A few years ago my husband and I hosted a kiddie Halloween party. We had a friend who was a children's musician and she put on a great show, and I found a super cheap and very high end (full face painting, not just cheek etc) face painter. We ordered pizza because it was over lunch time which cost us a good amount of $$. We decorated cookies and had medium pumpkins with all kinds of things to decorate them with. We also gave out some pretty amazing goody bags with all kinds of fun stuff from Oriental Trading :) It was a great party!
The following year, though, we decided it was a bit too pricey to do pizza and instead asked everyone to "bring a Halloween treat to share". I didn't give this a second thought because I felt like people would understand that we were putting almost a thousand dollars into entertainment, crafts, and goody bags and its not a party where people bring gifts or anything, so I felt ok asking people to bring food (we did provide kid drinks - juice boxes, hot chocolate, lemonade and of course water bottles). To be honest (and I did not tell anyone this) I was very disappointed...most people brought those cheap dry cookies from the grocery store. There was no decent food there...just a lot of last minute stuff they got on the way.
This year the party is costing 2X more because our regular entertainers can't come. We have a face painter, a magician who does balloon twisting, cookie decorating, a handprint craft, and a great goody bag. We can only provide drinks and a few food items. As I was writing the invite, I was trying to think of a polite way to ask people to bring something as well as maybe mention some ideas or popular items from the year before like popcorn, veggies, and cupcakes. I went online to try and gather some ideas on wording and instead found that a lot of people felt asking someone to bring food to a party is TACKY! I must say, I was surprised to hear that and am now wondering if I am lacking in etiquette here? Would you ask people to bring something to a party like this? If so, how would you word it? If not...why? And am I the only one that didn't know this was a bad idea??? Interested to know what you all think!
***UPDATE: Not sure if this changes anyone's opinion, but the party is a mix of life-long close friends, a little family, and some classmate and newer friends. There are usually about 50-60 kids and about the same number of parents.
I think, if you cannot afford to feed your guests, you should not be having a party. Or, you need to cut down on all the other costs. Sorry, but you are disappointed in what food your guests brought? They are not hosting the party- you are. You need to be in charge of providing the food.
I will often volunteer to bring a dish to get togethers. But I really do find it tacky when someone hosts a party (not pot-luck) and EXPECTS the guests to provide the food. the worst is when you get an invite that says “bring your own booze, meat and a side to share!” No thanks, I will just stay home, sorry. The only exception is Thanksgiving/Christmas dinners where we all contribute or an invite that makes it totally clear that it is a potluck party.
Potlucks have been around for as long as I can remember, and I’m certain they were around when my grandma is young. The question really is…how do you do it. Personally I’m all for potlucks since I hate showing up to any party empty handed. Of course we are a family of 10, so potlucks help me feel a little less guilty lol
However, you need to cut somewhere and provide the meat. It’s pretty standard for the host to provide at the very least that.
At the bottom you can add..
“Please bring a treat and a side dish to eat, hope you will join us for a Halloween treat.”
IF this were a family/close friends who are considered family party then I would ask them to bring a dish to share - pot luck style and maybe say something like ‘Aunt Meave you make the best potato salad, do you think you could bring that to our Halloween bash?’
If I were inviting an assortment of children (neighborhood and classmates, etc.) then I would not ask people to bring a food item. If for some reason I couldn’t or didn’t want to provide food, I would just host the party at a time between regular meal times and provide a few snacks. That or I would figure that the kids would gorge themselves on candy and be entertained by everything else and therefore not require a meal.
I think potlucks are lovely, but that’s not really what this is. It’s like you are putting on a festival and having the food be potluck. It wouldn’t bother me to have the invitation note that food is potluck.
I am not sure why that would bother people. Maybe I am a bit too easy-going at times, and it might really depend on your social circle, but I would think that if people are too..um…something (snotty?)…to enjoy a potluck meal or treats, they are welcome not to come.
ETA: I am sorry you were disappointed in what guests brought last year, but I would certainly have assumed my contribution to such an event was peripheral. You need to be clear that the meal is potluck if that’s what you want. Some folks assign dishes for a potluck, which is OK especially for holiday meals, but it kind misses the point for general gatherings (pot - LUCK).
I’m with you on this one. The only thing I noticed was how you worded it last year. Saying “bring a Halloween treat” - to me, that meant some random cookies. If you’d said “bring a side dish to share” then I would’ve brought something more substantial. Does that make sense?
I guess everyone has differing opinions on the “asking guests to bring food” idea. I have no issue with it all, mostly because I love going to parties but I hate hosting them! So, if one of my friends is willing to host a party (and go to all that trouble) then I am more than happy to bring food. I’ll bring whatever they want as long as I don’t have to have it at my house. And your Halloween party sounds like a great time! I disagree with people who say you shouldn’t host a party if you can’t afford to feed everyone. In my opinion, you are providing a venue for everyone to have fun. That’s pretty big of you.
As far as wording it, I’d probably come right out and say, “We are providing xyz. Please bring a side dish or dessert to share.” I agree with Mom2many - can you provide hotdogs and hamburgers, or something like that? And your guests can fill in the rest?
Where we live, it is considered very normal to ask people to bring food to a large gathering. Especially when they are families that are invited.
Actually we save up recipes just for these occasions!
Call it a pot luck and list what you are providing. Then make sections for people to fill in.
Example, you are providing Sloppy Joe’s and Vegetarian Sloppy Joe’s..
ask people to sign up to bring.
Veggie platter
Chips and dips
2 salads
dozen cookies x 3
Or whatever.
We used to insist that people not try to provide everything. It was just not necessary, we all wanted to participate.
This party seems to be your baby, therefore, you foot the bill. Certainly, if someone asks “what can I bring” suggest something. I have never had a party that people did not ask if they could bring something. Once I had a holiday open house. It was understood that we provided all the drinks, beer, wine, soda, water. Then everyone brought an appetizer or dessert. No main course. There were 175 people that day. We had quite the assortment of apps and desserts. Worked out great and we had a ball and my expense was not that great. Any other parties, like graduation, birthday, I would say thank you but not necessary.
I think it’s totally fine. Say it’s a pot luck or like someone else recommended, a side dish to share.
I don’t mind bringing food to parties at all and I don’t find it rude(unless its a party that requires bringing a gift). I agree with a previous poster “bring a Halloween treat” means cookies or a bag of candy. I would host the party during a none meal time and ask guest to “bring an appetizer to share” or “bring a side dish to share”. That means something more substantial to me.
I personally like pot luck style parties. Sounds like most have been to the past parties and should know about how many people will be there.
Here is a simple idea that I am used to seeing for classroom pot luck parties:
Could you assign appetizer to people with last name starting with A-O
Dessert with last name starting with P-Z
Maybe change to sweet and savory. I personally would assign more people to savory since some will still show up with cookies regardless of their last name.
p.s. I hate the stale Safeway cookies that always show up at parties. Also, your party sounds so much fun.
The only time it would be tacky is if it is for a birthday party or something like that. You might call it a pot luck and divide the alphabet…A-G main dish H-M side dish etc. That way you won’t get a bunch of desserts from the store.
If I have a party once a year and it is a big deal, I would not ask guests to bring food. I would cut costs in other ways or do it every other year. The whole point of throwing a party is entertaining people. They don’t want to do the work. They want to come and have fun. If it is a get together type party, less fancy and formal (word of mouth or phone invites) then I think potluck or suggestions are fine. For instance, a formal work Christmas party with fancy invites would mean free food. But a less formal work party at someone’s house might mean Potluck of some sort. Any party you bring a gift for the thrower should NOT have potluck food. If you don’t bring a gift for the thrower such as a retirement party, potluck is fine. Hope that helps.
First of all, since it’s a big Halloween party, I would just put on the invite that it’s a potluck and/or suggest bringing a side dish to share. There is nothing wrong with that.
The problem I have with this party is the expense you’re putting into it. I would cut out the goody bags, some of the entertainment and go for less expensive crafts. You’re the one that has chosen to put in the expense but then you are disappointed because people bring those “cheap dry cookies” - wow! If you can’t afford the party, then why do it? Are you doing it to show off? keep up with the Joneses? I’m a little puzzled!!
Good luck!!!
My feeling is that if you are hosting a party of that size, such that you are not talking individually to the guests and they are not being included in the planning, then you should provide whatever it is that you want there.
If you are unable (or unwilling, whichever the case may be) to bear the cost alone, then you must either adjust the size/scope of the party, OR you can ask for someone to co-host with you. Bearing in mind that a co-host gets a say in how the party is done, including location and guest list.
A small, everybody chip-in something, casual gathering with a few close friends and you ask people to bring something (someone brings some drinks, someone brings some fruit, someone brings cupcakes to share, etc) is fine as long as everyone is aware that there is like a sign-up list or something. It is ok to ask people to help if the affair is a small casual one (at least around here, for the most part, if you know everyone well).
BUT, if you go all out (which it sounds like you are) then you should go all out. Not all out except for …
And honestly, if you asked people to bring “a Halloween treat to share” I wouldn’t be a bit surprised that you got a bunch of cheap sugary junk and nothing “good” like fruit or veggie trays. “Treats” are just that: junky stuff. And given that you are hosting 50-60 KIDS, I wouldn’t go out of my way to make something homemade either. I’d pick up something “Halloween-y” at the store.
Just my take.
I agree that it’s a good idea to make it a potluck. I suggest that if you label ita potluck along with a bit of ddescription so they guests know how what they bting fits in that guests will do better with the food.
I think it’s great for you to host a party in such a wonderful way.
I would call it a potluck and put something like please bring a side dish/appetizer/main dish/dessert for (x number of people) to share. You could break down people by last name alphabetically so you send a side dish request to say A-G, appetizer H-M, etc. I don’t find potluck tacky at all.
Just write “Potluck” on the invitations. That should clue people in to bring
an appetizer or side dish.
I would skip the goody bags to save money.
I might even choose one entertainer to save $. (face painter OR magician
Also, since you’re having a lot of ppl, choose big pleasing food items that
aren’t super expensive (pizza ((esp for kids)), a lasagna,bread,cupcakes
To have people bring real food, you have to call it a potluck. I would use the evite tool for this (you can specify how much you need of each thing) or set up a signupgenius for this.
Otherwise, yes it’s tacky to expect people to bring food to a party. You throw the party you can afford and if you can’t afford food and drink and entertainment, you cut back on entertainment or schedule it at a non-meal time of day. No one cares how good the face painting is if they’re hungry and thirsty.
Again, potluck = ok, bring-food-to-my-party = tacky.
“Hi, our usual party is going to be slightly different this year. We’re making it a pot luck too! We just love trying new home cooked foods. Be sure to bring your recipe to share. We’re still having all the regular activities too so bring your favorite main dish and then bring your kids ready for some great fun”.