I am prgnant for the third time around and I have absolutely nothing for baby. This was an unplanned pregnancy and the last child I had was five years ago, so I got rid of all of my baby stuff. My shower for my first was amazing and I got everything I wanted and more but my second shower was awful (it was thrown by my almost mother in law) and i didn't get anything that I registered for. I have a feeling nobody is going to want to throw me another one but I don't want hand me down stuff...am I being selfish???
When we had our last child what we did was have a meet and great after the baby was born to celebrate his birth. Honestly we did have to pick up some things on our own before he was born, told our parents the things we would appreciate them getting us (car seat, high chair) and then people did bring things when they all came to see him. I don't think your being selfish, because I know what you mean about getting rid of everything (my one previously was 6 when nathaniel was born) but I think that a baby shower is something that people do for you. I don't know, it's just an idea and what worked for me.
Hi Crystal
I think it would be okay to have a baby shower it is understandable that after five years you don't have anymore baby stuff. If you dont want your mother in law to do it ask a friend if they would be willing to throw you one. I would love the chance to throw a friend a baby shower. Good Luck and congratulations on the new baby.:) Tiffany
Have you looked on Craigslist or at once upon a child? They have very nice things that don't really look "Hand me down". Not saying you have to buy everything. I think a meet and greet would be more appropriate. IMHO A full blown shower might be a bit much. Or if people ask if you need anything then tell them.
We just had a friend who needed a new car seat so a few of us pitched in money for a gift card to the store it was at. You could do that as well.
Yes, you're being selfish.
Well....um...yes, you're kind of being selfish. Just because you may want a babyshower, doesn't mean you will get one. I'd send out the word in the family by word of mouth asking if they have anything they would like to get rid of and perhaps they will pass down some of the things they no longer need. Or, ask friends as well if you can buy things they want to weed out for your new baby. Chances are, some of your family and friends will ask you if you need anything and if that happens, you can be more specific and ask for the new things you'd like, but...don't expect it. Once Upon a Child and CraigsList are great resouces for finding gently used stuff for cheaper. Or, start buying at garage sales.
i like the idea of the meet and greet just to celebrate the new baby's birth. People then can bring you something if they wish. Registering for needed items is always okay, but people dont HAVE to get you items from the list...it is meant to be suggestions. If you can afford to have 3 kids without getting hand me downs, why are you so worried about having a shower??
I see why you need a baby shower but I think it's tacky. My family only celebrates with a baby shower if it's your first born.
My friend had a second baby shower because she already had a boy and was expecting a girl. I was more understanding about this situation.
I think a meet and greet party is a great idea. Buy some food and have a party. Most people will buy a little something for baby. I'm not sure if you were expecting to get a bath tub, stroller, mobile, crib etc. but I doubt that'll happen. You may get clothing or teethers. I would not register for this event either.
Unfortunately, by the rules of ettiquette and protocol, you're only entitled to one shower. It is the general expectation that you will hang on to all of your baby items/gifts for all subsequent births...and for the rest of your reproductive life. ;}
While protocol says you are only entitled to one shower, in this economy, and considering how much strollers, high chairs, and pack n'plays have gone up in price in the last 5 years, I don't blame you. I also don't think its selfish. But that's my personal opinion. As you're probably finding out, reality says otherwise.
While I thankfully hung on to my baby stuff, (and have since gone nuts finding places to store it so it won't get in the way or wrecked up) I always thought protocol stinks in this regard, and that it is unfortunate that only one kid gets all of the good stuff brand new. What about the other children? Don't they deserve nice new goodies too? Oh well. It's a valuable lesson to moms everywhere to hang on to everything. But people shouldn't punish those who don't. Many people have valid reasons for not keeping these things.
Just recently, what you're experiencing happened to my cousin who thought she was done having children too. After a 10 year break after the birth of her last daughter, she found out another girl was on the way. She had long gotten rid of her baby stuff, so my Aunt threw a shower for her, but the rest of the family and even her friends were less than charitable about it. People even made snarky remarks about how tacky it was, and how "foolish" my cousin was to give her stuff away. I was shocked. All this at the shower as they handed the gifts to her! One relative even made the comment "its not our problem you don't know how to plan." I was appauled. I couldn't believe these were my relatives. I thought their attitudes were off base. Where's the joy of welcoming a new member to the family? Are people getting that "anti-baby" these days?
In the end, after the emotional abuse, and the big bucks spent on finger sandwiches and decorations, my cousin ended up getting absolutely no useful gifts at the shower. I think I gave her the best gift (a bassinette), otherwise she got a few t-shirts, a couple of blankets, and alot of little teethers and stuffed animals. Hardly anything that one would need for a newborn. Her mother spent more for the shower, than she got in return for gifts.
Though I commisserate with you, I also understand where the others are coming from too, having been the one who has to buy the gifts for everyone too. Who has the money to outfit everyone's kids including their own? Showers add up, and quickly. Unfortunately, I think your guess is right. No one will probably want to throw you another shower. But that doesn't mean you can't provide opportunties, that if someone wanted to give your baby something, they could without you having to humble yourself, or grovel to ask for it. You just need to keep in mind, you will probably not get any "big" items.
I'm probably going to sound mercenary to some about this gift stuff. Babies shouldn't be a reason to acquire stuff. But I also understand the urgency if resources are tight, and hearts aren't generous. If you're super dead set on finding an acceptible way to maybe get a few things and or really need to offset costs by somehow getting a few things, one acceptible way you might be able to receive gifts without having to ask is to have an "open house" or welcome home party so people can come "see" the mom and baby. Schedule it the first weekend after you get home from the hospital, but announce it the day the baby is delivered. You can use this as an excuse to keep people from dropping by the hospital while you're feeling and looking your worst and funnel the folks to your house on your turf and terms. The downside is you will need to somehow get the house "clean" and you will need to provide food, unless you can enlist someone to provide potluck...but this might defuse people's desire to bring gifts. You'll have to think that one through.
If you are religious, it is customary that at the reception following a christening/baptism or bris (sp?) many people will often give the baby both a religious gift, and a gift such as cash, clothing or toys. This is usually scheduled 1 to three months after the baby's birth.
Another non-obtrusive idea is to send out birth announcements as soon as you get baby's first photo taken. Often people send a gift of cash or a clothes just to be nice.
As for big ticket items like cribs, strollers, bouncers and the like, I think you're on your own on this one. It would be viewed by most as absolutely tacky to out and out ask for these types of items at this stage of the game.
To cut costs and stress as delivery approaches, I'd start bargain hunting now. Weekly, check the clearance racks at Target, Walmart, Sears, Babiesrus, Toysrus, Baby USA, etc. even online. This is the only way you'll find brand new items cheap. Ebay and Amazon are okay places to check too, the downside is you can't see it up close and you might not know if there's a recall.
Be careful if you go to consignment and second-hand shops. Be sure to check recall lists before making purchases. As you know, the last few years have been big recall years. You can print up lists and bring them shopping with you to save time.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
I was also questioning whether or not to have a second baby shower for #2. We still have quite a bit from baby #1. We decided that it was a celebration for each child's arrival so each child should have the same. Each child is special and deserves a celebration. If I hadn't mentioned it to my MIL, I doubt anyone would have thrown one for me either. I guess find someone you are close to and would want to throw you a shower and ask the same question I asked: "Do you think we should have another shower?" and bring up the fact that you have nothing. Work together on planning and details that way no one feels overwhelmed. Good luck!
Oh and after reading all the other comments, you are not being selfish and there is no protocal anymore for only having one shower. There is no reason to not celebrate each child equally!
Do you have someone you are really close too, like your mom, aunt, sibling or friend who you could ask to throw you a shower. Found someone who understands and loves you, they should be more then willing to get a shower together for you. I know many may think of asking for another shower selfish but every child is a gift and after five years (and getting rid of everything) you are in need of support. That person can add in the invites that something like 'After five years of handing down all the kids items Crystal is surprisingly expecting a new little loved one.' This way people will know you don't have much even though you already have 2 kids so any gifts would be appreciated. I know etiquette may frown on this but how are people going to know if you don't tell them.
Also if someone does throw you a baby shower have them include where you are registered, I know this is also frowned. Few months ago a friend had a baby shower and I had to search for days to find her registry because the friend thought it was not proper to add where she was registered.
I do think it is selfish to not want hand me downs, if they are in good condition what is wrong with them. Having some new stuff is nice but I would not reject hand me downs in your situation, unless you are willing to shell out the money for all new stuff yourself. I am not planning on having any more children but I am keeping my stuff till either I or my husband have been 'fixed' or I no longer can have kids. So accept what you get and appreciated what you get.
Oh My, I am the MIL doing the shower for my second grandson and I think every baby deserves their own welcome and I can't see why a shower is such a bad thing, I don't know of very many folks who have room to save all the stuff when the are sure they are done having a family - accidents do happen, planning doesn't have much to do with it! I would do as has been suggested, whisper in someones ear - make a list of truly needed things and/or stuff that is totally not needed - there are usually enough blankets and stuffed animals left over for a whole day care! I hope someone steps up and helps you welcome your addition!
And there is a very old saying about keeping at least a diaper in the house to prevent these accidents from happening =!
Traditionally there is only one shower per mother. You have been very fortunate to have two. Keep in mind other people don't owe you anything. If you don't want hand-me-downs which most people see as a blessing, buy your own stuff and quit complaining.
I myself don't like second and third showers...however, with age gaps, I'm a little more open and understanding. I usually will go to one with a decent gap between children. But since you've already had 2, I don't know how many people are going to feel a third one is necessary, or who are going to feel they want to go again, even with the gap. Honestly, if you're picky about the hand me downs, you can find some really nice ones. There's a freecycling website on yahoo that I usually get really nice stuff from and once upon a child is ususally good conditions.
No you are not being selfish but remember nothing is wrong with a little hand me downs! Your youngest if five, girlll you better have a babyshower. I gave myself a baby shower because no one decided on there own to give me one. It turned out nice and I got what I did not already have(I told people what I needed)
yes with the times getting harder and harder for some people .... you need to take what you get and be happy someone thought enough to even offer you anything. Being young this will seem mean but after you get older you will realize not to take it personal ... it is just what is going on around you at the moment.
I personally don't believe in more than one babyshower and think it looks tacky and like your looking for a handout.
I am pregnant with #2 right now. I have a 6.5 year old daughter and I got rid of everything because her dad and I didn't work out and I had no idea if I was to ever have more. I donot want a babyshower instead I want a party after the baby is born to celebrate the baby.
I have almost everything I need for my baby and have spent little little money. I've taken hand me down items, and have bought some on clearance. I have learned after having one child what you really need and what you don't.
The only item I'm splurging on is the carseat/stroller combo and that's like $300 dollras.
Otherwise I found a changing table at the thrift store, was handed down a ton and have found things on craigslist or on clearance.
I just bought a babyswing at Sears today marked down to $40
If your willing to not have everything brand new and fancy shmancy you can really do it pretty cheap.
I see having the best for your first child because it's typically passed down but if this is your last child why spent all this money on stuff that will be hardly used?
The only thing your new baby really needs is a good carseat, clothing, and you. I didn't even have a baby shower for my first baby. I find it tacky. A shower doesn't welcome the new baby - it's a handout. Then again, I feel the same way about wedding showers and presents. There is nothing you can't get at Once Upon a Child or other second-hand stores, discount stores, or on clearance for your third child.
That's my 2-cents.
Yes, I do think you are being a bit selfish. IMHO there is nothing wrong with second hand items. Remember babies are in baby items and cloths for just a short time.
Most items I purchased for my son looked brand new. If I didn't tell someone I got them second hand, no one would be the wiser. Crystal, I would try to keep an open mind. Given your situation it's a bit hard to be so one sided. Not to mention, just because you registered for items does not dicate to your guests that they must purchase those items. It's a guide to show what you would like and more often used for those guests who want ideas for a gift.
Angie
Your not being selfish!! You need stuff! I am going through the same thing right now. I am having my second child and my son is 5. I did keep a small amount of his things though.
First, I made a list of all the things I need for the first 6 months. Then I went through what I did have from my son and checked it off the list. After that I went to a second hand store and bought a lot of the bigger items that I need. Then I planned a small baby shower. I registerd at target for the other things I needed. When I made my invites out I called it a second hand shower. I told people that they could bring stuff they had extra from their babies or they could pick up something off my registy from Target. It was a lot of fun!