Wrong to Punish a Child at Naptime?

I have a two year old...going on 6 year old girl.
Nap time on the weekends is a pian for us as well.
My girl doent have a strong attachment to much of anything, so I dont punish her for not napping. I put her on her bed. I tell her she can play on her bed as long as she is quiet.
Sometimes that works and she falls asleep in ten min or less.

Other times I'll let her cry for 10-15 minutes. Ince she tires herself with that I will go readjust her body and put her for a minute or two, then leave out. Usually she's sleep within 3 minutes of that.

Other times she'll fuss so long, that It will get too late for nap time and I'll let her get up. Last time I did this I instructed her that she couldnt talk to me until whatever time naptime was supposed to be over.

I did this in a kind manner. I didnt ignore her, I'd just remind her that she was supposed to be napping and therefore couldnt talk to me until (I finished dinner, reading, cleaning etc).

Long story short, punishment is probably not the most effective way.

put up a gate with door open tell her she needs to have quite time, period. Give her things that will comfort her. a blanket etc....she can even read a book sometimes when you make the setting nice but quite they fall over and take that nap they didn't want to take in the first place.

M., you have some great suggestions here. I would re-frame it for your daughter not as a punishment, but as many suggested, a "quiet time" to help her feel better for the rest of the day. If she tries to come out of her room, calls for you, etc. Just put her back in her room/bed over and over until she "gets it" that you are serious about this rule (have you seen the Supernanny do this technique?). Is she in a crib? I would also explain to her each day what you expect. Tell her that if she calls for you, you will not come, she is expected to go to sleep and not play. You must not give in and over time, she will see it is easier to do what you are asking than continue to fight it. When she is successful and takes her nap, praise her, maybe give her a special sticker, treat, fruit, etc. and tell her how proud you are of her as a big girl taking her nap and obeying her mommy. Good luck!

Hi M., My daughter is similar. She will be 3 next month and naps fine at school, but at home resists. I try to simulate bed time with the story and music and I try to have her nap at the same time as at school. Sometimes she is willing and sometimes she is not. If not, she cries and resists and may settle down if I relax myself and rub her back a little. At the extreme I will leave her alone and close the door. The doorknob inside has a child safety knob so she cant open the door. She usually will not cry for more than a minute. And nothing in her room will harm her if she is alone. She wakes up 3 hours later happy! My mil disagrees with the doorknob thing, but I think 30 seconds of pain is worth having a great rest of the day!

Hi Meridith,

I haven't logged on in quite a while and by chance did and saw your post. I am a single mom of five wonderful children ages (13, 9, 8, 6, 4). Sleep issues! Oh yes, and from five different personalities and mentalities. My experiences prove out that if what you are doing isn't working, chang it. Could your daughter be having issues with your husband being gone so much? Maybe an axiety? Children are often expected to obey without understanding, as if they were just as adult as we are. Reasoning hasn't fully developed and therefore can't be applied by them. In essence, they aren't able to explain what they are feeling or to even understand why they are feeling it and often intimidated by an indirect message that says they aren't allowed to even express those feelings. Therefore, an auto-pilot defense kicks in which is perceived as dilitary or rebellious or disrepectful or purposely defiant........ You see, my children and I have survived traumatic domestic violence and are very blessed to even be alive. I am still learning so much about why they won't just do what I tell them to do without repetitive punishment. No matter how severe or light an axiety may be or seem, it is still anxiety and will override punishment as a survival tactic. My children still will refuse to go to bed without me at night for fear of separation and GOD only knows what else might be going through their minds. This is usually the only downtime I would have available, but I often sacrifice it just to ease their anxiety. They love me even the more when I do and we ususlly wind up getting into some really revelating conversations. The blessing becomes mine. Children know when a parent just needs them to go away for a while and will act out even the more. Believe me, I know what it is to need debriefing and so often do not get it. But they didn't ask to be here and I am willing to do my honorable duty. Besides, I chose it. Hope this might help you in some way. A little about me- I have a home based business, homeschool all five children, and have a community outreach as well. GOD is good!

GOD BLESS,

L. Hawkins
Stone Soup on Assignment/Community Outreach
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my son gave up naps at 2.5 - and was very active and willfull also, so i feel for you, my daughter is 2, she still naps, but i have to rock her for about 20 mins solid.

if she is not too heavy maybe you could sit in a chair and rock her while some soft music is on - in her bedroom with the shades dwon so its nice and dark, make sure her belly is full with warm milk and a nice cookie - make it something to look forward to - i wouldnt punish her, its goig to make you feel bad, and her dread naptime.

its so annoying how they can make them do it at preschool, then they wont do it at home isnt it?

Hi M.

I would like to suggest what some of the other moms have suggested...making sure she has something to do that is tiring during the early part of the day.

When my daughter was 3 she would wake up between 6-7am, run around and play with the cat, jump all over me, etc. By 3 or 4pm she was tired as can be and would sleep for a couple of hours or more.

Good luck. Just don't tire yourself out by trying to get her to sleep. If she doesn't sleep at nap time, try finding something that will occupy her while she's awake so you can do what you need to do too. Finger painting can be good as well as a Leap Pad.

Maybe she is getting more physical or mental activity at preschool that would help her fall asleep. Make sure she is getting some fresh air and time to run around on the days she is home or give her a task that you know will be difficult for her to do. At 3 some kids are phasing out of naps but since she sleeps everyday at school Im not sure that is her case my daughter napped at 3 almost every day she has phased them out now at 4 but I make her go to her room everyday for "quiet time" this is 2 hours where she may play quietly in her room ( I have a 1 yr old who naps so I need quiet at this time). I would not feel bad about punishment. It can be hard to discipline our children it never feels good at least it shouldn't but your daughter is testing you she respects the authority of her teacher thats why she does what she's told. She is growing into her own person and if you let her get away with stuff now she will continue to test and then it will multiply into back talk and maybe even disobeying in ways she could hurt herself. Be consistent now, it will pay off later, just make sure you are not acting out in anger just state the rules and the consequences are simply b/c of her choices not b/c she's getting a reaction from you. One more suggestion, since she is in school all day make sure she feels like she is getting enough time with you, 3 yr olds love mommy and family time so be sure to set some time aside where you can give her lots of attention, she may be acting out simply to get some face time ( Im not saying you ignore your child by any means) Let her know ok well now its quiet time you may rest or play with these toys on your bed until this time" later mommy is gonna make a craft with you... something like that. hope this helps good luck.

Hi M.,
Have you tried talking with the teachers at the preschool and finding out what routine they do before naptime? It may be they read a certain book, listen to certain music, or play a ceratin game, to indicate to the kids its time to prepare for a nap. If they follow a certain pattern to get the kids to sleep, then it may be something you can follow at home as well.

In the Pre-K class we play some soothing music that encourages them to go to sleep. They are only required to be quiet and lay down on their mat. Some of them go to sleep and some don't. I hope that this helps you.
P. S

My son doesn't like to nap on weekends either. When I notice him getting fussy, I tell him to go to his room and sit on his bed. I give him a couple of books (he loves books) and everything he needs to take a nap (blankie, stuffed animal, etc.) and then I tell him to not get off of the bed until I return. I then close his door (leave a little crack) and walk away. He falls asleep within 15 minutes every time.

Definitely don't let your child know you need her to take a nap. It might help to let her know what you two will do together once she wakes up--ie: make something together, play outside, eat a snack, etc. It's a compliment to you that she doesn't want to sleep--she just wants to spend as time as possible having fun with you.

if she has a tv in her room put on a video that she likes. just make sure it doesn't have a lot of singing and dancing or she might want to do the same. tell her she can watch it as long as she stays in her bed and lays her head down but if she gets up it goes off. if there is no tv in her room let her try it on the couch or in your room if you have one there. i'll bet she will end up falling asleep if she lays still to watch it.

Hi M.,

Both of my kids went through this at about that age. I think it was part of their growing independence. we acknowledged how big they were getting, but told them that big people need rest, too. We made a "deal" with each of our children that they would lay down in their bed for the duration of a soothing cd, Kenny Loggins "Return to Pooh Corner" in our case, but they wouldn't have to sleep if they didn't fall asleep. They had to lay still, couldn't move about or play. My daughter usually fell asleep in the first few songs; my son, who has never slept as much as his sister, would lay quietly for the duration, and then get up. Even if they didn't sleep they were more calm and rested for the afternoon/evening, and they felt that they had more control over their lives. Good luck and better weekends!

K.

I would find an activity for her that she likes and tires her (so when she's done she won't be so hyper), such a class of swimming (do you have a swimming pool nearby?), or some other light physical activity (mini basketball, baby dance etc..). If you are lucky to have someone else taking her to class, then you can do house work in the meantime, if you are not (and most of us aren't), then you take her there, let her burn her energy, and then you take her home and offer one (just one) dvd (pinocchio, aristocats any Disney's cartoon that is mellow) so she can rest down without sleeping (which she doesn't want/need to do) while you do your things around the house. I bet she'll go to sleep at night right after dinner and will sleep all night long soundly!
In my opinion around that age children start to have more energy and their mind needs to get busy, along with their strong little bodies, and need less sleep, so there goes the day nap! My son is 3 and 1/2 and does not sleep anymore during the day, except when after a sport or other tiring physical activity done in the morning and a good car ride. I hope you can find what works for your daughter, I would not punish her because nobody can fall asleep unless their body needs it...she can't help it. But this is just my opinion. Good luck!

At about that age my son started fighting naps. We initiated "quiet time" in his room. He had to go in his room, lie on his bed and look at books or do something quiet for an hour. At the end of that hour he could come out. Usually, at least at first, he was asleep at the end of the hour and we let him sleep.

My 3 1/2 year old daughter did many things in daycare that she would never do at home (eat green vegetables happily, nap, clean up all the toys). I think it's a peer pressure type thing. at around age 3 we started having trouble with naps. I think she still needs it but she just can't sleep. our rule is that she can play in her room by herself or sleep. sometimes she sleeps, but most of the time she plays quietly with her dollhouse or reads her books. that way there's no battle and I can still get things done.

MY child is difficult to put to bed too. I usually lay down beside him intil he drifts off. That way we get a peaceful nap time, and I usually catch a few winks too!