Would You Believe This Excuse?

Updated on November 10, 2009
T.R. asks from Round Rock, TX
5 answers

I've been dating this guy for some time now and his birthday was on Sunday. I sent him a Facebook Wall comment (everyone sees) around 2am Sunday morning, later that day I checked his page and my comment to him was GONE. My comment was "Happy Birthday Baby, looking forward to our birthday outing". Everyone's comments were there along with him thanking them. When confronted, he said that his ex's brother is a friend on Facebook and he would tell her and she would repeatedly call his cell just to ruin his day. He said that she has gone as far as to say something was wrong with his daughter. I kindof don't believe this excuse. What would you do if you were in this situation?

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answers from Austin on

This doesn't look good. In general I'd avoid posting wall messages on a man's public FB or any social media, btw, as it can 'spook' some men and make them worry you are getting too serious too soon. I have 3 brothers and lots of males friends and I've heard that a lot. If you're in an established relationship, i.e. agreed you are dating exclusively than this doesn't apply. But in the early stages it looks like you are staking your claim and that freaks men out. Stick to personal messages/emails in the interim. Don't worry too much about it now, you meant well. Besides this is a blessing in disguise- you found out early on that he has some unresolved business with an ex. If he's still worried she will 'call' him to harass/upset him that's not a good sign. He's a grown man why can't he set boundaries and tell her 'stop?' Most men have no problem doing that, especially when he is looking to date new women. So this strikes me as a situation where he doesn't really *want* her out of the picture. He might have residual feelings for her. Regardless it's too murky and weird for you to start a promising relationship with. Trust me, you're the woman and have the power here. In the beginning let the guy do the pursuing, the leaving of messages, etc and all of the 'heavy lifting'. Make him show his interest, consistently before you do thoughtful little gestures, leave public notes, etc. Sounds easy to say but there's a guy out there feeling like you do now, wondering where you are. Take the pressure off yourself and relax. Don't analyze too much and stress yourself out just listen to your instinct. And my guess is your instinct is saying 'something isn't right here' b/c you wrote us to check. But you already know... doesn't look good. Good luck and I assure you you'll meet a good one as long as you trust your gut. Never fails.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Go with your history with him. Has he done other stuff like this, or is this an isolated incident? Did you know about the ex before, or is this a surprise? You seem to be suspicious of this, so there must be a reason your "gut" is telling you its a problem. Have a long talk with him, and go from there. It is good you already talked. I would tend to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, but be careful for a while, particularly with children involved.



answers from Austin on

I buy his excuse. As the wife of a man with ex's that do not always do the most rational things, it could be completely true. I would explore this some more before you get further involved. Good luck!



answers from Austin on

Sounds like your gut instinct to protect your child is shouting at you. This guy has issues with his ex that will surely come to haunt you in the future. Do you really want to subject your child to this? Your child needs you to be unstressed and be there 100% physically, mentally and emotionally.


answers from Austin on

I don't use Facebook and so I may be asking a dumb question here , but did he explain how your birthday comment to him was gone and not showing like the rest of them?
Surely his ex couldn't get on his account and delete something from there could she?
Just be careful is my advice. You have a child too, and you already stated you don't believe him, if it turns out you're right-- let him go. You've lost nothing.
The right one for you & your child will come along eventually.

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