Working with Backstabbers

This is actually an easy one, believe it or not. You are protected by harassment laws, and what you're experiencing is called a hostile work environment. Go to your supervisor and inform him or her that you are experiencing a pattern of behavior from your co-workers that you feel constitutes a hostile work environment. Be prepared to give specifics and dates when these things happened. If anyone witnessed any of this, note their names as well. It will escalate to HR, almost certainly, and the people who are making your time at work intolerable will be spoken with (your name will be kept out of it as much as possible). Bottom line, if it keeps happening and/or your employer fails to deal with it, you have grounds for a lawsuit. The law is very clear on this. Good luck, and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

This is a tough one! Yes, you are protected from a hostile work environment by law, but you risk outcasting yourself even further by placing compaints like that. That should be a last-resort scenario. In most work environments, being the best at what you do and keeping your nose to the ground is usually the best way to overcome this. However, teaching is tricky because of your 'client' base and the protection everyone is afforded from the union regardless of the quality person/teacher they are.

I think your best bet is to begin to build some sort of relationship with these back stabbers. Right now they most likely are viewing your 'lay low' approach as being exclusive, stand-offish, maybe even a snob because you haven't fallen into their expected pattern of social behavior in the work place. Believe it or not, you can be social yet avoid being the gossiper, and laying your entire personal life out on the table. Make work be the focus of your social discussions with each other. Ask them for advice on small things, even if you know the answer, such as their favorite approach to teaching a particular curriculum or if they have a good source of information on a topic. Make a point of interacting with them, sharing coffee with them and they will start to view you as just another teacher. Which is what I think you want, right? Best of luck to you!

Hi Breanna,

You spend so much of your time at work (even when you're home), that you want your work life to be a happy one. From what you're saying, it sounds like your work life is not happy, and there is probably little you can do to change it, since you cannot control what others do or say.

I believe strongly in lists. I suggest you sit and over the next few days make a list of the positive things about your current school and the negative. Later take that list and evaluate each item. Is this a deal breaker or not. Can you work around this or not.

Also list what you could to IF you decided to leave that school. Is transferring an option? If so, what schools are open for you, what are those schools like etc.

I bet after examining the list and your choices, your decision will open for you.

Good Luck.

R. Magby

Well, unfortunately, the only proof you have that your partner was out to get you was nothing but slanderous gossip. Since you didn't actually confront this person, you didn't give her a chance to defend herself. You simply accepted it as the truth based on your observation of certain "cliques". I'm not trying to scold you here, but if you take a step back, you might see that you've been making some pretty broad judgements in this situation.

I HIGHLY suggest that you have a talk with her as soon as possible. Don't consider it a confrontation, instead think of it as simply being honest with her. Remember that she could very well be just as much of a victim as you are in this and giving her the benefit of the doubt is probably the right thing to do. Of course, if she's guilty she'll most likely deny it, but at least she'll know that someone on the "inside" is leaking information and she can't get away with such actions in the future.

If she's innocent, hopefully she'll be able to convince you of that and you can let your hurt/anger go before it causes you one more second of anxiety. Remember, honesty is the cure for gossip. If someone tries to spread a rumor, take it directly to the source. Be open and friendly with everyone, even those that you've determined are in this dreaded clique. As someone else pointed out, "laying low" might be coming across as being standoffish or even that you feel superior to them....which (honestly) you sound as if you do. Just a little. :-)

Best wishes to you, Sweetie.

If you aren't going to say anything and stick up for yourself by going through the proper channels then you should probably look for a different job.

Bad behavior continues because it's allowed to continue, and it will continue until someone stands up to it. If you can't do that, then find another place to work.

Women!!! I am sorry you are going through this. Unless the gossip is going to damage your reputation to the boss, I would be above the mess. Smile sweetly at the guilty parties as if you know something they do not. It will make them wonder. It is a "Haters" job to hate. People hate because you have something they want. Be proud that you are so interesting! Gossip is hurtful but it is not the end of the world. You have been putting up with this stuff since High School so put on your thick skin when you go to work. I hope you can find peace with this. We all go through this same thing in some way every day. Some women just have to talk about others because their lives are lacking something. Good luck.

There is a way to "say something" without being angry or causing a fight. I'm very non-confrontational myself. I don't like marching up to people and demanding explanations. But sometimes you have to. Especially when you're saying that it's going to seriously effect your quality of life in the workplace, and likely, your ability to effectively teach. That's not fair to you OR the KIDS.

I would simply ask them why they felt this issue existed, and why they didn't talk to you about it directly. And ask it as a question. Not accusatory. Just ask. See what they say. If nothing else, they'll be forced to either lie to you, or explain themselves. And at any rate, you know that you can never trust them with anything you say ever again, so just keep to yourself. THEN, let it roll off, regardless of what they say.
They need to understand that you are aware of what they did/said about you, and that you're not going to just let it slide.

I am not someone who's quiet. I too find it very difficult to deal with people who talk about someone behind their backs and never really deal with issues face to face.

My only suggestions would be to take the high road. Talk to your co teacher, and say something like, "Listen I've heard about some of the comments that have circulated about me. Since we work so closely together I would appreciate us having open lines of communication going forward."

As far as "the others" you need to decide if you want to sit in on their conversations and tell them their being unfair or rude or continue to let it go.

Also I think you have every right to bring up this issue with the principal or "head" teacher. Let them know that you feel uncomfortable with how divided the teachers are and some of the comments that have been made in the past. Tell them that you're hoping you all can start the year off right by keeping things positive and encouraging for all teachers.

I think some of this behavior needs to be addressed from those in charge. They set the example. If they ignore this poor relationship between their co-workers then they are letting it continue.

As far as your personal positive attitude, YOU control that. Of course you are being undermind and talked about, but that's nothing you can control. I would just not give them ammunition. Be syrupy sweet. Be the best teacher you can. And then go home to your family.

I realize it's not 'ideal', but sometimes you just need to not dwell on mean people. They're everywhere. So just ignore it and move on as best you can.

Women are catty everywhere in work. I'm sorry but thats the way it is. I am sorry you are going through this but the best thing to do is probably ignore them. I work in retail and one of my last jobs I got promoted after working there for two weeks and was making more than some people who were there for 15yrs. I am really good at what I do and always tend to get promoted within a month, but some of the people at that job where so mad about it they started rumors I was having an affair with our boss. It was tough but I ignored it and let them see the kind of person I really was and they came around. in fact most of them were at my baby shower.

I had that exact situation as a Teacher!! (Hmm you are in Spring, wonder if it is the same school). I like the harrassment law but anybody who has worked in education knows you can be Teacher of the Year one year/minute and then they are trying to get rid of you the next. Schools can be as bad as goverment politics. Were does your boss/principal stand with you on this or even in general? I have found Principals set the tone.
When I was in a similar backstabbing situation, the Principal was not one I trusted to bring problems/solutions to. I did end up leaving that school after the second year. Never let them see you sweat, don't let them steal your joy!! You do your job the way you know works for your students, of course within the policies and guidelines. Keep positive and smiling but do not say anything beyond I, and my family, is fine. You will get through this. If it is too much, then check and see if there are last minute openings or ride it out another year and then transfer. You can say I just received an opportunity I would like to try.

I've had to work w/backstabbers in different jobs MANY times & it's very hard each time. I also went thru school w/abusive teachers & fellow students who did everything they could to make my time at school miserable. As an adult & fellow teacher, they need to respect you. They sound young & immature. Is there someone above them in authority you can talk to...principal perhaps? Keep tabs on what they say & when, like a diary of sorts, you'll at least have statements of what was said & when/by whom. I ended up having to quit a VERY wonderful job at a company that I enjoyed working for very much b/c one person there made it SOOO h*** o* me to work my mental state was becoming affected...I just couldn't take it anymore & my boss, no matter how many times I talked to him, just let it happen and I overheard him say that I (as well as a few choice others) was expendable but this other girl & two others were not & just couldn't "be replaced". I couldn't believe it. I've never been able to work at a job for more than two yrs b/c of other ppl either saying half-truths about me & getting me fired or making it so difficult for me to work that I felt forced to quit. Sometimes you just have to move on to somewhere else if nothing is done. You can threat to sue...nowadays I believe they have laws against harrassment in the workplace. Try to get evidence if necessary. I wish you best of luck & hope this bit of info helps! You are definitly not alone!

Just remember that "Hurt people hurt people." That often helps me to be more understanding. It sounds like your partner is immature and insecure. Just continue to find the talents in this person, as well as other coworkers, and point them out whenever possible, to them or others. The more you focus on their qualities, the less you will dwell on the negatives. Sometimes we make things worse by looking for more negatives to validate our frustrations. It is so easy to do!

When people see that you value them and others, they may see a different side of you. If not, then just remind yourself that they are still growing as individuals and they just have a ways to go.

I've never worked anyplace that had an environment of pure harmony and so have become accustomed to surviving and thriving in a somewhat hostile situation, some are worse that others, certainly, but the reasons people gossip and gang up on others are many and varied. Usually, it seems to me that those who are most insecure or incapable are the leaders of the pack. What I do is try to build a rapport and trust with those whose work ethic and behavior are what I would like to emulate, do the best job I can, try not to do anything that invites rock-throwing, and go on about my way. I think in the long run, the people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt others by gossip or other shenanigans will not stand the test of time and you will gain from not being allied to them. It's hard not to feel like a victim, but try not thinking about yourself that way. It's not easy, especially the first few years, but if you stick it out and become "unbulliable" it won't be long before you have some seniority and those petty people left will move on to someone else. You can even, at that point, become the defender of the next target.

Integrity is Key Ingredient for Restoration
By Keith Butler

"Now if ye be ready that at what time ye hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery, and dulcimer, and all kinds of music, ye fall down and worship the image which I have made; but if ye worship not, ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?" (Daniel 3:15 KJV)

You are wondering what to do. You want to make a stand for what's right, but what will it cost you? Your position? That promotion? Will God come through?

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had to stand for what was right. They were appointed high positions to be over all the affairs of the province. Some of you have high positions where people's lives are affected by your decisions. It's an awesome responsibility; and you have to exercise great caution and wisdom.

These guys are promoted, but their boss is a heathen king. In chapter three, he makes a decree that goes against everything they believe in. He passes a law that says that everyone has to bow down and worship his image, or die.

Obviously, they couldn't support the decree, so they refused to bow.

That stand will cost them. You see, anytime you make a decision to do right and you're dealing with unrighteous people, they're going to try to make you pay. So don't shed any crocodile tears about it, just remember God is your restorer.

Notice their dilemma: either bow to the image or face a fiery furnace. Even though they are threatened with the possibility of losing their lives, they stood for what was right.

That's called integrity. Integrity is the key ingredient for restoration. When you have integrity, the power of the Holy Ghost will get involved in your restoration.

When they were bound and thrown in the furnace, the king expected to hear them screaming, instead he saw four men, loosed and walking around and they were not hurting.

You may be in the fiery fire in your life right now. Stay encouraged; it's just a pit stop, because even in the middle of the fire there is restoration power. So much so that when you come out of the fire, people won't even know you've been through it.

Why? Because your clothes won't smell of smoke, your hair won't be singed, and you will have no hurt. That's the way it will be when God restores you. God will loose you and set you free

Be willing to trust God and know that He will deliver you out of the hand of the enemy. Make a decision to stand for what's right. Walk in your integrity. That's the key ingredient to full restoration for your life.

Scripture References: Psalm 25:20-22; Proverbs 3:5-7; Ephesians 6:13-18

With all new jobs one is wise to observe and listen to others before getting open and comfortable with them. That way you can tell a persons intentions and personality without even saying much or knowing them personally. In your case since you have been made aware of parts of the so called gossip about you, whether it's true or not, you should continue to observe the culprits and you will see what is what and who is who. Don't act angry or be mean to these people, speak when spoken to, be respectable in your work and communication with them and go about your business of teaching, that is what you are there for not to be or make friends. I am the type of professional that when I'm working and the people I interact with at work, it is all business. I don't spend too much time talking about my personal life, weekends etc and I don't encourage others to tell me about theirs, I come in to do what I do best. Keep it professional and be about the task at hand and let others take your actions as they choose to, it is not your responsibility to ensure that they feel a certain way about you. It is not being a snob or thinking you are superior because you stay to yourself and do your job, that is how you stay out of the same mess these people are trying their hardest to involve you in. As far as them getting you into trouble that can only happen if you are doing something wrong and as long as you are not and are CYA you are good and shouldn't give it a second thought.