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Q
El Paso, NM
My request is: Our 12 year old daughter is going thru the pre teen stages and I am sure trying to figure out who she is. She is a beautiful young lady that can do anything she puts her mind too.
When she is with my husband and I - she is good as gold. If her mom calls during her dads time, It disrupts her, She gets mad and angry that her mom called on her dads time and then we get the attitude to go along with it.
She loves me and the girls, I know she does, I am not sure what has been placed in her head about being able to love me. When she is with us - she hangs on me, clings to me, hugs and kisses me, tells me she loves me all the time. When it is time to go back to her mom's house - she begins to get upset, and counts down how many more hours she has with us, and either becomes emotional or angry that she wants to stay with us. We have been to court several times and each time my husband wins more and more time. About 2 weeks ago, My husband got her a cell phone to use at our house only, not for taking to her mom's. She and I had a LONG talk about the phone and she expressed to me that she did not want to talk to her mom on the phone that her dad was paying for her because her mom did not allow her to talk to her dad at free will. I thought it was genuine. Last week she was texting her mom, over and over and over and erasing them. We have nothing to hide but it was the principal of the matter that she lied to me about it. It was her decision not to talk to her mom, not mine or her dads. I did how ever notice a HUGE difference in her last week when she had that contact with her mom. She was more short, and distant from all of us including her father. I do not care what the texts say by any means ( unless it is lies ) I am just not sure what to do. Is it me?????
Should I just let her talk to whoever and take whatever attitude she gives me? It's our house......
Confused.........
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Q
Philadelphia, PA
hi im a step mom to a great 9 year old girl. my husband has primary custody.She stays with her mom every other weekend and mon/ wed dinner visit. well her mom wants to take her to get 3 chunky highlights in hair I think she is too young 9 and in 3rd grade. my husband and i talked and he agreed with me. now her mom wants 2 small blonde streaks in her hair cause she already told my step daughter she could do it. Im still against it but my husband told me to give it some thought His daughter means everything to him so he hates to tell her no i think she is still a "baby" she has plenty of time to do this hair thing like maybe when she is a teenager. well... am i being overprotective? or just trying to be a responsible parent i have had my step daughter in my life since she was 15 months old is 9 too young she still needs to be reminded to brush her teeth and doesnt always rinse her hair correctly when washing it i think she needs to grow up alittle before we allow this but what are your thoughts??
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Q
Wichita, KS
My brother is having a troubled marriage and will be moving with his current wife to see if things work out. He has a son from a previous relationship and the new wife does not particularly care for my nephew. I have talked my brother into letting him come live with us while he tries & figures out what to make of his current marriage. I hate that he has to make this decision because it should be a no brainer his son should be his answer. I was curious if anyone has been through this situation & eventually adopted them after a certain time frame. Is there a time frame for leaving custody? Would this be something I have to get a lawyer involved if he gives me the child's rights?
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Q
Detroit, MI
Hello Ladies,
This is my 1st time posting anything on the site. I have read quite a few of the questions and concerns as well as the responses that all of you have written. I am hopeful that someone out there can give me some good, sound advice as to how to deal with my current situation.
To give you a little bit of back-ground, I'm a Step-Mother of 2 great girls. A is 15 and H is 13. I am 10 years younger than their Mother and we have not gotten along since day 1, litteraly day 1. It's has been years of just pure hell for myself, my Husband and our son J who is 8.
Enough babbling, here is the problem. The Ex-Wife (of over 10 years) is an unbelievable control freak. Since the 1st day I met her she has tried to make things hell for me. There has been court dates after court dates and accusations which are unspeakable toward me. The Ex has been stating in court that she has wanted myself and A to get along and have a healthy relationship (even though that is not what she really wants) I must admitt my relationship in the begining with A was great, then with the Ex and the problems our relationship fell apart for quite some time. I now have my girl back!! A and I are closer now than we have ever been and I couldn't be happier with her. We talk about EVERYTHING and we are Best of Friends. The problem starts here, the Ex is now "punshing" A for getting along with me. Yes, it sounds crazy but she is, let me tell you how. First, she won't let me call her house to talk to them, when I have tried to call she threatens to call the police on me or threatens me physically. Then she is not allowing me to even communicate with them over the internet (e-mail, IM, etc.) A paid for a cell phone herself and gave me the number so we could talk...the Ex found out and is now going to change the number so I can't have it. A has asked to come over here on days that are not scheduled by the court (Wednesday and every other weekend) and the Ex has said "NO, you can not go there and spend time with her" It has come to the point where I have to go and sneak to see A and H for 15-20 minutes a day. They have to tell the Ex they are walking to the park or the local Dairy Queen to be allowed out of the house without her watching them like a hawk to make sure they are not with me.
I am noticing a problem with A, her grades are to be desired and her attitude toward life in general scares me. We, my Husband and I, have told A that she can move in with us if she wants so she can get back on the right path. She said that she wants to but the Ex won't let her....says she's not allowed or "you'll no longer be my Daughter if you go with her, she can be your Mom from now on" Needless to say these comments and behavior is hurting A. What I have mentioned is just a very small portion of what is going on. The Ex drinks almost daily and is not only verbally abusive toward A, but sometimes is physically abusive toward her as well. What do we do??? I don't know if I should push her away or hold on tight and don't let go. I love both A and H as if they were my own...I just can stand to see them hurting like this. I can imagine that some of you will think I am putting my nose where it doesn't belong, maybe I am, but I love these kids and don't know what to do...Please Help!
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Q
Springfield, MA
I have been on my own now for almost two years, I have a 7yr old and a 4yr old, I separated from their father after 14 years together. The three of us are struggling badley, and their Dad does not want to help mend the confusion, fear, anger, hurt that I know they are feeling. What can I do to keep my kids safe from this whole mess?
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Q
Tulsa, OK
I am the mother of a 2 year old and 8 year old boy and I am married. My oldest son is from a previous relationship. My son�s biological dad has never really been a part of his life on a routine type basis. It�s always come and go as he pleases. I recently (about a year ago) took those privileges away from him because my son has Anxiety Attachment Disorder very bad and this was only making things worse. My son is at the age now where he �knows what he wants� (or thinks he does anyway). He wants to see his dad! I contact his dad and tell him that his son wants to see him and that he cries to see him and he says I will make time soon, but then he never does. His life is racing that is all he cares about! Now here comes the tricky part-he has 2 daughters from a recently divorced wife and he continues to see them on a �visitation� schedule. It is very hard for my son to understand why he sees the girls, but not him. It is also very hard for him to understand why he doesn�t get to see his sisters. I have tried to set stuff up with his now ex step mom so he could see his sisters, but she has always been very distant towards me so it never works. I just don�t know what to do so I am looking for some advice.
My current husband of almost 6 years has fathered my son and my son does call him dad and he looks up to him as his dad, but he does know that he is not his real father. He even makes comments to my husband like �b**** would never sit at football with me 3 days a week�. It just tears my heart out to see him hurt. There are nights that he falls asleep with pictures of his father in his arms.
What is a mother to do?
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
My boyfriend and I are having issues with his five year old daughter. We are not married but live as a married couple. I have two children (ages 13 and 9) that are with us most of the time. His daughter is with us once a week in the evening and every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. Apparently there is not much structure in her home.(from what I've observed and from his stories). A major factor in their marriage failure was differences in parenting. she has two other children from previous marriages.(my boyfriend was husband #3, and both the two other children have different fathers)Her boyfrined that she lives with also has three children. So there are 6 kids in all in the homel Yeah, I know, she sounds like a winner, huh? Anyway, they don't do things like dinnertime together at the table, or a set bedtime. Children are still running around at 10 at night on a schoolnight.(yes I have witnessed this) They don't wash their hands after they've eaten, or brush their teeth at night. I understand that there are differences in everyone's household, but ours seem to be entirely different.We all eat dinner together as a family, and children have a bedtime, etc. It's not like we run a military household, but the kids are respectful and have manners(and by no means are my children saints),but I sometimes get so frustrated with struggling with her and reminding her that these are the things that we do in our home. "We say please and thank you", "we don't get to watch tv until we fall asleep", "everyone sits together and talks during our family dinnertime",....she really struggles with these things. I know it's not her fault. It's different at her house than it is at our house, but we don't get her that ofte, so it seems that in between visits she forgets everything. I breaks my heart because she's only five and I don't want to hurt her feelings or seem like her father and I are being so h*** o* her. She loves being over here, and enjoys her visits, but I see that things are easier for her at her mom's house. Her father has a really hard time with it. I just keep reminding him that we just have to keep at it, and love her when she's here. If we're consistent, she will figure things out as she gets older. But it's hard not to get discouraged sometimes when we've had a hard weekend with her. Divorce and blended families are not easy on anyone, we understand that, but I'm curious how other families deal with this issue.
thanks,
C. H
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Q
Dallas, TX
I have a question for anyone who can help me. My husband and I were discussing a friends divorce. He made the comment that he would not allow me to move out of state with our child. I have no family here. I am a SAHM, so if anything ever were to happen, am I really stuck here. My family would be able to help me with finding a job, daycare, and expenses until I could get on my feet. I have a support system there. I don't have that here. Please help me.
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Q
Chicago, IL
Okay, after thirteen years, I'm finally calling it. I have been unhappy in this marriage for ten years now. I've tried counseling, everything, my husband doesn't care enough to do anything to improve this marriage. I am financially overwhelmed trying to support us and my beautiful 2 year old daughter by myself. (He only works part time.) Our monthly budget exceeds our income, our credit cards are maxed, but I gotta get out. How can I do this the cheapest way possible? I know it's more difficult now because there's a child involved, so what do I need to do?
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Q
Dallas, TX
I could go on for days about my situation but I'll will try to stick to the most important details. My ex-husband and I divorced in 2003 after 7 years and 2 children together. During our marriage and in the years since, he has had very little if anything at all to do with our sons. The only time he's been interested in exercising his visitation, is usually on holidays and birthdays when his family initiates it and he can have them on display so everyone thinks he's actually a father. This always made me sad but I knew that they received all the love and attention they needed from my side of their family and one day their dad would grow up and regret putting his social life in front of his children. O.K., fast forward 4 years...We both remarry, He now has a family of 7 children, including the 3 she had, his three (only 2 of which are mine) and they just had one together. I have a total of four (his two and two from my husband). We have all maintained a civil relationship because it was better for the children. After he remarried, I would let the boys stay more often at their dad's, especially during the summer, because I worked all day and she (his new wife) stayed home. I lost my job right before school started last fall and my husband and I were afraid we were going to have to move to a cheaper house since there would be no possible way to afford ours anymore. I did not want to move the kids right after school started so we agreed to let them start school in the city that their dad lives in since he just bought a home there, and my husband and I would look for rent homes in the same city since it would be cheaper anyway. Well a month later plans changed. I was offered a better job than the one I lost and we decided to stay at our current house since it was cheaper than moving and closer to my job. I call their dad and tell him and he informs me that they "are not coming back". After arguing and fighting with him I agree to let them stay at that school until Christmas break since it was my choice to make them start there in the first place. I honestly thought at the time that was our only option. All the while, I have them every single day they do not have school, as often as I possibly can and it still drives me crazy to be away from the so much. Christmas comes around, the boys tell me they do not want to change schools in the middle of a year, that they like the school their in now. I feel horrible that I have done this to them because I never had to switch schools growing up, so my guilt convinces me to let them finish the year and then we will be out of our lease and reevaluate our living situation and worst case scenerio, they come back to my house for good when summer starts. Was I ever the fool...This whole time, my ex knew exactly what he was doing and calculated it to the very day. On January 16, I received a knock on my door with papers that my ex is suing me for custody with the grounds of abandonment. He claims that I gave them to him on August 15, when school started and have not wanted them back for 6 months. I feel so stupid, for actually believing that he would NEVER want to do something like that to me or his kids that he knows love me more than anything in the world. My whole world came apart that day. My main problem is money. The attorney that I had a free consultation with let me know that I have probably lost custody of them and since I can barely afford to retain him and my ex has an unlimited bankroll at his expense, he would just keep on until I run out of money or he won. That he says, is the reality of of judicial system. He wished that I had come to him before I ever approved them staying the remaining of the year after Christmas and he would have told me what the loser was up to. I can't believe I was so naive to trust him, heck, the thought actually never even crossed my mind. I am their mom, I am the one who raised them for 10 years while he did god knows what and then he wakes up one day and wants to play dad and since he a better con artist and has tons of money, I am going to lose my babies? This just doesn't seem fair. I don't know what to do about an attorney. We barely can pay our bills much less spend min. $10 K in attorney fees. and know going in that I don't even stand a fighting chance. Does anyone have any advice at all, or know someone that something similar has happened to that could lead me on the right path. I have done extensive research online and it's not anything reassuring since my sons are not young anymore (they are 11 and 9) and they are already established in a school district and judges do not like to remove children from one school to another. I will take any advice you might have. Sorry this was so long, honestly I could type pages of all the details and sleezy things my ex has done, but my main goal is to keep my kids that I raised their entire life and know me as the only stable person in their life.
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Q
San Francisco, CA
Hello There. ( note from a Friend) does not want to give out her name.
I have a problem I was hoping some of you single mothers could help me this one.
I’m a single mother of three kids. Oldest one 8 years, 6 years, 9 months old.
Not married, live my mother in a house and not getting any support of the father of the kids at all.
I have been told to get child support by several members of my family and friends.
But here is the problem.. I’m scare if I do trying to get child support. I afraid he will do something to my family and home and I have a feeling that he will and try to take the kids away from me. Right now, since I’m not asking anything from him. He does not even come to see the kids on his own. He comes maybe once a month the most to see his kids. I don’t let him take the kids with him. He could see them at my house. I don’t trust him at all. I know he will try to kidnap them. He has tried to take them out of school before without me knowing.
He has treated me as well if I DID TRY TO GET CHILD SUPPORT HE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS AWAY FROM ME AND NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN AND WILL BE SORRY I EVER DID ORDER TO GET CHILD SUPPORT ON HIM.
I don’t have fulltime job and live with my mother. He said because he has a good job and works fulltime and has a house of his own. The court will grant him full custody of our kids. Is this true? A lot of people tell me it’s not true at all. But I want to be 100% sure before I do anything about it.
Could I get child support and keep full custody of the children? What if he comes after me and my family? What could I do?
Thank you
Mother in Need
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Q
Tampa, FL
my son is two his father and i were never married. we tried to stay out of court and do a signed agreement. he has had the standard visitation every other weekend Wensday am to Thursday am every other holiday and a week at Christmas. this schedule started when he was about 15 months. but he has never paid child support. and i have been the primary care giver. in June i asked him to drop him off to my mom because at his scheduled time. he said that he was not going to bring him home i said you will not get him this weekend and i filed papers with the court. and asked for back child support and the regular schedule we have been fowling. he responded to the papers and he wants our sons residents to be unassigned he wants him from Wensday to Sunday every other week then the following week he wants Wensday to Thursday. and one Sunday over night and 6 weeks in the summer. my question is will he get any of this. has any body been through this what dose a judge say to this schedule. please help. thank you
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Q
Dallas, TX
Me and My Ex are having discussions of when the 5th weekends are and for which months. Does anyone have a calendar or free software to use or suggest?
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Q
Dallas, TX
My former husband filed a Motion to Modify paying child support. After an unsuccessful mediation, it was revealed that he wants to stop paying child support based on the fact that our two boys alternate weeks with each of us. Per our current court order since 1997, he has been paying child support. He also claims his business has decreased (bad economy) even though his lifestyle has not changed at all nor his expensive trips, etc. Seeing that my youngest child is 16 ,I do not want to invest a great deal of money on attorney fees not to mention the stress involved.I have been divorced for 11 years. He will not commit to helping with college expenses . The man has money.
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Q
Chicago, IL
Hi,I am looking for any and all advice I can get on going thru a divorce. Long story short -- I married a cheater. This has been going on since we decided to start a family, during my pregnancy and currently. My 6th sense was right. I have a beautiful 14 month old baby. I've stayed this long for many reasons:financial, not ready to face the situation, etc... I know that this situation is not good for me emotionally and I do not want teach my baby to be a doormat.
I am trying to build up the courage to face the situation (husband), and let my family know, etc.
Ladies, I would appreciate any advice you can give me on how to "best" handle this situation. How to deal w/ husband, in-laws, family, friends, etc. Any books that are good, lawyers (i've been to a free consultion), etc. Thanks!
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Q
Tampa, FL
I am thining about getting a divorce with my husband, but i am very scared! I got him a car that is soley in my name, but he drives it and pay for it, for the most part. I am worried once we get a divorce he is not going to pay for the car and it will effect my credit that I worked so hard to repair. I plan to put in the divorce papers he is responsible for the call. Will that protect me? I need any advice. I am doing my own divorce, becasue I can't afford a lawyer. Please tell me about any similar stories and advice on how to protect me!
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Q
Dallas, TX
Unfortunately I am faced with needing representation as my husband tells me he is planning on filing for a divorce. I am 49, have multile sclerosis, and have been a stay at home mom to three children ages 24, 17, and 14. Any attorney recommendations? I live in Frisco, but McKinney and Plano are both on my beaten path. Thanks for your help...
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Q
Rochester, NY
My husband and I have been trying to work things out for awhile now and it just isn't working so we have decided to divorce. The problem is now we don't know what to do. We have soon to be 3 kids (2 with 1 on the way). We had no problem agreeing on custody and the house we live in was mine before the marriage.
Our marriage councelor said we could go through a mediator but now my soon to be ex says that he is planning on moving out of state as soon as the divorce is settled maybe even sooner. My question is has anyone gone through a divorce recently? How does bi-state custody work with very small children (4,2 and not yet here)? I am so confused right now. How long do we have to be seperated before we can file for divorce?
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Q
Fort Wayne, IN
Hello,
My husband filed for divorce, which is not final. We are hoping it is finalized soon. He called to let me know he won $250,000 in a contest. He wanted to tell me directly instead of having me learn about it from someone else. In any case, he says he wants to pay for college for our children and do some other nice things for them. He told me he asked his lawyer to research the case law to find out if I am entitled to any part of the funds. He told me 40 percent of the money will go to taxes, so he will clear $150,000 after taxes. I have no idea if I am entitled to any part of the money. If you have any advice or information, please let me know. I truly appreciate any help with this issue. He asked me not to be difficult about the issue and he says he does not want the lawyers trying to get a chunk of the money. He also told me that if I am entitled to any of the money, I will have to pay taxes on my portion.
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Q
Pittsburgh, PA
My husband and I have been fighting alot lately and decided to seperate. I told him we (me and our girls) if he wants us to and is willing to see a marriage counselor. He doesnt want to and thinks seperating will be good for us to see how much we really need each other. I told him without marriage counseling I will not be coming back, so I feel like we should just get divorced and not hang on to something that is already gone. I just dont want to get hurt anymore nor do I want to confuse our kids. We have to move back to MI to live with my parents and I dont want to come back here in a few months just so that in a few years we can be back here again. He says we can make it work ourselves we dont need marriage counseling, but if we could than wouldnt we already done that! He doesnt understand that. I told him I want to file for divorce after the new year but I need some more imput. I just need some advise, any advise would be helpful. I am so confused, I love him but I also feel like I am putting all the decisions in his hands and thats not fair. I just want to feel like I am doing the right thing and not giving up without a fight. I am sorry this was so long. Thanks!
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Q
Oklahoma City, OK
My ex husband and I went to a 50/50 custody until he told me that him and his wife were going to split up. At the point I asked him if we could go back to the standard visitation b/c he couldn't do the parenting on his own. Another reason I asked him to go back was b/c it was too h*** o* the kids doing one week with me and one week with him. He agreed and we have been doing that since Oct. We went to court today to modify the 50/50 motion and to modify the child support. He didn't have an attorney and lied about me saying that I just ended it and took the kids. The judge ruled that we were going to go back to the 50/50 and that I was in the wrong for doing it. I have talked to my children and they do not want to go over there like that. I am always very careful to not talk about their dad unless they bring him up. I have never bad mouthed him when they are even in the house, only when they not home or I am not with them so they don't know my true feelings about their dad. I just don't know how to tell them they have to start going back. Please help! Thanks!
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Q
Dallas, TX
Hey mama's
This is an issue that I have been dealing with since my ex left us almost 3 years ago, he is never consistent with his visitation. I will not go through all that happened with the divorce other than to say he met someone and 3 weeks later he was ready to give up on our marriage. They got married 2 days after our divorce was final.
I live in Highland Village and he is in the HEB area. He either has to work or is moving. Most of the time he brings him home eary from the weekend or picks him up late. Most of the time our son doesn't want to go. He is very much a home body and all his friends are here, so he wants to be here on the weekends. I feel like I am skipping around, just bear with me. We do the first, third and fifth weekend thing. There are times when he will go a month with out seeing our son or calling him. He didn't even go the the school last year to have lunch with him.
About 3 weeks ago his new wife's father had a stroke and he was out of state so he couldn't come and take him for the whole weekend. He call Sunday morning at 7:30, as we were getting ready for Church, and says he will be here in an hour. This is his weekend again so I sent him an e-mail asking if he will be picking up our son from school for the weekend. He e-mails back that he doesn't know if he will be out of town or not. I replied back that I am sorry for his wife's father, but when will his son come first.
I want my son to know his father. I have NEVER talked bad about his dad in front of him. I bend over backwards to make sure he knows his dad, but I am getting so tired of always being the one to fix things. I am the one that sent the post about on-line dating. Like I have any time to myself to even find someone. Sorry I have vented, but I know I am not alone in this.
L.
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Q
St. Louis, IL
I am currently pregnant, due anytime now. It was a planned pregnancy and we have a 3 year old daughter. My husband told me in September that he didnt want to be with me anymore, and he moved in with his girlfriend. So I am trying to deal with the situation. I love him very much, and I dont know how to get over it, I think it would be easier if I werent pregnant! But my daughter is hurting from it. She is acting out and doing things that she would never do before. We dont have a court order yet, so he only sees her once a week or once every 2 weeks. She is confused and I dont know how to help her. Any suggestions on making the transition easier for my daughter, and myself? Also should I include him in things for the new baby, like picking a name and stuff?
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Q
Phoenix, AZ
my story is a long one, but to sum it up...my ex and I are battling for custody and support issues. He lives in Georgia and has had some but not much visitation with our (almost three) daughter Tara by his own choice. He is now married with and infant child and wants joint custody. There are some major concerns for me with this...my daughter is special needs and has a medical condition that requires extra care as well as my concern of making a toddler travel frequently (he is asking for 10 days every month) accross the country to a home with people she barely knows. My ex has made no effort to participate in her medical treatments and knows nothing of her care requirements as I provide insurance and all medical care for her. I want my daughter to have a relationship with her dad, but I cant stand the idea of her being forced to travel accross the country every month. We are scheduled for a parenting conference on the 5th of Nov. which I'm told is basically like mediation....has anyone been through this or anything like it that can tell me what to expect? Or any advice at all would be appreciated, thank you ladies!
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
My amazing 6 month old son seems to be developing QUITE the large personality. I know that he is "coming into his own" and am looking for any suggestions to keep him entertained. He goes to daycare which he seems to really enjoy and does a lot of playing. Any good toys for this age? I have a bunch but could always use suggestions. Thanks ladies!
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Q
Tulsa, OK
would like to start a support group i hopefor mother who has had the state in their life
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Q
Jacksonville, FL
Just introducing myself...
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Q
Charlotte, NC
my brother's ex-wife is causing him alot of trouble. on the weekends that he has the children( girl 12yrs, boy 6yrs) he takes them to church, his ex does not go to his church anymore, she and her new husband and thier child go to another church, she has it in the divorce pappers, that he not attend her church, the problem is that when he has the kids, she comes to his church to invad his time with the children, and to be mean to his new wife. she(ex-wife) left him 4 another man, why want she leave him alone, to enjoy his kids. he is a very good dad, he would never do anything to cause them any pain, she on the other hand, seems to want to cause trouble, even in church, by sitting next to him and his new wife, why would she do this?
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Q
York, PA
So tonight my husband said it was over between us!! We have two kids one is 22 mths and the other is 2 mths old. I really just do not know where to go from here. I feel like my life has fallen apart a nd I want to die. I am so scared that I won't see my kids and if he is with someone else that she will be a mom to them. I just don't know how to handle this and am really losing my mind.
We have tried towork on our relationship but I guess this is it!!
Please give me any advice I could really use it right now!
Thanks so much!
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Q
Port St. Lucie, FL
anyone please help me.. I have been flying back and forth to NY for almost 4 years now for a custody battle and I'm concerned about my son. Lately when i go up to see him he will freak out if he has to spend the night with me in the hotel. His father tell's him if he's not good he will never see me again, and his grandmother makes him call her mommy or she'll get mad. My son is very sensitive and he never want's to talk about NY when he come's to Florida to visit me. I don't try to ask alot because his father grill's him for hour's when he get's back to NY about me but Im feeling helpless and have to know some question's without making him shut down . I am fighting so hard to bring my son home but im fighting people who will stop at nothing and have the money to do it, and cares less about damaging my son or his feelings its like a game with them on who can win and they act like he's some kind of prize to be won. His father tell's him god know's what and even says nasty things to me on the phone when my son's around I dont know how to console my son when he scream's for me and when he get's here he scream's to go back to NY. I dont know what to do anymore im feel like im losing my mind. I have relized my son will lie to me about little things and say things i want to hear just to make me happy. I had to take my son to theraoy when he was 4 year's old because he would wake up with night terror's a scream for an hour straight. I'm almost sick to my stomache on how these people can care so much about themselves and not the well being of their own grandchild/son His father has a new girlfriend now, and she does all the work when he's there his father see's him for maybe an hour at night then every weekend my son is at the grandparent's until he goes to school on monday so he doesnt care about him its just a game and revenge because i didn't want to be with him.
Please someone tell me what to do my son is my world. Also my husband is begging me for a child and i desparatly want another one too, we have been together for 8 years except when we broke up 6 years ago for a 8 mos. He was with me for my whole pregnancy and afterwards. We tried to have children when we first got together 8 yrs ago but it didnt happen,He's the love of my life, but now im confused because i feel like if i have another child it will devestate my son and ill be letting him down, because he wants to be with me. i KNOW this is alot of information to digest for anyone but i have been going through all this alone for a 4 years and i guess i needed to let this out before i go insane!!
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Q
Houston, TX
I live in Houston, Tx. I was told that you can get with a down town attorney to help you with doing your own paper work. I'm not sure how that works. I paid a so called attorney and he is trying to rip me off. I paid him $400.00. He told me that if I didn't want anything that, I would just have to pay $500.00 total. Now he is asking me for another $465.00 to complete the process. I don't have it. I'm from New Orleans; due to Hurricane Katrina. I'm not asking my ex-husband for anything. I just want out. Can someone let me know about any resources that I can use or how to get my divorce done on my own on much cheaper.
Help!
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Q
Austin, TX
My Ex Husband and I divorced when my daughter was very young. Since then we both remarried. My husband and I have been married for about 4 years now. While we were dating I waited a very long time before introducing my daughter to him because I did not want her to get attached in case it didn't work out. My Ex husband, however, introduces her to whoever he may be dating. He had a string of girlfriends and she met every one. A couple of years ago he remarried. My daughter loved this woman and told everyone that she now had two mommies to match her two daddies. When she would visit they would go shopping together and play dolls. She loved it. She just got back from her big summer trip to visit him and when she came home she was so upset because her daddy told her they were getting a divorce. I just don't know how to handle it. She started asking if my husband and I got a divorce would he still want to see her. I don't want her to think that all these relationships are temporary, but I know her father and I know he is not good at holding on to relationships. He has already introduced her to a new girl. They went to six flags together. And I know the likelihood of her being around next time she visits is slim. She is such a sensitive girl, and I am just worried.
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Q
New York, NY
My son is three years old, and his father and I recently divorced. My son is now acting out, and throwing tantrums for the other parent whenever he is with me or his father. He doesn't know why we don't live together. I don't know what to do or say that can make him understand that mommy and daddy will never be 'together' again, and we have to live apart. What do I do about the tantrums? I can't discipline him because he is just expressing his confusion, and the fact that he isn't getting what he wants. I can't just let him keep getting angry either....how do I approach this?
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Q
Casper, WY
My husband of almost a year desperately wants to adopt my daughter. We have been together since she was 2 years old and he is the only daddy she has ever had. She calls him Daddy and doesn't remember a time in her life when he wasn't around. Sunny's biological father chose to move away from her when she was 4 months old and has seen her two times since then, once on her 2nd birthday and once on her 3rd birthday for a total of 4 days (this year he didn't even call on her birthday nor did he send her a card or present). He calls about every 3 months but rarely even asks about her when he calls. He didn't pay child support until she was 14 months old then paid for a year and stopped paying again. For some odd reason he started paying again two weeks ago. I never fought him about the child support because by husband and I thought that him being so far behind would be good for us in court when it came time to go through the adoption. Matt is not an evil person, I don't hate him, nor am I trying to punish him but he is not a dad to Sunny and benefits her life in absolutely no way financially or emotionally. It has been my husband who has been with me through the difficult times with her, the health problems, the behavioral problems, everything. I simply wish to legalize what is already taking place in my daughter's life. Matt's family has always been very good about keeping in touch, sending presents, etc and I don't want to hurt them. My husband and I have already gone to see a lawyer and are in the beginning stages of the adoption process. We would like for Matt to sign over his rights but if he doesn't we intend to try and proceed anyway. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach both Matt and his family in a way that is non threatening and explain my position? I intend to ask for an open adoption, still allowing Matt to see Sunny if he wishes, etc. I feel that his relationship with my daughter will change in no way whatsoever. This is such a difficult subject and I am just not sure how to approach it... Should I write it in a letter? Should I call? Help!
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Q
Minneapolis, MN
My dauhters father and i just broke up...and for good this time. We are getting together to discuss child support...visitation..etc!! He has been out of the picture basically her whole life. He has been in the military since she was 7 months old. So she is kinda used to it by now but at the same time she has clingy issues to me. Ive been there 24/7 since day one and now she has seperation anxiety because of his "here again...gone again" behavior (not just military). But weve been having problems forever and im done now...i said its over for good...hes coming to get his stuff...but how do i explain to my daughter what exactly has happened? And the other thing is when we have visitation set up...and its time for her to go to him...she cries hysterically and then by the end of the night shes on the verge of a melt down because she wants mommy so bad...so i end up going to get her...cuz i dont want her to have to feel like that. Any suggestions would really help me...to see her in pain is the worst thing ever!! Thank you...
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Q
Seattle, WA
I have tried for may years to get a long with the ex. No matter what i do she is the opposite--If I am nice she is rude...etc.There are children involved and i do hope to one day get a long with this woman.
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Q
Fresno, CA
My husband will not talk to his ex-wife. I was able to get them to finally talk at the begining of March of this year. And they both told each other that they don't want to talk to each other. But when I push him to call and talk to her about an issue, he talks to her like she is a queen. I don't understand, how do I get him to express himself to her? She yells at him and then hangs up the phone but he never gets mad at her. He acts like there is nothing wrong. And it never fails we always get into a fight after he has talked to her. Example last night I made him call her about our 16 yr. old who is driving. She has no money and she only has one car. We have bought a truck for him to drive. And wanted to sit down and talk to her about what we all four thought the rules should be and if anything happens to the truck while at her house, then she would need to help cover the cost that the insurance didn't pay. We are paying for all of the insurance on it and she pays nothing! She refused to sit down and talk!! Said she didn't care what vehicle he drove. So last night my husband called to talk to her (because it was her Wednesday night with the child). All I asked him to remember to do was tell her to keep the lines of communication open at all times. She wants us to talk by emails only. But lately she has not responded to any emails we have sent. So he tells her, after a very calm conversation about the truck, he tells her that she needs to keep the lines of communication open about the son's driving. Nothing about keeping them open in general! We only ever fight about the "ex", and when I try to push him to talk to her about things we fight. How do I get him to open up and talk to her without causing us to fight? How do I get him to get angry with her? It is like he is afraid that she will take the child aways if he gets angry. She has no problem getting mad. He says that he would never go back to her if something ever happened to me but I don't believe that to be true!! Help what do I do? I'm starting to feel like I need a straight jacket and a padded cell!!
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Q
Colorado Springs, CO
My husband and I have been having problems for approximately 2 1/2 years. I have desperately tried to make things work out for the sake of my daughter but have now gotten to the point where I need to just end my marriage. My husband is a good father and I have every intention of sharing custody with him equally, even though I want to be with my daughter every day. She's very close to her father and this will be an upset, to say the least. She is more of a Mommy's baby and everything is "Mommy do" including all of the bedtime routine. How do I make it easier on her? Especially since she's going to have to get used to be away from Mommy a few nights a week?
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Q
Colorado Springs, CO
My husband's first 2 kids live with us full time and their mom part time. Here's our dilemma: she spends ridiculous amounts of money she doesn't have on them. She is a charge-everything person and has enormous debt. We're worried it's setting a poor example when it comes to money management and being able to get anything they want (spoiling them unnecessarily) Examples: She has bought our son his 4th pair of expensive athletic shoes so far this school year. No, his foot hasn't grown. He just wants the latest, greatest thing and she buys it for him no questions asked. Here's another one: we bought him an affordable MP3 player for Christmas (under $100). She bought him an Ipod Touch ($400) in March because he the one we bought him wasn't cool enough. The kids ask and they receive from her. She doesn't exercise judgment either.. his grades were failing and we took the expensive do-everything cell phone she bought for him away until he raised them. She was angry about that because she wanted to text him every day. She bought our tiny 7 year old daughter high heeled sandals (3 inches high) to wear as her "sandals" this summer. Talk about an ankle twister. I could go on and on, but it's the principle of the matter with us. She's spoiling them unncessarily and teaching the wrong lessons about money, earning something you want through hard work instead of easy-come-easy-go, and not thinking about what she buys. And it never stops. Every cool thing.. video gaming system, clothing, shoes, whatever... the kids get all the time. Another of my concerns is that is not how we want to raise these kids and the two my husband and I have together. How do we approach all this expensive stuff in our house when we won't buy it for our other two kids and don't want it for any of them unless they earn it (by good grades, things like that) and we can afford it. She won't listen to our pleas for her to stop and seems to do it out of spite. Any advice?
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Q
Fayetteville, NC
I am ccurrently seperated and am trying to be friends with my husban because we have four children together. It seems that he is taking my friendship to mean that we are getting back together. I do love him but I can no longer live under t he same roof with him. I have told him this but he doesn't seem to get it. I don't want to alienate him because of the kids. What can I do?
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Q
Dallas, TX
Unfortunately, my husband and I are going through a divorce. Everything is settled except how to handle custody during the holidays. I will have primary custody of the kids and will trade off every other Thurs - Sun with my ex. TX state law only addresses Thanksgiving and Christmas and I don't like what it suggests. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the holidays...Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Labor Day, Memorial Day, etc. Any help is appreciated!
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Q
Denver, CO
I have been divorced for the past 3 years and have three children. I am now remarried to a wonderful husband. Two of the children are from my first marriage; girls ages 8 and 10. We are having problems with the girls' dad. He has visitation every other weekend. My current husband and I try hard to keep the girls active in sports, school, and friends with the hope that they will keep with the "right crowd" and learn to make good decisions. Their dad doesn't call at all during the week or attend any sporting or school events that the girls are involved in. He is the type that cannot hold down a stable job (he works under the table so his paychecks are not garnished for child support) and he sleeps most of the weekend while the girls are there. The girls sit in his apartment all weekend long sending me text messages and calling me because they are bored. They cook for themselves and sometimes they don't even get three meals a day. When it comes time for his weekend there is always a battle. He doesn't think that the girls should be doing anything on his weekend. I have called him right away when they get an invite or have a game so that he can be prepared for that. I have even tried to have the girls call him themselves when they are invited to a party or if they have some type of activity on the weekend. I was hoping that he would see that they want to be involved and attend these activities. This backfired on me and he sees it as I want to keep the girls away from him. This is not the case! I would love for their dad to be involved in the stuff that they do and support them. I have never missed a game or a school performance. I am at a total loss as to what to do. Any suggestions?
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Q
Fort Collins, CO
My husband left us after 20+ years of marriage. I did not see it coming. When he left he told me all the "reasons" why he hates me and why I am such a horrible person. He said he could no longer tolerate me believing in God. Since he has left he has threatened to take the kids and everything from me if I don't agree to everything he wants. He suddenly became against homeschooling because he wants me to get a full time job (thus, lower child support) and just does not want the kids to have anything to do with me.
I have been a stay at home mom and that was my full time job. And I was a care giver for my disabled mom.
How do you get over the fear and move on? How do you trust anyone ever again? How do you find a job?
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Q
Dallas, TX
Okay well my husband just left yesterday because we have had a lot of differences yesterday. I found out while I was working he was at a meeting and left my child in the car by herself. I immediately called the police and there is nothing they can do since it happened 3 days ago. Well my 2 year old just confessed this to her grandparents and me. I chose to left because of the safety of my children. Within 2 hours he cancelled my cell phone and all the bank cards. My name wasn't on the account and it is horrible because I just started working. My check is going direct deposit and he will not give me my money. Now I am looking for a new place and trying to get stable before taking him to court for custody and child support. I have no furniture, no money just a car and our clothes and my kids furniture. I am looking for child care so I can continue to work. Can anyone help with child care, I can pay a little right now. I work 8-5 in Irving. I also will need help with furniture and house supplies can anyone sell me anything for cheap or willing to give away items. I just need some support. I do not have family here and have a 7 month old and a 2 year old both girls. If you can help or have any advice please let me know.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
I need some advice as of how to let go of my husband and how I can get organized financially. Also my children are going through alot with the divorce and daddy having a new girlfriend and living with her. I need to learn how to be stronger and supportive with my children.
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Q
Dallas, TX
Thank you all for your responses.
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Q
Altoona, PA
Hi everyone! Question is i filed for custody after the childrens father refused to see or pay for them. My hearing is November the 7th maybe some one can shed some light on me he yet again is refusing to claim any certified mail from the court house and the custody office has advised me either way i have to show can any one give me any experiences they have had. What if he doesn't claim his letter? What if he doesn't show? What next? Also i am going to be attending the class that is mandatory for custody 3 days prior to my intake conference. I am so stressed! Without him making any attempt to see the children or any phone calls in 14 months i feel it's time to get custody of our children. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!! THANKS
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
What to tell a 12 yr old when dad not around.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
I am a 31 year old single mother of two wonderful boys, 14 and 8. Yes I was very young when I had my first. My ex-husband and I were married for 11 years and separated four years ago. He was an amazing father when we were married, but since the divorce has turned into dead beat who hasn't called his children in months and has not seen them since Dec. 2006 because he lives in New York. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions ranging from anger and frustration to forgiveness. I know I am not alone, and that there are many other people out there going through the same situation but it feels so lonely and overwhelming sometimes! Anyway enough background let me get to my question!!!
My divorce finally went through this March because he refuses to respond to any legal documents and I am finally receiving child support. I am trying to increase my support payment, my oldest is attending a private high school and I would like half of the tuition but because he does not respond to the legal documents I have been instructed by the judge to subpoena his salary information. I do not know how to do this, and am thinking of getting a lawyer. I do not qualify for free legal service but can not afford high priced counsel. Does anyone have advice on any good books or resources that I might be able to use?
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Q
Flagstaff, AZ
I was married for 24 years. I allowed the process of divorce to take its course. My question is how do you handle your children, when you are going to start seeing someone. My children and I have always been by ourselves. We share and do everything together. How do you handle your emotions for another man? I recently meant a man, because I was scared I knew what would push him away, I did just that, now he has ended our relationship.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
Looking for an aggressive, competent, mother-friendly attorney in West Los Angeles area for likely case to establish custody/visitation issues. Never-married relationship ended at 6-weeks pregnant.
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Q
Orlando, FL
Is there anyway I can do my own divorce without getting an attorney involved? I want to divorce my husband but do not want to pay anyone ( attorney) since I know we both will not contest anything other then child support.
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Q
Dallas, TX
I have not seen them for about 10 years and I am now FINALLY getting to and maybe even have them live with me (long story). My question is this...I am going to be going out and visiting with them for about a week at a time..seeing that I am in TX and they are VA ! I need some great ideas to help me get to know them and them get to know me again !! It has been along time. Please help I am kinda scared at the same time that thye may not like me. What do I do????
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Q
Seattle, WA
My ex-husband and I have a 19 month old daughter and are expecting our second child any day now. Since he left in November he has not come to see our daughter, but is planning on coming to visit the new baby. Any advice on how to make the first visit with dad easy on both my daughter and me? Any advice on how to keep him from trying to take the new baby? I want my ex-husband to have a good visit with his kids, but I don't need the extra stress right after having a baby.
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Q
Tampa, FL
ok my ex wants to see my daughter and the reason i am saying my daughter is because she is mine i gave birth to her and he has not had anything to do with her in almost 2yrs and i cant just let him back in her life he is violet and mean so i am goin to tell him that he has to take me to court to see her when we went to court for our divorce he told the judge she was not his am i wrong for tellin him that he has to take me to court? what should i do?
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Q
Springfield, IL
I am divorced and living with my fiance. My x came back to town to stay around the kids cause he has never been in there life. Latley my son has been going over there and staying. Now the last few weeks my son has gotten out of control and not listening and just not doing what he is told. So I took him to the dr and she said its my fiance and my x's girlfriend and my x and I. They said my son is just lashing out. I cant see how that is so since I have been with my other for 2 years and his dad has been with his for 3 years off and on. His dad on the other hand is the same way acts out and is a hot head. Any help would be nice. Just cant beleive that would be a issue.
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Q
Spartanburg, SC
I'm a divorced mom with two kids. One lives with me and one until recently with their father. The youngest whom he has custody of but is no longer living with him - he is now living with me. My problem is that my ex says he won't sign papers b/c is isn't fair that he should have to pay for two when he was raising one up this school year and no support was paid either way. I agree with that but he should have to pay something. Instead he hasn't paid anything and now says that if I take him to court he will pull my youngest back with him b/c he has the papers to proove it. What do I do? Should I leave it alone and say that the kids are taken care of or risk going to court? It just doesn't seem fair that he shouldn't pay anything to his children. I also have a new hubby and it isn't fair to him to have to pay for both when they aren't even his - he does it without saying a word but I worry that eventually it will cause problems between us. Any help or insight from someone who has been there would be very helpful. THANKS!
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Q
Philadelphia, PA
My husband just decided he wants a divorce. And that he is going to fight me for the kids. But only 2 of them BC he didn't want a 3rd child ( I'm 3 months pregnant) So I'm looking for a good lawyer in the Philadelphia area.
I don't know what to do, I'm so numb right now.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
My husband and I have recently separated and have 2 little ones. One 2 1/2 and the other 1 yr old. They both live with me at the house we bought together and he comes over every other day to watch them. He currently lives at the office and blames me of course for his new living arrangement.
After the second one, he just seem more separated and would lash out at me. He would fight me on anything that he would have to do...dishes, trash, etc. even though he makes a lot of the messes. It became worst and more verbally abusive and no apologies either. I decided he needs to leave so my girls won't think this is normal and I don't want to tolerate this anymore. I come from a very sold family who all pitch in and help each other out. While he was not as lucky. Although he admires my family structure, he doesn't do what it takes to get there.
He has became nastier to me. It's just hard to talk to him without getting snapped let alone custody and finances. I can't live this way forever especially if he consistently being rude to me. At first, I thought it would be ideal for either one to keep the house and the other partner to come see the kids but I could see this isn't going to work out. I even offered him to stay. However, it's too much for him to handle but he's still mad at me for him living somewhere else. He just doesn't get it that I shouldn't be talked to that way.
I would like to totally separate from him but we will always be connected with the kids. How do I make this transition smoothly?
We make about the same so everything should be in halfs. However, I was a better saver for my retirement. I think he feels the kids should stay with the moms but I know he will get upset on child support if he has to pay more than half. He's also been bad about coming on time when it was his turn. I want this to effect our kids as little as possible (if this could be achieved at all) without him retaliating against me with the kids.
Any advice would be appreciated. Now that I have a taste of what it would be like separated from him, I know it would be better for me and the kids but I could also see his lack of responsiblity in order to spite me which effects the kids. What a mess. Please help me be sane through this process.
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Q
Chicago, IL
Hi, my name is M., I was recently a single mom, but now I am married, and I have been dealing with my husbands ex-wife for awhile now. But it seems like it isn't getting any better. My husband had 2 children with her, so I keep my mouth shut a lot which is very hard for me. But my question is, How can I make it clear to her that I am not trying to replace her? I have told the kids they can call me M. or whatever they want too(excluding bad words). And they are the ones that want to call me Mom. And until recently we thought everything was going okay at there mom's house, but the kids who are 5 & 7, asked if they could live with us, and they only want to be with us. There are some issues, with her new bf and hitting them. So we are going to go for full custody, but I dont know how or what I can do, but tell the kids how much I love them and I would do anything for them. I know that we kinda have to go behind her back to do this. But there is no other way, she acts like she is 16, and all she wants to do and be with is her bf. And the kids see a whole new life with us. So, What should I do? PLease can someone give me some advice on this!!
M.
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Q
Chicago, IL
I am going to throw it out there. I am finally throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Can anyone offer advise on how to go about getting a divorce? I would also need some lawyer references? I do not make a ton of money and everyone tells me it is super expensive to get a divorce. Please help??
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Q
Terre Haute, IN
I have to prepare a letter to the court so I can relocate with my 2 children. Their father and I have joint custody so I have to submit this letter 90 days before I plan on moving. I just want advise on what all to put in this letter. If anybody has advise that has been through this PLEASE let me know.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
About a month ago, my husband suggested that we separate....I hate to use the "d" word. However, I've have not agreed and am pushing for us to at least try. We have been married for 3 1/2 years (together for almost 7 years) and have 2 beautiful boys, 3 yrs old and 9 months old. I guess you can say with the stress of having children immediately after getting married....the first was a surprise...and we pushed our wedding up, stress with his work (he works long hours, he's a Controller), became buried in debt, our communication started to fail and we weren't spending quality time with each other. I've suggested that we try at least before considering a separation. He does not want to go to counseling. However, in this past month I've almost exhausted all efforts and I have to start thinking of the avenues to protect myself and the children. Here are my questions: 1) Anything I should be aware of when he presents me with the papers for a divorce? I've told him that I wouldn't sign it. 2) Any recommendations for a good legal counsel in the South Bay, Redondo Beach area? 3) Any recommendations for a good psychologist? I feel emotional drained and depressed. 4) How do I prepare my children, at their age, for what mommy and daddy are going to go through? I still pray that it would not happen. Has anyone gone through this situation? Any advice or thoughts will help.
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Q
Dallas, TX
I love that I can come here for help :-)
My father and stepmother have been in a LONG, somewhat nasty divorce. They both have lawyers: hers loves to draw things out in order to make more money, his is slow and unwilling to work on finishing this thing up. They finally went through mediation without their lawyers present and there were no issues with it. Now it's time to create the final decree and they need advice...
She does not want her lawyer to create the decree b/c he is asking for $5k plus hourly fees to do so. My father knows that involving her lawyer with this task will make the timing aspect an issue b/c more time/nitpicking on the decree means more money for the lawyer.
He does not want to use his lawyer b/c his lawyer told him that he didn't have the manpower to get it done any time soon.
Our questions are:
Can we use a third legal party to create the final decree? If so, do both lawyers need to be officially "fired?" The fees would be split and paid for by both my father and stepmother.
Do any of you have a legal referral that would be able to create the final decree? Do you know of a resource for free or affordable legal council on this matter?
THANK YOU MOMS - you are so appreciated!
M.
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Q
Dallas, TX
I have an 8 yr old daughter who vistits with her Father every other weekend. I provided her with a cell phone (by her request)to have with her when she is with him, so that if she wants to contact me she can. Her Dad has used the excuse of not allowing her to call because of long distance and his cell phone minutes. Well when she came home this weekend from her visit, she had told me that her Dad said she could no longer text msg me because it is his time with her. Moms, please know that I only text msg her in the morning to say hi and to tell her I love her, that is it. My daughter has also confided in me that her Dad and stepmom ask her questions about my relationship with my recent husband, such as having other children...who's the boss....etc. As far as the children question, her Dad told her that I had female problems( I imagine he says this because my daugter had shared with him that I had an operation early in the year to remove cancerous cells)and that my husband is not happy. I told my daughter that I did not have problems and so when she went back to her Dad with this, he said I was lying. My question is "What can I do to prevent this man from manipulating our daughter's mind?". I do not speak of my personal issues with my ex nor do I get along with him. Him and his wife are telling my daughter lies and are trying to keep her from having contact with me when she is with him. The step mom also has grown up conversations with my daughter about her breast implant operation that she is about to have. Crazy huh? Is there anything I can do?? Please help!
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Q
El Paso, TX
Hi all! I just wanted to get your opinion and see if any of you have any advice. My husband and I separated about 6months ago mainly b/c he doesn't want to grow up (but that's a different issue). He's a bartender and works at night 5 or 6 nights a week. He picks my older son up from school 3 days a week and usually during Saturday or Sunday he'll spend most of the afternoon with both boys. My problem is that I asked for him to have the boys spend the night with him one night every other week and I just found out that on those nights, he asks his Mom to babysit the kids once they are asleep. His reasoning for this is that he doesn't see the need to be there when they're asleep, they don't know he's there so why should he be? He does not understand why this upsets me. I know that part of it is jealousy/anger at him for what happened before, but another part of me says that it's just not right for a parent to leave their children the only night that they spend with them. To me, being there for your children at night is part of parenting, otherwise your a glorified babysitter. What do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Thanks to everyone in advance.
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Q
Orlando, FL
My husband and I just split recently and we have a daughter who is 15 months. I am ready to let go but not ready. I love him but hate how i feel when with him sometimes. Its been really hard being apart and watching my daughter miss him. He took her forthe first time yesterday and kept her for the night so it was the first time without her and broke my heart. anyone have any suggestions or ideas if i should work this out for my daughter or move forward and be happy?
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Q
Salinas, CA
Two and a half years ago my husband left me. This was devastating, We have a 15 year old daughter who is an incredible kid. We moved to this area because of his work, after 2 years things started falling apart. I have never been very happy here but stayed after the divorce because of our child. A few days ago I was informed by email from him that he is getting remarried. I have had extreme difficulty with all of this and want desperatly to move away. My daughter has seen how much pain I am in, but has made friends and settled in here. I don't know what to do. Can I justify leaving? I have always loved him and was comitted to our marriage never wanting a divorce. Watching him just move on with his life is just tearing me apart. C. B
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Q
Joplin, KS
Hi everyone. Can you help me out by giving me suggestions on what all to make sure is in my final divorce papers such as: college, visits, health payments, ect. I want to make sure I don't overlook anything that should be included in the final papers. I appreciate all your help!
T.
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Q
Chicago, IL
My husband & I have been unhappy for awhile now. He lost his job the end of last year and our relationship has gotten worse. He just left town to be with his family in Texas and now said he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I don't know if things can be fixed but I'm scared of divorce. What do I do with my young boys while I work? Would I have to sell my house? Can I do everything by myself? I'm so scared, sad, etc. Any advice would be helpful.
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Q
Houston, TX
I would like to know if there are any good books that I can recommend to my children regarding raising toddlers of unmarried and unhappy parents. I won't even go into all the details - but basically I am pulling my hair out with these kids raising kids. The actual children are all fine (for now), but the parents create issues where there are none and are constantly in turmoil. Who should have custody, who is doing what to whom, who is not properly taking care of whom, etc. As you know, it's nearly impossible to get them to listen to reason as long as the reason is coming from grandparents (on both sides) who obviously know nothing about raising children! Eventually, it will begin to affect the babies more and I'd like to see things change before it gets too out of control. Right now the kids are only 2 and adjust fairly well. Counseling has been suggested, but I don't really think they would be honest with a counselor. I've been trying to think of another approach - and I thought maybe if there was a book or two on the subject that I could recommend and that we could all read and discuss, maybe it would help. Something with clearly defined strategies - including what being an "adult" is all about in regards to raising your children.
Additional Request: If anyone knows of any parenting classes in the Brazosport Area, please let me know!
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Q
San Antonio, TX
I'm a mom of wonderful 2 year old. For here b-day her tia gave her flash cards and coloing books, we sit down for an hour thour out the day and learn. But heres my problem, her dad and I have a lot of problems about raising her and with each other. He really dosen't spend time with her at all. I do everything cook, clean, wash, pluse everything with our daughter ect... Him and I are splitting up I have been potting training her for about 6 mounth. But with the split she just stoped. She started to cry at night. She wants to sleep with me in my bed. She wont liev my side. I know this hurts her, but how do I help her. I hate to see her like this.
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Q
Dallas, TX
has anyone ever taken a pyscological evaluation
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Q
Altoona, PA
Ok!! Thank god for this website gives me time to vent! Ok got my date for intake conference for custody. Maybe someone can help me! The custody office contacted me yesterday and left me know that my x did not claim his certified letter regarding the conference.. My first thought great then he won't show! But then i was informed that yesterday they were sending out the same letter via mail, which kept me up all night thinking ok so he's going to show up and after 14 months of nothing to do with these children he's going to get visitation (which of course i will fight to be supervised). But hopefully due to warrants he won't show and i get my custody and walk. Does any one know the steps the courts take. Like they sent a certified letter he never claimed it..Then i thought we went to our conference and at that time if he didn't show then they sent out another letter.. But the custody office contacted me yesterday and said they were sending it out via mail i thought that was done after a no show at the conference. But hopefully this will benefit me..Does anyone know the steps that are taken for the mailing process for custody???? Oh i am so tired of being tired from all of my what ifs i bring on myself i am driving myself crazy!!!!
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Q
Tampa, FL
I need some advice from someone objective and in a similar situation. I have a 2 year old of course beautiful boy. I left his father about a week ago, it was a mutual agreement, a year in the making just waited for the money to leave. A little about us: we were never married and on and off for 12 years. I left him and found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant. Came back to try to work things out after baby was born, trying to live the traditional family life. In the end it didn't work obvoiusly. For the last year I've been sleeping on the couch, so leaving was a mutual agreement but nonetheless he's still sour. He was previously married/divorced to a straight up @#$ who took him for everythign he had. He has two grown boys from that marriage and I was with him shortly after they divorced so I saw the whole thing thru. I think I realize now why they divorced although he says different that it was all her of course. After you have children with a man your eyes open wide and mine did. Since my son was born he's been a father of convenience, a playtoy for my son as opposed to a "dad". That's my feeling. So I recently left and we are trying to minimize the stress so my son does nto pick up too much on it. My son is of course confused. So in a nut shell we move out to a new house, my mother moves in with her dog (we never had animals) and daddy is no longer there. He asks for daddy and cries for mommy when he's with him. And now he's sick and I assume it's the stress among other things, so he's that much more irritable. Not sure how to help my son adjust to the bouncing between the two homes and daddy not picking him up from daycare anymore or as often. I'm a first time mother and have always been around children my whole life and am very good with them but I don't know how to help my own. I myself come from a broken home and several marriages between my parents and my sons fathers parents are still married for more than 50 years. I would like to avoid the court system saw how ugly it can be and stressful for the children and all involved but want to play fair in more ways than one, financially and emotionally. I'm confused myself and at a loss. Don't know how to help my son adjust and when he hurts I hurt more. I need some advice. Need help in getting thru this difficult time with my son and opinions about scheduling.
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Q
Dallas, TX
I hope someone has an answer for me. First, my husband and I are NOT considering divorce. He has taken a job out of state and is leaving this weekend. I do not agree with this decision and do not believe he will be happy and/or stay at this job and place. My 10-month old son and I will not be making the move at this time. However, I am afraid he is going to force us to move by not supporting us financially. We already have split all finances due to some disagreements. I am paying rent and childcare along with all bills in my name. I told him that once he gets settled I will reconsider in a couple of months but I really feel I would be unhappy if we moved. It is a lose-lose as I do not wish to separate my son from his dad. He is a good dad just needs to grow up a little as a husband. He has threatened to take our vehicle away among other things already. My question is, there any way to get immediate child support? Would I need to at least file for legal separation? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Thanks for all of the great advice. The real issue of me not going is it is NOT a step up in his career in fact he is going backwards. He wanted to coach college baseball and instead he is moving to take a high school football coach/teaching job. It is mainly to be closer to his family. I love my job, my boss, the city, and the opportunities I have where I'm at (Dallas, TX). I don't want to seem selfish, but I don't want to be bullied into something I don't feel is best.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
It's going on a year that I filed for a divorce. I am in need of a new attorney, preferably a female.
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Q
Stockton, CA
I am requesting a 'modification of child support' from my child's father. Unfortunately, he lives in Pa and I live in California. the court states that he has to be served in person. Does anyone know how I can go about doing this w/o having to go to PA?
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Q
Charlotte, SC
I am recently going through a divorce and would like some suggestions on how I can help my children cope with this. Children are ages 14 and 7. My 14 year old doesn't belong to him but has been around since she was 4. My 7 year old does belong to him.
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Q
Cincinnati, OH
I am going through a divorce with my husband of 15 years. I am trying to do my best to keep the kids lives normal despite the changes. I have returned to part time work and their dad has moved out. I was just looking for general advice on things that have helped others get through this difficult time.
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Q
Harrisburg, PA
I have been going through a divorce for the past 8 months,I have a 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. This has been very confusing on them b/c their father and I have been living in the same house for all this time. Things are starting to get complicated and we have to try to agree on the split custody arrangement. I was wondering if there is anyone who has been through this that can offer some advice. I do not want my kids to hurt from this but really am not sure what the best solution is. We were considering 3 on 3 but will that be to confusing for them??? Please help. Thanks...
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Q
Boston, NH
Hi All. This is my first time posting a question on this website, and I am hoping to get some insight. My husband and I decided to get a divorce at the beginning of Feb, we had been having some problems for a couple of years, and by the end of Feb he had moved into an apartment with another girl! He has told me outright he is going to be with this girl. My concern is our daughter who will be 2 this week. This other girl he is living with is 19 and a smoker. Our daughter doesn't stay overnight at his apartment, but this girl is always around her whenever our daughter is with her father. I really don't like that she smokes around our daughter, how do I approach saying something to them? I feel like this girl is blurring my ex's vision into what is right for our daughter. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with this whole girlfriend being around our daughter situation?
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Q
Dallas, TX
Please help me. I need to get a divorce and I have interviewed over 20 attorneys. My divorce is going to be very complicated. My husband is narcissistic, bi-polar, has borderline personality disorder and is very controlling. We have two little boys and I want to get them out of the abusive cycle. I need someone who will FIGHT for my rights. I'm a SAHM and my husband has cut me off financially and has changed all of he bills into his name. I've interviewed on the phone and in person and I can't tell which ones will go the distance. Please help me!
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
Hi there,
I am hoping someone can recommend a good family law attorney to help with my divorce. I have been separated for over three years and feel its time to finalize our split. My soon to be ex husband and I have a great friendship and spend every weekend together with our children. I have a
family member who is an attorney that has already done most of the paperwork, but I want to speak to a non-family member for some unbiased advice in regards to my legal situation. My main question is concerning allimony and child support. I am asking for child support at this point as I have almost always supported our family throughout our 13 yrs of marriage and through my husband's advanced education. Its important to me to keep things harmonious as our family goes through this difficult situation so I feel I can keep supporting by children and myself without allimony. Any insite or advice on this is much appreciated!
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Q
Sacramento, CA
Here is my situation in short form: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 9 mo. and we have a 13 mo. old daughter and my boyfriends 7 yr. old also lives us full time as well as my 2 other children from a previous marriage. Things are not working out so well and I feel I need to start thinking about my legal rights as to our daughter. If he moves out he has said he will file for 50% custody. I can't even imagine not having her with me. She has been with me everyday since her birth. I fact I went through the whole pregnancy by myself with my boyfriend 3 states away, not seeing him until I gave birth. This has kept me from sleeping at night. I am afraid he will make things very hard for me legally. I want to believe that no judge would take an infant away from thier mother if even for 50% of the time. I stay home and have raised my 4 kids for the past 11 years. The thought of her being forced into childcare and being with him out of my sight is really making me nervous. We don't agree on alot of things especially the way we raise children and that is the main reason why things are not working out. Does anyone have any experience going through something like this or have any advice? I don't have much money so going to a family attorney is too expensive. I have thought about seeing a paralegal but don't know much about them.
Any advice is appreciated. My whole family lives out of state so my support system is not close by.
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Q
Odessa, TX
I have a 10 year old daughter and she lives with my parents. When I was growing up I had a bit of a rocky relationship with my parents. My dad did somethings that I really don't want to talk about, and all my mom knew to do was scream and yell and be abusive mentally and physically. My parents sued me about 4 yrs ago for her. Let me just say that she has always known me as mommy. I have always been there for her when she has needed me. I had her when I was 16. My parents took my to court for her when I was 17 for "insurance purposes" so they said. I just knew that eventually when I got married that I could just take her under my wing and be a REAL mom to her. I will be the first to tell you that I was not the great mother figure for her because I was still a kid my self. My parents let me go out and do what I pleased. Well, years later I got married and my husband and I thought that it was time that she stay w/us. My mom just"was'nt ready" for that. I guess that's what I get for not stepping in in the first place huh? Come to find out when they took me to court the very first time when I was 17,... they made it perminant. When we went to court 4 years ago that was changed and I get her every thursday and everyother weekend, every spring break and alternating holidays. The reason I chose this topic as a divorce and custody is because thats what I feel like it is. I don't really speak to my parents unless I have too. I don't really like to deal with them if I don't have to. I have two other boys that don't understand any of this and it is sooooo hard seeing them go through this. Its been 4 yrs. but it feels so fresh STILL. I just want my baby back. Any suggestions on what to do? I can't really afford to go back to court. We spent 30,000 dollars last time. We just don't have that kind of money. What should I do?
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
I am a single mom whom I've had 100% custody of my 17 year old daughter. Her father has never paid child support throughout these years. I recently filed for child support, and of course I mentioned this to my daughter and she agreed and was ok with it. It's been tough for me financially and I've asked her father for help in the past and he's refused. Which has lead me to file for back pay child support. Her father received the papers in the mail and my daughter happened to be with him. My daughter left my home and went to live with her father. This has devasted me. I feel betrayed and unappriciated. I'm not quiet sure what to do? Should I ask her to come home or should I give it time?
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Q
Little Rock, AR
I am brand new to this, however, I have decided to seek out to others for support and advice. I was married for 5 1/2 years (been together 6 1/2) and the day before Thanksgiving 2007, my husband filed for divorce and moved out. At the time our daughter was 16 months old. Our divorce was final a week ago and now our daughter is 18 months old. This is the worst pain I have ever endured in my lifetime and I hate it most for our daughter. This was a total blow in the face to me - did not see this coming. I tried to get him to go to counseling - I went alone and he went alone and told me the counselor said for him not to come back because he was a 'realist'. The hardest part for me is I love and am in love with him so much. His selfishness and 'all about him' just baffles me. Why in the world would a husband/father not want to keep his family together and work on a marriage and just throw in the towel and say 'It's Over'? I am completely devastated by this and it's the worst pain and hurt I have ever encountered in my lifetime! Since November I have dropped 25 lbs! I hope and pray at some point he will realize what a mistake this is and what he has lost...I get through each day by the 'unconditional love' I have for my daughter and I try to continue to remind myself that this is truly HIS LOSS! It may be false hope, but I continue for hope and prayer every single day that he will come to his senses. His reasoning is he has not been happy for 2 years -- well the first year I was pregnant and the second year we have had a child - which as we all know children change your life and your marriage does get put on hold for a few years because of the demands of a helpless child. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME????
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Q
Detroit, MI
My sister gave up everything for her husband of over 20 years. She dropped out of college and once kids were born, never worked, because he wanted her to be a stay at home mom. They decided last weekend to get divorced and my sister is soooooooo worried. She has no education, no skills and no work experience. Is there anyone who's been in this spot that can give some advice on if he would have to pay alimony or something to support her? I know they are considering a legal separation so she would still have insurance. Any advice?
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Q
Salt Lake City, UT
My stepdaughter is almost 8 and in second grade. She shares a room at her mom's house with her almost 4 year old brother in bunk beds. When she is here for the weekend she complains that her brother doesn't sleep through the night and comes up to her bed to sleep with her because he is scared. He isn't potty trained and usually wets the bed when he is with her. I feel that this is completely inappropriate, as it is affecting her sleep and then her schoolwork. There are plenty of bedrooms, but her mom wants a computer room so the kids have to share. I want to approach her mom somehow since my stepdaughter doesn't want to say anything to her mom because she thinks it will make her mad. What is the best way to go about handling this situation? Also, we are not on the best of terms (mom and me/husband) so that makes this even harder to know what to do.
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Q
Dallas, TX
I have two boys, 4 and 18 months, and am recently divorced. Their father lives with his girlfriend, which I wish were not the case, and now my oldest has come home calling the girlfriends mom "Nana". I am worried about what will happen to my children if they separate and they have to experience another loss. Also, I am upset about the inclusion of this other family in their lives, when our own family unit (me, the ex and the boys) are not communicating well. I don't know how to get through the disappointment and anger and work with my ex so there is some consistency of care. Any advice, good books, therapy groups? Help!
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Q
Dallas, TX
Okay this just happened last thursday..let me get you up to date on the sitution... I am the stepmom of wonderful 7 yr old boy. My husband(aka the DAD)received a call Thursday from his ex wife...She told him she had *Josh tested for ADD and he passed and that she was going to start medicating him for this.. My husband does not believe that he has ADD and does not want her to medicate him. My husband believes ADD is for parents who can not handle their children and put them on medication to mellow them out. The side effects of these medications are literally mind altering. So here is my question.. She is the sole caregiver by the court papers.. Does my husband have any right as to have a part in a medical desicion that will affect him as a parent?? Please any one with legal advice would be greatly appreciated...and just let me know what you would do in this situation.. Thanks ahead of time for taking the time to let me know your opinions
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Q
Omaha, IA
My Ex-husband was a icky person. Since I left he has cleaned up and is living a better life. He has a girlfriend and a new baby. He is paying child support, state garnishes it. In our divorce I got joint custody, however I got him supervised visits at my discreen and I supervise them. My daughter is three, he has seen her about 10 times. 2 have been in the last two months. I was nice and took her two hours away to see him cause she was asking. It had been 10 months since his last call or visit. He always has excuses. He doesn't have long distance so he now expects me to call him weekly. I am not sure that's my responsibility. I get along with him but I'm sick of taking care of him. He has a nineteen year old girlfriend he got pregnant their baby is 4 months old. He has a 7 year old daughter from a previous girlfriend that lives with him. He had kidnapped her from her mom at one point for a year. He has changed I think.....I hope. Anyway sorry to ramble... He came down a month ago with his girlfriend and daughters and stayed the night to visit my daughter. I let him take her to the mall for awhile unsupervised. It went fine. Now I called 2 week ago to tell him she was having surgery last friday Oct. 20 if he wanted to come. well he was moving...doesn't have his driver's lisence...blah blah blah. I have not called him back even though I said I would. He also asked if he could have my daughter for a weekend. I said I'd have to think about it. His girlfriend is an ok "Kid" - I don't dislike her, but on the last visit this is after I've seen her about 6 times previously. She was just a "Witch to me" In my home where I welcomed her. I let them stay the night at my home to save them money and fed them. Now while I understand how awkward it might be for her, it is for me too. I am kind to her and I told him I don't want her back at my house ever. Anyway...sorry I got off the reason again. He works 12 hour shifts on the weekends when is the time he could have my daughter. Why should I send her up there to spend the weekend basically with his girlfriend? She often yells at the 7 year old I've seen and I don't want this for my child. Is it wrong of me to not let her go? I would be having to trust him again with the unsupervised visits. My daughter does ask for him. I will have to transport her two hours then go back to get her. What should I do. I like it now him coming staying a day and that's good enough, for me. I'm not letting her go every month. What should I do? Help please. THANK YOU
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Q
Jacksonville, FL
My husband has a great job opportunity that would really benefit our family in so many ways except it's out of state. My first son is from a previous marriage and I know he'll fight me to keep us here. Has anybody had any luck with this situation or lawyer refferrals....anything??? I've heard I would have no luck and that the court will keep me here if my ex wishes it and I'm just looking for some hope.
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Q
Dallas, TX
The last few times my 13 yr. has came home from her dad's, there has been issues. He recently married and his new wife seems upset that my daughter is not bonding with her. Keep in mind he only knew this lady about a total of 3 months and has been married 2 weeks. My daughter met her once before the wedding and I also have issues of my child's safety while she is with them. Do I have to make my daughter continue to visit him if she doesn't want to? We were never married so there is no divorce decree but there is a child support order which states he gets 30 days in the summer and 2 weeks at Christmas. What are my options?
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Q
Chicago, IL
My daughter is 4yr's old. Although her father only lives 10 minutes away decided from mid conception that he wanted nothing to do with her. Nov 2006 thru April 2007 when she's 3 he starts coming around, playing father, doing sleepovers and such and she gets to know him. He then decides to disappear from her life again. He pays no support, has taken a cash job to avoid his child support order and I'm sure some of you know the state takes forever enforcing it. I dont have his number, only his address, but I have emailed him asking him to see her, explaining that we wouldn't even have to see each other I could have someone else drop her off. I have sent him birthday cards from her, Christmas pics, although I have stopped doing that now, why make the effort if he doesn't appreciate it. She has been asking for the last year when her dad's coming to see her, she saves pieces of candy or food for him, colors pictures for him, constantly brings up things she did with him, or reminds people of her fathers fish tank, etc. She sometimes walks around the house with a picture of him and her saying I miss my daddy, pouting. She hasn't seen him in a year now and she still talks as if she seen him just last week. I guess it doesn't help that my neices father comes and picks her up every other weekend from our daycare in front of my daughter, because then that gets her started on where's my daddy, why isn't my daddy picking me up? My daughter has told my 5 1/2 yr old neice "I hate you, your daddy picks you up and mine doesn't" but I've also witnessed my neice rubbing it in my daughters face that her daddy was coming to pick her up and that my daughter couldn't come with and they were gonna do waterpark, carnival activities all weekend. Just recently, my neices father has offered to take my daughter along with them this upcoming weekend. My question is what do I tell her. I've been telling her your daddy is working he'll come see you soon. I never bad mouth him to her even though he is undesearving of fatherhood. Do I keep telling her this? Someone told me to tell her he died so she can greive and forget him but I dont agree with that either. What if he decided to be a part of her life again two years from now and I've told her he's dead. At what point do you tell them the truth?
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
We have part time custody of my husband's son. We have 50/50 financial and 80/20 physical. His ex-wife just asked us for more money to pay for things she has spent money on that she now wants us to reimburse her for. There are no actual receipts just her word that this money is owed.
My question is what is "included" in the actual payment of child support? Child care, food, clothing? Has anyone dealt with this before?
Any help with this would be GREATLY appreciated.
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Q
Ocala, FL
I was married 12 years our marriage was great then O.K anyway we never fought in front of our kids 12 10 and 6 .. so when we split it was kindof a suprise . anyway the dad was a good dad loving kind always there for the kids . however after the divorce he stopped seeing our kids . will not return phone calls ect... it has been 8 months now . my middle daughter has asked me to PLEASE take me to see her dad . I have always been honest to them on why we split and stuff however I do not bash there dad .. when they ask why is daddy doing this i just say he is making bad choices .. so wht do I do . do I take her to go see him ?? even though he has made it clear he no longer wants to be a part of their lives ? he says they are the last link he has to me and he no longer wants that . any ideas ?? she wont back down and at this point I do not know what to say
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Q
Barnstable, MA
So here's my situation. I have a 9 1/2 year old step-daughter who won't sleep over our house. She will if she's having a friend sleep over, but that's it. She would if my husband would sleep in the room with her too, but we think she's too old for that. Her mother on the other hand still sleeps with her at least two nights a week. This is not my step-daughter going into her Mom's room b/c she's scared, this is her mother coming and getting into bed with her. She also still showers with her, and we think she's way too old for that. Her mother has been with her boyfriend for about 6 months less than my husband and I (about 6 1/2 years), and he lives there, so it's not like she's alone. She says we're jealous b/c she has a close relationship with her daughter, but that's not the case. I just had my first daughter in Aug. 07, so I have not gone through any of this yet, so maybe I'm wrong. So my question is this: Is this a typical mother-daughter relationship, or is 9 1/2 too old to be showering/sleeping with? Please help, I need some unbiased opinions.
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Q
Houston, TX
I need to file for divorce but my funds are very limitted. His are even more limitted so I can not have him pay, even though it is a "fault divorce". If anyone knows where you can find the paperwork to complete yourself and then take to the courthouse to file I would greatly appreicate it. I am not looking for one of those site's that does it for money I can fill it out I just need to know where to find it. Thanks so much, have a happy 4th of July.
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