Would This Bother You?

Updated on April 24, 2009
K.S. asks from Katy, TX
15 answers

We've been using the same daycare for over a year now and we love the director and workers. Well, she recently sold the daycare to another director and I've been feeling a little concerned about the changes. The new daycare owner has her husband working with the older kids and for some reason I just don't trust this. Also, the new owner hasn't been in the office the last few times we've been there Would you feel comfortable with a grown man working with your child?

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your responses. I've been thinking about this alot lately and appreciate your thoughts. I wanted to say that my biggest problem has really been the change of management. There have been several new teachers in the past few months and that there is no consistency is a great concern to me. With the old owner, we knew who was going to be there on a day-to-day basis and I think that's very important when working with children.

To answer Bella's response: The reason that I'm having to put the light of my life in daycare, when I'm a stay-at-home mom, is really no concern of yours. Thanks for the snarky response. That being said, I've had a rough year with health issues and that's why we've had to rely on daycare from time to time.

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answers from Houston on

Honestly no not one bit! I was going to start a new job and had my 3 yr ol at the time lined up for daycare. The day I was supposed to start I called and said sorry I can't and won't be able to work. There were 2 grown older men like over 50 working there. DIdn't feel comfortable one bit thinking I was going to bring my little girl there.

Hope everything works out.


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answers from Houston on

If there is any reason you feel unhappy with the care or the caregivers your should look for a diffretn place. Maybe follow the women who sold the daycare if she isn't retired.
I know that when someone gives you an off feeling when it comes to your child you have to do what is best for them. Moms are often right about these things.
Also, if you feel you might be wrong for any reason do a re-interview with the caregivers, the owner and her husband included. You may be surprised or you might be tured off more eiter way it's better than just being worried for her safety.
On one last note, my father works with kids for the spring branch school district and is a fantastic role model for all the kids there who don't have males in their life and who need a male role model. 2 of his kids that graduated even came back to work for the district because they wanted to be like him. Some men just work well with kids.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Hi K.-

I agree with the other moms that it really depends on why you feel the way you do. I guess just to let you know that their work situation is not unusual, my daughter's preschool/daycare is owned by a woman and her husband. He is in the office a lot doing paperwork and such and he is also the bus driver who takes the school age kids in the morning and picks them up after school. I've never thought anything negatively about him being at the school. They also hire a couple of highschool/college aged boys to work with groups during their summer programs and they are both great young men too.

Good luck,

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Hi K.
As already stated from others, no I wouldn't be bothered by it if the only issue was because its a man. Yes it would bother me if he gave me the heebie-jeebies. I've had a female daycare employee who didn't sit well with me in the past.
You decide whats best for your child. If its uncomfortable for you, go someplace else.
Good luck~:))

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Is it just because he is a man?

Ask yourself this..."Is it okay to leave my little one alone with his/her father/Uncle/Grandfather(etc)?" If the answer is yes, then the same should be said for a male day care provider.

Having said that. If the man gives you strange vibes (as the previous posters say) for reasons other than him being a man working with children, then absolutely find somewhere else for your little one to be cared for.

Good Luck.. ;-)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Would I feel comfortable with a grown man working with my child? Absolutely not! I'm not trying to give male caretakers a bad rap but I've worked with too many abused and neglected women and children to know that abusers and attackers can come in the most innocent and kindest forms. And I'm really surprised at alot of the responses here, in this sue-happy society. That's great that you are taking the high road but please don't be too naive. Background checks are not enough these days. I'm not saying be paranoid. Just be careful and watchful of your children. If anything, just make sure a male caretaker is never left alone with your children and there is always an adult woman present.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Austin on

It is not, per se, that he is a man, but that your gut says something's not right.

I've learned that when it comes to kids, trust your gut. Your subconscious has picked up something about this man...time to find a new daycare.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

you know, i will acknowledge how wrong and discriminatory this is, but my family ran a large day care and as a policy we did not hire men. there, i said it.

it isn't about a man's character being weak or anything, it was about parental perception. it was bad business to hire men.

my daughter had a male kindergarten teacher and it was kind of strange at first, but it was me being discriminatory, that is all. he was a fine teacher.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I can understand why this may be concerning to you- I agree with other posters, maybe you can have a sit down with the director and her husband. If you have known anyone that has been sexually abused, family, friends or self- it can tend to make you nervous about having your child around a man. It may be discriminating- but hey it is your daughter and you have to watch out for her. Is your daughter older and included in the group he works with? I would just make sure that if that is the case that you are comfortable when you meet him- maybe pop in unexpectedly to make sure he is not alone with the kids meaning he is always around another day care worker.
In this day and age- we see it on the news all the time- you just never know. And he may be a wonderful role model to the kids and have good intentions and that is great. But you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from El Paso on

The fact that he's a man wouldn't but if I got a bad vibe, I'd trust it...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

At the child care center where I work the director has her husband come in and help and we have some of our husbands come in and help if we need them sometimes. The kids love them. They have to pass background checks just like us and take a few safety classes.



answers from Houston on

Hi K.,

I understand your concern. I feel that sometimes we get caught up in gender roles and what to expect from each. Is it typical to find a man in a daycare setting? In the past, I would have "no", but as times change there are more and more men with occupations involving children. The same can be said about women stepping into what was once a "males" job. My husband does commercial plumbing and last week I saw two women on the job site in hard hats and jeans working along side the men.
My favorite teacher in school was Mr. Brown and he just had a natural ability with children. My oldest daughter, in Jr. High, adores her prinicpal and science teacher who are both males. They just have a way of reaching her, relationshipping with her, and helping to shape her
personality all while aiding with her academic success. Most importantly, they are GREAT at it!! I have known some men who are stay at home dads, because they cope better with the situation and truly enjoy being home with their kiddos while mom is the "breadwinner". I find everyone's passions/goals in life are different, but it's not based on their gender. My friend is the leader of her son's Cub Scout troop. In the beginning, she faced some animosity from a couple dads. Over time, she has proved that she is just as capable if not more so (and more creative) at helping the boys develop, grow, and achieve their goals to earn their various badges (including archery)and now she has their full support and assistance when needed.

If the issue is the fact that he is man and it is not something your comfortable with you may want to consider some of the great advice already posted about meeting with them personally, popping in unexpectedly, or just getting to know them on a more personal level. I don't mean to pry, but could some of your hesitation be coming from an experience of loss you may be feeling? It appears as if you had a great relationship with the former owner, but in the beginning you didn't know her and it took some time to get acquainted and to feel at ease with her as a person. Maybe you could give it a chance to get to know them, ask questions, and develop that relationship. It would mean your lovely daughter could stay in an environment that she is familiar with as well as her playmates/friends.

However, if it is just a creepy feeling you get on a regular basis trust your instincts! I always try and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes we know better then anyone else that something just isn't right. I wish the best for you and your little girl! Your mom and you know what's right and in the best interest of you and your daughter! Best of luck!

J. F.
Moms Helping Moms Work From Home



answers from Killeen on

My daughter doesn't have any male teachers at school, but she does have male instructors in her after school care, and cheer/tumbling classes. Those guys are awesome! But I will tell you this. If I get a feeling that doesn't set well with me, my daughter will not be put in those classes!! I have to completely trust that instructor and I also I get my daughter's input. I was molested by a male member of our church and his wife knew it. When I tried to tell my mother, she didn't believe me. Just make sure you keep those lined open with your daughter.



answers from Houston on

I honestly see no issues with a man working with children. I've seen great specials on how men are GREAT teachers to younger and adolescent children. If you are concerned, check the sex offenders database for his name. Otherwise, men have just as much right to work with children as women to. Remember, there are women sex offenders out there as well.



answers from College Station on

Would this bother me? Well, there are some things you are seeing or you wouldn't be asking this question.

For me, I would be fine with my child with a man as caregiver. However, if I feel at all suspicious about his behavior around children, I wouldn't be fine with it. If I'm not allowed to come and visit (without prior notice), that would raise a flag in my mind. I would also become concerned if he has no aide or second person with him.

A pedophile may try 1) to be alone with the children they prey upon and 2) lock the doors, close the curtains, and all to hide their actions.

I hope this turns out to be no cause for alarm. Good luck.

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