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Q

16 Month Old & New Baby Due in 5 Weeks, How to Prepare?

Youngstown, OH

Hello. I am 35 weeks along and trying to prepare for our newest arrival. My son is 16 months old now and his nursery is off of our bedroom. I started to get his "big boy" room ready, however I'm not sure I want him to be down the hall from me b/c I love being able to hear and see him from our bedroom. Plus he usually sleeps from 10pm to 9am, and wakes at least once in the middle of the night to sleep with mama and dada. I know, bad habit, but I don't care. I love him so much, he's our first baby and I don't feel guilty for cuddling him :) I'm just most concerned with bringing our new baby home. Should I already have him in his big boy room? His bed and dresses etc. our set up, but I might roll his crib in there for the time being? I'm not sure if I should just keep him where he is, b/c the baby will most likely be in the bassinette next to our bed, but I'm sure wake up lots during the night to breast feed and have diaper changes....I DON'T want to disturb my son's sleep. Any advice on this new transition. I know I should just go with the flow, but I like hearing from other moms who have been down this path.

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Q

2 1/2 Year Old Biting 15 Month Sister

Chicago, IL

Hi. Ever since my 15 month old girl started a little biting phase which she has already begun to grow out of, my 2 1/2 year old boy is now trying to be like her and began biting. He bites his sister HARD leaving bite marks. Usually does it when he wants his toys back. Been doing the time out thing and he has continued doing it. I need it to stop. Is it just a phase? Has anyone had this issue and if so, what should i do? HELP!

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Q

2 Year Old Having Trouble Adjusting to Newborn

Seattle, WA

I have an almost 23 month old boy and just had a baby girl. My son is having a very difficult time adjusting to his new sister. He is biting (not just people, but anything), acting out, and having multiple tantrums. We have tried spending one on one time with him, showering him with "what a good big brother", "i love you's", etc. Is this just something we have to wait out? How do we handle this? We have been doing timeouts for the biting and lots of reassuring that he is our special guy.

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Q

2 Yr Old Hitting Newborn

Dallas, TX

we've been blessed with the arrival of our newborn son but unfortunately his 22 month old brother isn't liking the new situation very much. i know he's not even 2 yet and i know we've turned his world upside down....but i'm unsure as to how to handle his aggression toward his brother. he hits the baby (very lightly) with an open hand, typically on the head. he knows it's wrong because he immediately goes to kiss the baby after his tries to hit him. we've been telling him "no, you don't hit the baby" and then put him in time out, but it doesn't seem to be affecting his behavior. the baby is only 5 days old and i know it will take time but any ideas ya'll have would be SOOOOOO appreciated. thanks! M.

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Q

2-Year-old's Adjustment to New Baby - Any Recommendations?

Minneapolis, MN

I'm looking for advice on tried-and-true ways to help my 2-year-old son adjust to his new baby sister. She was just born on Sunday, so this is very new to him - and his Dad and I! So far our son has cried when his sister cries (as if the cry scares him) and has said that he's going to "hit the baby" - (but hasn't yet). I know it will take time, patience, and a lot of attention given to our son - but, are there any books, articles, web sites out there that might be helpful for this situation?

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Q

29 Month Old Daughter and 14 Month Old Son Sharing Room

Dallas, TX

I have been thinking of this idea and I thought I would throw it out there. My daughter is 29 months old and my son is 14 months old. They are 15 months apart and they for the most part are inseperable (more so with my son than my daughter, she has become very protective of him, but also has been bossing him a little). I was about ready to put my daughter into a twin bed and within the next few months give my son her toddler bed, (he absolutely loves his sisters bed). They both go to sleep at the same time so I was thinking about having them sleep in the same room, make one room a bedroom and make the other bedroom a big playroom. I was thinking that this might be easier on my son to sleep in his bed just like his big sister, but I am not sure if it is a good idea for my daughter, and am I setting myself up for future problems? I also think that their rooms will tend to stay cleaner because there will be no toys in their bedroom only the playroom. What do you think?

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Q

3-Year Old Regressing to Act like Little Sister

Chicago, IL

My 3-year old son has been so great with my daughter for quite some time, but now that she's starting to "grow up" (she's 1 year old now), he thinks he will get more time from me if he acts like her. This includes crawling around, grunting (like she does), refusing to feed himself, wanting to be carried, etc. I don't feel like I'm ignoring him and I even try to do things for him before I tend to her so he doesn't feel animosity. But, nothing seems to change his behavior. Help!

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Q

3.5 Yr Old Son Absolutely Cant Stand His 1.5 Yr Sister.

Philadelphia, PA

Are children are just about 2 years apart. When my daughter was born, i think my son was a little too young to really get it, but he really didnt have a problem with her. He pretty much ignored her. Time went by, things were better, now suddenly in the past few months he just hates her and he is generally mean to her. He won't want a drink to eat if his sister is having some or he'll tell me she cant havy any. He will refuse to sit in his seat (for dinner) if she climbed into it. He will tell me he wants to watch a show but that he doesnt want his sister to watch it and if i turn it on while she's in the room he says he doesnt want to watch it anymore. He will knock her down and hit her for no reason, and if we ask him why he'll say he doesnt love her. Its very difficult espcially because our daughter truely loves her brother. She tries to play with him, brings him things and tries to cuddle with him and he just wants nothing to do with her. I feel so bad for her and i'm worried. Has anyone had any experience with this, is there anything we can do to ease this situation?

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Q

Age Differences

Wichita Falls, TX

I'm seeking advice on age differences. I have a 6 year old, a 10 month old and am due with our 3rd in June. My boys get along great, my oldest is a wonderful big brother and is very excited about having a sister. I'm not so worried about him however having the two so close together makes me worry about the dreaded "middle child" I'm afraid that having the baby will obviously create less time with the middle one during those very important 1st three years. Any advice on how to get a child so young involved with the baby in a healthy way would be great.

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Q

All My Kids Do Is Fight, I Need Help!

Asheville, NC

I am a single mom with 4 kids, my 14,9 and 7 yr old live with me and the 16 yr old is with his dad. All the 3 that live here do is fight, and i'm not talking normal sibling stuff, it starts the second they get up and ends after they go to sleep. I am pulling my hair out and ready to pack up and run away from home. One of the reasons my oldest doesnt live with me, or visit to often is because of the incesent fighting between the other 3. Its making us all miserable. Dont tell me to go to therapy because we have been for over a year. I am at my wits end. Any suggestions in how to cope. BTW, a little background on the kids 14 yr old is bi-polar, ADHD....9 yr old have an anxity disorder and depression and the 7 yr old is SEVERE ADHD and ODD ( oppisonial defiant disorder)

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Q

An Advice on Easing the Transition

Janesville-Beloit, WI

I just sent my 5 year old to Kindergarten on Tuesday. While I am having difficulty with this, my son to be 3 year old is really missing her sister. She asks me every 10 minutes or so if its time to go pick up Sissy. I am trying to spend extra time with her just snuggling, but this whole going to school thing has been really hard for both of us.

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Q

Baby Has a B-day Coming up and My 2 Year Old Isn't Going to like It

Dallas, TX

I have 2 beautiful girls. One is 2 and the other is 11 months. The 11 month old's b-day is next month and my 2 year old tends to be the "princess" to all of our family because she was the 1st grandchild. My parents are very good at treating both girls equally but not all family members are. This has also posed some discipline problems with my 2 year old because she just doesn't understand why she's not getting all of the attention anymore. ANYWAY... I want my 11 mo old to have a special b-day where it is ALL about her. I'm afraid though that 1) we are going to have problems with the oldest one because she takes toys away from the baby, etc. 2) i don't want people buying gifts for the oldest one because it's not her b-day and she has had her own b-days. I know I will probably be criticized by some but do any of you have any suggestions? Have any of you dealt with this and if so, how did you handle it?

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Q

Brother and Sister Hate Each Other!!

Sacramento, CA

My son (12) always hates his sister to the point that he tells me she shouldn't have been born. The girl(15)does not feel this way. She likes/loves her brother but he thinks that she is a pain in the butt. I have had babysitters just to keep the peace. I told the babysitters that they were referees for my kids and some laughed until the two went at it. He will start something by saying something and of course the girl has to have the last word (a teenager) and they start into a fight. The fight can be pushing and shoving, scratching and kicking. It can get physical and usually the girl runs to her room and hides. These kind of fights can happen every week or day or they can only come every month.. it is unknown why this happens. It has been quiet for about a month now and I think it will happen soon again. Any ideas why or what to do? This boy also is one that hates school! Thinks that it is a waste of time to go and the girl likes school, so sometimes that will start a fight. Thanks ahead of time...:)

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Q

Brothers Can Not Be Nice to Each Other

Denver, CO

I understand boys will be boys but.....I can not handle my boys being so mean to each other. My 10 year old thinks he is boss and what he tells the 8 year old goes. If he does not like something he will hurt his brother. They both are constantly hitting each other, beyond the typical brother hitting. I am so afraid they are going to hurt each other. Tonight my 10 year old shoved his brother off the bed (they were watching tv in my room before bed time) because he did not turn down the fan when he told him to. I have grounded them, taken things away, no friends they could only play with each other, ect. What can I do to make them understand they can not treat ANYONE like this?

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Q

Fighting Brothers - 4 Yr & 1 1/2 Yr Old

Chicago, IL

I need your advice..... I have 2 boys who are always at each others throats. My 4 year old always picked on the baby and now that they baby can defend himself he will just go up to the 4 year old and slap him upside the head, for no reason. I cant stand the fighting and screaming, and when I separate them, they go crazy because they do love each other. I have tried putting them in time-outs, I have tried explaining, I am now at a loss of what to do. My 4 year old is getting better at sharing, and that was a huge concern at the beginning. Any suggestions?

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Q

Finding Time for 3 Kids Individually

Corpus Christi, TX

I have 3 beautiful daughters, 7, 5, and 19 months. My oldest is starting to come into her own and I am having trouble making one on one time with her without her sisters. How do I let her express her own individuality without leaving the other 2 out. Her and her sister share a room, while me and the baby share a room. Even they are only 1 yr. and 9 mons. apart they are like night and day. How do I divide and conquer?

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Q

Getting 2 Small Girls to Sleep in the Same Bedroom at the Same Time

Chicago, IN

Does anyone have tips on how to get our two girls to go to sleep at the same approximate time. They are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2 and left to their own judgment, they will fool around and make noise and wake up the other kids until they pretty much pass out from tiredness. We've tried letting them do that but they are really crabby the next morning because they still wake up early. Right now, we either put the younger one to bed too early and the older one to bed too late so that one is sleeping before the other goes in, or we put them to sleep in 2 separate rooms and carry the older one to her room once they're both sleeping. Has anyone had to deal with this situation? Separate rooms for them are not an option. Thanks.

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Q

Have 1 Yr Old and Will Have a New Baby in 2 Weeks, How Do I Get Him to Adjust?

South Bend, IN

I have a 15 mo. old son with a new baby brother due in two weeks. I am looking for any tips about how to get him well adjusted to the baby. I am concerned b/c he has been in day care since he weas 6 weeks old and was used to having other kids to play with all day. Now he will be home full time with just me and the baby. I am worried that he will feel "slided" please helPp!

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Q

Having Attitude Problems with My 5Yr. Old

Chicago, IN

For the past month, my 5 yr. old has been over sensitive when people tease/joke around with him, being very selfish, and has been argueing with everything I say. I will send him to his room, but right when he comes out, another arguement starts. I have tried taking away toys, talking to him and explaining why the way he's acting is not ok, everything except hitting (which I dont really believe in) nothing seems to be working. I'm at my witts end. I want to do fun things with him, once a week we even have Dominic's day, but everytime I do, I end up taking it away from him or leaving because of his attitude. He has been through alot in the past year. I got married(not to his dad), we bought a new house, his dad had a new baby, now I'm about to deliver, and we've been very busy with the baby coming in about a week. My son has always gotten alot of attention and I have never had any kinds of problems like this before, so I think he's just having a hard time with all the changes. Will this ever go away? Is there something else I should be doing? Please help.

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Q

Having Trouble with Siblings Sharing a Room

San Francisco, CA

We have a two bedroom house, and our 2 1/2 year old boy and 8 month old girl share a room. We are having a heck of a time. They often wake eachother up. Our son talks in his sleep and wakes his sister - she seems to be a light sleeper. When our girl cries out, she wakes our son. On a good night, she cries once around three, when I nurse her. Other nights, she may cry out more. If I let her cry, she would do so for less than five minutes and go back to sleep...although our son is then awake. If I go in to her right away, she is then up for 45 minutes wanting to play. We have tried to have one in our room instead, and that has not worked. So, I am looking for room sharing tips! Thank you!

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Q

His vs Hers

Peoria, IL

My family is a blended family. My husband has two kids living about 40 miles away and mine live with us. For the most part we all get along well except for one area...his kids do no wrong. I love my stepchildren very much but there are times that they are extremely spoiled and their dad just looks the other say and says "It's okay" If my children do something wrong or causes an inconvience it is fully noted and analyzed. We send a very large sum of money to his ex and do not receive hardly anything from mine. His ex takes us to court for more all the time so we don't have the money to take my ex back to court (which wouldn't do us any good anyway lol) My stepkids' mother makes sure that they have absolutely anything and everything and sometimes they can be a little condesending because we live a little humbler than they do. My problem is that my husband just looks the other way. I've tried to speaking with him and he just doesn't want to discuss it (his ex or his kids) and/or get angry. Anyone else have this problem? Suggestions or just plain ole sympathy would help. ps - I do admire my husband for his devotion to this kids, I just think they take advantage of him.

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Q

How Can I Get My Youngest to Share My Time with His Sister?

Los Angeles, CA

I'm a mother of two beautiful children. My daughter is 5 years old and my son is 17 months. Lately, both of them have been fighting for my attention. And although it's flattering that my children want me, it's hard because they'll fight with each other. If my daughter wants to sit on my lap, my son will want to do the same. However, my son will want to sit on my lap without his sister and will let her know by trying to push her away, hitting her or pulling her hair. He seems to be territorial and will do whatever it takes to not let his sister have one on one time with me. I've tried talking to him, but at 17 months I don't really know how much he's understanding. I've let him cry it out, too, but that doesn't help. There are times when my daugther will act up about it, but I can reason with her since she's older, so she's really not a problem. It gets to be a problem when she's upset because my son is trying to push her out of the way. Because she'll either fight back or start crying. I've asked her a few times if she can let her brother sit on my lap and she can sit on my lap later, but I don't want to do that all the time because I feel she'll resent the fact that her brother is getting his way. Plus, I don't want my son to think he can always get his way. My husband has tried taking one of them away and having them sit on his lap, but neither will have it, so I'm usually stuck to have to deal with my children fighting. Has anyone ever been in this boat? If so, can you give me pointers how to deal with it? Thanks!

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Q

How to Get My 2 Year Old into a Big Girl Bed

Fort Collins, CO

I have a 2.5 year old who LOVES her crib. She can safely crawl in and out of it, but usually doesn't - preferring us to come get her when she wakes. We had our second child January 30, who is currently sleeping in our room, but who we would like to transfer to her own room in the next 3-4 weeks - Ideally into the crib my 2 yo is currently sleeping in. While I was prego we fixed up the extra room "big girl" style with a big girl bed and tried to involve our 2 yo and get her excited. But she absolutely REFUSES to sleep in the big girl bed. She loves the room and plays in it all the time, but will not go near the bed. We have stopped pushing/asking if she wants to sleep in it because it was becoming almost traumatic and was seeming to make her more resolute on staying in her crib. We have options: putting the baby in a pack 'n play in another room, but all the baby stuff is in the crib room and all the 2 yo stuff is in the big girl room and we're just ready to have a little more order. I know a lot of her resistance is coming from wanting to stay our little "baby" longer, especially with the new addition. And if it weren't for the baby, I'd let her stay in the crib until she no longer fit. But it's time to move. I need suggestions for making the transition without making her feel displaced. we were thinking of "breaking" the crib, taking out the mattress, putting it on its side to force the issue, but it feels like lying and just doesn't feel right. Any other suggestions?

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Q

How to Handle Sisters Who Constantly Argue?

Dallas, TX

I have 2 daughters ages 8 and 5. They are able to get along fine until one of them "snaps" and then watch out. They argue and yell at one another. The arguing can be about the smallest of things. Neither is usually innocent. Typically the older one pushes the younger ones buttons...she knows just what to do. The younger one then throws a fit. It is hard to know who is at fault...the button pusher or the tantrum thrower. I like "Love in Logic" parenting, but I can't seem to figure out how to deal with this sort of sibling issue. Summer is fast approaching and I NEED HELP! Any discipline suggestions?

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Q

How to Make My First Child Except His New Baby Brother

Las Vegas, NV

I have a four son who so used to it just being me and him, but in July I will have another little boy to add to our family. I have been trying to let my son get happy about his new brother. I am just worried when the baby does come his attitude will change. I have heard stories about older siblings trying to do anything like drinking bottles, and having bathroom issues again to act like they are a baby too. How do I keep my son excited about the new change in our live and not go back and act like a baby again. I also want to try my best to keep him from not being jealous of the new baby.

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Q

Ideas/Advice/Resources For Three Year Old Boy Getting New Brother in August!

Detroit, MI

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has advice or has dealt with a transition from one child to two and what resources/books for me or him they could recommend to make this as smooth as possible of a change for my little boy, who until now, has been the center of our existence and pretty much the "king" of the house so to speak. This will be quite a change for him and us and would like to make this change as *painless* as possible for all involved. Obviously, things will never be the same, nor should they be, but I would like to make him feel as loved, secure and special as I can at the same time. I should add that my three year old does not seem all that interested now, nor is he particularly excited about "the new baby" coming soon - he pretty much ignores us when we talk about it to him (which we do occasionally) - so I am anticipating some jealousy and issues there. Thanks for all the help!

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Q

Mom Seeking Advice from Other Moms

Fort Myers, FL

I have a almost 19 month old son. He takes his diaper off when he needs to go to the bathroom, but when I take him to go into the potty he won't go no matter how long we stay in there. But when I bring him out of the bathroom he will go before I can get a diaper on him. What should I do? Also, I have another question dealing with the same child. I am pregnant again with another little boy who will be here this coming November, whats the best way to get him use to having a baby around? He is the only child right now and does not go to daycare.

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Q

Mother- In- Law Issues

Austin, TX

My mother in law is over baringly nosey. How do I deal with someone so difficult? I have a very bad relationship with her, and we don't even talk anymore because we are so much alike. We are both so stuburn to each other. My way or the highway. I've tried everything, it seems. I need a new approach.

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Q

My Biting Twins

Allentown, PA

My little girls have just turned 2. Recently they have discovered biting each other. At first Twin B would bite Twin A. She would cry and never try to bite back. Then Twin A started biting Twin B who just cries and doesn't bite back. Lately Twin A has been biting more and more leaving nice bruises and teeth marks on Twin B. I realize that this is probably normal among siblings...even ones that are the same age. I just would like to try and get they to stop hurting each other. I would wecolme all suggestions on how to convince my girls that biting is just not an option.

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Q

My Daughter Doesn't Appreciate Me

Victoria, TX

My oldest daugher is always cutting me down and making me feel bad.I don't understand why I am always babysitting her kids and doing things for her all the time.If she wants me to do something for her I never say no.I love my daughter but am getting tired of her making me feel like I'm not worth anything.She talks about the way I dress and I don't think there is anything wrong with the way I dress.what can I do.B.

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Q

My Daugther 1 and My Son 3 Years They Always Need Me Attentions Same Time

Columbus, OH

Hi, I need some tips about my both kids. Sometime when My son want me to keep him company on his own things to do and then my daugther want me to be attention or play with her with her own things . Its hard for me trying to be fair to play with them with differnt time . I do sometime let my daughter to coloring book with my son but my daugther sometime trying to chew the color cryaons or markers , or something that too danger or not safe for her to play with , any tips like activites for both my kids same time?

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Q

My Son

Los Angeles, CA

i have been dealing with my son and wife to be for 4 yrs they broke up again, she wants him to give up his friends and told her no, he still loves her but she wants him for herself only. i really don't know what to tell because she keeps calling me. and i haven't call back what should i do

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Q

My Sons, Nearly 3 and 5, Still Have Trouble Sharing! Is This Normal?

Phoenix, AZ

I worry that my sons will never become the friends I hope they will be. My soon to be 5-year-old has trouble sharing because he plays differently, of course, than his almost 3-year-old brother. He lacks patience with teaching his little brother how to play and isn't open to any other way to play but his own. Will age bring positive changes for them, or will this behavior spill to younger siblings and deny them sibling friendships that every mother hopes for children to enjoy?

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Q

Need Advice on How to Handle Two Very Different Little Girls

New York, NY

I have a 22mth old who is for lack of a better word very complex. She constantly challenges my authority, is in to everything, hits her sister and has her grandparents put it very dangerous. I spend a good amount of my time with her distracting her from original intended target or just downright discipling her for hitting her sister, or myself or whatever else she has gotten into like turning the stove on, or drinking from the toilet bowl, or stacking different toys up so she could climb up to the counter and pull what ever is on the counter that has caught her interest. Her sister my 4yr old daughter is a pure delight. She listens, is very polite, very sweet and thoughtful. Lately I notice that my four year old yells at her little sister and spends a huge amount of her time discipling her. I don't want my children growing up in an environment where there is constant yelling but little by little that's what is happening. My four year old makes statements like "I'm a good girl right mommy not Leah" and if I tell her that she has been misbehaving she breaks down and begins to cry and says "I'm not like Leah". We my husband I try to praise each of them when they do the right thing but unfortunately the baby gets the praise and the attention when she has done something wrong. How do you handle this kind of child without A. Leaving the four year old feeling left out since her little sister takes up most of our attention B. Not leave the wrong impression of the baby on the four year old C. Not leave the baby resenting her older sister who hardly gets disciplined?

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Q

Need Help with Teenage Sibling Rivalry

Houston, TX

My two oldest children are 18 and 17. The oldest is my only girl. My 17 year old son never has a kind word to say to her. If she is talking to someone else, and he dosen't like what she is saying, he will interupt the conversation and cause an argument. My daughter seems to think that now that she is 18, he should treat her like an adult, with some respect, but he refuses. I think this is a power struggle between them, but I am at my wits end...can someone please offer me some advice...

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Q

Need Ideas to Help Three Year Old

Dallas, TX

My almost 3 year old daughter absolutely loves her little sister (my 6 month old). The problem is that she loves her a little too much...she's so rough with her! It hasn't always been this way, just in the past few months. I guess the baby seems more like a "person" now since she interacts more with us. I have talked to my 3 year old until I'm blue about how to be gentle and why we need to be gentle with the baby. She is constantly in her face making loud, obnoxious noises. She squeezes her so hard when she's hugging her and knocks her down any time they are on the floor together. She'll take the baby's hands and swing them around while she's "singing" to her. I honestly don't think she means to be so rough. She just doesn't know the limits and what the baby can handle. Any ideas on how I can get her to leave her poor sister alone or at least stop the rough, jerky movements with her?

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Q

Needing Advice on Dealing with Issues Between Step-children

Las Vegas, NV

First, a little background info: I have a 15 1/2 year old step-daughter. I have a 15 1/2 year old daughter also. My husband has adopted my 15 1/2 year old, so he is now her father. This makes both of the 15 1/2 year old girls half-sisters. We also have a 9 year old daughter. She is also a half-sister to my step-daughter. My husband and I have been married for 12 1/2 years, so I am no stranger to my step-daughter (I have known her since she was 2 years old.) Hopefully, you can follow all of that explanation. Here is my issue: My step-daughter lives with her mother in Kansas for the school year, and she comes to stay with my husband and me during the summer. This year she is only going to be here for 5 weeks. Every year, when she arrives, it becomes a "one-up match" between the older two girls. When they were 3, 4, & 5, it was "I'm older than you," "Well, I'm taller than you," "Well, I have longer hair than you," "Well, I have bigger feet than you," and on and on it would go. This year it has escallated to, "I got all A's & B's this year," "Well, I only got ONE B all year," "Well, I took track & field, and cross-country and you didn't," "Well, I am in a college-prep school and you live in poor-white-trash-ville," "Well, I can't help where I live," and more horrible things of this nature. They even argued over who started her cycle first - as if anyone cares. I have told them that they need to be grateful for who they are, that they are BOTH choice daughters of God, that they are both loved equally, and that niether one of them is better than the other. They just looked at me, rolled their eyes, and laughed. They have their moments - one minute they are best friends, the next minute they are so jealous of each other that they yell and "one-up" each other. My husband and I are so sick of it; we are just about at our wits end. Meanwhile, our 9 year old daughter is starting to get in on it too, and we do NOT want her to think that it is acceptable behavior. Any advice on how to deal with this? I am especially seeking word-choices of what can we SAY to them. My husband thinks that it is because they are so close in age that it is such an issue - they are only 46 hours and 12 minutes apart in age - it's like having twins the hard way! Thanks in advance for any advice you can extend.

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Q

Needing Advice on How to Stay Calm During Preg with Older Children

Canton, OH

I have two children ages 8 and 4. I am also 20 weeks pregnant, high risk, and have a hubby that works all the time. My doc says to keep the stress level under control but it is hard when my children decided that when daddy isnt home they dont have to listen to me and then all i do is yell and get the baby and myself upset. I know that stress and yelling is not good for the lil guy and i need some help on how to stay more calm and not feel like a day after be alone with my kids i want to admit myself to the hospital because i am ready to go insane. Please if anyone can help me or just tell me what i can do i would ever be so greatful. thank you all

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Q

New Sibling 2 Years Apart.

Biloxi, MS

I just read a question and responses from a lady that was quite similar to mine. My baby is due in August. My youngest (who is the only girl) will be 2 in May. She has an older brother who is 5 and they are insperable and share everything except for Mommy. If my 5 year old gives me hugs and kisses she is all over him like mad trying to hit and push him away. Already she has an extensive collection of baby dolls from Christmas so she has an idea about babies and what Mommies do for them. But when I tell her I have a baby in my belly, she touches my belly, shakes her head "no" and walks away mumbling to herself. I am really concerned first that she will try to hurt the baby. Second that if I get her off the night time bottles she will regress. I don't want to start weaning her now if it's too soon. My theory is the longer she's been without one, the better the chances are she won't feel the need for one when she sees her little brother or sister with one. My husband disagrees and thinks we should wait until her 2nd birthday. So this is a two parter ladies...1. Should I not worry about the jealousy factor until the arrival of the new bundle of joy, or is there another method besides the baby dolls to help her understand what will be happening? 2. Should I begin to wean her off her bed time bottles (that is the only time she has them now) or wait until she turns two like dad said?

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Q

Pacifier Help!

Los Angeles, CA

I have 2 daughters 3(in oct.) & 1. They both use paci's. My oldest was down to 1 & I told her we weren't going to buy her anymore cause she was a big girl. Well about a month ago she lost it & we said bye bye to the paci for her. She did great. It lasted about a week. Now she hunts down her sisters to use. I tell her she doesn't need it she's a big girl so now of course she replies with "I need it I need it!". How do you get rid of the paci for 1 & not the other? I've tried a calendar with stickers & rewards but she doesn't seem to get it. She doesn't understand that after 5 stickers you can go to chuck e cheese or whatever. My youngest doesn't need her paci all the time either. Mostly when she gets upset & to sleep. I've hid them all except for whichever one she's using at the time but then Josie won't stop asking where's her paci. Non-stop. I need it I need it. My paci My paci. Help Please!

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Q

Please Help...I Am Looking for a "used..bedwetting Alarm"

Merced, CA

My 10 year old is still wetting the bed, we have tried pretty much everything you can think of..pull ups (which he still wears),tests, no liquids after 7pm, waking him up @ night, home remedies, medication(DDAVP), etc.. He still has accidents that go through the pull ups, I think that's what makes me worry the most, having an accident in his sleeping bag. The only thing we haven't tried is the bedwetting alarm that hooks up to his underwear. Those alarms are very expensive and right now we can't afford one. His heart is broken because 5th grad camp is coming up and he is not able to go for this reason. If you or know of anyone with one, are you interested in selling it to us. Thank you so much. If anyone has any other suggestions that we haven't used, please share it. I know and he knows he will grow out of it but he & I are both ready. My son is not a very deep sleeper either, he says he just can't feel it. Please Help!!!

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Q

Potty Training Regression (?)

Portland, WA

My son is 3 and I have a new 2 month old daughter. In the last month my son has been choosing to occasionally pee on the carpet in his bedroom or mine rather than use the toilet. I don't think of this as regression since it is not an "accident". He purposely takes off his clothes and chooses to pee somewhere other than the toilet. Any thought or advice on how to address this behavior? Thanks

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Q

Pregnant with Number Two and Son Is Only 9 Months Old

Kansas City, MO

Well I just found out that my husband and I are pregnant again and our son is only 9 months old! We are very excited but I'm pretty nervous about having them so close together. My son is now crawling and getting into EVERYTHING and I feel like I don't get any down time. I'm afraid of over exerting myself. I try to relax when he naps but I have so much to do that when he naps I end up trying to get stuff done. I need some advice on time management to get ready for our new little one. Oh and I forgot to mention that my husband is currently overseas and won't be back until May. So I'm by myself during the day and my parent's are here in the evening and help give me a bit of a break.

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Q

Problem with Sister

Miami, FL

I have a sister who is very critical in every aspect of my life. she makes snotty comments about me and my husbands lifestyle (christian) and our parenting choices. she also has a problem because i work and my husband is the one who tends after our kids because daycare is way to expensive and what he would make would all go towards daycare! she is just driving me nuts with her words. she also makes comments about my kids that she is always saying in a "joking" way. she calls my 10 months old mr potato head becuase she thinks he has a big head. i have talked to her many different times and so has my mother, but it just doesnt stop. she seems to do the same thing with my mom too. any suggestions on a new approach to stopping her rude comments would be appreticiated as i dont want to stop talking to her because i love her so much!

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Q

Problems with Toddler and Due with the Second Child Tomorrow!!

Dallas, TX

Hi moms! I really need to know if any of you have had this problem when pregnant with your second child. My son just turn 2 and has always been daddy's boy until he realized something different was happening. As closer as I get to the due date (which is tomorrow) more he is attached to me. We always put him awake in bed when is time to go sleep, but for the past week he has been crying to go to sleep (for one or two minutes only). We still put him awake in bed and let him call himself down. Two days ago he started waking up in the middle of the night crying and calling for me. We let him cry a couple of times, but it is getting worst every night. Yesterday he woke up 3 times during the night, which made me go there and call him down. Also, he goes to school for three hours every morning with no problems in the past. For the past week or so, he has screamed for me when I leave him there, but it is fine when I pick him up. Did any of you have this problem?? If so, is there anything I can do to help him?? Thanks so much!!!!

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Q

Seeking Advice on How Do Deal with Sister and Her Husband

Salt Lake City, UT

I love my sister, but she can be really abrupt. My parents always invite my family and my sister and her husband over for dinner. I always ask what we can bring, or what my mom needs help with. We arrive early to help prepare dinner or just visit. My sister and her husband show up right before the meal is ready and don't offer to help clean up or anything. Then they leave shortly there after, while we stay and visit. The same thing happens when we invite them all over to our house. It upsets my mom sooo much! My husband says thats "just how your sister is." It just bothers me. I guess I am just trying to find a way for it not to bother me. Anyone have any ideas or advice on how to deal with this?

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Q

Seeking Advice on Young Siblings Sharing a Bedroom

Chicago, IL

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old (both girls) and decided long before #2 was born that they would share a bedroom. I have already put a lot of work into this merger...such as re-doing the room (furniture, clothes, closet space, toys,etc.) to accomodate both of them (its a little snug, but it works). Thankfully my 3 year old is adjusting well to our new addition and I talk to her almost every day about how soon her sister will be joining her. Well now that the baby is sleeping through the night I am ready to make the transition. (I know some people may think 3 months is too young, but I did it with my first and it was the best thing I ever did...I have many friends who are still battling with their toddlers to consistently sleep in their own bed. But perhaps that's not the best for my current situation) My question is this: what advice or experiences can you share with me as to what to expect once I move the little one in. I have two major concerns; one is safety (I hope my 3 year doesn't get a bout of jealousy and poke the little one's eye or worse) and secondly the scheduling factor (disturbing one another's sleep) Since the baby goes to bed a couple hours later, I was planning on sneaking the baby in after the 3 year old has gone to bed. It all seems logical in my head, but I get the feeling I might be missing other things that need to be considered. I would appreciate any input. Thank you!!

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Q

Seeking Moms

Los Angeles, CA

I have two children 5 & 2. They dont get along ever. I think im going crazy. Ive try everything. How im thinking about going to parent classes. My friends tell its normal, but I think its out of control. Any advise, anywhere, Please?

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Q

Should I Let One Child Go to the Other Childs Friends Slumber Party?

St. Joseph, MO

My 6 yr old granddaughter is the social butterfly and makes friends very easy. Although the 8 yr old is very sweet she is also somewhat shy and gets her feelings hurt easier so it is harder to make friends. The 6 yr old has been invited to her first sleepover and I believe has asked the girl to invite her sister. Which she did but I dont know if the parents will think she shouldnt be there because she is older. I talked to the Mom originally about the 6 yr old coming before the 8 yr old got the invite. I know at some point they should have thier own friends but I think will always have some of the same ones.

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Q

Should We Transistion Our Daughter to a Toddler Bed Yet?

Chicago, IL

Hi, Our daughter will be 2 in Jan. We are expecting a son in March. My husband thinks we should transition our daughter in to a big girl bed now so we can put the new baby in the crib when he is born. I'm hesitant b/c our daughter sleeps 10-12 hours a night and goes to bed w/o any fuss. She's made no attempt to climb out (yet) and I see this as her security. I realize this could change any moment. We're thinking about getting her bed and attempting naps in there while keeping the crib in her room. I just hate to rock the boat when I have a happy child who has no sleep issues. Also, I'm feeling a bit selfish, but want all the sleep I can get while I can since I know that will end in a few months! Sooooooooooo - do you think she's too young or that we're foolish to move her when she's happy as is? Any feedback is welcome.

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Q

Siblings

Fort Smith, OK

I have a 11, and 9 yr old both girls that argue and fight constantly over every little thing i think they are trying to compete against who can get more attention from mom what can i do to keep them from bickering all the time and get along

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Q

Siblings Fighting like Crazy

Washington DC, MD

I have a 13 year old son and an 11 year old daughter...they used to get along great and would only occasionally argue, but now (within the last 6 months),they are on each other ALL THE TIME! They talk nasty to each other and are also constantly getting on each others nerves. There has been no physical contact...yet! I've tried ignoring them, having them talk it out, separating them, but nothing seems to help. Any ideas?? Could it be their ages??

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Q

Siblings of Friends

Lansing, MI

I would like lots of opinions on this: There is a current trend in our small town that siblings do ALL things together--meaning when my children ask a friend over they have to include the sibling. Most are same gender, although not close in age. I just don't get it!!! I would never insist on this. I feel they have a right to have their own friends and private time. What do you think?

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Q

Siblings Share Room & Toddler Waking in the Middle of the Night

San Francisco, CA

Hello, My 13 month old son shares a bedroom with his 5 year old sister. They both go to sleep around 8:30pm - he in his crib and she in her bed. That works well 'til about 3 or 4am when he wakes up. He makes some noise (and will cry if we let him go). From that bit of noise, my daughter doesn't wake up. Within a few minutes, one of us gets him and I breastfeed him 'til he goes back to sleep. Once in awhile, my parnter will give him a bottle, then he'll fall asleep 'til we get up at 6am. The problem is he's waking almost every night and he's up for 30-90 minutes each night (regardless of who feeds him). We've tried keeping him up later (hoping he'd sleep from 9am to 5am or something), but no luck. He still wakes at 3 or 4am. I don't want him to wake my daughter, but want to teach him to go back to sleep on his own. We both work and are exhausted from this pattern. Help! What have other families with kids who share a room done? Thanks!

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Q

Siblings Who Compete for Moms Attention..

Cincinnati, OH

I have two girls, almost 10 and 8. They are so competitive w/ the attention they get from me. I have always very consciously given the girls equal attention, and love them both very equally. I have always explained that to them, that I do not favor one over the other ever - and that my love for them will never waiver if I am spending time with the other. While they get along very well for the most part, it is when they are fighting for my attention that they start to fight. Whether it's who is sitting next to me on the couch, or who gets to help me plant the garden - who gets to get the mail for me or who gets the "last kiss" for the night. They sometimes ask me, "Mommy who is the better artist?" Or swimmer, or singer - or whatever. I always tell them, "Both"; or "I am not playing this game because I will never choose one or the other, you are both great". I've even witnessed how they try to get the other in trouble so that I get angry at the other. I feel like they are lacking in self-confidence in my love for them, and that breaks my heart because I have ALWAYS showed them a ton of affection and love. I'm not sure how to deal with this situation - I have tried talking to them about it directly (they are both very aware that they do this), and have tried rocks-paper-scissors for who does what when (and then there are hurt feelings), I've tried using a timer, and have tried taking turns. The issues just doesn't go away... so I think I am handling it all wrong. I need to nip this constant competition in the bud FAST, and would love some advise.

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Q

Siblings!

Chicago, IL

Ok here is my question I have 3 kids 2 boys 4 adn 5 and a girl 14 months. The boys LOVE her. they constantly play with her and they are now carrying her SCAREY and getting in her crib in the am . And even getting her out of the crib if I dont' wake up right away. So far its been ok but they are seriously scaring the C$#P out of me. I have said you need to not do carry her she is a baby you need to get me up first and they say mom she was cryign I make her happy and they get her out of the crib and bring her to me... so any advice on what to do? I have been trying to do some things for me as well as my kids but I am finding I have less and less time to do anything besides watch my kids!! I am only tryign to do the laundry and they are all in her crib jumping around or they jsut tear out all the clothes int he drawers I just put away! Any ideas I am jsut spinning in circles! HELP!

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Q

Sister Wants to Borrow Money from Mom's Nest Egg

Portland, OR

My sister is having financial problems. She & her husband are trying to get a divorce.They want to sell their house and land. They need to raise their credit rating to borrow money to sell their home. They have lived above their means for years, going on fancy vacations and generally live "high on the hog". They might loss their home and are in a deadlock until they can have money to pay off debits and fix the house for selling. She needs to get out of this marriage and have money for her and her boys to move on. I know they have cut down on the big lifestyle and are trying not going out to eat and less maid service. Anyway, I am in charge of my Mom's money and care. She is in the middle stage of Alzheimer's disease, still functioning enough to live independently, but needing extra care, which I am providing. I know her money won't last her whole life, but the place she is at will care for her even if she runs out. I take it very seriously, caring for her and would never borrow money from her net egg myself. I don't see it as an option. My other sister wanted to borrow a little temporarily and I said no. This sister insists it's a secure loan with a lawyer and they would pay higher interest too. They want to borrow a lot of money. I feel like I've been put into a uncomfortable spot. Does anyone have advice so I can keep the family peace and take care of my Mom's best interest too?

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Q

Sisters Constantly at Each Others' throats...help!!!

San Francisco, CA

My girls (9 & 13) are always fighting. Even when they are playing, they are fighting. They are both very physical, they will start out doing gymnastics on the lawn, or "wrestling" in the living room and of course, one or both of them ends up hurt and/or in tears. I am never able to figure out who started it as they will point the finger at each other forcing me to choose whose story to believe. I know a lot of this is normal sibling behavior, but I have a low tolerance for chaos and screaming so I'm looking for some practical advice to help aleviate it as much as possible. When they were smaller it was so easy to distract them with crafts and outings. Our lives were fairly calm and mellow. They would happily paint, dress up, go to the park, play hide and seek....but now, those things just don't work as well as they used to. Obviously, my 13 year old needs her space, but she keeps pulling her little sister in, and then just as quickly, rejects her completely. In return, little sis gets more and more annoying to big sis. Instead of a mother (loving, nuturing, guiding) I feel like a cop, jury and judge all in one (scolding, correcting, punishing.) I know it's not all sunshine and roses, but there must be some balance, right??? We eat a pretty healthy diet (low sugar, etc.) and the kids get exercise and have chores. I don't consider them "spoiled" though they do live in a nice home and neighborhood. Thanks for any tips you can offer :)

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Q

Sisters Fighting All the Time

Sioux City, IA

HELP! I am at my wits end with my girls. They are 11,8,6 and 5 and they are constantly fighting. I have tried seperating them but with a family of our size it is nearly impossible. I have grounded them, taken away toys, special treats. Nothing works, I grew up with my brothers and we did not fight like these guys fight. I am sick of the crying and fighting all the time.

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Q

Sleep Problems with My Almost Two Year Old Since the New Baby

Boston, MA

I am seeking advice from moms who have experienced a similar problem. My daughter, Mikaela, was sleeping very well in her big girl bed. Since I went to the hospital and came home with her baby sister, she has had trouble sleeping through the night. Her nap time has now become very difficult as well. It seems that if she wakes at any point she is upset that we are not there and will cry until we come in. Now, I have tried many different approaches..too many to list, but maybe someone can say something that will allow my 2 year old to sleep well again.

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Q

Stepdaughter and Jealousy

Springfield, AR

My husband and I have custody of his two girls from a previous marriage as well as my three biological children from a previous marriage. My children's natural father is deceased where as the girls mother is alive and well. My youngest stepdaughter and my youngest daughter are about 8 months apart. My step daughter is SO SO SO very jealous of everything that my daughter has or gets. Even if they are both getting a gift at the same time, she doesn't think that hers is good enough and wants my daughter. This has even happened when my daughter got a dollar store cheap toy and step daughter got a really nice toy. It is DRIVING ME CRAZY. I feel that part of this is that my step daughters birth mom has taught her this behavior but how do I #1 learn to deal with it and #2 try to correct it???

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Q

Storytime with 2 Children

Detroit, MI

I have a 2 year old daughter and we have always sat together and read some book before bedtime. I am expecting another girl in June and while reading to my daughter the other night I started thinking about what to do when the new little one comes. Do I start to read to both of them together or is it better for the older to have some one on one mommy time. Just wondering what other moms have done to help the older sibling transition to having to share mommy and daddy.

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Q

Teaching Kindness in Our Home.

Pocatello, ID

I have three boys who are all three years apart 10,7 and 4. They argue, criticize, and hurt each other continually. Although There are the rare moments when they are kind to each other. It breaks my heart to see them do mean things to each other. I have tried punishing them for the unkindness. I have a "chain of kindness" that they write nice things about each other and we make a christmas chain. This worked for about a week. Now the box only has things I write in it. I admit that my husband and I are unkind at times in the things we say as well. Does anyone have any ideas to help our family be kind to one another? I want my boys to be friends.

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Q

Telephone

Dallas, TX

Hey moms, What sort of time limit should I set for my daughter's regarding their telephone time? My eight year old was on the phone for an hour and a half! Today I allowed them 30 min. each and of course they protested saying that was not enough time. I remember spending hours on the phone but I was already in high school! Also, should I allow my 12 year old to take calls from boys? Man, I am now beginning to see how my mom felt! Any moms with info on this I'd really appreciate the insight. Thanks in advance.

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Q

Terrible Two's or Jealousy

Chicago, IL

My daughter is 2.5 and we just brought home her baby sister August 31st...the 2 year old has been terrible. She doesnt listen, the things that she would do before she refuses, unless I get really really mad at her. We are trying so hard to be patient thinking that it will pass. When I call her to do something or just to get her attention it takes like 8 times of me calling her name when she is standing right there for her to even look at us. We ARE spending one on one time with her....she has been going places just her and daddy and when the baby is sleeping I make sure we color, or play toys, games...etc. Should I be enforcing the rules at this point or should we give her another week or two to snap out of it????????

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Q

Toddler and New Baby

Chicago, IL

I have a 2and1/2 year old daughter and a 3 week old son. My daughter has been okay with the new baby except when the baby crys. I was wondering if anyone else has had problems with this or suggestions on how to help her cope with the baby crying, we have tried to explain to her why babies cry and shown her books about being a big sister. She is a good helper but starts screaming and throwing her self around when the baby crys. She has always been sensitive to loud noises and screaming kids, but she has improved as she gets older and around more children. thanks

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Q

Two Boys - How Much Is Too Much Rough-housing

Phoenix, AZ

I have two boys - 18 months and 3 1/2 years. They wrestle and climb on top of each other and knock each other down. My rule is usually that they can play until someone says "stop" (for the 18 month old this is usually a whining complaint since he cannot say stop). I am looking for advice from other moms of boys. How much rough play is too much? How much should I allow? My older son is especially very hands on and wants to hug or hold hands and sometimes - quite often, does not know when to stop. How can I set limits with them?

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Q

Two Daughters Who Fight All the Time

Fayetteville, NC

I have two daughters. One is 8 and the other is 5. They fight and argue all the time. I know siblings will do that, but I think they do it way more than usual. My 5 year old shows she loves her sister, but my 8 year old hardly shows that she loves her sister. Have any ideas of how I can get them to fight and argue less? Thanks so much!

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Q

What's It like Having a Second Child?

San Diego, CA

Hi, My husband and I have an almost 4 year old daughter and we are thinking about another. It looks like there will probably be at least 5 years age gap if we are successful with number two. Does anybody have a similar age gap between their children? Also, I am not getting pregnant at the drop of a pin...so it's possible the age gap might be even more. I frequently hear it's easier when they are closer together and it's a real shock when the second comes...Just looking for stories and sharing. Thanks! M.

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Q

Younger Sibling Wants in on Her Sister's Playdates

Washington DC, MD

I have 2 daughters, ages 7 and 4. I am seeking advice on how to balance my older child's desire to have her friend(s) to herself during a playdate/sleepover, and my younger child's desire to be included in their play. I've done the dual playdates and that works well, but I can't always do that. I've taken the younger one to the park or something for a while during the playdate. But the younger one isn't old enough to have guests sleep over, so the sleepover is always a problem. Often my older child and her friend end up being mean to the younger one. I want her to be respectful of her little sister's feelings. I want to be respectful to both girls' feelings. I am an only child so I have no experiences from my own childhood to draw on. Any ground rules you set or strategies you use would be appreciated. Thanks!

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