Are we the only parents saying no cell phone for our 11 year old?

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21

My 15 yr old had one by the 4th grade, HOWEVER, she is a responsible kid, mature for her age. Even the best of responsible kiddos lose/break phones. It is a monthly financial obligation as well. Daughrer's phone is a combo with mine.. 2 IPhones, the unlimited works and data plans and I spend $191/month. Of course she started with a simple phone and moved up.

I personally like it for safety reasons and I know I get slammed for that but you just have to do what is right for your family.

It sounds like your daughter is not responsible or mature enough to have a cell phone yet.

Good luck.

22

No. You are not alone. Our 12 year old son doesn't have one. He's been asking for over 2 years. He is not super responsible, but neither is he terribly irresponsible with expensive items. He just has no need of a cell phone. I drive the kids to school. I pick them up. I take them to extracurricular activities (where there is a phone that can be used to call me if necessary -- half the time I am sitting there at the activity anyway). He hardly used the telephone at home at all.

He just doesn't NEED one. We could add him to our plan for another $10/month plus taxes, fees, etc... but really... why? It's $10 bucks a month that aren't necessary to spend. In this economy, I am not wasting $$.

We gave him an Ipod last Xmas. NO, not the "touch" one. Again... he likes to listen to music, but was a touch screen really required?? NO. Was he disappointed... of course he would have preferred the touch, but he wasn't complaining about the one he got.

I think, if your daughter doesn't NEED it for safety reasons or convenience for YOU, then you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty for saying "no". Is she planning to pony up $15/month to cover the added expense for it?? It's not a one-time cost. It is MONTHLY. Kids don't always realize those sorts of details.

And because all her friends have one.... not a good enough reason. in fact, just the opposite in my opinion. If she is stuck, she can borrow one of theirs. :)

If you want to her be able to play games on the bus and she doesn't want to use or can't use or whatever her DS (nintendo handheld), then maybe look into an iPod with a screen. But I wouldn't get a phone just as a toy for her.

23

My 8 year-old daughter has a cell phone. It costs $10/month instead of the $25/month her dad and I were each spending to have Internet phones in our houses so that she was always able to call us. This was a cheaper and easier option. It doesn't have texting, so that's not an issue. She just keeps it in her backpack so it's always with her and she knows it's there for her use. She rarely uses it, and she is responsible with her things.

24

You could give her a prepaid cell phone. That way she will have one for an emergency but will not be able to run up the bill. My niece's friend was walking home from school (she lived in the same neighbor as the school) at 12 years old and a man started to chase her. A neighbor was driving by and saw her. The neighbor picked her up and called the cops. Turns out the man chasing her was a conviced sex offender. That is when I bought both my nieces a prepaid cell phone.

25

If you see no reason why your daughter needs a cell phone, then stick to your gut and do NOT get her one.

As for Christmas, it's only natural that you would want your child to be happy and get her what she wants. However, children need to learn they can't always have what they want. I'm sure you'll find another great gift. (Does she have an ipod or mp3 player, she might enjoy listening to music on the bus).

My girls rec'd cell phones when they started middle school. But I felt they needed phones for safety reasons. Our battle has been texting, especially my oldest. I see absolutely NO need for texting, so the answer is NO, and I'm sticking with it.

26

I generally don't like cell phones for kids but we bought the cheapest prepaid phone we could find for my oldest and only a few numbers in it and he only takes it to his dad's house because of things that were happening over there.

27

I say stick by your guns. I did not have a cell phone until I was 28 and still somehow managed to survive, lol. I see 8 year old kids with their phones and it's ridiculous. My nephew has one and it is just a distraction. My co-workers daughter had 3,000 text messages one month, how is that even possible. You know your daughter best and if she's not ready for it then wait. Tell her it is not an option and help her to come up with some other ideas for Christmas. I wanted a pony when I was 11, but didn't get one because it wasn't practical :)

28

Hi Annette,

If you don't want her to have one yet and don't believe she needs one, there is your answer. There are many handheld electronic games that you could get her if all she wants to do is play games on the bus. However, you may want to request that she demonstrate more responsibility before giving her a handheld game device that has a big price tag.

Talk to her ahead of time about your reasons for not allowing her to have a phone at this point to help curb disappointment on the holiday. Also, think about when you might realistically be in favor of getting her a phone and talk to her about when that might be (e.g. when she turns 13, 14, etc.; when she graduates from 8th grade, whatever you decide) and specify what behaviors she must demonstrate in order to have a phone (being honest, following parents' rules, helping around the house, keeping good grades, etc.). This will give her something to work towards and something to look forward to if she does the right things.

Spend some time talking with her about not having to compare what she has vs. what others have in order to feel good about herself. Remind her there is a big difference between where she is now (at 11) and the kids she sees on the bus who are in the older grades. Encourage her to play with her "toys and little kid things" that she truly enjoys, regardless of what others might think, and help her to understand the importance of following her own interests rather than doing things as a result of peer pressure (feeling like she shouldn't play with those things for fear of being ridiculed by peers). Kids are too often forced to "grow up" and give up beloved playthings and activities by pressure from images in the media (movies, music videos, magazines, etc.) suggesting that they should be acting in ways that are well beyond their currrent developmental level---e.g. 6 year olds watching a teenage Hannah Montana and getting subtle and sometimes not so subtle messages regarding what behaviors, activities, attitudes, etc. make someone one popular, accepted by peers, etc.

Hope this helps!

Julie F.

29

You are not the only parent. My daughter will not be getting a cell phone any time soon, either. Kids can be disappointed and it's ok! She doesn't need a cell phone. If you want to get her a hand-held game device for the bus ride, maybe that would be ok.

30

My 9 year old has been asking for one. I told her to ask again when she's 13. lol

31

My daughter is 6 and I kind of decided on around the age of 10 getting a cell phone. You have to make the judgment as a parent tho based on her maturity and everything else. You should not worry about what the other kids have if that is not what you want. On the other hand you could get one of those cell phones that can only call and text certain ppl if that is what u r worried about.

32

You've already got lots of great answers here! My daughter had a phone at 11, and texting at 12. If you're not ready, and/or you don't think she is I highly recommend waiting. It becomes a slippery slope that's difficult to pull back from. The phone wasn't the issue for us, but texting was. She got so out of control (volume of texts) that we took texting away for a while - talk about a grumpy kid! She seems to have learned her lesson now, but if we had been a little more cautious in giving to her in the first place we may have been able to avoid some of the issues we had. We definitely gave her too much too soon. Now she has limits and has to pay for her texting plan which seems to be working. Good luck to you - go with your instincts!!

33

I can't stand cell phones for kids(no offense anyone!) My kids can get a cell phone when they are 18 and have a job to pay for it! I am sure I am in the minority- but I just don't see the need for one and I don't like getting my children expensive electronic devices that will break or be lost easily.

If my children really need to use a phone to get a hold of me or their dad- there are plenty of ways to do it. I absolutely hate texting! My sister was out here visiting for a couple of weeks(she's in high school) and she was constantly texting her friends and boy friend back home! Even when we were trying to have a conversation! I find it extremely rude and annoying.
Okay- sorry about my mini rant- I guess the answer I would give my daughter(and I have given my daughter) is no- you are not getting a cell phone- end of discussion.
~Carrie

34

nope. i have a 3 year old and he doesnt get a cell phone either.

are we retarded (as a society)?? seriously? just a few years ago it was UNHEARD of for kids in school to have a cell phone. i mean, WOW, kids went to school, had practice for whatever, went to a game, and probably only talked to their parents once on a pay phone. WHAT?!?! i know the thought totally blows the mind of most people. i mean, not being able to have immediate contact with a child? seriously? how hard is it to call the school? wow.

i fully support your choice here, and theres nothing wrong with saying no. there are however other "techy" gifts you could give her like a mp3 player of some kind (i loath to say ipod), a nintendo DS, or something. HOWEVER, i wouldnt let her take those items to school anyway, the risk of losing it or being stolen are far to high. so even IF you got her the cell phone, what are the chances you would really let her take it to school anyway? i know i wouldnt want to spend that kind of money and let my kid take it to school and lose it.

besides, who says getting your kid a cell phone has to mean that they have one with games? my husband and i both have cell phones that flip out for calling and flip the long way for a keyboard. no games on this phone, and its definatly nothing like the iphones. if you think at some point she needs a phone, they have simple, adult controlled phones that you literally control who she even can call, and if she can even text at all. i dont know what they are called, but they sound like they give you all the ability to get ahold of her, and her you, but no other fancy options, nor the ability to call anyone but whom YOU allow that phone to call. just because she wants a cell phone doesnt mean she needs to get an iphone. seriously? a 200$ bill for her to play games and up her "status"?? i dont think so. when she gets her own job, she can pay the 200 for a fancy phone.

LOL!~
anyway, you gave her a laptop? wow. thats more than i would do for an 11 year old. im not the parent here; but i sure hope that you still have rules and time limits for her on that thing, just as you would on the family computer. shes gonna hit homework really soon if she hasnt already! and then shes going to have to know how to prioritize and control the computer time. that starts with your guidance.

anyway good luck. i dont think she needs a phone, especially a fancy one, until she can pay for it. however, if you think in a couple years that she needs one, you still dont have to get her an iphone or anything resembling it. you are the parent, you make the decisions here. especially if its on your dime. i would rather you put that 200$ a month into an IRA or something similar so that you and your husband have a good retirement, or at least an emergency fund or something. or use it to pay off debt.

35

I wouldn't give in either, but I would suggest a TracPhone if you do. Walmart has a kit for $9.88. Includes the phone, car charger (I think), case, headset, and in house charger. You then buy a card with the minutes for $19.99. This kit automatically gives you double minutes and double service time for those minutes. So instead of 60 minutes for 90 days, we got 120 minutes for 150+ days for the same price. This is a cheap and easy way to also teach responsibility. If she uses all her minutes she's done until the agreed upon time to get more. Easy to set up. Can text if want to also.

This set up is our backup when our 14yo teenager gets her phone taken aaway when she's grounded. We don't have a house phone and the only numbers in the tracphone are numbers we put in. She is only allowed to call those numbers when she's grounded, mainly just to check in.

Be firm. Kids nowadays seem to get whatever they want whenever they want it. Their only connection to the outside world is through those darn phones. And if you think they only text a little, with our unlimited messaging, DD goes through 15,000+ texts a month! Unlimited messaging is the way to go it you do a regular cell plan. At $0.10 a text, overage charges add up fast if they can't control their texting.

Have her earn a good portion of the cost of getting a phone will help her be more responsible for it. If kids don't spend their own hardearned money on something, they don't care enough about it to take good care of it. DD has had to save her money for most of her techy gifts. She bought her own ipod touch, paid for half her cell phone, and if it needed replacing she had to forfeit her allowance to pay the deductible. Teach responsibility on your terms!

36

If she is will not talk and just wants to play games, but about an iPod Touch. If later she wants to try texting, there are apps that will allow that.

37

No, you are not the only parents saying "no" to a cell phone. We told our kids 13 was the age they needed to be to have one and that they are responsible for paying the monthly fee for it. My 13 year old got one and my 12 year old CAN'T WAIT to get one, but our rule is our rule. We are teaching him a lot about patience, which is a good quality to have. Stay strong in your convictions, especially if you don't feel she's responsible enough yet. Good luck! Kelly

38

My kids want them. Not happening, at least not for a while. If they were really involved in after school things, it wiuld probably be different but they come straight home from school. I told them high school. Also my girls want smart phones. They are going to be surprised to get regular cell phones.

39

The the ipod touch. You can monitor the games she is downloading and she can text if she has access to a wireless connection, mostly at home for you to monitor. Also, you are not crazy, at this point, I will not be allowing cell phones until my kids are driving. I don't see a need until then. I somehow survived w/o the cell phone and my parents are still alive, no death due to anxiety. I think you are one the right track. Stay strong.

40

Boy, lots of answers. Our oldest was 12 3/4 when he got his in 6th grade and he was one of the last of his friends. He had been asking for one for sometime, but we finally said yes when it became just as important to us as it was to him. We were dropping him off at sports, etc. and needed to be able to communicate with him. He's been pretty responsible with it; we've had a few issues, but no significant complaints. It's been VERY helpful and convenient for us to communicate with him. We will do the same with our younger son; he will probably get one at age 12 in 6th grade. He's not quite as responsible as his older brother though so we'll see. Could be more interesting the 2nd time around.