I’m worried that my daughter is doing sexual things way to early

Meesch91285 asks from Rochester, NY
6 answers

From the ages 5-7 I walked in on her humping her stuffed animals. About 6 months ago she was at my dads with my 6 year old niece and they were upstairs playing alone. My niece came downstairs upset and when asked why she said because my daughter got naked and climbed into bed and told her to do the same. Than last week she was in the pool with my same niece and told her to put her privates on the pool jets because it felt good. Should I be worried about this stuff?

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6 Answers

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DJ M.

answers from Harrisonburg on

You should absolutely be worried. I have an adult friend who says she did these kinds of things at that age, and recently realized she had been molested by her favorite uncle when she was 3-4 years old. She began having memories at age 37, and when she told her mom, her mom said the uncle confessed to his wife before he died that he had molested several of his nieces. I'm not saying this is what happened to your daughter, but I would definitely consider the possibility. If that's what happened, she needs help.

1 mom found this helpful
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Corrine D.

answers from Chicago on

Some people are just very sexually stimulated people, and that can show up at a young age. It is also possible that someone older is engaging with her sexually and you need to find out which category your daughter fits into before reacting. If it is the former, teach her about privacy and boundaries and respect for other people. If it is the latter, call the police and a therapist.

4 moms found this helpful

B

answers from Chesapeake on

Yeah I would worry too.
Not so much because she's found her own private parts but because she seems to be actively looking for others as well - and your niece in particular.

I'd also be worried about where she is learning this stuff.
I don't know how old your daughter is now, but I'd have a talk with your pediatrician and see about having her talk with a counselor.
At the rate she is going she sounds like she's on her way to becoming a sexual predator and her life, her victims and all your lives are going to be complicated and impacted if that happens.

Your niece is upset - have you talked to her parents about it?
Because at this point she might need some counseling too.

4 moms found this helpful

Diane B.

answers from Westborough on

Tell her there are things you do only in private and things you don't talk about with other kids (she is not to talk about the pool jets with other kids). Her body is hers, the niece's body is hers. Absolutely no nakedness except by herself, during bath time, and for brief periods during her medical exam with you there.

Feeling the water jets on her clitoris is normal. My stepdaugher discovered that feeling with the bathtub faucet. "Humping" stuffed animals is normal, but doing it for 2 years and you not saying anything about it is not.

For now, she can't be with that niece because she is inappropriate. The niece should be commended for telling an adult about what happened.

Talk to the children's librarian about appropriate books for her age, and read them together. Ask for books to help you with the parenting part.

The other thing you need to find out is how your daughter knows some of these things. If it's accidental discovery (like the pool jets), that's one thing. If she's been taught by someone and is being groomed for sexual abuse, that's something else entirely. Get some help with this from a professional because you seem overwhelmed. This went on for at least 2 years and you didn't know how to handle it, so it's time to start. Talk with the pediatrician first about how to tell if she's been abused or fondled, and where to go from there.

6 moms found this helpful
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Margie G.

answers from Portland on

1 - some things you do in private.
2 - if friends don't like something, you respect that. Doesn't matter what - you don't force friends to play/do anything they don't want to do. It's a boundary thing.

Use a learning lesson. I wouldn't worry so much, as handle it.

ETA. How did you handle this to date? (i.e. what did you say to daughter/your sister/brother?)

4 moms found this helpful

Suz t.

answers from Sharpsburg on

what have you said to her?

i would have a simple conversation with her about her private parts being hers, and that yes, touching them can feel pleasant. but that they are private and it's only to be done when she's alone.

don't ignore it, and don't blow it up into something it's not.
khairete
suz

6 moms found this helpful
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