We have a family member who out of the blue asked to come spend sometime with us this weekend, ok no problem, then I find out said teenanger(probably about 17) brining prego gf. I never even knew this kid had a girlfriend let alone one that she is pregnant. (hubby thought I knew all this) Here's my issue, my kids have looked up to this person forever. How to I explain this to them? And sleeping arrangements, obviously damage has been done already, but I am NOT comfortable having them sleep in same bed together under my roof (I am so feeling like my parents right now lol) Any suggestions how to deal with this situation will grealtly be appreciated. THANKS!
ETA - they are from out of town andhubby already said they could come stay, I think she is pretty far along already
OPPS another fact - I do not have a problem with bieng unwed, I had both my kids before their dad and I go ,married, its the being so young part that worries me. :)
Thanks for all the good info! I am going to have them sleep in different rooms, and I am not going to preach to them or say anything about their situation unless they specifically ask me my opinion and if they do I will not be harsh, I have never even met this girl. I know the boys parents didnt throw him out or anything they are not like that at all. We shall see how it goes.
When my husband and I were living together before marriage. When we traveled to another state to visit family they always seperated us. His family and mine. It was no big deal, we respected them enough to honor their sleeping arragements for us.
Into my 20s any girl I brought home would stay in a seperate room.
Your kids can put two and two together. And one exposure to bad decision making does not a bad decision maker make.
I'd be stressing more of how much to tell the kids than about sleeping arrangements, but that's me. Your house, your rules - whatever those rules may be.
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one more thing - they're coming for a reason. They're knocked up, scared sh%#$less - and YOU and your husband are whom they chose to confide in and seek advice.
They're at a crossroads in life. This is an opportunity to share your wisdom and experience and maybe they'll make better choices in the future.
First of all, I wouldn't say ANYTHING to your kids until after the weekend. After they leave, I would wait for an opportunity and then start a conversation on how hard it will be for these two young people to move forward in life; how they are so young, they don't truly understand all the responsibility that comes with having a child, etc.
As for the sleeping arrangements, I would simply show them where they'll be sleeping (separately) and if either one says anything, just explain your house rules. Just be matter-of-fact about it.
To your children.. these people look like grown ups.. They are 19 so essentially they are adults.. So no need to address the Pregnancy.. ..
If you do not approve of people living together, just let them know in your home. they will be in different rooms.
Otherwise they are adults so you decide how you want to handle this.
Do not go overboard preaching or judging to them.. I am sure they have gotten an earful already from everyone else.
They need to just be supported with their decision at this point.. That is what family is all about..
Just because he has a gf doesn't mean he HAS to bring her to your home. If you don't feel comfortable with it, just tell him so. NEVER feel obligated to do something you don't want to. Good luck.
When I was 19* I went home with my BF for Christmas and we slept in separate rooms. Just let them know ahead of time or have your husband let them know they will sleep in different rooms. I am sure they will respect your wishes.
Hi Mama
My advise would be to give them the support that they need. They are pending parents,a way past the teenage phase of sneaking into rooms etc etc.
Spend the time with them advising them on different aspects of becoming a parent and reassuring them it will be fine.
Be careful that you don't give your kids the message that it is BAD thing to be having a baby.
It is a gift and who has the right to judge at what age this should happen.
All the best
B. k
We are hosting a baseball player this summer. His girlfriend wants to come visit. I'm FINE with her visiting. However, they may NOT sleep in the same bedroom.
Like I told him - I'm not being a prude - I just don't want my children to think it's OKAY in my home for unmarried couples to sleep together. That is NOT what we are modeling for OUR children.
Since she's already pregnant? Tough call. I personally wouldn't address the pregnancy with the children unless they ask. I still wouldn't allow them to sleep in the same room.
Explain the issue to your kids in a simple way if they are young. Stick by your principles, and have your visitors sleep in separate bedrooms.
I'm not asking you to share, but do you know more about the situation than you are sharing? Did the family member speak with you directly at any point about this pending visit? I'm asking because I think that I would have talked to him more and had more information before agreeing to have them come for an extended visit, especially with children and schedules in place. That's just my personality, though.
Regarding your children, I don't know that you need to explain anything to them just yet. I would see how they respond to it and play your explanation by ear. Things happen, and your kids will see that he is human. I'm probably weirder than most, but that human factor always made people more appealing to me.
Oh, I forgot about the sleeping arrangements. I like the suggestion to show them to their separate quarters and only address it if they say something.
If this is just for a few days, I would just suck it up and leave it alone.
As for your kids looking up to him...well this is what happens when protection isn't used or taught. It's a good learning experience.
Sleeping arrangement's. Him on the floor, her in a bed or on a couch. While it is a little late to worry about pregnancy it does not mean you have to allow them to share a bed.
