I took my daughter do the doctor for an eye exam and figured since it had been a while, and she just turned 7, to have her do her well check up. When they asked my daughter to strip to her undies I asked the nurse why and she said that the doctor is just going to look at some moles and freckles. I was shocked when the Dr pulled down her undies and looked in her vagina! I am pretty upset actually and cant get over it! I teach my daughters these are private parts and I feel like she is a little traumatized. I am expecially upset because the nurse lead me to believe her undies will stay on! I am ok with looking at moles but not her privates! Is this normal at well checkups and should I talk to my daughter? I dont know if it would be better to talk about it or just let it go. How do I get over it! I feel like she was way too young and this was completely unnessary and they should have asked me permission first and let me know...Is this what a normal well check up is like??!!!! please help.
Yes- it's normal. They sometimes check girls (I have 3:) to be sure that they are cleaning and wiping well enough. If they aren't, the vagina can actually fuse together causing the opening to become smaller, and urine can be trapped inside, causing infection. I would agree with you however, that they should have informed you about what the check up would entail before starting so that you could ensure your daughter that what the dr. was doing was ok. I wouldn't mention it to her unless she seems upset by it. If she does, just let her know that it's important the the dr checks those areas periodically to make sure everything is ok.
Oh my goodness! I was shocked to read this. I don't have girls, but this seems very abnormal for a check up. I can't believe they didn't talk to you about it first as well. How did she feel about having this done? I haven't heard of this unless she was having a problem down there that you specifically went to the doctor about. I am wondering what other moms have to say about their experiences. Sorry for you and your daughter!
It seems to be pretty normal, and something done at all well visits (frankly I am surprised that they haven't checked down there before). Our Dr. always explains to our children what he is going to do and that no one is allowed to touch or look in the private area unless their mom says it is ok. I know it is a little unnerving, but nothing to be ashamed about, and it probably presents a great teaching opportunity to go over safety.
I recently learned that my friend teaches her kids the correct names of the 'private parts' to give her children extra protection-she claims that a child that says "don't touch my vagina" is much more safe than a child that doesn't use correct terms. The theory is that a sexual predator will assume that the child's parents have talked to him/her about such things and a bigger risk, therefore leaving the child alone.
Anyway, I wouldn't be too concerned, but I do think the DR. should have explained things to both of you before hand.
Wow. I don't know if this is normal. I certainly don't remember anything like this in my own childhood checkups. At the very least I would expect the nurse or doctor should have given you a warning first.
I would definitely say that you should ask in advance of future visits and decide whether or not you wish the doctor to examine her yoni.
So sorry you both went through this. I would definitely not have been comfortable with this without some kind of advance notice.
Monna
Totaly normal...
The vagina is a part of her body...should he have ignored her ears during the exam? Why then should he not externally examine any part of her body? What if she had a rash or a growth or discharge from her vagina and he DIDN'T examine it?
Privacy is one thing...doctors are another...if she is going to take good care of herself as a woman she better get used to having professionals take a peak "down there".
I assume you or the nurse was in the room? THAT would be the only thing I would have concerned myself with if a guardian or assistant has not been present.
You say looked "in" her vagina...did he put her in stirups and do an INTERNAL examination? (Which would be inappropriate unless a problem was indicated) Or did he just do a visual EXTERNAL examination?
My pediatrician says girls should start seeing a gynacologist as young as 9 or 10 years old or as soon as they start their periods for preventative care and Guardasil etc. That is going to ivolve more "trama" than a doctor taking a quick peek under her undies.
Well I think that the action of this dr is unacceptable.
I have two daughters, both of them are covered in freckles and never had a doctor say that he was checking them.
I also have never had a doctor pull down their undies without saying what they are going to do before they do it. Doctors have never checked them below the undies without a reason or concern.
I think if it was me I would have not only a talk with your daughter but also with the dr. Let them know that you were offended that he would just yank down your daughters underwear without explaining what he was going to do so that you and your daughter could be prepared.
I do not believe that this was a normal check up nor do I believe that this doctor showed a good dr./patient relationship.....
My daughter is just now 7, and our Dr. doesn't do well visits at this age. However, it's my recollection that she always checks the privates during a well visit, after all, it is part of their body and should be included in the overall checkup (I have three other kids as well). She does always preface it with an explanation of what she is going to do, and then says it's only ok because she is a doctor and mommy is present. If, now assuming that it was normal to check, you search your memory and still feel uncomfortable with the WAY that it was done, you should definitely bring it up with your doctor. He doesn't want to go around traumatizing kids if he is a pediatrician. If you feel your daughter was traumatized, then you should definitely take this opportunity to bring up the privacy again, but also to discuss what is ok. You wouldn't want her keeping a problem from you because it was "private". Good luck. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I may be of no help here since I do not have a 7 year old or a daughter for that matter. I am taken aback and not sure what to think. But I think you coming here and asking if this is normal is a good step. Another thing you can do is call your insurance company and file a grievance and they will look into the situation. Please don't take this the worng way but when you stated that they should have asked you first I kind of raised a brow because the minute you saw the Dr pull down her undies I think you should have started asking questions. I understand if you were just in shock when it happened but I just thought I would point it out because if I did that intially then maybe someone else would too. So if you do file a grievance I think maybe you should word it that you were in shock and speechless and assumed it was routine but that you started asking questions to see if this was normal and the more you think about it the more it bothers you. And I am sure that all of this is true I just want you to word it a way that they can not question you. Because I know how much more upsetting that would be. But none the less I do agree with you that they should have let you know that was going to be done and I do not agree with it either. Just hearing about this bothers me and it didn't even happen to my child.
Now just to let you know when you file a grievance they never do tell you what was done but at least you will have reported it and they will investigate it. If you find this is not routine I think maybe you should not only file a grievance but perhaps bring it to the publics attention so that other people can be warned and if this happened before maybe others will come forward. Afterall, we are talking about a child.
Keep us posted and best of luck to you and your daughter.
I have three daughters, the oldest 7, and this has NEVER happened to me. They have had to take pants off for shots. One time, a pediatrician did have my daughter remove most of her clothing, but
1. She was much younger
2. He explained why it needed to be done to her
3. He told her that because he was a Dr. and because her parents were there it was OK and no one else should touch her at all unless mom and dad are there.
The fact that you both are so upset means it was not handled well, even if it was 100% legit and necessary. And it means he thinks it's OK to handle patients this way. If you decide to leave this practice, tell them why, at least. Finally, yes that is part of her body, but IMO, unless you have expressed concern about an issue involving her vagina, there was no reason to examine it. I know I was never examined that way!
Hi April, I could definitely understand how you feel! That is scary when you teach your kids that no one touches you there. I can tell you that with my 2 year olds they have done that several times and when I asked why she said it was what they are required to do to make sure the child has no abrasions and no signs of abuse. It did make me uncomfortable because I hadn't had it happen b4 but I trust this doctor and we really like her so that helped and I didn't take it personally because its for the safety of my kids. But for an older girl that is way different for the child let alone mom! I just wanted to tell u I think its normal at least for little ones. If this is a requirement now, I think our Government is taking things way too far to control us.
God bless,
Christina
When my girls were babies - 4 yrs. or so it was normal... then I switched drs. cause we movied & the dr. we just went to didn't take clothes off, but did lift up their dresses to look at their backs.... My previous dr. who did take clotthes & when she looked at their vaginas she would say "This is a private area, but it is okay for me to look because your Mama is right here." I would talk to your dr. about your concern & mention your surprise.... ask him/her what he was looking for.... it may be an easy explanation & one that will ease your daughters anxiety.
April -
I'm so confused. What doctor are you seeing that does by eye exam and physical exam? In my opinion, under NO circumstances would a doctor be examining your 7 year old daughter's genitals unless you took her there with a specific problem involving that area.
I'm flabbergasted. Unless other mothers would confirm that this is a typical practice, I think it should perhaps be reported.
This is definitely part of a normal well check and is usually done every year. The doctor needs to check to make sure she is developing normally. Usually they say something like I'm going to check your privates and this is only ok because mom is here and no one is ever supposed to look there etc. I'm surprised they didn't do this. The nurse may not now the doctor needs to look at a child's genitalia but I agree the communication could have been better.
What about asking your daughter if she has any questions about the doctors visit and just using this as an example of who and when anyone should be looking at this area.
Looked "in," (as you stated) or around the area?? Around, is very normal. Although, the Dr. should have talked you daughter through it. They need to check for multiple things, i.e- cleanliness, growth, infection, fusion etc.
I only have boys, but as soon as they both turned 3, our pediatrician would talk with them about how it is a private area only & must have permission from mom & dad before ANYONE looks there, then turns to me to ask my permission before she pulls their underwear down.
Also... trust your gut... if you have a bad feeling, don't take her to the same pediatrician.
I think filing a grievance with the insurance company is a little too strong right now.
If you have any complaint with the office, please tell the dr. directly. Not all information told to the front office & office manager will get to the doctor. If there is a primary dr or drs in the office talk with them about any issues.
I remember being around her age for a regular check up and the Dr. looking at me. I had to strip to my undies, but don't remember if he pulled them down at all. But it was obviously a little upsetting for me if I can still remember.
If it is standard practice the nurse should have been the one to explain exactly what was going to happen. At 7, your daughter knows what feels right and not and the nurse should have told her what was going to happen. Even if it is standard, I'd call and complain...or at least make mention of how upsetting the appt was to you and yoru daughter. And have a talk with your daughter to make sure she understands that YOU had no clue either. Just so she doesn't blame you in any way for her embarassment.
Hi April,
I would absolutly be freaked out! That is not normal... not in my relm of normality anyway. Your conscience, gut and instinct are your best friend here. All three can't be wrong. If your daughter wasn't complaining of anything in the vaginal area he shouldn't have been there and most certainly should have asked you first. BTW... Don't make a big deal about it to your daughter. She's young enough that she'll most likely never remember it but you making a big deal of it may cause her to freak out a bit and feel shameful or imbarassed. I know you don't want that. See if the Doctor has any other complaints against him would be my first move. Never go back and consider filing a complaint. Good Luck!
Hey April,
I just wanted to let you know that this is a normal thing for the doctor to do, although perhaps he didn't handle it as well as he could have. At this point, I think it's important for you to talk to your daughter about what happened, and explain to her that her vagina is a part of her body, and as she matures, the doctor is going to look there to make sure that everything is growing properly and that there isn't any kind of infection, etc... It is onw thing to tell our children that their private areas are private, but it is quite another for us to breed shame because a doctor performs a physical on them. I had my first "real" gynecological exam when I was 10 or 11, because my mother was concerned about something. She was in the room the whole time, and while it was uncomfortable, I didn't feel like anything inappropriate was being done to me. I would talk to your pediatrician and tell him that you were taken aback, and that in the future, you'd like some warning beforehand if he intends to check your daughter's vagina, and that she certainly needs some warning, as well.
Allison
This is not normal, and it is not o.k. Trust your instincts and act accordingly, always!!
My daughter had an odor which we took her to the doctor for, not only did the doctor insist on my being present, he explained that because he was a doctor it was ok and because her mom was there... all this was set before she was ever even asked to undress. This is an extremely sensetive age. This was by a male urgent care doctor. I followed up with a wellness check with her usual doctor, a woman and she too went through the same routine saying essentially the same things before she ever undressed. There is obviously a correct code of conduct for doctors in this situation.This behavior should be reported so other children do not have the same traumatic experience, or worse!!