So this is a really tough one. I have a sister-in-law that doesn't always put her toddler in a car seat. most of the time she does, but I just found out that there are times she doesn't. Apparently it's been this way since she was just a newborn. I'm sick about it. My husband has already had a fight with her about it once awhile ago, but nothing has changed. My in-laws are totally fine with it and actually allowed it to take place right in their own car last weekend. Does anyone have ANY ideas on what can be done (besides yelling at her, which won't help)? Is there anything that I can do, short of reporting her to the police? Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
I understand your concern. I will not transport any small child without a car seat because that is the safest thing to do. One of the things I have said to my grandchildren is that it's also against the law to not use a car seat. They don't want me to get in trouble which helps them decide to get in the seat and buckle up.
That said, I'm 66 years old and have seen a couple of generations safely raised without the use of seat belts or car seats. That may be where the grandparents are coming from. The use of a car seat is only important when there is an accident or near accident. But even then it's not always important.
People are gambling with their child's safety when they do not use a car seat. The possibility of injury is small and so it seems like a safe gamble to them. I don't know how to get around that attitude.
I wonder if your sister-in-law is one of those people with a "don't tell me what to do" attitude. If so you may have gotten involved in a power struggle without realizing it. A good way to deal with a power struggle is to give them information and tell them that the decision is their's. To add that you are concerned but because you know that it's their decision you will back off. And then see what happens. It's possible that that space will allow them to think about the possible consequences instead of the reflex no.
One reason car seats are more important now than they were when I and my daughter were growing up (she's 29 now) is that cars are more lightweight and sustain major damage when struck. Although they are designed for safety they do not provide as much protection as the older more heavy cars. Current cars are made of plastic and aluminum. Old cars were made of steel. Current cars are small. Older cars were large. For many reasons older cars provided much more protection against passenger injury.
Another fact that increases the need for car seats and seat belts is that there are many more cars on the road which increases the chances for an accident.
I would add some personal experience here that might influence your sister-in-law. I've survived an accident only because I was wearing a seat belt. It's true that in a few cases people survive because they weren't wearing a seat belt. However, this is not the case with small children and babies. In an accident, even a minor one, their small bodies are thrown forward and then backward and around in a car. Adults' weight and size prevents some of the being tossed about.
I'm speaking as a retired police officer who has experienced seeing car accidents. I've seen people thrown from their vehicle and killed. Yes, I've seen them stay in their vehicle because of a seat belt and also killed but the circumstances were such that they would've most likely been killed with or without a seat belt.
I have seen a baby survive because he was buckled into a car seat. The seat wrapped around his body and cushioned him from the force generated by one vehicle hitting another one. The car seat protects in many ways and not just in holding the baby in one place.
I wonder if they use a seat belt alone with the toddler. This can also cause damage in an accident and probably allows them to think that she is safer. A child's body is much smaller than the bodies seat belts are designed for. The shoulder harness can decapitate the toddler. I've seen it break an adults shoulder bone. Still this is better than hitting one's face against the dash or going thru the window.
A child would probably be thrown out of the lap belt because their body is too small for the space allowed between where the belt is attached to the car and the place where it is buckled.
There are many things to consider when deciding whether or not to use the car seat. Some people resist following the law without realizing that the law is there to protect them. The law has a reason based on scientific study.
So.....perhaps it would be helpful if you could find a way for the parents to become educated. They could read up on car seats on the Internet. You could research sites and give them addresses to those that you think would appeal to them.
You could also arrange for them to meet with a traffic officer in the police department. The officer would not have to "know" that they don't use a car seat. Many people are interested in the details and many officers like to talk with parents. The fire department has a program in which they show parents or anyone interested in how to use a car seat. They are the ones who see the child after an accident. They would be a good resource for education, also.
If I were you I would talk with the officer or fireman before having them talk with the parents. Some officers and fireman do a much better job than others. I arranged for a meeting and was disappointed that we were given a laid back fireman who showed a definite lack of interest in the subject.
In summary, I too am concerned when people do not buckle their babies/toddlers into a car seat and when they don't use seat belts for children or themselves. At the same time I know that the possibility of being in an accident is low. I express to them that they are taking a chance and even if the chance of an accident is low are they willing to take that chance? How would they feel if a drunk crosses the center line, hits them, and their baby dies because she wasn't in a car seat? I admit that that may never happen but there is a chance that it will.
Then I don't bring up the subject again. Sometimes they do then use the seat belt. Sometimes they don't. It is their decision.
Note: It is easier to use a car seat when one remains in the car. Would it help for you to help make using one easier? If they can't afford a car seat in each car perhaps you could provide them with a second seat. You may be able to get one from the Fire Department or hospital emergency room who provide them for free for people in need.
You don't give details on age and kind of car but Washington law is that if the child is in a car with shoulder belts they have to have a booster until age 8 or a height of 4'9", if the car only has lapbelts then no booster seat is required and kids usually start using a booster seat at 40 pounds or so. It really isn't your business unless she is transporting your kids in her car or her child is in your car then you can have a say. I have a friend that leaves her 4 year old alone in the car while she runs into a store, (has her childs whole life) and I looked it up and it isn't against the law to do that in Washington, you just can't leave the car running with children under 15 alone in it. Just chalk this up to parenting differences.
I work in court and I have seen few cases like that. It is a criminal charge for parent neglecting and the judges are very hard on the parents even when is just once. The second time is concidered felony and they can lose theirs parenting rights. I hope they can understand that.
Not much you really can do short from doing what might be necessary, which is notifying CPS or the police...which it shouldn't have to come down to that. But, they should know better. This is something that some parents don't realize is just because it might've worked when we were younger, doesn't mean that it'll work now. They create safety items and regulations for a reason...to ensure the overall safety and well being of the wee ones we have. I know someone who's put her infant seat in forward facing...her infant is only 7 mo. My daughter's father (he and I aren't together because of some of this thinking) refuses to put a safety gate around his wood stove, but will put a safety gate at the stairs. Doesn't make sense, eh? There's lots of people out there who think their beliefs surpass what reality is. If you have tried everything necessary, maybe it's time to go to the next level. I pray that all works out in a peaceful manner. Good luck.
Most states have an 800 number that you can call to report, unrestrained children. I, myself have called in a few parents. When I saw a child laying in the way back of a car drinking a bottle. When I say a small child standing up in the back between the two front seats...
Next time you know she's unrestrained call it in. They won't know who did it, and you'll be doing them a favor.
As of June 2007, WA state law says: "Children less than eight years old must be restrained in child restraint systems, unless the child is four feet nine inches or taller. Children under thirteen years old must be transported in rear seats where it is practical to do so. The fine for improperly restrained children in motor vehicles is at least $112 per child."
The toll free number you can call is 1-800-BUCK-L-UP.
When my oldest was little, the law in WA was you had to be 60 lbs and/or 4'9" to be out of a booster seat and my daughter was 13 yrs old (in 7th grade) before she was big enough!
Sorry to be blunt about it but it is a child's life. She needs to learn her lesson the hard way, without compromising the life of the child. Report her anonymously. It would be better for her to get a real shock like that than to have not said anything and the baby ends up hurt or even worse - dead from an accident. It is a hard fact to face, but you never know when some drunk driver (no matter the time of day) will come from out of nowhere and demolish the car that that baby girl is riding in. I feel very strongly about this. NO need to fight or argue - do the right thing - turn her in.
P.S. My mother once turned in my sister for truancy because she had tried everything else and nothing had worked. My sister was never truant again. :-) Some folks learn their lessons the very hard way.
Wow this is a tough one! I am totally amazed that they don't use a car seat. How frightening!!! I'm with the other moms about reporting it, even though it could cause some serious trouble in your family. Think about how you would feel if the family was in an accident and the child was hurt becasue she wasn't in a car seat. It would be worth the family tension to potentially save this child's life. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and applaud you for reaching out for help and wanting what is best for your niece, especially when it seems that her parents don't.
Report her to the County, Child Health Services, or the police. I would not hesitate. The state/county protects the child. Children have the right to be safe, whether or not their parents are able or willing to provide that.
These people are not taking the welfare of the child seriously, and you don't know what else they are not doing or doing that is putting the child at risk. Even if they're not doing anything else now, they obviously will in the future. They need parenting classes.
You could send her one of those videos that are out there about keeping kids in car seats. Maybe it will reach her, and make her realize how precious her "baby" is to her and that she would want to do anything to keep him safe.
Best Wishes, Hillari
First of all, you need all of the facts. Is the kid loose in the car or is someone holding her and is it a ride next door or across town?
You can only take care of you and your kids and I am afraid that whatever you say or do is going to go in one ear and out the other. She will do what she wants to do and nothing anyone says will change it.
Just give her the facts and pray that nothing happens to show her she needs to be in a car seat (like an accident that really hurts or kills the baby).
That really is about all that I can see that you can do.
I hope it all works out.
So I guess I would be the one to say - its none of your business what she does or doesnt do with her child. Is it unsafe - yes. Is she placing her child in potentail harms way - yes. If you and your husband have voiced concerns about it to her, then she knows better and how you feel. But you cant force anyone to do anything and its not your place to own this - it is hers. If you are with her when she does it - refuse to get in the car and drive unless she complies. Calling the authorites will set the entire family up for long term fighting, espically if the parents let her do it. And poteinally place the child in protective services away from the family for days/weeks/months. How will that affect the child? Ask yourself is it worth that? Other than her 'sometimes' not placing the child in the car seat - is she a good mom? I say - voice yoru concrns, stop the behavior if she is with you other than that leave her alone to make her own parenting choices and mistakes.
It sounds like she can't be reasoned with even though your husband has talked to her.
You could tell her calmly that due to the law, you will call the police if she doesn't have her child in a car seat in your presence. That you are tired of watching her do something unhealthy and potentially dangerous to her child. Tell her that you mean it.
In addition to putting her child at risk, if she's riding in other people's car she's putting them at risk at receiving a ticket.
I bet even though she'll be mad at you she will always do it in your presence. You can't control what she does when you are not around so I'd concentrate that.
Maybe collect information about accidents that had unrestrained children. Check YouTube and the net for the safety seat demonstrations that show what happens when a parent is holding a child.
It only takes one accident. A lady that ran into my husband had put her six year old son in the front seat. She had a baby buckled into it's seat in the middle of the back seat. The baby was fine, the boy in the front was wearing a seat beat (meant for an adult) and he suffered a lacerated liver. The lady said that was the first time she had ever put her son in the front. He wanted to be there and since it was a short drive she figured all would be well. She didn't count on hitting black ice and sliding her vehicle into my husband, her front passenger door (where her six year old son was) connected with the front of my husbands van. The baby was safe. Even though there was glass all over the baby didn't didn't even have glass on her. I mention this because the boy should not have been in the front seat (and even though he was restrained it was an adult seat-belt and he was too small) and he got injured, plus it shows that the baby who was properly restrained was fine.
If showing her consequences of what happens to unrestrained children won't work, I agree with the annonymous phone call.
Well.... if she rides in your car and won't buckle the toddler in a car seat, booster or in a regular seat belt.. don't start the car until it happens. That's a simple fix.
Seeing as how she doesn't listen to you or your husband, if you see her driving from your home without the child buckled up, then call the police as she drives away. They can pull her over and give her a warning or a ticket. This may seem a little harsh, but a whole lot less traumatic than attending a funeral or sitting by the bedside of a child who has a broken back or neck, one that is in a coma as a result of bouncing around in the car when it came to a sudden stop or was involved in an accident.
I wish you well.
Dear Anissa:
I have to say that it is your business the same as any child being neglected is your business, especially in your own family. It is proven beyond doubt that carseats save lives the sames as seatbelts and they are breaking the law on top of making really dangerous decisions about there childs safety. I find it to be selfish and lazy on their part. What excuses do they give you for NOT using a carseat? If this were me, I would turn them in to the police or wherever you report this type of crime. This is a crime in the since that they are putting their child in harms way as if they were leaving the child with a person of risk or letting them play in the street. Please champion for this child regardless of the outcome with the family. If it were me I would rather save a life than remain friends with someone that does not share my same values. Good luck to you in this.
Wow, it's amazing that a parent doesn't think enough of their child to do such a simple thing as putting them in a carseat! First off, I would never allow my child to ride in a car with her (without you or your hubby there to make sure your children were buckled in). I would never let her child ride unrestrained in your car when you are driving. I hate to have government involvement in our lives, but in this case it's warranted. Even if it FOREVER causes a rift in your family, you will have potentially have saved that child's life in case they get in an accident (or even slammed on the brakes to avoid one!!) How many times do you hear a news story where people were ejected from a vehicle and died or became vegetables due to not wearing a restraint? One of my cousins lived for 20 years mentally and physically disabled due to a car accident when he was 18 months old. This was before child seat laws were enacted. You can't imagine the heartache our WHOLE family went thru after that accident.
Shame on her and your in-laws, my parents tease me about how I 'survived' without all the baby proofing and safety measures, but they are safe, healthy and alive!
There is definitely reason for concern here and it's your responsibility as a knowledgeable adult and family member to give her as many resources to inform her and if need be bring in the authorities. If she's willing, there is a really great website with lots of info on carseat laws and safety etc. www.car-seat.org. Also, showing her some videos of a child during a crash may help bring it to life for her. Search for child carseat crash test on youtube.com there are a ton of really "scary" videos on there. If that doesn't work definitely call and anonymously report her to DHS.
Oh, and a response to all the people out there that say, "I didn't have to ride in a carseat and I made it ok..." Even in "minor" accidents more children and babies just died than survived COMPLETELY UNSCATHED
also, putting a toddler or a small child in a regular seatbelt can cause serious if not fatal internal injuries if in a car crash. So this is note a safe alternative.