I have a nephew who at right about the same age went thru the clothing issues as well as tantrums. He was diagnosed with some mild sensory integration issues and had some, I believe, occupational therapy to overcome it. He had issues with seasons -changing from long pants to shorts, t-shirts to sweaters, sandals to gym shoes, etc. He is now 12 years old and completely outgrown the behaviors - still will throw a tantrum or two - but nothing out of the ordinary.
Hi, Traci. You know that there is something off in your child: not just your education, your training, and your experience as a teacher tell you this, but your instincts as a mother. LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. You know that his father doesn't want to hear that there is anything wrong with his spitting image, and your friends don't want to hurt your feelings by being honest. Start with your pediatrician for referrals, and DON'T STOP until you get the right diagnosis - and the right help - for your child. Pull your head out of the sand and hold it up high, and GET TO IT NOW for all your sakes. good luck, Anne
I have a niece who is about to turn 5, and she has a similar problem with clothes - tags hurt, she can't wear turtlenecks, winter coats always bother her, hates jeans, socks and shoes have to be on just right, etc. She also does have tantrums (and my sister uses the sticker chart, too). So, I guess you're not alone at least - not sure if it's normal.
Hi Traci,
I have a five year old girl and she recently went through what I call a "phase" regarding the socks and the long sleeves and other clothes issues and it drove me insane especially because I work full time and drop her off at preschool in the morning on the way to work. Personally, I think it is a phase and with my daughter I believe that it was more acute or severe when she was tired or had not had a nap,I also really think that this is a control issue with her. When my daughter was going through the "phase" she kept telling me that the pants were "too stretchy" and "too tight" which made me laugh to myself as it was all of sudden, after wearing the same things forever now they are "tight" or "stretchy". I handled it by trying not to make a big deal out of it and appeasing her by being patient and allowing her to wear short sleeves if there was a shirt readily available. I think it is normal and is just something they go through. As far as the "bugging" thing, my daughter does it to me, I think it is an attention thing and she will do it to the point where I have told her ten times to please stop it as she pokes me or touches me. I then use my "super nanny" technique where I get down to her level and talk to her about it and why it is not nice. Not to be redundant, but I think they are all phases they go through and it is about control and attention. Ages 4 and 5 are difficult because they are becoming so independent yet they have little control over things and this is how they test the waters. Hang in there. I hope this helps.
My sister-in-law gave me a book called "Raising your Spirited Child" which I have recently begun reading. I think you might want to pick up a copy as they describe the 'spirited' child as a child who is simply MORE of everything - more sensitive to how things feel (like tags on clothes), more figidy than the average kid, more vocal about their likes and dislikes, etc. It's been pretty interesting so far, and has given me some tips on how to handle my spirited child by understanding her way of thinking and feeling. Good luck!
Hi Traci,
Your son's adversion to tags, long sleeves, pants, etc. is not unusual and neither is his social interaction with others. When my son was 3 years old I was at my wits end with his behavior and I contacted Tuesday's Child, http://www.tuesdayschildchicago.org.
Please do not be alarmed by the responses suggesting ADD, ADHD and Autism, it is entirely possible that you son does not suffer from any of these. People were constantly suggesting my son was ADD or ADHD, I had him tested and he is neither of these.
There are many reasons for his sensory issues, it could be as simple as the laundry detergent you are using is slightly irritating your son's skin, i.e., why he has a problem only with material that is tight on his skin. There could be many reasons for his social interactions also. I learned SO much about not only my son, but all kids through Tuesday's Child and my son really enjoyed going with me. Parents go to a group session and then break up into smaller groups and the children all play together in another room, it's like a preschool atmosphere.
I also have information about non-irritating laundry detergent if you are interested.
Best of Luck to you!
Julie Penfield
www.teamwahu.com
(708) 848-3087
Hi Traci,
The first part of your post sounds like you were describing my daughter as a 3 and 4 year old! However, she did not go through a period of touching others in school/church settings.
She is now 5 and the clothing issues are getting much better. What worked for me best was...... making compromises/meeting her in the middle with issues regarding clothes, and knowing I did not have to win every battle. For example, I would let her wear a short sleeve shirt sometimes even if it was cold outside. (She would still have to wear a coat outside of course.) As long as there is heat in a building, he will be fine wearing short sleeves. Some issues might go away and actually reverse itself. For example, my daughter would not wear turtlenecks when she reached 3. So I gave up and said to myself.... don't waste your money on anymore turtlenecks. Now.... she'll pick out her clothes and come downstairs wearing a turtleneck. I actually told her last week that she might want to take it off because it was going to be pretty warm outside!
It's easy to deal with the tags..... just cut them off or buy clothes that are tagless. ( I am seeing more of that.) I cannot stand tags myself, and I don't like long sleeves that are too tight around my upper arm. So I can kind of feel for my daughter.
Find the clothes that your son does like and buy many in different colors. Elastic pants/shorts work best for my daughter because there are no buttons near her tummy and because they are so soft. Loose sleeved short sleeves work best for her too. So I know to stay away from any short sleeved shirts that she can actually feel wrapped around her arm.
Sticker charts work better for her now that she is getting older. What really helps is that she gets to pick out the reward from the dollar store. We put these items in a "treasure chest" and on Sundays, if she has earned enough happy faces, she gets to pick out something from the chest. She is also learning what is worth a dollar and what is not. She has even said.... mommy I don't think I want this because it looks like it could break easily.
She is happy it is getting warmer because she will be able to wear sandals without socks!
She will sometimes complain that it is too bright for her, too. Our pediatrician said her eyes were fine. She is just a bit sensitive in this area, as well.
Things are much better around here lately. Oh and she does have a twin brother who does not have any of these issues. Take care and good luck!
Joy
Hello Traci. First off I want to apologize for all the other mothers going right for your son having some kind of disorder or issue.
I might be wrong and he very well may have one of the many medical issues those other mothers listed, but I put myself in your shoes, and reading all 22 what I'd call negative responses would make me very sad. And I'm apologizing for them if you felt that way.
A lot of the things you mentioned clothes issues; My son too, I just figure my son's picky. and he'd get over it which he has. The tag thing I totally understand I don't like tags either; their itchy! He's 5 by the way. The tantrums; he still has when he doesn't get his way;power struggles. The yelling, hitting people or throwing things only happens when he's really upset. Usually talking to him to calm him and trying to reason with him works. He is having some issues at preschool as well similar to your son. Eating other peoples food, drinking their drinks, and not keeping his hands to himself. Which he denies all of it. When I've packed him his own drink, and food. I still can't figure that one out. And he just won't sit still for 5 minutes, we're working on that at home.
I not for one minute thought or will think that my son has any "issue" or "disorder". He's just a normal preschooler adapting to the new rules, environment, people, etc.. Maybe I've failed him by not teaching him things I should have previously, but I feel he's normal. I'm the only one (besides maybe grandma) that truly understands what kind of person he is, and where he's coming from (I think I know what he might've been thinking when he was drinking someone else's drink). And it was innocent, I'm sure.
Have you had your son tested to see if he is on the Autism spectrum? Most of the signs you have described are atypical behaviors I also believe that Autism is not a issue or disorder but just a word and i have seen that a lot of responses have told you to check out the out of sync child but I also think if the diagnosis do turn out to be on the spectrum then pick up the book ten things that every child with autism wishes you knew. Keep in mind it affect 1 in 166 and boys more often than girls it know no color no race. my son by looking at him seems normal up until he has a behavior and throws something etc. I think that if in your gut you feel something go with it. i would also reccommmened visiting you care provider to see the behaviors in action. A lot of people have mention Autism but it is more than just "bad behavior" and a few sensory issues there is a lot more signs and that is even with a high functionining child like mine. please feel free to contact me I am always willing to talk or help in any way I can. -myangelwith autism
Maybe a sensory thing? My son has some sensory problems and he has fits as well. He is now almost seven. I keep a list of activities to re-route my kids from one thing to another and never, never have on anything, such as TV or stereo. I have to hear them at all times so I know when he is getting ready to blow.
Linda
Hi Traci,
My response is two part. First, I am so glad to read your question. I, too have a son that will be 4 at the end of this month. For the past several months he has been exhibiting the very same behaviors - except for the tag thing which we went through at age 2. So, it's very nice to know that other boys are doing the these things also.
Second, I am a special ed school social worker in a pre-k through 8 building. What I have learned from working with kids and families is that we all tend to want to label every behavior and give every kids some sort or diagnosis. My advice to you is to take a step back and look at your son objectively. He's just a boy. My friends who only have girls don't understand that boys are so different. My daughter(2) hasn't gone through hardly any of the same stages as my son. Relax. He'll most likely be fine, though we're not sure sometimes if we'll survive, right?
Hi Traci!
I know it's been a while since you've posted about your son's behavior, but I just signed up on mamasource.
I am relieved to hear my son is not the only difficult one - and that's exactly what I leave it at - difficult. No disease, no disorder, just being a growing boy.
My son HATES socks - it was an issue EVERY morning with socks, and the only thing that solved it? Buying all sorts of different socks until we found the ones that didn't bother him. Before, he would try on about 10 pair every day to find the one that fit "perfectly."
As for tags on shirts - my nephew had that issue - so, all tags were cut off all shirts!
All in all, it's more than likely just a phase. Although it's a constant test of my patience, I've learned to accept it.
For me, I've found that enrolling in sports (we started football and teeball at age 4) helped a lot - we'll be starting our third year of football this year, and we are trying soccer this year instead of teeball. For my son, it gives him a positive way to get out his "energy" in a positive way.
Hi Traci
Does he have a rash? Is he allergic to anything? Has he had any recent trauma? Do you think he is angry about anything?
My bachelors is in psychology and i work in a behavioral health facility. Have a little knowledge.
It sounds like it could be alot of things-- or nothing.
Why don't you start out with a really thorough physical checkup? Also check some books out at the library.
God bless.
Linda K.
Traci,
I know how frustrating it is to deal with this behavior. My daughter (Tracy,who is now
30) behaved in a similar way. The worst thing
for her to wear was a bathing suit-which she would complain about the "bugs" in her suit.
She was extremely sensitive to fabrics, food, light, heat as well as being an emotionally sensitive soul. Tried to keep her in natural type fabrics-cotton if possible. She did eventually outgrow most of the sensitivities.
The clothing tags are a nuisance to many people.
Mary G
Hi Traci
I too have a almost 4 year old that has a lot of the same characteristics and like some of the other moms have had my son tested and he is seeing an OT and speech at pre-school and this is not enough it has taken me over 2 years to get my child evaluated by a developmental pediatrician as there are long waiting lists.
Hope all of these resources help you. Keep discussing with your pediatrician and if you get nowhere with them start asking others for numbers for developmental pediatricians.
Good luck.
With the way you are explaining your son's behavior have you ever had him diagnosed with ADD, Asbergers, Autism. The way you speak of him are like bells going off for me. This was how my grandson was at 3 and thats what they found the problem was. I would definetly have him seen by a pediatrician and find out if this is the problem so you may get some help.
Good luck and I wish you well.
Hey there, I know how you feel! I have two sons one 4 and one 2. They are just so different from girls! My son went through the tag thing for about 6 months and then moved on. I just started letting him watch me cut the tags out of his shirts before he wore them, and that satisfied him. Eventually all the tags were gone in his shirts and he forgot about it being an issue. Now I can buy him new shirts with tags and he never even notices them! As for the touching both of my sons do that to one another until they get attention from the other, or from me.
They definately both throw tantrums now and then, but I guess that is why they call it the terrible twos, and beyond....? Hang in there!
I have to cut every single tag out of my son's clothing before he will wear them. He will not wear shoes with laces because they touch his leg. This all seemed to come from no where. So sister, you are not alone