Ok so I have this very good friend who is 28, been married three years this April and has very actively been trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs. Her and her husband have both been thru tons of tests and everything comes back normal. Her doc did put her on clomid, which I am wondering if everything is fine why he would do that? Anyway, she is only allowed to take the clomid for 5 months b/c of the side affects. She just finished her 3rd month and is still not preganat. She tracks her ovulation cycle and all that. She is very depressed about this and wants a baby so bad. The worst part it that I am pregnant with my 3rd right now. I know she is happy for me, but I know it hurts too. So I'm wondering if anyone out there has any advice or words or encouragement for her. Any similiar stories that ended in healthy babies? Should she seek out another doctor? Thanks in advance for your responses.
I will tell you of the one experience that I've personally known about. My friends could not get pregnant. The wife went to a 8 week school in southern California while her husband stayed here. They visited together once and she got pregnant.
I've read of several couples who became pregnant after they stopped trying. Several of those adopted and then became pregnant. I suspect that when a couple tries too hard, putting all of their focus on getting pregnant the body puts out a stress chemical that prevents the pregnancy. When we have more stress than the body can handle we also have too much stress to adequately care for a baby sort of thing.
If I were them I'd arrange to have fun and think as little as possible about getting pregnant. Perhaps find some counseling so that they can relax. Make plans for a week at the beach or to a favorite or exciting city. Put away any baby things they have out. Make plans as if they weren't wanting a baby. And have sex less frequently if they're trying by having frequent sex. Focus on the enjoyment and excitment of sharing their bodies.
Fyi I think the dr. prescribed clomid because it increases or decreases hormone activity. Everything can be OK but needs a tweek. I suggest that your friend could continue taking the clomid but not focus on it. She may want to ask her doctor about this.
I was married for a little over 3 years before I got pregnant with my son. I know it's easier said than done but I believe the best advice I was given was just to relax and let nature take its course. After I did that I got pregnant with my son (who is now 4 years old). He is very healthy - he is almost 3'9" and is just over 51 lbs.
I was very stressed because I too wanted a baby and relaxing helped out a lot!!!
I also have a friend who has been through this, finally they conceived after they had given up trying. It was a whole big issue, because they had made a lot of other plans that did not include a baby - they are happy parents now and actually conceived a second baby when she was 43 (all natural).
The thing about fertility treatments is, that they only work when you know what you are treating for. It's pretty common to prescribe Clomid if the is no clear infertility diagnosis, and most couples are so desperate that they don't question their doctors. There was just recently another study done, that showed that Clomid did not increase the rate of pregnancies in women with infertility for no obvious reason, as opposed to those who were not treated.
If I was her I would look into alternative medicine for a bit, acupuncture has been shown to improve the pregnancy rate in in-vitro fertilization, it may help with conceiving naturally as well. I would try to relax and go about it naturally for 2 more years, while saving up for in-vitro or adoption expenses.
I have a really good friend that I've experienced this with twice now. When I found out I was pregnant she had just had a misscarriage and now that my twins are 6 months she lost her baby at 23 weeks. It's been really rough for her and I feel guilty about it too because it was so easy for me to get pregnant and that I still have my babies.
I would recommend just being there for her. Ask her what she needs and just keep communication open between you two. Let her have her bad days where she may be "mad" at you. When she wants to talk, listen. I know this has worked for my friend and I.
oh man this is such a hard thing on both sides. It also took us a long time to get pregnant and although I have no answers I will share with you that it was when we stopped doing all the things and tracking my cycle and everything that we were finally able to get pregnant. I think that emotion and stress are much more powerful than we give them credit for. Also if you believe in prayer, pray for your friend. Sounds like she needs it and ultimately only God can create a life. I will keep her in my prayers as well as i know what a heartbreaking, emotional rollercoaster trying to conceive can be.
Hello.... I too had to take the clomid because I couldn't get pregnant. I have PCOS (Polycystic Overy Syndrom) and needed the medicine. It is a medicine to help get pregnant... her doctor is helping her even if there is no problems, he is just hurrying along the process. The side effects are horriable. But with great news! I have a wonderful beautiful healthy active 3 year old boy. After taking it for 5 months I quit taking it, not because of side effects, but because I was tired of failure month after month after month. The month I decided to quit taking it, which was the 5th month, I found out I was pregnant. So tell your friend, it is possiable, and try to calm her fears, and relax...and hopefully her precious angel will come soon.
Hi April,
What I can recommend is a suppliment that supports our endrocrine system and gives nutrition to our cells. Both are related directly to the process of having children. Check the two products called AMBROTOSE and PLUS on the companies website. www.exploremannatech.com and www.allaboutmannatech.com
Been on these for 12 yrs. let me know if you or she have questions - Wendi
As much as I'd like to tell you that your friend should just "relax" or keep trying, there are people out there who just cannot get pg on their own....for no known reason. I'm an example of a person who, after much testing, is one of the less than 2% who have undiagnosed infertility and I also have recurrent miscarriages.
Your friend needs to find a Reproductive Endocrinologist. These Drs specialize in infertility and can get to the absolute bottom of what may be happening. Unfortunately, the infertility community has been hit with negative publicity by the Octo-Mom. After 6 years of infertility treatments, I have ONE healthy son....not multiple children.
acupuncture...
i have had two girlfriends who couldn't get pregnant for years and years, (and i mean years). they did all the things... and when both of them started the acupuncture they
got pregnant within a few months.
worth a shot.
here's to little babies!
c.
I have a friend who tried for 4 or 5 years to have a baby. She finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage about a week before my 4th was born. She was devastated and I didn't know what to say. I felt bad about having another baby with no complications while my dear friend was struggling and in so much pain.
I let her take the lead when we talked about things. She was happy for me and was thrilled to hold my daughter, but she was also heartbroken. When she brought up babies, we talked about babies. When she didn't we talked about other things. I offered my sincere regrets to her. She knew I meant it, so even if I didn't say it perfectly, it was ok.
About a year later, she got pregnant again and this time had a beautiful little girl.
I don't know if this information is relevant, but my friend used depo provera for birth control before she tried to get pregnant. I'm sure this was the reason it took her so long.
Sometimes, when you try so hard, so often (from a male's perspective) you decrease the number of sperm that are available with each occurance. Relaxation is an important for some people as well. Her doctor may have her clomid to increase the number of ova present at one time, increasing the possiblities for a fertilized egg.
Yes, it's frustrating and disheartening for those who want children so bad and all their friends are caring for their kids or are pregnant. You can't change your circumstances and she wouldn't want you to.
If she has confidence in her ob/gyn, then that's important. If she wants to see a fertility specialist, that should be her call. Maybe their health insurance doesn't cover fertility specialists, and that's a whole other issue. The costs are high. Stressors in life can prevent pregnancy as well. Mother Nature has a way of protecting moms and babies, and if things are too stressful, pregnancy often doesn't happen. If she isn't eating well or has dieted excessively before hand, there are a number of factors that can come into play. Same with her husband. Down to the type of underwear he wears, the type of recreation he does (bike seats, ouch!), hot tubs, saunas and his diet (eat eggs).
She should have a very honest, matter fact, rubber meets the road type of talk with her ob/gyn. Even if it's bad news, she needs to the news, so they can decide their next steps. Not every woman is blessed with the experience of pregnancy, but there are many children out there who are not blessed with parents to love and care for them. There are opportunities to be a Mom. Whatever she is told by her doctors, whatever means she chooses to become a Mom, support and celebrate her choices.
The first thing she needs to do is go to a specialist (reproductive endocrinologist) instead of her OB. They will test for other things and probably go to IUI with clomid to increase her chances. There are so many thing sthat can cause it. For me it took several years of working with my OB then with the re before they figured its a genetic problem. But once we knew we were told what to do and now have a beautiful boy!
I recommedn Dr Matteri or Dr Hesla at the Ore Reproductive Center- I think thats what it is called now. They are by Good Sam in NW Portland.
Good Luck!
My husband and I had a similar experience. we tried for a few years and did not get pregnant...as far as the doctors could tell, nothing was wrong. My doctor eventually put me on Clomid to increase our odds, since it wasn't working on our own. I was given a 6 month prescription and after 5 months got pregnant. I now have a beautiful 17 month old little boy. Clomid is a very mild (in comparison to other medications), commonly prescribed medication. It can increase the chances that you have twins, but most likely not more then that! If this doesn't work, there are other options. I have a friend that took Clomid to get pregnant with her first son...it worked. After trying unsuccessfully on her own to get pregnant again, the doctor prescribed Clomid. This time it did not work. Before trying other, more risky and cost prohibitive medications, procedures, she tried acupuncture. There are people who specialize in fertility acupuncture. She was pregnant after 3 treatments. Good luck to your friend. If she needs support or would like to talk with someone who has been there, let me know...I know that this can be a hard time. Congrats on your little one on the way. And, having been there, I know that she is truly happy for you.
OK, I was an over 35 trying to get pregnant and we tried everything for 3 years... and eventually did get pregnant... but I wanted to warn that only after I got off of clomid (I think about a year or 18 months) was I told that for some women it works like birth control... so don't hold out to that being the magic pill. We finally went to a pretty strict regime of activity every other night. (The husband loved it.) And about the time that I had pretty much given up hope (and cried), I just figured our activities were more recreation than project... success. Relax!
My husband and I were married for 11 years once we got pregnant. I was only on birth control for 1 1/2 of the years (I was in a study to help my period problems). He was in the army 6+ of those years so we weren't always together. So, when we had actively tried to get pregnant and it wasn't happening, my doctor took it seriously. He was tested, I was tested, I charted religiously and still, nothing. I went on Clomid, it didn't work so my doctor doubled the dose. Then I panicked and went off of it (after lots of research). Still not pregnant.
Meanwhile my friend was also having fertility issues and already saw a specialist due to previous problems. She was talking to her doctor about me and her doctor asked if I took a lot of Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, etc). I did - it's my pain killer of choice. I had had two major knee surgeries the year prior and had to take extra to control inflammation. Also, my periods have always bee a nightmare and to help, I have to take a lot of Ibuprofen before and during my periods. Well, there was a little known study that showed that Ibuprofen was causing infertility problems. Women would still ovulate like normal (hence the reason that my tests were okay) but it would put a barrier around the egg. Well, 4 cycles after stopping Ibuprofen (Tylenol only) I got pregnant! I actually had just been referred to a specialist and it felt great to call and cancel that appointment!!
So, one thing I always recommend is to stop taken Ibuprofen while trying to conceive (it can't hurt). Also, I highly recommend the book "Taking charge of your fertility". It teaches you and your partner how to prepare your bodies naturally. It takes 3 months to clean out your body and the 4th cycle you'll be ready to go (notice that's EXACTLY how long it took me with the Advil).
Lastly, she should be seeing a specialist by now. I don't know what tests they have run, but one that has helped women (including one I know) is the one that they check your fallopian tubes. I'm told it's painful because they inject dye in your tubes to check for blockage. Many times, just performing this test clears everything out and makes it possible for women to finally conceive. The one woman I know had it done while on Clomid and now has twins that are nearing their 1st birthday. So, let her know she might want to get off of Clomid if having the test run.
Also, have her do research on Clomid. Unfortunately, it's counter-productive. The side-effects actually make it HARDER for you to conceive (even though it ramps up your egg production). It's been used to YEARS without much change to it. My mom took it over 35 years ago and never had any luck (I'm adopted). It's a bit scary (in my opinion). I'm glad to see that she won't be taking it long term - it's really not good to. She might even want to take a month break between pills.
Lastly, they need to relax. Take a breath and try not to worry. I wish her the best. At least there are still options of adding a child to their lives in case they never can conceive. They'll love a child no matter how that child came into their lives. :-D
Has this couple tried taking a vacation? My friends went to Maui and she got pregnant, no problem. She called it Maui Wowie! Anyway, it can't hurt, and they'll relax and have fun.
I went thru years of this type of stuff. I would recommend your friend to go to a reproductive specialist instead of an OB/GYN. The reason I say this is because that is their specialty. We were told for years and years that we were ok and we still didn't get pregnant (we used no form of birth control for 10 years). We did everything recommended. Finally, we went to the pros. Anyhow, there ended up being an issue with my husband's otherwise healthy sperm - it didn't have the right enzyme to penetrate the egg. So, long story short, we ended up having to do IVF (IUI didn't really work for this situation). We now have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. Usually the first consultation and base line tests don't really cost too much. It is worth going though. Especially if everything else isn't working.
HI, I am so sad for your friend. Infertility issues are so painful. Her Doctor is probably taking into account her age. She is still quite young and clomid is just the first step. He will hopefully talk to her about the next progression soon, as she only has 2 months to go. I had 10 years of infertility. I had many different issues, as we all do. But I basically had gone through almost all procedures and understand fertility very well. I finally have two beautiful daughters after losing a son at child birth, and 11 late miscarriages. My daughters were conceived via IVF using a donor egg, so they are not genetically mine, but I carried them, birthed them, breast fed them, and love them more than anything in this world. My message to you and her is this: there absolutely nothing that can stop you from having a baby, depending on how far you want to go with it. It is costly. We are not wealthy, just made difficult choices. It may be adoption, egg/sperm donor/ or many hard treatments. But keep your heart and eye on the goal and there will be a child. I would suggest she get recommendations for fertility clinics and go to one immediately. They are more apt to get started on aggressive treatment that is right for her. Not sure where she lives, but I am in seattle, and I went to SRM (seattle reproductive medicine). She could call them for referral for her area. I tried a few others here and this one is the best by far. Good Luck!
If she is not seeing a doctor who specializes in fertility issues I would suggest she do that. I have friends who are going to their own ob for fertility issues and they just put them on clomid without doing any tests. When the fertility specialist put me on clomid for an iui, it turned out that the clomid acutally made the lining of my uterus thinner and so there was no way an embryo could implant. Had I been going to an ob I would have been on who knows how many rounds of clomid instead of the 1 dose I took. I also received acpuncture from an acupuncturist whose speciality is fertility issues while I was trying to get pregnant. She had me take chinese herbs along with the acupuncture. I really believe this helped.