What would you do? High risk pregnancy

R L. asks from San Jose, CA
10 answers

I apologized in advanced if it's all over the place..

I just found I'm 5 weeks pregnant. It wasn't plan but I'm happy, yet scared since it's a high risk pregnancy. I have a 2, 7, & 9 year old that still need me.

My last pregnancy was such a scary experience. My blood pressure was sky high all through my pregnancy. I have chronic hypertension and it gets harder to control during pregnancy. After giving birth it's even worst. I ended up on labetol 300mg (3x) and hydralazine 25mg (2x). Its actually just starting to get back to my normal. Along with all that I got postpartum depression along with anxiety.

The same thing happen with my second pregnancy as well. I won't really go into details but it was much worse since I ended up with preeclampsia.

At this point, I'm pretty much risking my life. However, I don't think I could bring myself not to go through with it. My family is telling me to consider it though. They fear for my life and my kids future.

I've been crying my eyes out and can't even think anymore. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow for medical advice too.

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10 Answers

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Suzi F.

answers from Phoenix on

8 years ago I had to choose my life over the life of my 10 week old fetus. It was horrible and sad but I am alive today because of my choice and I'm able to be a mom to my 14 year old daughter and wife to my husband.

1 mom found this helpful

Diane B.

answers from Westborough on

I'm so sorry you are in this position. When I was counseling pregnant women in a reproductive health care center, I found many in your circumstance: many variables, many outcomes, many risks. You are early in your pregnancy, so you have time to make a decision. I would advise you and your husband to get into some counseling sessions with someone experienced with these issues and who is totally non-judgmental regarding abortion. You need to be able to discuss your feelings on both sides and be able to clarify what's in your head, what your priorities are, what your risks are. I referred women for further counseling all the time. Some chose abortion, some chose to continue the pregnancy and raise a child, some chose adoption. There is no one right answer for every woman, and there's no right answer in your 20s that is necessarily the right answer in your 30s or 40s. Circumstances change, feelings change, health issues change.

You can (and should) meet with a high risk pregnancy ob/gyn if you don't feel you have all the info that you need, or just to confirm what you already have heard. But so much of this is going to be based on something other than medical information. How you feel, what your fears are, how you're going to manage the 3 kids you have, and what your priorities are for them all need to be sorted out.

None of us here can help you with that decision. We can't say what we would do. You're likely to get opinions on all sides, and those are all from people who don't know you and aren't in your life. What we can do is support you fully as you wrestle with this decision and all of the pieces of the puzzle. Please give yourself the time and the resources to make it a good decision for you.

Sending you strength.

3 moms found this helpful

tadpole

answers from New York on

talk in depth with your dr. see what their opinion is. then go to a therapist to talk over your options, decision and the depression and anxiety. they can help you thru the decision making process and they can help you with the aftrmath of the decision.
make sure your dr and therapist are working together on this too

3 moms found this helpful
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J C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would immediately start working with a nutritionist to make sure I was doing everything humanly possible for a successful, healthy pregnancy and I would make exercising a priority given the doctor’s okay.

I would make plans to have my tubes tied after this pregnancy so I was never in this position again.

Best of luck and take care!

1 mom found this helpful
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♣Gidget♣

answers from Springfield on

Wow! I think I'd be pretty scared, too! Personally, I think I'd find someone to watch the kids and go for a nice, long walk or bike ride or something just to clear my head and try to relax. The most important thing for you to do is to relax ... Take some deep breath and just try to clear your mind ...

Only you and your doctor and your husband truly know what's going on. Take some time to try to wrap your mind around this.

I completely understand you not wanting to terminate your pregnancy. I consider myself to be very pro-life and would really like to think that I would always try to carry a pregnancy to term, even if the situation were difficult. But I do believe I would draw the line at life-threatening. Of course, it's not always a clear line to draw.

Since you've already had 3 pregnancies, and it has gotten more frightening with each pregnancy, it seems logical to assume that this pregnancy would be even more terrifying. Still, you need to talk to your doctor. Ask a ton a questions and be blunt!!! Is this a pregnancy that could end with a healthy mom and baby? Is that a realistic possibility? If so, serious talk about how likely that is and whether or not a specialist is a good idea.

But remember, this is a decision that you and your husband have to make with your doctor. It's easy to tell you not to listen to others, but that's a very hard thing to do. But you have to try.

Relax, ask questions, talk ... you will be able to make the right decision. Just give yourself some time.

5 moms found this helpful
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Fuzzy

answers from Baton Rouge on

If it were me, I wouldn't risk leaving my three kids without their mother in order to carry a high-risk pregnancy. The decision to abort would be a no-brainer for me.

Your mileage, however, may vary.

3 moms found this helpful

Suz t.

answers from Sharpsburg on

the only people whose input matters is yours and your husband's.

the fear of death is sensible, but i also understand wanting to go through with the pregnancy.

there's not an answer that will just feel right. if you understand that you're going to feel ambivalent and experience mourning no matter what, you'll be putting yourself in a better position to make the right decision for your family, and for you. not for your extended family, and certainly not what anyone here on MP would do.

i'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but there's no way out without grief now, is there?

how on earth did you unexpectedly get pregnant considering all of your health concerns??
khairete
suz

4 moms found this helpful
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Margie G.

answers from Portland on

I can't tell from your post if this pregnancy would be life threatening or high risk. That is what you need to determine.

Just breathe, and make an informed decision when you have the facts tomorrow.

Best to you.

2 moms found this helpful
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Doris Day ..

answers from Miami on

Please don't go through with this pregnancy. Your 3 children need you. Your husband needs you. You need to get your tubes tied.

2 moms found this helpful

mamazita

answers from Orinda on

You must decide what you care about more, your living, breathing children who love and need you, or a cluster of cells that may or may not grow into a baby.
As a mother I would always pick my children first but that's just me.

3 moms found this helpful
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