So I am posing a question out there to all the moms. My 2 1/2 year old is very particular about things and has to have his routines or things in a certain order or he gets completely "out of whack". For example, at the daycare they have noticed that if his food on his plate isn't in the EXACT place that he thinks it should be he will dump the food and replace the food on the plate to where it should be. If his shoe laces aren't even and give the appearance that they are untied he won't move until his shoe has been retied, and this doesn't apply to only him, if his brothers shoes appear the same way then he won't move and has a "fit". When I talk about "fits" or "out of whack" I'm not saying that he has tempertantrums, it's more that he can continue on with what we need to do until these things have been done. Now I've only listed 2 of the things that this applies to....but truthfully it is a LOT of things that trigger these things.
My question is really who do I talk to about this? I've mentioned it to my pediatrician 6 months ago and he said that as long as it wasn't anything harmful to let him have what he needs to keep going....my concern was that I'm giving into him or spoiling him. But the daycare has noticed alot more of these changes and I want to be able to talk to someone so that we can deteremine now what is the best way to work with him. They said that they have never seen a child come through the daycare that is like this, to this degree. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I hope I gave enough detail and at the same time didn't make this too long.
Jennifer:
He sounds more like an 8 year old to me! Very in touch with things around him. Question for you: Are you or anyone around like this in any way? Meaning are you particular about keeping up the house, the kids' rooms, how you put things away - toys, groceries, clothes, etc. Do you get my path here? Children typically pick up on our "habits". I was very neat when I only had 1 child and she is very neat to this day - 16 years old. After child 2 and then 3 came, things didn't get done to my specifications and consequently, my other two aren't as neat, no matter how much you ask them to be. Just years of seeing things not in order all the time. If this doesn't sound like you or anyone else, calmly tell him that it's ok and if he needs to make a change, then let HIM do it. I have a son who is not quite this way, but I gets upset when things don't go his way. He is old enough that I can reason with him or ask him to change it to his liking. Your son sounds very bright for his age and may always be "ahead of his peers", possibly gifted. My son is gifted to an extent and it is difficult for others to deal with the quirks of the gifted child. Let him explore and do things on his own, but gently reminding him that outbursts aren't acceptable and that he will have to calm down before his wants are met, or he will have to do it by himself. Gentle guiding is what they need and lots of praise when they do something good. He is still in the "molding phase" and will learn and grow. Your example is key though. Keep being strong and consistent. You will be surprised who he turns out to be - maybe our next president!
If you are really concerned, I'd say find a good child psychologist for a consultation. However I wouldn't be too worried about it at this stage. Two year olds get really particular. They don't feel like they have any say or control over things (and lets face it - they don't). Some have tatrums, some organize, some need specific routines.
When my daughter was two she started having tantrums if she didn't know what we were going to do. So I started telling her, tomorrow we're going to the grocery store, and she was fine. If, however I had to make an unscheduled stop - she had a meltdown. It only lasted a couple of weeks, and then it was completely over.
At this stage I'd guess its all about control and easing his frustration. Give your son some choices throughout the day. Put out two outfits in the morning, and ask which one he wants to wear. Or ask if he wants "this" or "that" for dinner. Once he starts feeling more in control of things in his life, he may relax a bit on some of the other stuff.
I just came across your post and am wondering what happened. Did your son grow out of this?
Vicki