligation to pay for your children's college education? Do you feel that it is solely your responsibility or does the child take some responsibility? Will this include out of state and/or Ivy league colleges, room and board, a vehicle and books?
Or are you a parent who feels if a child wants to further their education, they can take out a loan to cover all expenses? Why or why not?
this one will get tense!
we paid for our kids’ community college but for university it was up to them. my elder finally got through, but he has student loans that make my throat close up when i think about them (he switched his major in his senior year…eep!) my younger starts at towson next week. he’s a lot more fiscally prudent so hopefully will get through with less.
there’s just no one good answer.
but i sure hope that ryan’s proposal to double the interest rates on student loans doesn’t happen!
khairete
suz
Our goal is to help pay at least 50%. My oldest is 15 and will most likely start at a junior college then transfer. I’m a stay at home mom so our plan is I will go back to work full time and that money will go towards saving for the university.
It stinks that (in CA) the colleges are cutting classes and raising their tuition costs. They are forcing kids to spend more than 4 years trying to get their degree.
Ideally, I believe both should but not all families are able to. JMO.
I will help my kids as much as our finances allow. I do not want them to graduate with a lot of debt and I do not want to jepordize our retirement. Therefore, I will encourage them to go to a school we can afford. They would need scholarships to be able to afford an Ivy League school and depending on their major I do not think the cost of an Ivy League education is worth it.
I belive it should be a shared responsibility. A parent should plan to pay for college, but the child should be responsible for part of those expenses. A child who has had to work for and pay for part of their education will take it much more seriously than a child who has had it handed to them.
I don’t understand your black and white framework for this question. I think that If a parent can afford it they should help to the degree that they are able, assuming they have responsible children. There is so much middle ground I don’t see why you are making it an either or. My parents paid for mine as well as my living expenses (they did the same for my sisters and we all took our studies seriously graduating with A’s and B’s). They had the means and I am very grateful for that. My husband’s parents paid for a portion (less than half) of his undergrad and he got out loans for the rest. Nothing wrong with that, they had little means and 4 children to educate. When he was in a doctorate program they helped some with his living expenses. I think dedicated parents help to the degree they can, even if all they can afford are the books.
I think some parents are smart to make make their children have a stake in the game IF those kids have been notoriously low achievers or have not proven themselves to be responsible.
I had one friend who’s father was a man of decent means (a Dentist), who did not help with college. He was divorced and remarried (guess his new wife didn’t see educating his children as a good way of spending their money). I also think he was a crumby dad and that his selfishness really showed through when he didn’t help her. None the less she turned out just fine.
My daughter is 19 and going into her second year of college next month. I am the one paying for it and have always planned it that way (she was born a long time ago). There is no way on this planet I would have her start out her adult life with that kind of debt and no way she would fight the crowds at community college. She is very, very appreciative and works extremely hard!!
** Added - I’m 46 now so I started college back in 1984 when it was very easy for me to pay MY own way waiting tables and worg the vet ER. It is not that case now. How many posts do we see from parents here that are trying to figure out a way to get into school after multiple children because they can’t afford their life?? I don’t understand the flat out refusal that "they are on their own at 18. It is very easy to live with appreciation for this, kids are not always self entitled monsters. My daughter is so appreciative that she actually paid for her first quarter (she does have scholarships and grants as well, great student) because she felt bad taking my money. She has a job waiting tables part time for an average of about $25 and she is a great save. I fixed that situation as soon as I found out.
I think a child should have their education paid for, granted that the parents can afford to do that for them without huge burden. College is a huge commitment in itself and takes dedication, along with social responsibility. A child should be able to focus on their life in college, and in the end, come out AHEAD, and not be burdened with starting their professional career, and young lives, with ridiculous amounts of debt. Just my opinion… 
I payed for all of my own education. If my husband and I can help our kids we absolutely will but if we can’t we won’t and I will have no guilt about it. As I watch kids that had all their education funded I see they are less likely to understand the great sacrifices that go into providing such a gift and don’t appreciated it. I want my kids to understand going to college isn’t about the parties they will be attending and the freedom they feel they have. It is about learning and advancing oneself and should not be wasted.
We plan to do a shared repsonsibilty approach. We will help to the extent that we can. Our kids are 2 years apart and so we will have two in college at one time for a few years. My parents paid our loans while we were in school and we came out of school with the responsibility to pay them. We knew that going in and were grateful for the help they gave.
I think everyone has to do what they can, and there is no right or wrong answer to this.
My Mom saved the child support payments and that paid for college for us.
I only had 1 yr of student loans to pay - (I switched majors so it took me one extra year to get my degree).
I had to commute from home - I could not afford to live on campus and I had work/study jobs at school.
My husband did it all through student loans.
It took him awhile to pay it off, but he did it.
We have a college fund for our son, and we’ll help all we can, but he knows he’s still going to have to work (and earn scholarships) in order to get it done.
If he has to take out some loans we can help him with that.
Our neighbor is losing her house because she insists on paying for her 2 girls in college and she can’t afford their college and her mortgage payments at the same time.
She’s working 3 jobs and her husband works full time and she’s insisting the girls NOT work while they are in school.
She’s such a great neighbor but I think she’s got a blind spot where financial planning is concerned.
She’s determined to martyr/sacrifice herself over this.
We’ll help our son, but we’re not going to bankrupt ourselves in the process.
There’s nothing wrong with doing community college for a few years and then transferring to a 4 yr school to finish up your degree.
If he has to live at home and commute (like I did), then that’s what he’ll do.
There’s more than one way to skin this cat.
Students cannot take out loans without parents co-signing. I have friends who’s adult children could not get student loans even though they had lived on their own for a year or two.
Their parents had to co-sign the loan until they were a certain age. The parents income was high enough that they didn’t qualify for FA too. They lived out on their own but until they reached a certain age their parents were the responsible party. Now that’s here in Oklahoma at both OU and OSU but I do believe that FA regulations are Federal.
The reason I know this is the parents in question were wanting to serve a mission for the church but could not until they got their adult children’s student loans paid off. They had been required to sign for them so they felt it was their debt.
I think if the parents have the financial means they should want their children to have the best and highest level of education they can get. If they are not financially able to pay then they have an obligation to help their child find all the free money for college they can get, including FA and going to the sites to find the numerous scholarships and other forms of FA that are out there.
This is not something every 18 year old person can fathom. It is a lot more than just a quick decision. They have no idea how getting student loans will effect them once they get out of school. The long long long years of paying hundreds of dollars per month. Maybe even more than a house payment. They do not realize they may not be able to afford a house or new vehicles until their student loans are paid off.
My friend that lives in Shepherd MT told me when they lived here in Oklahoma that her husband was still paying his student loans off. They got married after college. Their oldest child was nearly in Jr. High. Their loan payment was almost the same as their house payment. He finally got it paid off right after their 4th child was born. Nearly 15-17 years later. That’s a lot of years to be paying student loans they may not have really needed if someone had helped them understand there is a lot of free money out there for those wiling to not be full of pride.
So, to summarize.
Parents should work with their child to make sure college is what they really want and if they do then the parents need to assist their kids with getting the best available money to pay for their classes.
I think the parents should help out if they can and what they cannot comfortably cover the student needs to cover.
Unless we as a nation can get over our recent abhorrence to taxes for the common good, no one but the very rich will be able to afford to go to college by the time our young children are grown. We are funding our colleges at less than 50% of what we did when I first went to college. The cost of a 4 year plus college education is astronomical and unaffordable to most already. We are burdening our latest young adult generation with debt that they may never fully recover from.
For those of you who say “well I worked my way through and took out a little in loans…” have you LOOKED at the current price of colleges and their continuing increases in tuition? I got an undergrad degree in 1983 with help from my parents, work, and loans of about $5,000. The total price of my 4 year degree was about $10,000 including room and board. The price of the current degree I am working on costs over $3,000 per CLASS.
At the same time, the % of jobs/careers requiring higher education is sky rocketing. The majority of work in the future will require an educated, computer-literate workforce, just when we as a country have decided that it’s “everyman for himself” when it comes to this needed education. We are in trouble…
My husband and I both have a similar perspective on this. Both of us have gone to college for essentially free due to grants/ scholarships and such. Student loans cover the rest until they can get paid off. Both of us come from poor families. I say if you have the money to throw at your children, do it!
I feel like I got from my parents was fair: They paid all expenses for 4 years of college -board, books, class … I paid for my goceries and car insurance/gas by working part time while going to school. My last year (year #5) I had to pay myself. Dad helped me find a low-interest loan that I wouldn’t have to start paying back until I graduated. But yep, year #5 I paid for all by myself.
My husband, thinks that we should NOT pay for our son’s college. “Let him earn it himself. I’m not his bank.” My son is 4. Dad works hard to make a great income. So I think he wants our son to have the same “work hard ethic” that he has and not feel entitled to anything. We’ll see in 14 years what happens.
Funny - I went to 5 years of college to be able to teach for 5 years before I had my son. Now I am a SAHM. My husband went to not one college class and he makes more money than I ever did, more than my bro&sil combined. I think there is maybe something to this work ethic / striving to support yourself and not getting ‘handouts’, even if they are from your parents.
@8Kids - I am stealing that idea - maybe not eating pigs feet, but maybe Ramen nooodles for dinner or something like that, when poor grades arise. We live out in the country. We have always offered for our friends to come let their children pull weeds or be on “rock detail” and move rocks from here to there for bad choices/behavior.
I don’t think it’s my “obligation” to pay for it, but rather a “want” to help pay for it. I want to try to give my children the best education I can afford to help them become financially secure adults. I also think that if the child is able to apply for scholarships, that should be done as well.
I was fortunate to have parents who paid for my college education in full. However, I have a couple of friends whose parents did not (that could definitely afford to or had grandparents who offered), but chose not to because they felt their kid had to pave their own way. These friends are still paying off student loans today. Personally, I don’t want to burden my child with debts if I can afford to help.
I hope to afford to send my child to college with some spending money - for fun things like going out to eat/movies, etc… But they will have to choose how to spend it and where, and when it runs out, it’s gone and they’re on there own. Now, if a child wants to join a sorority or fraternity, they’re going to have to get a part time job to pay for that.
That’s just my 2 cents!
being that my grandparents helped both my parents and my parents helped me…I do feel a parent should help…mine covered tuition and dorm…I worked to cover books, supplies and spending money.
I mean my husband was tossed out his front door as soon as he graduated. His mom didn’t help him make any plans for his future or help him figure out what in the world he was going to do. Thank God he is a smart man and went and enlisted in the military…he says it was the best thing he ever did. He is no longer military…but through them he was able to go to college all the way through his Master’s degree, and now has a well paying job.
If a parent can’t afford to help financially there are many many ways a parent can help a child…pushing them to take duel credit courses, advising them to go to a community college for their first two years and get the basics out of the way for cheaper than a four year school. Allow them to live at home without rent while they are in school (as long as they are respectful of this wonderful opportunity). Help them look into trade schools if a four year degree isn’t for them. Helping them research loans and figure out if how much they need to borrow will be affordable to pay off when they graduate. If it is $200,000 in loans and they will start at $30,000…then no, they will need to work more and take school more slowly so maybe they only borrow $75,000 and it takes them another two years of school…but they aren’t drowning in debt. Help them find scholarships, etc etc etc…
I do feel it is a parent’s job to raise a child to be able to support themselves and a family. Getting their career in place is part of that job…now if a child/young adult doesn’t want the parent’s help then that is another matter.
First of all, we only had one child, because we knew we would only be able to afford one child. We felt college was part of it and we could help with one, but more than that, would have been a HUGE burden that we we were not going to be able to overcome. This was just our own thoughts on this. We knew our limit.
We had always talked to her about how after High school, our daughter would then go on to college… Even as a toddler we discussed it.
We do not have a lot of money and were also honest about this.
We told our daughter she would need to work hard in school and make good grades so she could get Scholarships and Grants.
My mother purchased the Texas Tomorrow plan, we all assumed our daughter would attend a college here in the state… Instead she wanted to attend school out of state.
Again a discussion about lack of money and what she would need to do to make it work…
Ended up she was awarded scholarships and grants, very generous amounts because of her amazing grades and scores. She applied to 9 top tier colleges and Universities all accepted her and awarded her with Academic Scholarships.
There was NO WAY, she could have worked and made the incredible grades she made in college. She was a double major and got everything she could get out of that experience. Instead she worked each summer, and was fortunate that one of her grand mothers sent her $200. per month.
Our daughter was a good steward of her money. She actually SAVED money during college.
There are a few loans now that we are all paying…
It will depend on the child as to what education is right for them and what you all as a family can afford to do and what your child will be capable of, during their college years.
IF we had told her all along she was going to have to pay for her college, I think it would have been fine, but instead we said, you will go to college and we will help as much as possible, we just do not have a lot of money.