Worried About Leaving My Daughter During My Honeymoon

Updated on September 29, 2008
R.M. asks from Oswego, IL
4 answers

Ok so i am getting married two weeks from tomorrow, and i am concerned about leaving my daughter for so long while we are on our honeymoon. I have only been away from her for a weekend at a time(when the grandparents want to take her).I know that she will be fine but, my concern is that she is staying with my mother whom she loves but goes against everything we enforce. For instance we do not let her jump on furniture at home, but at grandmas she lets her jump away. My daughter is also very hyper and we have thought (since it runs in her bio dads side of the family) that she may be adhd, so we stay away from anything with alot of sugar, and we substitute with healthy things like granola and fruit or the sugar free cookies. But once again at grandmas house, she could eat a whole pan of brownies if she wants to. I am worried about the behavior i am going to have to deal with when i come back. I am also worried about what she will be eating, and her feeling rejected by us for leaving her. Am i worrying too much? I have tried to talk to my mother about it and she just jokes about it, and says" mommy dosen't let you have any fun". She dosen't take me serious. Help i don't know how to approach her about this, and let my daughter know that just because she isn't coming with that she is still important to us. Any advice you moms could give me would be great thanks.

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So What Happened?

Thankyou everyone who responded.I talked to mother the best that i could and she was not very happy about what i had to say but she seemed like she respected my decision at least. I talked to her again today about who was going to keep her while she was working during the day for that week, and she said that she had found a daycare to put her in for the week.But she was going to have to figure out between 5 different people who could pick her up from daycare and keep her til my mom was done at work every day. Well today we were sopposed to meet the babysitter and i asked her where it was located and she gave me the address. I looked it up and it was a horrible side of town in a very dangerous neighborhood. I was so upset! So i called my mothers husband and talked to him about this and we came up with a great solution.My fiance's parents are going to keep her during the week and my mother will have her for the weekend. I feel so much better about this arrangement. I no longer have to worry about my daughter being safe and horribly out of control. Now i can relax have fun, and enjoy my honeymoon. Thankyou again ladies.

More Answers



answers from Chicago on

First, I would like to congratulate you on your upcoming wedding. What an exciting time for all of you. Sounds like you have had a rough time of things early on but that things are going well. So, congrats.

I just had to write and say how shocked I am that your own mother would go against wishes, especially given your reasons. I have to ask. Has your Mom always been this way? Is there a reason that she feels that she needs to "indulge" your daughter? Maybe you could have a heart to heart with her to explain that this "long" vacation is a bit different than the usual weekend visits and that it is important that she has a similiar structured environment that she is accustomed to. I don't know. I am having a difficult time understanding why your Mom would let her run so wild and am hopeful, for all of you, that she hears your wishes and tries to follow them for the sake of all of you.

At the end of the day though, I wouldn't worry too much. Worse case, your daughter runs wild for a couple of weeks. You can get her back on track once you are home. This is *your* time with your hubby. You guys need and deserve this. Make this about the two fo you. You will have plenty fo time to focus on yoru daughter when you get back.

Hope this helps.



answers from Chicago on

I think almost all grandparents tend to do what they want to do when they have their grandchildren, and as long as it's not dangerous or abusive, I'd not worry about it. The relationships children have with other important adults in their lives are valuable.

Especially since she's going to have a new stepfather in a couple of weeks - whatever security and comfort she gets with extended family, let her enjoy it.



answers from Chicago on

Your Mom will not ruin your baby. So your Mom spoils her rotten. Let her. Enjoy your honeymoon and know that your baby is being spoiled, but well taken care of. Your daughter knows the rules in your house, Grandma won't ruin her. Have fun!!!!!!



answers from Chicago on

Are you at the mercy of grandma being the only person to watch your daughter?

Do you want to go on your honeymoon and enjoy it or do you want to go on your honeymoon yet micromanage your daughter's behavior from a distance?

It sounds like dear old grandma is going to do whatever she wants with your daughter despite any instructions you give her. I've had that happen to me before and it's annoying and frustrating, so I get where your coming from. However, if grandma is your only option you might just have to deal with it. Otherwise, try to find someone else who can watch your daughter.

The other part to it is this: if you are gone for a week on the honeymoon and grandma does let her eat the panful of brownies, maybe grandma will get to experience just how hyper and 'energetic' your daughter can be...and that could be just what grandma needs to understand why 'strict mommy' doesn't like daughter to eat too much sugar!

As far as being away from you, I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like she has a ball with grandma, so totally hype it up and sell it in that way to her. Tell her that she is going to have her very own special vacation with grandma and that they are going to have such a wonderful time and so much fun. Of course you'll miss her, but if you play up the whole 'fun and special time' instead of making it a weepy 'I'll miss you, do you feel rejected?', then she will be just fine.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials and, for heaven's sakes, take some much deserved time to celebrate your new life together with your husband :)

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