Daughter says “ I am a boy”. Anyone else experience this?

Christy P. asks from San Clemente, CA
11 answers

I am a first time mom and My newly 2 two year old daughter will randomly tell me or my husband “I am a boy”. At times she’ll say you’re a girl Mama and I’m a boy. The first few times she did this I corrected her and she would insist that she was a boy. Since this started I’ve begun ignoring it or just simply agreeing with her. She does at times want to be the boy characters she sees in movies, but she also wants to be girl characters at times as well. When she plays with toys and asks me to play with her she 90% of the time wants to play the female characters. She doesn’t protest wearing dresses, skirts, bows or anything else typically deemed “Femininely. My question is, does the fact she is explicitly saying she’s a boy indicate that she may be transgender or do you think I am reading into this too much and it’s Just a phase? I started doing some research and I feel more confused now than before. Any mother’s experience this and their child turn out to not be transgender?

I don’t think I’d be concerned other than the fact she’s very intelligent with a very large vocabulary and doesn’t generally have problems expressing her needs or wants. She seems very clear on who boys and girls are other than herself. I try and stay gender neutral with language and will obviously love and accept her, no matter who she turns out to be.

I appreciate the feedback.

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. It sounds like this is a normal part of some children’s development and I am going to stop worrying about it 😊

It’s so easy to get so concerned about lots of little things so I’m grateful for the knowledge this community can provide to ease fears.

11 Answers

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Karin H.

answers from Midlothian on

Don't over think it,shes two

1 mom found this helpful
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SouthernYankee

answers from Spring on

My son thought he was batman. You are over thinking this. Just enjoy your daughter.

3 moms found this helpful
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Fuzzy

answers from Baton Rouge on

She may or may not be transgender. She may or may not be gender fluid.
Just keep doing what you are doing.

1 mom found this helpful
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Retta ..

answers from San Antonio on

Both my kids were various people and things well into the kinder and first grade years. My son was super heroes, pirates, Handy Manny, and other people. My daughter was a unicorn, a fairy, pirate, Darth Vader, and yes even a boy. One time she told me boys had better toys but would then play dolls for hours. (Sometimes talking my son into playing with her.)

I think we are more sensitive to gender issues but we try and take everything a child says as reality and forget our child development. They have rich fantasy lives.

She doesn't seem to think she really is a boy just sometimes wants to try it on for size as she plays and explores her world. She is 2, let her be and let her play and explore.

My daughter (11) right now hates girly clothes but if for sure happy being a girl. Give her combat boots and skeleton T-shirts...she is expressing her individuality not trying to change her gender.

Try not to worry! All 2 year old question and play make believe. Don't over think it just roll with it Mama. Big hugs!!

2 moms found this helpful

Suz t.

answers from Sharpsburg on

she's two.

i was a horse until i was in my tweens.

let her be two.
khairete
suz

3 moms found this helpful
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Doris Day ..

answers from Miami on

You are reading too much into it. She's two. Please don't read research about this for a 2 year old.

3 moms found this helpful

2kidmama

answers from Red River on

My son always wanted to be a girl starting at age 2. He liked painting his nails and wearing dresses and dressing up as a princess. As he got older he only wanted to be girl characters in all the games with friends. His Dad and I just went along with it. We complimented his pretty dress. We played along. He outgrew it...somewhere between 5 and 7. He's 14 now and he's a kid who is artistic, into animating, likes going to the skate park, and gets crushes on girls. By the way, our daughter insisted she was a cat starting at age 2 to age 5. She would eat out of a bowl on the floor and we had to call her by her cat name. I think your daughter is too young for you to really think anything of this yet. It's very common for little kids to do this.

4 moms found this helpful
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Christine W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

My daughter said she was a cat when she was two!

6 moms found this helpful

Diane B.

answers from Westborough on

I'm glad you are open to this and you are willing to let stuff go. I wouldn't read a whole lot into it at this point. This is so common in little kids.

One of the reasons little girls like to be the male characters is that the men/boys usually get to have more fun, make decisions, be in charge. Sometimes boys wants to be the girl characters because they are shown to have more empathy. So our children's books need a ton of work. My niece is struggling with her 18 month old because there are so few stories. She tries to compensate by changing pronouns in songs and stories. (For example, in the "10 little monkeys" song, in one verse she sings "One fell off and broke her head," then switches for the next verse.) There are books coming out with strong female leads, such as Samantha Guthrie's "Princesses Wear Pants" and Francesca Cavallo's book of bedtime stories called "Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls."

The other thing to remember is that little children don't always need to identify everyone as girls or boys. Why is that necessary? In fact, why do adults always need to know if someone is male or female? The more we loosen up about this, the more accepting we may be and the more we'll all focus on other attributes.

So I think you're right not to correct her and to just go with the flow.

4 moms found this helpful
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Patty K.

answers from New York on

Very normal! Don’t make a big deal out of it. Usually just a phase. After you worry about this she will move in to something else to keep you on your toes. Lol. Seriously, don’t worry. She’s just exploring.

4 moms found this helpful
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