WWYD - Birthday Invite

Updated on July 22, 2012
D.J. asks from Northville, MI
11 answers

My 9-year-old is invited to our neighbor's sleep-over party and my husband I are divided over letting our daughter attend. My daughter has slept over there before, but we have recently had a lot of issues with the mother and don't feel that we can really trust the mom. We're fairly ok with the father.

Without going into too much detail, the mother has ignored both my husband and I since March even though we ran into each other fairly regularly at the bus stop (we are the only other people there). This was due to a falling out over Girl Scouts as this woman was also my daughter's troop leader.

The main highlight of that situation was that she cancelled an after school Scout meeting by having the school make a broadcast announcement to the girls without calling any of the parent's to let them know that their kids would be coming home instead of staying after school. My daughter never heard the announcement as she gets bussed from another school and was stranded. One of the other girl's parents had taken her brother to the dentist so she walked home by herself (3rd grader) and sat on her front porch crying for an hour until her mom came home.

Furthermore we found out that the reason the meeting was cancelled was because she had a relative in town (and had been for 5 days prior) and she was too busy getting ready to leave for their vacation (which was a full week later). I would have been more understanding if there was some kind of emergency but instead she was just inconvenienced and had waited until the last minute to cancel the meeting. While there were many other issues with her troop leadership and our relationship, this was the straw that broke the camels back and we stopped attending GS.

I have always maintained that I just want the kids to play and not get involved with all the parental drama baloney. I don't have a huge problem letting my daughter go over there for the party (although part of me wonders if I should). She wants to go and I can't imagine any major problems popping up but my husband feels that he can't rely on them and doesn't want her to go.


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answers from Oklahoma City on

She's 9. If she wants to go I'd let her. If she feels uncomfortable then let her go to the party and then make her excuses and come home.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from San Francisco on

What does your DAUGHTER want?
If you want to avoid all the parental drama baloney then stay out of it. Let your daughter decide if she wants to go or not. It doesn't sound like she'll be in any danger, right? And of course since she's in the neighborhood she'll be close by and can call if she needs anything.
I understand wanting to distance yourself from certain parents, especially those who are flaky and unreliable (I have done the same thing!) but unless I feel my child would be in an unsafe environment I let them navigate their own party plans and play dates.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

So your husband is going to punish your daughter because you guys don't get along with this mom?

I am sorry but that isn't fair to your daughter. So the mom called the school and assumed the school made sure all the girls knew. What happened to your daughter was wrong but it wasn't just her that failed your daughter, the school did too. So to you the reason was lame that doesn't mean it was lame.

Be the bigger person and let your daughter have fun.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Let her go. Your neighbor was obviously sore about how the Girl Scout drama played out, but she still allowed her daughter to invite yours to her party. That says a lot. It could be her way of extending the olive branch. Yes, she obviously could have handled that meeting cancel better, and maybe she felt really bad about how that turned out. And very hurt that you pulled out of Girl Scouts over it. You should know that being a Girl Scout leader is 100% a volunteer job, and it is a MASSIVE amount of work. Unless you really feel your DD will be in danger, I'd let her go. At least call and ask in a non-accusatory way how the party will be run, who is supervising, will they be leaving the house, etc. You can always tell your DD she can call you any time of night if she feels like coming home for any reason, and you will go and get her, even it's really late. But I'd say give it a try for the sake of the kids' friendship. I'd be tempted to tell DH if they aren't holding a grudge any longer, you aren't going to either. My heart goes out to their DD who has not done anything to not deserve a nice birthday party with her friends.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

The woman made an error in judgement. She felt the announcement would be sufficient but it was not.

You said that there were other issues with her leadership. Some people are not cut out to be leaders but you've got to give them their props for trying. While I was not always thrilled with my daughter's GS leaders, I did not complain because they did something I was not willing to do...lead the troop. You can take it or leave it. It sounds like you chose the latter.

It sounds like the daughters are still friends and therefore you need to salvage some kind of relationship with this woman. You don't need to be best friends, but you do need to be civil and get a long for the girls' sake.

Let it go that her cancelling of the meeting did not go as smoothly as planned. Unless you feel that there will be gross negligence on her part during the party, let your daughter go, let her be friends with the girl, and let her rejoin GS's if she desires (and maybe step up and be co-leader so you do have a say and a voice as to how things are handled.)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Unless you are worried about her safety while she's there, as in wondering whether the mom will properly supervise, I don't think you should make her stay home. Even if you don't like the mom, let your daughter go an have fun with her friends.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Be the adults and let her go.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Let her go, you either mean what you say "letting them remain friends" or not. She is a bad leader but is she nice and responsible with your daughter? If so I think she'll be fine.

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answers from Cleveland on

I think i would have a serious talk with dd about how like at any sleepover if she just doesn't want to stay, or if someone isn't being kind or acting the way they should ( responsible) that she can .....??? tell the mom to call you?? tell the girl host that your dd wants to use the phone???// give her your cell for the night for emergencies like this???

It will be a fine line to walk with out crossing over into scaring her or badmouthing. but if your dd is responsible it should all be fine.

wow, what an awful thing to do cancelling that meeting, I would have hoped all the girls would have gotten an appology from her.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Let your daughter go.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

It's just like a divorce - kids should not suffer because adults are having a conflict.

1 mom found this helpful
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