I brought my 18 month old to a funeral. It wasn't as terrible as I thought it might be. Although a 2 year old is probably more inquisitive. I suggest you bring coloring books, board books, and/or you can bring a string of yarn and some cheerios/fruit loops she can string cheerios and snack at the same time. Just be consciencious and clean up the cheerios before you leave. Take her out of the funeral home as much as you can for walks and fresh air.
Be prepared to answer odd questions about why everyone is crying, why everyone is wearing black, why it smells (like flowers), and of course, why do people die, am I going to die, are you going to die, etc. Or (if you're lucky) she might not ask anything.
I'm sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family peace during this tough time.
I am sorry for your lose. I have two boys, one 4 years old and one 6 mths old. I just recently lost my Grandmother, who my son called Nanny. I explained what happened & took both kids to the wake. I took things for him to color & small toys (all new so he didn't see them before). I also took some cookies, juice & some candy to hold him over if he needed to snack. He stayed inside the room & also outside the room where they was also chairs to sit on. I hope I helped.
Hi Kristal
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I have a 3 year old son. Since his birth, we've had 5 or 6 deaths in our families - all close family members: my father-in-law, grandmother-in-law, my grandfather, two of my husband's aunts...you get the picture.
Right or wrong, we've had him with us for each of the wakes and funerals we've attended. He's been great in every situation except one when I needed to leave the church service (for my father-in-law's funeral) because he just couldn't sit still any longer. Obviously, it's easier when the child is an infant, but we had 3 deaths in the last year which means our son was 2 or a little more...your daughter's age now.
We found that having him there helped EVERYONE! It was a wonderful distraction for grieving family - "someone close to us isn't with us anymore, but look at this wonderful blessing in our lives now!" That truly has been everyone's reactions.
I brought quiet toys/books for our son to play with, and let him play on the floor in the back of funeral home at the wake. there was always someone willing to watch him if I really needed my own time for grieving or needed to greet people. And even when he was a little louder than I wanted, the innocence of the questions seemed to comfort people (I know that sounds weird).
My biggest suggestion is this: do NOT tell your daughter that her great-grandmother is sleeping! We started saying that when our son asked what was wrong with (fill-in-the-blank) and then realized that he wasn't so crazy about going to sleep or having me and my husband go to sleep. Just tell her that great-gram when to see Jesus, or went to heaven, or went someplace very special...whatever you're comfortable with or your faith says.
I know this is lengthy and I apologize, but I've been there and want you to know that whatever you decide, it's YOUR decision. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND need to be comfortable with whatever you decide. Don't worry about other people, worry about taking care of yourselves and your daughter and everything else will work itself out.
Let me know if there are any other questions you have. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I recently lost my sister who left a 22 month old behind and she was not to come to any of the services. I wouldn't suggest bringing your 2yo to the funeral. If you have absolutely no one to watch her for that short time, then the other moms have given good advise on how to keep her busy.
We just had the exact same experience. I'm sorry for your loss. As far as the service, we just sat in the very last row in case we needed to exit so as not to disrupt the service and I just very quietly gave my boys (3 and 1 1/2) snacks during the entire service. They were silent the entire time and it seemed to help people to see them as the procession left the church. People were very into the whole "circle of life" thing. Many people were happy to see my husband's grandmother's energy continuing through our boys. Whatever happens, even if she winds up being totally disruptive, which I doubt. She so little people will understand and honestly many will be happy with the youthful distraction.
My daughter was 4 when my mom died. I brought a small back pack and filled it with crayons, coloring book, stickers and snacks. Also brought a small box of legos and my small dvd player. I put the dvd player on in the back of the room with a video that my kids loved. They used the ear phones.. so noone was bothered. it worked out wonderful and people understand that a kid needs to be entertained.
Kristal---this is such a sad and stressful time for all of the family. It is best if you could find someone to care for your two year old as they don't understand and you can never predict their wonderful two year old mind. She could be a distraction and "bother" to some. She could also be a gift to others. But if she absolutely will not be comfortable with someone away from you...how about hiring a responsible teenager who is good with children to come to the funeral and have them in a separate room with all sorts of toys and activities planned for her. She could be present at the "reception" following if this happens if you feel she is well rested. Your husband will need your support at this time. You could have someone from your side of the family help and SHARE the care for her while in the same funeral home in a separate room. Chances are your side of the family will not all stay around the entire time and would welcome a breathing time to help you out. Best Wishes and God Bless your family during this time. good luck with in your decision. Robin
Bring some books, small toys, coloring book w/crayons. Maybe let her pack it in a favorite bag or backpack. Bring small snacks. In the past I have had to bring both my small children to more than one wake and church funeral. People will be so gracious and helpful. Many funeral homes even have a few toys,books etc in there lounge area. (I've even been to one in NJ that had a tiny playroom). I think it is great (and important)that she will attend her great grandmother's service. Sorry for your loss, hope all goes well.
We through this at about the same age. I brought things like others have suggested. Funeral Homes have rooms to go to for you to be away from the service if she gets too fussy. Family that we don't see very often, were pleased to see her inbetween things going on. One of my cousins took care of her while I had to be part of the service. Children at services are a reminder for people that life goes on, and can be a help in the grief process. Just use your judgement and keep her away from the quiet, serious service part if she's wiggly and not interested.
So sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed away when my son was almost two. We took him the the calling hours (we had a memorial service a few months later) and he was fine. He wasn't old enough to really know what was going on (although he said good night to her which about sent my mother over the edge) and everyone really enjoyed seeing him. He ended up being the comic relief and really lightened up the whole affair. Good luck.
Bring along some books, and a small favorite stuffed animal or two. No toys, and no food unless it's going to be a long funeral and you can find something non-messy and quiet to feed her. You don't have to sit in the front row; you can sit off to the side. When my grandmother died, my daughters were 1 and 3, and this is what we did. They were quiet for most of the time, but they did move about and occasionally had something to say. My aunt commented to me later that she was so glad I had brought them along ( no choice really, just like you) because watching them gave her something to smile about. Children should be brought to funerals; they are a part of life. If you start now, your daughter won't be frightened by them later. She will also see that it's ok for grownups to be sad. I hope this helps you. My condolences to you and your husband.
we took my daughter to the funeral service, but not to the cemetary. oddly enough, it was as if she knew to be quiet, she was great. i think any toy that keeps her attention would be great, esp books or a magnadoodle. maybe even get some new toys would help. i know it was suddenly, but assuming she was older, i wouldnt worry too much. every elderly service i have been too has had children at it, and alot of talking. when you are old and die, people are happy to reminisce about the good times. its the young who die that are quiet, as you are thinking what they have missed.
the only part that is quiet, is the service itself, and if needed, you can stand out of view or hearing. and imo, they are pretty short. since its the grandmother, you dont have to be as involved as far as greeting everyone. it will be fine. i am sorry for your loss, take care
Thank you all so much for not only your ideas but your support. You gals are so helpful!
We did end up bringing our daughter to all the events. Thank you for the ideas about new toys (we got some books and a magnadoodle). She is a very good public child (thank you God!) and she was quiet when she needed to be and provided distraction when it was needed. She was even good about going to aunts and uncles she doesn’t see much. We also told her that Grandma Mary went to heaven to become an angel and we’re sad because we don’t get to “hang out” with her any more. She understood that and started giving out hugs and kisses to people that were crying then telling me that she was making everyone “all better”.