Would You Say Something to the Babysitter?

It sounds like she doesn't want to babysit anymore and is making excuses as to why she can't be there.

I would make other arrangements and call her and tell her her services aren't needed and she can go to her sister's birthday party...then not use her again...if she or her mother asks - just say - matter of factly - I got the feeling she/you didn't want to baby sit anymore so we made other arrangements...

Just find another babysitter.

When I flaked out (forgot) on one of my babysitting dates when I was a teen, they just never called me again.

Okay, IF you want to keep her around as babysitter for whatever reason then I'd say you do this...contact her in a nice way and just say that you've gotten someone else who can sit until 5 and that you guess there must have been a misunderstanding and maybe 2 got metioned a possible time (even though you didn't) but you really needed her longer, you looked through the emails, etc., etc. Then say something to the effect of I really hope it can work out for next time because it's hard to find someone else at the last minute every time.

If you don't want to continue to use her then ignore it and find someone else. If she confronts you at some point, which is unlikely, then just tell her the truth.

I would just find someone else and stop calling her to babysit. It sounds as though maybe as she is getting older her agenda is getting filled up and may just be too busy to babysit anymore. So I would just move on. IF her or her mom say anything down the road (which I don't think they will) just say that the last two times you asked her to babysit it seemed as though she was getting too busy to babysit anymore and you didn't want to burden her anymore.

find someone who can cover until 5 this weekend and just don't all her back... move on to someone more responsible.

If she asks, just tell her twice in two weeks you were counting on her for certain hours and she wasn't able to fulfill that so you started working with someone who was better able to do that. She won't ask though.....

I would get a new babysitter.

If my boss (and that IS what you are) called and said "I have you scheduled to work today" and I didn't have it calendared, guess what? It is on my calendar now! I would call my mother and tell her, sorry mom, but I have to work and I screwed up my schedule.

Not only did she not do that, but she had yet another scheduling issue in a short time after the first incident.

There are plenty of responsible babysitters. You can find one your children adore.

Good luck!

Id just ask her if her life is getting too busy or exciting and if shed rather not babysit for you anymore. Sit her down and say " I know weve had a few misunderstandings about times and dates and I wouldnt want to miss something I have planned because of us gettiing our dates and times wrong. Can we make sure we have the same things on both our calendars from now on?" And ask her if she still wants to sit, if there is any reason why she doesnt, such as pay, or your kids bug her, or she just doesnt like it anymore. Also ask her if she has any younger friends who are reliable who she would recommend for sitting in the future. I think everyone should have more than 2 babysitters names on hand. But really, just ask her.

If her mother wasn't your friend, I would simply forward her the original email and refer her to the indicated time.

However, b/c you are family friends I would talk with her when she arrives on Saturday and let her know that in the future, you will give her an exact time range (overestimate your time) and that you will confirm those exact times with her two days before the date.

It's possible that her mother told her that she needs to be home by 2 to help get ready for the party and mom is annoyed that she made babysitting plans for the late afternoon. Totally possible that she's making this up to avoid upsetting both of you.

Also possible that she's "outgrown" babysitting on the weekends. She sounds a little flakey to me- at 20 she can't keep an accurate calendar? If it happens again, find another sitter.

What would be the purpose of confronting her about it, exactly? Would you suddenly develop trust that she will show up reliably in the future? I would just find someone else to use as my trusted first call person. If you do confront her, you might alienate the rest of the family as well. Is that something you want to do?

Just find another babysitter.

I agree that it's time to find someone new. Maybe she isn't interested in doing it anymore, and this is her way of telling you? I wouldn't confront her, especially if your friend's daughter. Just stop calling her to babysit.

I don't know what people are thinking. I personally think it's inexcusable to say you will do something and then not do it. In my world it's the moms and dads doing this to me. They say they are coming to meet me, tell me the time they are coming, and STILL they don't show up. The few times I've been at the end of my rope and complained on here I am told to basically, get over it or change the way I meet people yadda yadda. There is NO WAY for ME to make ANY changes that will make OTHER people keep their word.

It sounds to me like you need to find a provider that does care in their own home with good references. I'm saying this because it's their living. They are more likely going to take it seriously than a 20 something going to your house.

Sounds to me like she doesn't want to do it anymore and doesn't know how to tell you. At 20 yrs old, I can see WHY she doesn't want to. You don't say whether she's a full time student or has another job, but babysitter's salaries are not very attractive to someone who can work a retail job for twice the money.

:(

She's not reliable, I'd look for another babysitter. Make sure during the interview of your new people you make things clear. Chalk this gal up as a learning experience. Babysitting is a job that requires flexibility on the babysitters part. Your current girl wants things to be on her terms only. She doesnt have a good work ethic.

Talk to her... You don't have to be mean, but just say, hey I've looked through my emails and last week I had a confirmation you were coming but you didn't have it on your calendar and I have another email were we had a open time frame until 5 PM. Not sure where you got 2 out of it. Tell her you really like her and so do the kids. Then say well I'll see you tomorrow at your sister's b-day party or something like that. That way she can go back through her emails too... If she does it again then find someone else...
Good Luck!

I would start looking for a new sitter and keep her as the "emergency" call she obvisoulsy has a lot on her plate and you can address it to her in that manner if you feel the need.

Honestly? It sounds like she's a busy (possibly flaky) 20 year old whose priorities are not with being your babysitter. Has she normally been reliable? Is it possible that maybe she's taking advantage of the fact that you're a family friend a little bit? This is the problem with mixing business & pleasure, the lines always get crossed.

Anyway, friend or not, flakiness & unpredictability are not something that anyone looks for in a babysitter. I think you need to cut her loose & find someone else. Either she's too busy, or doesn't want to sit for you anymore, and doesn't have the heart to tell you.

You could just tell her something like, "You've been a great sitter for us in the past, but you've been really busy, with a lot of commitments lately, so we're going to have to find someone who has less going on to babysit for us. I'm sure you understand." This way you're letting her down easy, but she'll still "get" why you're letting her go, without you having to be the meanie & outright saying it.

If it is in black and white then copy the email text to her and tell her she did confirm she was working for you the specified times. They tell her that her services will not be needed, that you have someone else watching the kids. That way she is "called on the carpet" about her mistake and she is also able to say she messed up if she realizes she did.

I would find some one else if she is being firm in her not wanting to stay past 2pm. She agreed.

Eh, I'll be real frank here: if you're not good enough to write something on your dayplanner (ok, dating myself there---if you can't put something in your online calendar or whatever), then you aren't responsible enough for ME to be happy with you watching MY kids. That's just plain and simple. Sounds like she's an average 20 year old who will do what she "has to" but will look for any short cuts she can. She may be "over" the babysitting thing (I was over it by 17, until after I became a mom again, lol). I am not dissing her, I was that way until I was about 22 (only because I had to then, as a youth pastor responsible for a lot of things suddenly), and I'm super responsible and a little anal about time management and my calendar now. Keeping in mind that her mother is your friend: I would do exactly this, because as long as you keep your tone in a professional manner (because you ARE hiring her, she IS working for you, afterall), just copy/paste both responses she gave regarding babysitting and email it to her with a note saying that you've had to find someone else to watch the children even though the plans were set previously, and that is unfortunate, but you hope that this won't be a situation that becomes common because you strive to plan ahead. Short and simple. You haven't burned a bridge if you needed her in a pinch, her mother doesn't have to get involved because she's an adult and you didn't get silly or preachy, just pointing out that she failed 2 times in a row to stick with the program. You don't have to "preach" to her, but by pointing out that it is her mistake like that is doing her a favor for when she gets a "real" job or takes on other sitting jobs. In the meantime, seriously look for another babysitter to take her place. Then you don't really have to contact or talk to her about it at all (if she's not a daily child care provider, but rather an occasional sitter, you just don't have to call her back for another job again). If she or her mother ask you about it, you can calmly say "Well, we found someone with more availability".
When we first moved here, didn't know anyone, but desperately needed a date night (months on end, very stressful situation, we needed some time to reconnect), my husband's coworker suggested her younger sister. I called and left 2 messages, and didn't get a callback, so she was off the list of possibilities. Another time, we wanted to go have a "grown up dinner" and were kind of desperate. The coworker mentioned she might be able to do it, so I called closer to the date and she was sick (missed work too)....I said Oh, Ok....and she said "How about my sister?" and I said nicely, "No, but thank you. I tried to get her another time and she wouldn't return my calls, so we'll figure something else out." She mentioned it to my husband, who simply said "No thanks". And it's never been brought up again, and it didn't hurt his working relationship with the coworker. It's just life. We need competent, mature, responsible people to watch our children, and we need to feel comfortable and confident that they will be safe and happy with their sitter, and the first sign of that would be whether we can feel comfortable and confident that the sitter gets the the stupid date/time right. We got a great sitter from a friend in my mops club (she passed me the number for her sitter), and are happy with her.

Just find someone else. You can't depend on her, so don't. I would just let it go. If she asks, be honest, but otherwise I wouldn't say anything.

I would just get a new sitter and not bring it up unless she does.

This happened to me as well with a 19 year old babysitter. And she was my younger cousin! After confirming she could babysit on a specific date, she then cancelled short notice after I called to reconfirm b/c she had to "house sit". I told her that she committed to a job already and she needs to be more responsible and reliable. I also "fired" her. b/c I don't trust her anymore and or think she's reliable. I would forward her the email (you can be nice about it and say sorry about the confusion but I did mention hours I would need you to and you confirmed you could do...). She's probably using the "I didn't have it on my calendar" as an excuse to get our early or blow it off.

If I were in your position, since you are friends with her and with the mom, I probably would not confront her, but going forward I would be VERY specific about your needs in the future. For instance, I would always list specific times that you will need the babysitting so there is no confusion. I would ask her to write it on her calendar as you are speaking to her, like "Ok, so please list on your calendar we will need you on Saturday June 25 from 2pm to 5 pm." and I would follow up with a reminder email or text with the times again. If she flakes again after being so specific with her, then at that point I would say something and probably get a new sitter.

I would get someone else lined up for the job. Then when you see her, pull her aside privately and ask her if she is interested in babysitting for you still---Tell her that there wasn't ever a 10-2 agreement--where did she get that from? Then let her go from there.....GL

M

Once, ok maybe a mistake, but not twice with in weeks. It sounds like she isn't all that responsible and I would be looking for some one else to watch my children.

I think it is time to find someone new. I wouldn't tell her or anything, not like there is a contract in place. Just start using someone else as a first choice.
In terms of being "responsible" or 'reliable' my goodness, she is only 20 and has no kids, has only been out of high school for 2 years - LOL!
I remember I was extremely responisble at that age, but there were some nights I was set to watch the kids I sat for and just didn't want to . . . but my work ethic got me there, plus the fact I honestly had no where better to be and the kids were a blast:).
She is just doing a flake out and may need a break. Call someone else and if she calls to ask why you aren't calling her any more tell her you love having her watch the kids, but with all the flaking out you thought she needed a little vacation. :)
Good luck!

I would find another baby sitter.
You are paying her.
This is her job.
If she worked in an office and didn't show up she would get fired.
Consider this as you helping her to learn and important life lesson.
Explain that you can no longer hire her to babysit because she is not reliable.