It’s my birthday and our family is celebrating.my birthday and Christmas. My cousin and her fiance like to play this dumb game.
They like to go out to fancy restaurants and pretend they don’t have money. And make my brother pay .they also beg for gas from random people .but make three times the amount I do.I said he should not do that. I can’t afford to do that.
I told her never to do that with me. I will never go out again.
They don’t like any of the food we are having.Or the option to go to outback steakhouse Starbucks or a fun pizza wing and cheese curds place.
They also keep inviting me out say they are going to pay and then saying they have no money. They wanted me to pay for their gas because the bank is closed. It wasn’t. They say let’s play how long can we drive before we run out of gas? Or have me go beg for gas with them. I got out went home. Because I am not doing that . They have money in the bank but don’t want to spend it.
They feel it is harsh. I am negative. And think I worry too much
. Probably true. But I don’t like this. I think it makes them look stupid
I know this isn’t a parenting question but I need help
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@Justsam252525 mamapedia is about more than parenting so your question is welcome! If your cousin’s behavior is not comfortable for you to be around (and their behavior sounds at best incredibly immature) then it is totally fine not to go out anywhere with them. People who manipulate often try to turn the story around and make it sound like the person who is trying to set a reasonable boundary is instead the problem. All you can count on is that they will not change their behavior if it keeps getting them what they want. All you can control is your own behavior. So refuse to play the game.
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They might be relatives, but they don’t sound like enjoyable people to be around, at least in terms of what they do when they go out. If you want to try spending time with them in some other way, see if they will agree to go do something that doesn’t involve money (driving them to go for a walk somewhere, biking, sitting in the park, whatever). If not, you can just end up being busy whenever they call for a while, until you have evidence that they have matured a bit.
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NTA. There is no rule that says you MUST spend time with family or be tied to them for life, especially when they are not even the people you grew up with…you should feel like there’s less of an obligation to do so since they are cousins. If these people are disrespectful, manipulative freeloaders and want to take advantage of your brother, that’s his choice. Maybe he has enough money to continue treating them, but you should put your foot down for yourself and not allow them to continue using you as their bank or endangering your well-being by playing games of seeing when they run out of gas, which can be dangerous, or forcing you to beg for money (again, lots of panhandlers have been beaten and I’m sure some have been run over or shot).
Decline any of their “invitations” (more like invitations for themselves to eat for free at the expense of another). I would just cut out all in-person interactions. I am tempted to even tell you to cut them out of your life completely, but maybe they’re OK on the phone. I would not want people with such poor values in my life, family or not. What positive aspects do they contribute to your life? It seems like all they do is use people and upset you. You don’t treat people you love like this is my opinion, which would tell me it’s time to move on from them, but my tolerance for nonsense may be different from yours.
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