My 11 year old wants a cell phone for Christmas. DH and I are not in favor. We do not believe her to be responsible enough to have one, nor do we feel she has the need for one. This year she is going to a new school and has a longer bus ride, so naturally, many of the kids (grades 6-12) are playing with their cell phones on the bus. So she really wants one. Besides the fact that she has not been the most responsible and honest (has lost many things) this year, we do not want to give her the impression that she can get anything she asks for. Last summer I said "no dog" Well, I gave in, since my husband and the rest of the family wanted a dog, and now we have a dog. Now she hears "no cell phone" and doesn't really believe no is the final answer. We gave her a laptop computer for her birthday last summer (our idea to surprise her), so it's not like she is electronically cut off. Really, she doesn't even email or IM, she just uses it to play Webkinz. All she really wants a cell phone for, I believe, is to play games, and for the status of it. She's not a big phone talker. She has no clue how to text. I'm dreading Christmas because I think we're really going to disappoint her by not giving her the one thing she is asking for. Anyone have a similar experience? Also, wondering what else to give instead. She still likes playing with toys and little kid things, but at the same time is a little embarrased by receiving them.
I didn't read most of your post. Based solely on the age of 11, I would also say no to a cell phone. Your reasoning is good!
My granddaughter, 10, uses both her parents' phones and mine to play games. We find having that available for her and her younger brother very helpful. Perhaps you could give her a hand held game for Christmas. I'm not up on what's available but 20 years ago, I bought one for my daughter and she was well entertained.
We didn't allow our son to have a cell phone until 7th grade which he entered this past Fall. He pestered us for 3 years before he finally got it. The only reason we finally agreed, he is getting more independent and it is useful for me to keep track of him and for him to call me when he needs a ride. He is, I am sure, the only kid that does not have text messaging!!! He asks for texting frequently, but he is happy to atleast have the phone. Someday, when he does get the text messaging option he will really appreciate it!
If she just wants something to play games get her an Itouch. My son loves his-does everything that a iphone does except make cell calls. Tons of fun apps to choose from and you can download TV programs also. I would hold off on the cell for as long as you can-texting constantly and cyber bullying would be big concerns of mine if I had a daughter your's age.
Umm ... My impression of being a parent is to parent and make decisions for our children to help them become fine upstanding adults in this future world of ours ... let her learn what dissapointment feels like on the reciving end maybe she will be less likely to make you and others around her dissapointed as well. I am sorry but for me, 16 is the youngest to have a cell phone and that is only b/c around 16 many have car/work/school. And when my son is ready to have a cell phone he will be responsible for paying at least half of the bill monthly if not the whole thing. Maybe for the bus you can get her a Nintendo DS Lite so she is still busy on the bus but not with a cell phone.
Oh and this post may have more opinions too
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/1047062179871850497
My kids are little, but when they are that age I will say no. At that age they are still usually with an adult, so what's the point. Now when they are 16 and driving, I will have to figure that one out. I'm think of the Disney phone that only calls certain people are allows certain people to call and has a GPS tracking system. No, I am not a paranoid mom, but my husband's parents were completely clueless and as a result, he and his brothers did some pretty wild stuff when growing up.
Sounds like she doesn't NEED one, but just WANTS one to be just like the other kids. Ask her if she's so 'mature' enough for a phone, what will she use it for? Who is she going to text? Who is she going to call? Does she just want to play games? Take pictures? Perhaps there is another product out there better than an expensive phone plus monthly texting and usage fees. Chances are good that you guys would get her a phone and she wont like it anyways -- "It's the wrong one." My phone doesn't even have a camera nor can I download funny ring tones. It'd be a bummer for y'all to get it for her, only for her to be dissappointed anyways.
Remind her now that she's not getting it and tell her to write something else on her list. Show her other products online (like a gameboy?).
I did not give my daughter a cell phone for any gift. I got her one because she was in after school activities and came around from the back of the high school, the back door, to the parking lot by herself at 7:30 pm. She was a young freshman. The next day she had a phone on her for her safety.
My 12 year old wants one too, she is homeschooled and the only time she is away form me is when she is at church, so no cell hone. She also wants pierced ears, no on that one too. She knows 8th grade graduation.
We gave my 15 year old a computer for her birthday this year because she needed one for school and I was tired of giving mine up for homework.
What about an iPod or a Nintendo DS? My 12 year old will probably get a DS this year for Christmas. Or maybe some really cool games for the computer.
PUt your foot down and just say NO. then tell her I already told you how I feel, PERIOD.
And it's your dog isn't it? :o) Because mommy always feeds it, and waters it, and lets it out and trains it. I have three of those.
No you are not! We too have given our 11yo & 6 Yo a cell phone to share and they had specific responsiblities with it that they had to adhere to. We had to take the cell phone and we will give them another chance sometime in the future.
If you feel strongly about this, then say so to your daughter. Don't state it as a punishment, but as a reality. A cell phone is a responsibility and for safety reasons so that she can communicate with you, if needed. I would decide (ahead of time with your husband) under what circumstances you would "re-open" the dialogue. Maybe if she gets involved in afterschool activities, home alone for an extended period of time, specific age that you feel is appropriate. I say this b/c if you say "not right now", the next question will be "When?". Have an answer prepared and stick to it! If the circumstances arise that require another conversation, then talk about it again.
Please make it clear, though, that there will NOT be one under the tree so she isn't disappointed.
Nope. You're not. Our daughter thought she "needed" one too and we said no. When she entered 6th grade, nearly all of the kids in her class had one and we still said no.
During that year, there was all kinds of inappropriate texting going on, and basically, the kids were learning the boundries of their new "toys". We removed a whole level of bullying and snarkiness from her life that year. She heard about all of the drama, but thankfully, was not a part of it.
Now that she is in 7th grade, we are considering one. Most of the other kids in her class know their limits now and have settled in with their phones and use them appropriately. She is more involved with activities now, so it may be a good time to get one for her, but we will put together a contract with specific rules for use. We'll see how it goes...
Hope this helps and good luck!
What about getting her an iPod touch? It's kind of a compromise. It looks like an iPhone (so other kids wouldn't necessarily know the difference) and you can still download all the games and music so she has something to do on the bus.
I think 11 is way too young for a cell phone- although I haven't reached that phase with my girls yet... maybe I'll have a different opinion when my kids are that age... but I hope not!
You are not the only one. My son is certainly responsible enough, but he has no need for one at least until he's driving and then maybe he'll have to wait because I don't want him using it WHILE he's driving.
His middle school has an electronic device policy - they must be powered off and locked up in lockers during the day. You can't even turn one on to check the time. They can take them to off site after school activities, but no student can use a device on school property or it will be confiscated and a parent has to come in to pick it up.
Nope. My 9y wants one. He doesn't need it. He lives in walking distance of his school, 2 houses down from his 2 best friends.
I am glad you asked this question. like you, my kids, (twins 10 and 6) don't believe I won't get them one for the same reasons. (I'm a sucker) Except with this.
I think giving them a cell phone is just one more responsibility that they don't need to take on until there is a need for it OR they can afford it themselves. I have talked to them and if I really need to I leave mine with them to see exactly how they will treat the responsibility.
But until the need is there, the phone isn't. It's just too much.
My oldest is 9 and hubby and I are talking about her getting one in the next few years with it's sole purpose being to get in touch with us. It will be very basic with no perks. I like the phones where they have a set in numbers they can call and 911
Maybe if what she really wants it for is game playing you could get her a hand held game device like a DSi or the like. My son is almost 7, he asked me for a cell phone and I said no, not until he is old enough to go out places (like the mall or movies) with friends without me. But he does have a DSi XL that he loves.
We did get our 11 year old daughterr a cell phone, only becuase we were building in another town and they were going to that school. I had a longer commute and wanted to touch base with her if I was running late. I got her a cheap trac phone. Sounds like your daughter doesnt need one right now. My 9 year old daughter wants one also because some of her friends have one. We have said no because she really doesnt need one. We are getting her an ITOUCH for Christmas, which will have everything she needs or wants for now.
If she and you do not need her to have a cell phone for any reason, then no, of course you are correct to not waste that money..
Stick to it. The only reason our daughter ended up with one in 6th grade, was because she was in middle school and had lots of activities and I had all types of different jobs going on at the same time.. We NEEDED to be able to keep in touch with each other..
Up until then there was no reason for her to have a cell phone.
When we did give her one, it did not include texting. It was jjst very basic.
She does not seem responsible nor mature enough yet... to handle one... nor keep it from getting lost.
Don't 'fear' Christmas just because you may have to tell her no. Why? She is just a child. And parents say no. I tell my kids, per our budget... what we can or cannot get. It is not about 'disappointing' them.... it is about my kids "understanding" budget... responsibility... and being able to handle being told "No." That is life. They can't get everything they want and just because other kids have it.
My kids know that.
My daughter, when in 1st grade, had a classmate that had an iPhone... already. My daughter even said... "That is to much for a 7 year old... her parents must not be responsible..."
My daughter is 7 almost 8 now... and I have discussed cell phones... she knows, that when she is old enough AND responsible enough... she may have one... when she is much older. BUT... it is not a mandatory thing. It is not a "toy" but ONLY FOR USE FOR CALLING us, her Parents and for emergency. It is not a toy nor for entertainment.
To me, the premise of your deciding if you give your daughter a cell phone or not... is being based on the fact that MANY of the other kids have cell phones already... except your daughter. That is not a reason.
The REASON... should be, that she understand responsibility, can PROVE it... and only use it to call you or your Husband. That it is not a toy... or entertainment.
MEANWHILE, you properly research cell phones.. from what I understand, there are very basic cell phones for kids... that only allow them to call you... not all that texting and games on it nor online downloading of stuff allowed. Which also costs money. THEN, when your daughter is of the maturity and responsible behavior... you DISCUSS it with her... not it being a gratuitous "toy" you give her. You and your Husband discuss it with her, in a sit down meeting.. and clearly... delineate all your 'rules' for it...
all the best,
Susan