My son and grandson moved back home with my husband and I and well we have been fighting alot .I know my son loves his little and is a good dad .He has recently met a girl and tonight came home with her.I am no prude but I find it way out of line for him to think its ok if she spends the night here at our house .My grandson is 3 and I find it hard to believe that my son would think its ok for him to do this .Am I wrong has society changed so much.
I’m with you. And you know what? Your house, your rules.
Absolutely agreed. I’m seeing a guy - have been for over a year - and we don’t usually sleep over when we have our kids. Not even with the kids there under the premise that it’s a sleepover for the kids. Unless there are unusual circumstances. (We all hunkered down at his home last year during a bad hurricane, for instance.) Anybody with any concern over their children’s well-being should choose to be more cautious. Give him the night off and tell him to go get a room.
You are right, your son is wrong. It’s your home, not “The No Tell Motel” and also his child and your grandchild are under the same roof.
Society has changed a lot. Its a shame.
However, you should stand up for the morals you believe in and your son should find someplace else to shack up with his plaything.
Your son is not thinking with his brain when he brings his toy home with your grandchild there. He should find a motel for his trysts. Hopefully he won’t get or give an STD. He is definately teaching your grandchild the wrong morality.
Good luck to you and yours.
You need to sit down with him and set up some basic ground rules…
Has he set a timeframe for moving out?
Such as… He needs to be the one at home taking care of his son… he shouldn’t be gone 2 nights a week unless he takes his son with him (except for rare occasions… there will be exceptions).
He needs to be the one responsible for taking care of his son… if he is home, he should be interacting with his son, not just zoning out in front of the TV, computer, game system, etc… just as if he were in his own apartment. You aren’t a live-in babysitter.
No cohabitating under your roof… your house, your rules!
I am assuming he is doing his own laundry, as well as his son’s laundry?
Is he helping with household chores like dishes, cleaning up, lawn care, etc?
Is he helping out financially, like with groceries, or paying you rent?
Ground rules like this need to be set ahead of time…
Good luck…
NOPE!!! YOUR rules, YOUR home!!! BUT you MUST TELL him, what the rules are!!! Don’t simply, ‘assume’ he knows what you expect of him…
I don’t give two flips about what, ‘society’ thinks is right or wrong. When your adult child comes home with their child then there is a reason life isn’t working for them right now, not to mention back to sentence #1, it’s STILL YOUR house, not his.
As to the fighting I don’t know, cuz’ you didn’t say WHO is fighting but until & unless you ALL sit down & set the rules the fighting is simply going to intensify. The fights will more than likely will continue until he moves back into his own place to some degree but the escalation should decrease when he KNOWS what you expect of him.
Good Luck, Granni cuz’ talking from experience you may need some good luck! 
I just read your second post…WHY does he have WED, SAT, SUN, ‘off’??? This isn’t his part time job! This is parenthood & you are the Granni NOT the babysitter!!! If you don’t do something & soon you WILL be raising this child & though that isn’t a horrible thing I CAN tell you this it is NOT the way it’s supposed to be!!! THIS I KNOW, as I am & have been since 2000 raising 3 of 11 grans!
I have a hard time with any parent who pursues sex over providing stability for their kid(s).
If he’s looking to find a stable relationship and find a good step mom for his son, he doesn’t need to be shacking up when ever the chance comes up and HE (and the boys Mom) needs to be raising his son, not dumping him on you so he can go out and making more siblings for him.
He’s a parent - he’s got responsibilities now - and he needs a plan for moving out on his own and providing a home for his child for the next 15 years.
Even though society has changed it is still your house and your rules. I can’t understand how the girl felt comfortable staying knowing he’s living with his parents. Ummm. You should sit him down and tell him that you don’t agree with him having sleep overs. If he wants to stay at her place than that’s fine but it’s not fine at your house. Good luck!!
I don’t care if your son is an adult, etc. - grown or not he’s in your home. I honestly would feel pretty weird having someone shack up in my parents home. Your house - your rules. If he’s an adult he should know to respect it. Best of luck!
Your house, your rules. That needs to be communicated to him. Is there a plan for him to move out? If not, there needs to be one. He is a grown man with a child. Time for him to be his big boy pants on. Sorry for the pun!! =)
Here’s the thing. … I may not have the same opinion as you on the general idea of “sleepovers” if you are not married, (in GENERAL) BUT, and this is a BIG but… he is LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE!!! First, he is a FATHER. Second, he is assumably, living there so he can get on his feet and be able to afford his own house, so the last thing he needs is ANOTHER child from sleeping with a woman since he really can’t afford to house the one he has now. (sorry, but he is living with his parents) Third, although I may not feel quite the same as you about the “sleepover” thing, his 3 yr old son in there, and VERY impressionable, and really he shouldn’t be bringing ANY woman around him to meet him until he KNOWS they are a keeper. His dating should be kept to just that, DATING, until he knows it is much more and really stable. Why allow his child the chance of getting attached to someone who may be out of his life as fast as they came in. Never mind the questions of why is she sleeping in Daddys bed? I say it’s YOUR house, so it’s your rules! You need to set them straight, and simply let him know what you will allow. If he doesn’t like the rules, he is free to find his own place. Good luck!
Carol:
Welcome to mamapedia!!!
Your house. Your rules.
It doesn’t MATTER what “society” has done. These are YOUR RULES!!! You expect decency and morality. There is NOTHING wrong with that at all.
No, it is NOT okay for him to bring a girl home to YOUR home to stay the night. Sounds like you need to sit down and have a “come to Jesus” meeting with him.
I would NOT allow my daughter (who will be 26) to come to my home and EXPECT to share a room with someone other than her husband (she’s not married and doesn’t have kids). I don’t allow my nephews to do it. He is a father!! He needs to set a better example for his child. You don’t just bring some random chick home.
You need to have a family meeting. No kidding. I would even get a contract signed by him. I would state the following:
If you are staying in MY home as a grown adult you will abide by MY rules.
- NO overnight guests. PERIOD.
- Rent is $X and due on this date.
- I will NOT be baby sitting your son. If I do. I will be expected to be paid X for it.
- I will NOT do your laundry. Your laundry days are ____ & ____
- I expect you to put your dishes in the dishwasher when you are done with them.
You need to put your rules together. He’s not getting a free ride. If he’s unemployed. Then you need to set the ground rules for what he needs to do around the house in order to be RESPONSIBLE, not just looking for a job - but helping around the house.
I cannot reiterate enough - YOUR HOME!!! YOUR RULES!!!
Society changes or not he moved home for a reason and now he has to abide by your rules or leave plain and simple but he can’t afford to right now.
No sex in your home. Period. You do not do laundry or clean or cook for him. He has to take care of himself and his son at home and do charge rent life is not free. If he gets time off then he can take his son to his mom’s and have sex elsewhere but you are not babysitting.
You are nice to allow him to come home with a child but put some hard and fast rules and standards in place. If he don’t like it – there’s the door plain and simple. You raised him now it’s his turn to raise his son.
Good luck and stand fast. This is your time to enjoy an “empty” nest. Do your thing but no girlfriends shacking up. Off my soapbox now.
The other Suzanne
I wouldnt let my son bring a girl home to spend the night at my house either, not in this particular situation.
If the girl was worth a darn, she would be too embarrassed to stay— so I’m guessing she is just for folly and he doesnt have much respect for her.
I’d say NO to her staying and a lot of that would stem from the fact that you plain dont know her that well and she could end up being a thief on top of being a tad on the slutty side.
I think I’m going to make myself unpopular by going against the consensus here, but …
… I think it depends on the girl. Is she stepmom material? Is she really involved and invested in playing with your grandson? Has she made a point of meeting you and making a good impression? In other words, is this a serious relationship? If so, I think you need to let your son be an adult and have an adult relationship.
If NOT, if this is more of a one-night hookup thing – say, some girl he met at a bar – I think you’re within your rights to tell your son, “Of course you can do what you want on your own time, but since we have a toddler living here, it can’t happen in my house.”
But just because your adult son is living with you, I don’t think he necessarily has to forfeit his status as an adult. It depends…
I realize your son is an adult and a parent, but he has a lot to learn about what that little boy needs and does NOT need in his life right now!
No WAY would I allow that in my house in front of my grandchild.
He has WAYcmore “free” time to sow his oats than most parents I know!
Time to lay down the law & house rules.
If he doesn’t like it he can leave & get a place of his own.
Good luck!
Yes, society has changed, but it does not mean that you have to change with it. Too many will say, well, that’s the way it is today, and then just go along with it like they have no choice. You have a choice in your own home. If he is not understanding your house rules… you know, the house that you own and pay taxes on and are flipping the bill for this grown man and his son, then you all need to sit down and tell him your house rules and apologize for not filling him earlier since his brain is still sitting in teenage boy stage. Tell him what is expected of him concerning chores to help around the house, when you expect lights out in the main part of the house, when you will lock the door at night, how much he will pitch in financially, and most importantly how long he’s allowed to stay at your home. You cannot leave it vague or you will have him living with your for years and slowly you’ll be the one raising your grandson and he’ll be expecting to have all the rules in YOUR house. If he cannot follow your expectations in YOUR house then give him 30 days to leave. If he cannot take his son with him for financial reasons then have him sign guardianship over to you or he will come and go with that kid at his leasure. If it is not ok for him to have sleep over guests you have every right in the world to tell him no way and ask his friend to leave, even if it’s 2am. Doesn’t matter why you do not approve of this. The point is, this is YOUR home and you have the right to set up the rules you see fit. When he gets his own house he can set up his rules and expect people to abide by them. Until then, you are being KIND by allowing him and his child (his responsibility) to live in your home and while there he will do specific list of chores daily, he will be resposible for his own child and follow any other rules you set up. You will not be a free and permanant babysitter either, playing on gramma guilt! If he doesn’t like it, he can leave. AND you expect him not to complain and gripe about it since he is not a teenage kid anymore. He’s an adult. He needs to act like one, show respect to people giving him a hand out or leave. Once he turned 18 you are no longer responsibe for him. If he wants the charity, suck up the rules or leave. Tell him a big THANK YOU for listening and walk away.
**And him going to the girl’s house to staty? Sorry. He has a child, period. If sex is THAT important to him then maybe the mom needs to take him full time or either set of grandparents. Maybe he should take those extra days off and work part time so he can get his own place faster!
Karen B
mom to 5 including triplets
(ages 25, 17, 7, 7 and 7)
You are not wrong. It’s your house and he should be asking if he wants to have an overnight guest. I also don’t think it’s right given that his son is there, but that’s up to him. What is up to you is who is spending the night in your home.
I would hope the girl would be embarrassed to find him living with his parents. It’s kinda trashy on both of their parts to put sex ahead of a child. My grandchild would not need to see his dad coming home with different women every week.
No, you are not wrong. You are not a prude. If my adult son was to move back home, I would have rules, rent and chores. My house. My rules. If he didn’t like it, he is more than welcome to move out.