how can I cope with my sons fits?

mami galvan asks from Burlington, NC
7 answers

my son is 2 years old, been having alot of problems with fits. If we try to get him todo anything he frowns, and throws his fits. He's been teething and has molers coming in, so hes been extra cantankerous especially when things don't always go his way. I did take him to a sitter before, but he'd throw fits just to get them to pick him up. He does walk, but doesn't hardly talk and most times hes always so serious looking, and most times everything bothers him. We do spend time with him, and try todo what we can. But he's been getting worse now with throwing fits, and wanting to be picked up. If we refuse especially when out he carry's on and won't stop. I honestly cannot pick him up if he's doing this. Its getting to the point where I don't even wanna take him out, due to his fits. Doesn't matter if we ignore it, he will keep on most times. I am with him all the time, as hubby works 6 days a week..I seriously need a break, but if I have a sitter they aren.t following what we say. Then I'm left cleaning up the mess. I don't have no one but my hubby to help when he's off work. But just need to know how to deal with these fits, because people here where I live like to but into your business, and say pick him up, or poor thing. When he's throwing fits, and I believe that he's getting worse due to others doing this. I have no problem ignoring him. But how do I get him to stop this? Also when we are at home, he sometimes will have days where he's clingy, but grouchy with me. I try to spend time, but can't sometimes, because he will be ok then just turn and start trying to hang all over me and if i resist and tell him go play, or if I hug him he will continue to hang around and gets all upset. Hubby and I will take him to the park, and sometimes hes ok will go off and walk, other times he just hangs around and throws fits. So we don't pick him up or pay him much attention.. Is all this normal? Or what can we do? I many times have to just take care of his needs and give alittle attention, and step away cause if NOT he expect it all day. Then gets all moody! He will sit and be all mad in his room, refuses to talk or do much! If I try to talk to him he will start trying to cry, and no matter what I do somedays other days hes fine!!..HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP??? PLEASE DON"T JUDGE, JUST NEED ADVICE! He's been like this since he was small..

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So What Happened?

I'm asking for advice, and yes had some issues with my daughter. But my son Im experiencing alot of issues with. Sometimes I have tried what I've been told. But I can't reply to people on here. I don't know how to deal with my son, as most days hes in moods, or everything bothers him. Yes I ask alot of things cause I'm trying to learn, but then I get judged for it! I just don't know how to deal with how he is, because you can't get nowhere things always end up the same no matter how hard my hubby and I try. When my son is mad he refuses todo anything, and just shuts down. HELPPPPPPPPPP!!.. PLEASE DON'T BE MEAN AND NO JUDGING.. THANKS!

7 Answers

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J B.

answers from Schenectady on

Dear Mami,
You can do this!
I can relate! One strategy that helps me with children is to give two good options so that the child has a choice. For example, ‘It is time to go to _______. You may wear your tennis shoes or sandals. What do you choose?’ If the child doesn’t choose after a minute, then I say ‘I’m choosing ______ for you because you didn’t make a choice’ and calmly assist putting the shoes on the child. I find that if I am consistent and calm in this most children will start to work with me.

Also, your child may truly need some physical contact if he is seeking you so much. One piece of advice my midwife gave me is that you can not spoil a baby with physical touch (edited: or at all, they need you for everything, it is such a gradual process, overwhelming at times, but so wonderful too: raising a human!) They are with you 24/7 during pregnancy, it is a gradual adjustment to independence. Your son is two and growing out of that, but still wants reassurance from time to time. If holding him in your arms is too much for you physically, consider sitting with him on your lap, even at the park, and he most likely will soak it in and then run off to play. I find when a child comes to me, sometimes, too, a big hug is all they need and then they run off to play.
Best
Check out (edited address) janetlansbury.com for more parenting encouragement too!

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Rina A.

answers from Troutdale on

OMG hes only 2 yrs old... My son is 2 yrs old and i love him let him know hes loved and i dont push him a way cause hes cranky or crying or needs to be picked up... baby sounds like his not loved or your not paying attention to him... i have 4 babys and i give all of them love and hugs and kisses... maybe try that instead of saying how he is with fits....

2 moms found this helpful
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LadyBug C.

answers from Delaplane on

You need to be absolutely consistent. If you say no, you’d best mean it and not waffle. If you have a rule today, you need to have the same rule and consequences tomorrow.

When mine threw tantrums, I’d tell them that when they could speak to me nicely, we would discuss. And then I’d walk away.

If they misbehaved in a store or at a friend’s house, we left - even if I wasn’t ready. That only happened once because I followed through on the threat.

Before we left the house, I’d tell them exactly what we were doing, and what I expected of them. For example: We are going to the grocery store. You will sit nicely in the cart. When we are at the deli, I’ll get you a piece of cheese. Do not ask me for anything that is not on the list, we are not getting any extras today. If you act up or misbehave, there will be no cheese at the deli and we will go home. Do you understand? What are we doing? When will you get your cheese? What happens if you misbehave?

Your children need you to give their lives structure and consistency. We had a schedule and we stuck to it. If we had to shift the schedule, expectations were discussed, as were consequences for bad behavior.

YMMV

1 mom found this helpful
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Anne L.

answers from Rome on

You seem to be feeling very frustrated and at your wits' end, trying to figure out how to redirect your child's behavior. I understand that feeling completely because we have gone through long-running issues with each of our two kids' behavior at certain points in their lives. I remember feeling angry, confused, and deeply scared all at the same time, wondering how to solve the problem and get them to be more manageable. I also remember desperately hoping that someone or something would give me The Answer, a magic bullet to fix everything immediately. However, it didn't happen. We tried a variety of approaches, and eventually each kid grew out of the phase and that particular behavior ended. I'm not really sure how much any one of our approaches helped; maybe a bit, but really, I think the changes came from the natural development process of the child.

I'm saying this to reinforce previous answers to your questions, namely that you seem to need more information about how children typically develop. Maybe your daughter didn't do what your son is doing, however he is NOT her. You can't expect him to do the same things, and temper tantrums are developmentally normal for 2 year olds, even if your daughter never threw one. 2 year olds getting really upset because things don't go their way is NORMAL for them. It's really unpleasant for the adults around them and certainly the parent will feel self-conscious when it happens in public, however it is normal toddler behavior. If you speak to your pediatrician or other parents, you would learn that. It's so normal that there are many techniques for dealing with those tantrums. Therefore, you and your husband need to learn about the different options and decide what approach you're going to use--and then stick with it for a while because your child has to relearn his reaction to the world, which doesn't happen over night. Whatever technique you use, it does need to involve reassuring him afterwards that he is loved, so give him hugs and comforting once a tantrum ends. And don't worry about the sitters doing exactly the same thing with him. You need time away from him and he needs time with people outside the family, which is more important than anything else.

Now, if your mama instinct is telling you that something isn't right or you observe that his behavior consistently seems radically different from that of other kids whom you know well, then by all means get him evaluated for sensory processing or other issues. But if the only issues are that his mood changes and he throws tantrums sometimes, those behaviors really seem normal.

How to figure out the best response to your kid's tantrums? There is another reason I talked about how I felt when we had those difficult times with our kids. During those times, I needed lots of face-to-face input from friends, family, and experts on children. Books on child-rearing were somewhat helpful too. The internet was NOT helpful because it didn't allow me to interact with someone who knows me and my kid on a regular basis, go back with questions, brainstorm what might be the next tactic. I talked A LOT with my colleague who was in child psychology and had raised 4 children. I talked a lot with other parents. Posting on Mamapedia is not helping you to solve the problems because it won't give you more information about child development or people who can talk through possible solutions with you. You need something which this website can't give you, so don't waste more of your time writing posts about your child's tantrums. I know that I certainly don't have anything else to suggest to you about this topic because I don't know you, your son, or your family. Wishing you lots of luck with it.

3 moms found this helpful
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♣Gidget♣

answers from Springfield on

Your son is not moody. Your son is not throwing fits. Your son is 2. He is trying to assert control over his world. This does not mean you should stop showing him affection.

Stop worrying about being judged. If someone offers you an idea to try, it's likely based on their own experience and what they found successful. So give it a try. What do you have to lose?

Stop worrying about what other people think and just listen to the good advice you are getting.

4 moms found this helpful

B

answers from Chesapeake on

Actually - you have a wrong idea about how this site works.
By virtue of posting here - you open up the option to everyone who wants to answer you - whether you like the answer or not.
You don't get to dictate who responds or how we respond.

There's nothing in the site rules that says anyone has to agree with you.
As long as rules aren't broken - your only option is to read your reply s and keep what's helpful to you and ignore the rest.

Seeing as you are trolling the site with similar questions and don't seem to read any answers people have posted so far - if you are a real parent - perhaps being a parent is just too hard for you and you need to put your child up for adoption.
2 yrs old is a tough age and it's not going to get better for a few years.
Giving your child to mature adults who are up to the challenge of raising your kid gets you off the hook and then you can stop whining about how hard it is.

If you're not a parent and you're just some bored child whose parents don't care enough to monitor your computer time - put the computer down and go read a book.

2 moms found this helpful
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Margie G.

answers from Portland on

I remember you from before from your picture.
Didn't you have similar issues with your other child?
You keep asking the same question - and I don't think you're finding the answers helpful.
I'm not judging but wondering what the deal is.

Reported.

1 mom found this helpful
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