Yet Another Potty Training Question - Park Ridge,IL

Updated on September 16, 2009
M.M. asks from Park Ridge, IL
10 answers

I have a daughter who turned 3 in July. Let me first say that she has been on the "normal to late" side to do anything ie crawl, walk, talk...
I tried potty training her at 2.5 when I was pregnant and it was a disaster. She wasn't ready at all. My pediatrician said to wait until she was at least 3 after the baby was born. My little guy is almost 6 months. Whenever I bring up the subject of the potty she refuses. Again my ped says not to push, if I do, she will completely resist. She goes to preschool 2 mornings a week where they put her on the potty and she usually goes. She doesn't tell them she has to go. She just won't argue with them when they put her on the potty, and she sees other kids going. My question is, has anyone dealt with this refusal to go at home? When should I start to train again, or should I just wait until she wants to do it? How should I train without making a huge deal out of it? I don't want her to regress more by pushing the issue. Thanks!

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answers from Chicago on

The best way to potty train is just to not bring it up. Leave the potty out in the room (if you have a little one) and just forget it. She will just come to you one day and ask about it.
Let her take the initiative. Let it be her choice. She will do it soon. And she's not LATE! 3 is normal for girls to start being interested and 4 is normal for boys. She will get it. Just be patient and DON'T. PUSH. HER. You will be happy when she potty trains in one day... WHEN SHE IS READY.

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answers from Chicago on

I'm in the process of training my 18 month old (she woke me up at 4 this morning asking for her potty and she went)..and we are having some success. I don't know much about 3 year old development, but here goes:

Suggestion: make potty time fun, mommy and me time. I'd go buy a special book or something, and then tell her that you need to go potty and would like to read the book with her while you are both on the potty. I'd also create a happy dance/song to do if she has a hit. If nothing happens after a few minutes, just continue reading the book in another room. I'd make sure you actually have to go and that she had a big drink of water about an hour or so before you attempt this.

In short, I'd figure out a way to mellowly suggest she sit on the potty and make it a real fun time --something special. If you can get her to do it a few times, and then make a big deal out of successes, I'm sure she will take it up real quick.

You could always just tell her that there will be no more diapers and do a three day potty boot camp. I know people say to not push, but I see potty learning as similar to all other types of learning: if not given the opportunity, they will not necessarily do it on their own. Remember how you helped her learn to roll over? Remember how you helped get her to walk? Potty training really is no different. Like the other activities, you can't make them do it, but you can set up conditions that make it more likely that they will try and succeed.

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answers from Chicago on

Hi M M Just be patient with her because she's still very young. Maybe she does better with the potty at preschool because of the other children and doesn't feel the need to resist. So give her some times she'll get it.



answers from Chicago on

One idea:

A friend of mine is teaching "Child Led Potty Learning" this Monday evening at 6:30-8 in Chicago. Check this web site for the information. It is being held at a boutique on Lincoln:

If you can't make it, contact the presenter. She's great and does consultations.


Show her lots of cute DVD's/videos and get a few potty books you like to get the process started. Never shame her or be dismayed when she has an accident. If she has a good friend who uses the potty, see if they can spend an afternoon or two together when she's ready enough to want to do what her friend does. My daughter was using the potty in a couple of days after we did that! Make sure there is a small potty her size available so that it is easy, with easy clothes for minimal hassle. Don't keep her in the same pull-ups she's been using as it is too confusing. You can get cloth underwear with built in pads to minimize leaking from accidents.

FYI: I am working with my 4.5 y.o. son who is just now really ready and doing great with the first phase. I think it's easier to wait for them to lead than press them.

Good luck!!




answers from Chicago on

I used to work at a preschool and we were not allowed to put kids on the potty or help in any way. Weird that they put her on and she does not ask...
anyway... usually most kids in the 3 year old class are not potty trained. You would be surprised how many 5 year olds still have issues. Do not push her. do not let her know it bothers you. send her in a pull up to preschool if you think it is a problem. eventually she will ask and she will probably then be trained quickly. I have 2 boys and I "tried" to train the first one... it was a disaster too, I also had my boys 2.25 years apart. it was a battle of wills for over a year. The second one I tried for a week and just gave up. One day he said he wanted to wear underwear, had accidents in them for 2 days, and then all of a sudden it all clicked. he basicall trained himself. (with my help:-) I also did daycare. all kids will get potty trained eventually. I promise! do not push. if it is thier chioce and accomplishment, they will stick to it and it will not be the battle of wills:-) GOOD LUCK. This will pass...



answers from Chicago on

Don't stress! I've been going through something similiar. Let her lead you.
I don't agree with rewarding a child with candy! Children don't need to be rewarded for everything, especially something they should do (like use a toliet). It will come. All parents are doing when they reward with candy is teach children that food is a reward. So when they are feeling sad, bad, etc... they will turn to food or candy, and associate not getting candy with being a punishment.

Good Luck :)



answers from Chicago on

I waited with my first 2 until after 3. Then used sticker charts to earn things they wanted. My first was easier. My 2nd more stubborn. I had to figure out what she wanted. GUM She earned gum for staying dry. Good luck, find what she wants. And when they are older you find their hot button taking away lovie if you are wet..they are old enough to realize cause and effect.



answers from Chicago on

Hi-i used to be a Teacher in a daycare for the 2 year olds-what is her favorite candy (m&m's, skittles, jelly beans, starburst, peanuts, etc....). Buy a small plastic container with a lid and a bag of her favorite candy. Bring it all home and you sit down with her and decorate the container. Anyway she would like. Pour her candy in the container and tell her that she can have this candy when she goes potty. She can have 1 for going peepee and 3 for going poopoo. And this is the ONLY time she can have this particular candy so its important to buy her absolute favorite. If she sits on the potty but doesn't go she DOES NOT get any candy. She has to actually go peepee or poopoo to get the candy. It will be hard at first but stay strong. It will get easier. I can't tell you how many 'stubborn' kids I have successfully potty trained this waym. A lot. Hope this helps and good luck. Jen



answers from Chicago on

at that age it is still a skill where you have to tell them to do it, so don't ask her just tell her at certain times to sit and go.

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