Women with Body Modifications

You can't stop her mama. She is almost an adult, she wants them, she has a meaning behind them, she is going to college. Sounds like a pretty good kid!! A tattoo doesn't mean anything. I got 4! I am also a fabulous mother of 3, a great wife, smart and put together. (and I have a tattoo on my neck to boot)
And really....the "saggy" argument shouldn't work anyways...saggy is saggy...tattooed or not!
L.

Well, maybe you don't want to hear this, but MY VET who is a gorgeous, caring, extremely professional young woman around 30 has quite a number of tattooes and piercings, sigh.
Also, at my last job as a special ed TA, the majority of teachers at the school had some kind of 'body modifications' as you put it. Young women with minimally a master's and some with phds.

So yeah, I don't really LIKE it exactly, but I'm from a different generation. And my kids (18, 16, 14) are not really into that kind of thing, but if they want to when they're 18, well so be it, it's their body, sigh again.

:)

Laser tatoo removal is big business. Mmm, wonder why? Also my friend used to be real proud of the tattoo she has on her hip....2 kids and several pounds later she doesn't show it off any more. Good luck with this I would be really upset if my daughters were getting a tattoo as well.

I know you don't like them but apparently your daughter does. She is obviously putting a lot of thought into it. Instead of being so negative about it why don't you help her choose a tattoo! Put on a smile and support her on this. She will LOVE you for it!

How awesome that she wants to be a vet =-)

The more you argue your point, the more she is going to *want* the tattoos. You are only reinforcing her idea that tattoos are rebellious and cool.

You don't have to encourage her to get a tattoo or anything, but I definitely would stop trying to convince her against them. She already knows tattoos are not your cup of tea. If anything, I would say to her, "Yes, you are going to be an adult soon and will be able to make your own choices. My hope is you will do your very best to make the right choices as you will be the one to live with the consequences of the choices you make". Then leave it in her hands. After all, the best way for us to learn is by experience.

When I was a teenager, most of my friends were very much into body modification and tattoos. Several of those friends either tattooed themselves or lied about their age in order to get very large tattoos. One of my friends even burned off a very ugly tattoo she gave herself with a curling iron! I would just be glad she has not gone that route.

One last thing- when I was 18 and had just moved out, I got my nose pierced. My mom's reaction was very hurtful and still stings. She made several comments about how ashamed she was when her friends saw me with my pierced nose. The fact that she would be ashamed and embarrassed over my appearance did not in any way make me think, "Oh, the piercing was a bad idea, I will remove it immediately!" (In fact, 12 years later I still have it), it just made me think she was judgmental and shallow. Our relationship was very rocky for the next few years after that, after all, if she was going to be that ashamed over a piercing I certainly did not think I could share anything else with her. I am just pointing this out so hopefully, if and when she comes home with a tattoo, you can hopefully have the RIGHT reaction ("tattoos aren't my fave, but I love you no matter what". Good luck!

I think you are being a bit uptight and judgmental. It sounds like she has put a lot of thought into it. It is a way to express oneself...I have one tattoo. I did not get it until I was 30 ( my birthday present to myself) I love it...I want another small one someday on my foot. I am pretty sure there is no way you can stop her and it will only put negative feelings between the two of you. Maybe talk to her and suggest she go with something that is in a discreet place so she makes sure this is what she wants before she goes getting multiple tattoos. Also make sure she goes to reputable parlor for her tatoos.

We bought our daughter her first tattoo for her 18th birthday. Now she has three. They looked beautiful with her wedding dress. It's her body and her life.

I'd help her pick the best artist.

You don't. She is her own person entitled to express herself however she wants. You should be proud of her for thinking them through and picking ones that are meaningful to her. The more you push, the more determined she will be to have them. She sounds like a mature, responsible young woman with her goals and priorities clearly laid out. If tatoos are the only issue you have with her, count your blessings.

Well, I don't know, you sound pretty sure that your mind is already made up. Your step-daughter sounds exactly the same way. I wonder if you two realize how much alike you sound with your your stubbornness...? She refuses to listen to you because, ahem, it IS in fact her body that she will live with the rest of her life. You refuse to listen to her simply because you just don't like the idea. You're most likely going to have to get over it, you can't control it & she's going to have to get over you not liking it.

My cousin wanted tattoos at that age. My aunt told her she would let her have one and even pay for it but she had to wear a large stick on one on her shoulder for six months. So my cousin did and then prom rolled around and she decided after trying on dresses that it looked really tacky. She wanted to take it off but my aunt would not let her because if it was real you can't take it off. She had to wear that fake tattoo to prom and its in all the pictures! When the 6 months was up the fake tattoo was gone and my cousin is 30 now and is tattoo free.

You can't stop her. If you manipulate her with, "I won't pay for college" and other things...you will likely loose your relationship with your daughter. It is HER body. While you don't agree with it, she is allowed to make decisions about her body. That includes tattoos.

I started getting tattooed at 18, but here's what I'm telling my kids... you have to tell me what you want, where you want it, and WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU. If you say 'I don't know, it's pretty', NOPE, try again. It has to MEAN something. Just because you like skulls and crossbones now, doesn't mean you will once you have kids and you're playing soccer mom. Trust me, I know. I'm a huge advocate for ink (obviously, since I'm covered), but I'm no dummy. There are definately strict rules and guidelines when it comes to tattoos!!

You can't stop her, but you can guide her into making an educated decision. Sounds like she already has a good head on her shoulders (great job mom!), I don't think she's going to get some kind of trashy tattoos that will be seriously regretted later on. It's an art form... some love it, some hate it, but honestly, they're more tolerated now than ever before, and more accepted. I'm not saying everyone should do it, no way... but if it's something she's serious about and has given a lot of thought to... make peace with it. It's better than she made up a well thought out list than picking something stupid and impulsive off the wall at the tattoo place!

PS... my mom doesn't like them either, but she's admitted to admiring the artwork!! ;) My mom said no more tattoos until after my wedding... okay mom ;)

No offense...but what if she doesn't make it the whole way through school to become a vet? Has she given any thought to her fall-back plan? I work in an office atmosphere and you cannot have visible ink ANYWHERE nor visible piercings that are not in your ears (for ladies only). Yes, conservative but not unheard of for a corporate or office environment. My niece sounds like your daughter and is now covered on her back, shoulders, down her one side/ribs, ankle and outside of her arm plus she has plugs in her ears -- I hate it all and try to talk her out of any more EVERY time I see her. She is 21, has her own money, and like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders (majoring in psychology and has a desire to attend medical school and become a pyschiatrist). I just really think she will regret them when she is older -- no matter what she thinks now. I honestly don't like ANYTHING enough to brand my body with it (and I believe in the body is my temple and should not be branded ideals as well). I used to change my hair color a lot and now change my hairstyle a lot. My sister has 3 or 4 that all have a significant amount of meaning and cannot be seen unless she is wearing a string bikini. Good luck to you! I know when I worked at the ER, the docs and nurses had a great laugh over an 80 yr old lady with a butterfly tattoo on her inner thigh -- just a thought :)

Hate to tell you but I really don't think there is anything you can do to stop her. You are going to need to find a way to come to peace with her decisions like it or not. For the record I would be SO bummed out too....but its her life. You will probably hurt your relationship if you try to stop her it sounds like. And she must be a tattoo type personality anyhow to want to actually work in a parlor.

Yep, I agree with other moms, not much you can do. Actually, I wanted a tattoo when I was 18, my mom was not crazy about the idea but instead of adamantly trying to talk me out of it she just said: "make sure it's something you really love and will love for the rest of your life. you will change a lot in the next 10, 20, 30 years and I just don't want you to regret getting something that you thought was cool and meaningful when you were 18." and that actually sunk in with me for some reason. I wasn't sure if I loved the design that much and now I look back and am soooo glad I didn't do it. For me it was just all about the independency, I think that's why most people (especially young adults) want them. It proves they are an individual, they are unique and they can make a permanent alteration to their body to announce this to the world.

But if her mind is made up, all you can do is try to be supportive. Ask her about them, have her tell you why she wants them... maybe you could talk to her more as a friend/peer? I just know so many of my friends got tribal tattoos and chinese characters about 10 years ago and now they are so outdated... just make sure she's doing things that are special to her and not trendy, if that makes sense... good luck! So glad my son is only 6 months old and I don't have to worry about that (yet....) ;-)

I am sorry, but the more you try to stop her the more she is going to get ... how about you "mommy up" and go with her. If she is doing it to get under your skin then she will be hesitant about it but if she is doing it because she really wants them then support her on this ... I LOVE my tattoos and many others do as well. I think you are being a bit overprotective on this and the more you push she will just push harder.
Oh, and it is a concious decision for me to have all of them in places where it is MY choice if others see them or not. Plus, for prom/wedding there are a number of good make up brands that are meant to cover up tattoos ... I have one on my back that is purple and my wedding colors (including parts of my dress) are red ... guess what is going to be covered up? I am not covering it up because I do not like it but because it will clash with my dress color!

If she has already pierced her own nipples i hardly see the sense in trying to talk her out of the tattoos. She going to get one regardless of what you say, maybe because you dont want her to. Try to convince her to get them where they can be easily covered by an outfit., none on the neck,arms, face, etc... Everyone i know that regrets a tattoo regrets it mostly because of its location.

It sounds like your daughter will get one , no matter what. Nothing you say will change it, and maybe will make it worse. Proceed with that in mind.

***i agree with the other ladies, help her pick a reputable artist....and go with her!

If the tattoos have meanings and she has really thought them out, then what's the problem? Yes, I understand you're conservative and you don't want her to have them...but obviously she has different thoughts and feelings on the situation.

My mother doesn't like tattoos. Three of her four kids have them. The only one that doesn't only doesn't because she doesn't have the money for them. She doesn't love us any less. She isn't ashamed of us. AND she knows that each tattoo has a special meaning for us. I say, don't get in a huff about it and if she chooses to get tattoos, because it feels right for her and they have special meanings, then she chooses to.

She'll probably still get her tattoos however it seems odd that, at age 17, she has all the significant aspects of her life decided enough to ink them. I mean, what about her college years? Does she think there might be any people or aspects worth saving some skin for... What about her marriage and motherhood years? Or is she thinking she'll just have a hodge-podge of designs all over herself... I'm not into tats myself (primarily because there isn't anything I like enough to permanently put on myself), however CNN.com had a link to the 20 pictures of the work of celebrity tattoos artists. If it was my daughter, I would emphasize quality is better than quantity... Especially if you're getting it forever! And there were some beautiful styles featured in the CNN link. Real professionals. It might help her to postpone her tats if she sees other styles (true "artwork") instead of whatever is cheap and easy through her job/friend.

Good luck!

I know you are sick about the idea but you have said she is doing it anyway so why not talk to her with an open mind. Ask her where she is going to put it/them, why does she want them. Ask if she will please put it in a place that is covered by modest clothes for now. Show her the respect that you want and maybe it will work out for the best.

I personally don't see anything wrong with tattoos that can easily be covered by regular clothing. Granted - at her age... within 5 years her tastes may change. I made myself a deal at 18 saying that if I still wanted the SAME tattoos I originally picked in 3 years, I'd get them. Well 3 years passed and I didn't have money for them, but as soon as I did - I got them and have been pleased with them since.

My cousin told her daughters that she wouldn't pay for college if they got tattoos, which kept them from getting them...until they were out of college. If she wants to be a vet that is a lot of schooling to pay for on her own.

I wouldnt say this is an idea to "stop her" but you might want to talk to a few people that you know that have tattoos and ask them if they have any or all tattoos that they regret for either their looks and/or placement of the tattoo(s) and why. Almost everyone that I know with tattoos has more than one and they almost all say that they would have either done this with this one or put this one here or not have gotten this one, etc, You get the idea. So maybe having these people that reach out to for this reason talk to her about their experiences would help her to really really think before she permanently inks herself up. I personally could never get a tattoo but that is just me so I wouldnt have to be talked out of it but I would tend to think that having your daughter get some advice and real life suggestions from people that are years ahead of her on this might help her to make a better decision

Good Luck to both of you (whatever the choice(s) may be)

I'd let it go personally. She is going to do what she wants, that's life. My husband hates them, he just thinks the human bod is perfect as it is, so if this ever happens in our home, I am sure it will hit the fan! But at the end of the day, it will be her choice. She knows your opinion, so I'd let it be. There are more pressing issues in life, like why she doesn't want kids for instance. I think that might concern me more, bc she is very young to have this opinion. I would not be thrilled, but I don't think I would lose sleep over it. If the issue is the life style that she lives that goes along with being all tatted up, that is a different thing and something to pray on and just wait for opportunities to share things along the way. I have friends that are youth pastors with several tats and they are very conservative in some aspects of life but very much free spirits in lots of others. They have four kids and their tats don't seem to have hindered anything in their lives. So just let her find her way and be there to guide and encourage in whatever ways you can. Who knows what she will do ultimately, but if she knows that you accept her she won't do more in an effort to rebel against you ;)

Ok, so right or wrong, the first thing that comes to mind when you said nipple piercing was breastfeeding. I'm sure she's heard by now its the healthiest way to feed her future children(and cheapest) if she's planning on having them. Have her do research on if it impacts her ability to breastfeed in the future (I honestly don't know). With that same line of thinking, have her research all of the down stream impacts of the body modifications, so if she is going to do her own thing, at least you know she is fully aware of their future ramifications. If she's a science person, cause and effect should play a big role in her thinking.

The sad thing is I don't think you really can stop her. Unfortunately, this is something she can do on her own and will either be happy with it or regret it later. Who knows, they might end up being beautiful!

What she wants and likes at age 18 could be much different than when she's 30. I remember wanting a tattoo at that age because it was almost in style (anklets, roses), I couldn't decide on what I wanted and I'm SO glad now that I didn't get one. I know people now who regret their tattoos but can't afford to get them removed. I did get my naval pierced which I greatly regret because of how the skin now looks after having kids.

I don't think you can stop her. I'm pretty conservative and my religion is strictly against tattoos... but I still have one I got at a time I was a rebellious teen. Honestly, if it wasn't for my religion holding me to a standard to keep my body clean in appearance, I would be covered in them.

There is a lot of good advice though. Such as take the design, and put it on your fridge for a year. If it doesn't excite you or hold any true meaning after that period of time, then it was never meant to be permanent on your body. Just encourage her to time them apart and wait certain ones out. Even if she sees meaning, they are still influenced by fads.

In my high school, girls were getting roses, butterflies and barbed wire around their ankles... ask of of those girls then and they had 'meaning'... ask them now and they think it's stupid. now, there is a huge fad of swallows/birds/stars/hearts...

By age 17, she has either learned the concept that "all decisions have consequences" or she hasn't. In my opinion, the opportunity to teach her this lesson yourself is long gone.

Let her make the mistake. And hopefully she will have a handle on this concept next time.

Ah, youth.
I wanted a tattoo when I was 17. When I was 18, old enough to get one, I found that I didn't want to spend my money on a tattoo. Tattoos can be VERY expensive. Has she researched the cost? Also, my understanding is that it can be very time-consuming to get a lot of tattoos, especially in a wide variety of colors. Does she have ample amounts of time? And how is her tolerance for pain? I've heard tattoos on fleshy parts of the body hurt a lot less than tattoos on bony parts. I'm just wondering if she's romanticized this process. I liked the poster below who suggested putting the design on the fridge and making sure that it means something after a set amount of time. Could she use henna or some other more temporary method of expressing herself for the next few years? There's nothing wrong with tattoos, but what seems cool at 18 can seem like a mistake at 28. Sadly, I don't think you can stop her. Threats won't work and will just drive a wedge between you. I think if you try to stop her it will just make her that much more determined to prove to you that she is an "adult." Sure, that just proves how UNadult she is (not her fault, she is only 18 after all) but ultimately I think it's got to be her mistake to make.

I've read some of your responses but not all. I really like the idea of printing out the design she likes best and putting it on the fridge to look at for a year. Kind of like buying an expensive item of clothing but leaving the tags on for a couple of weeks (I've done this, and have actually returned a few things when I realized they weren't so great after all) I also like the idea of suggesting to her to put the tattoo in a place where no one will see it unless she's in a string bikini. At least for the first one! (not to imply that there may be many in her future....) My husband got a tattoo college. He was a big surfer at the time and he got the "Wave Riding Vehicle" symbol - 3 dolphins - tattooed on the side of his butt. NO ONE ever sees it unless he shows them, and now he's glad. Being almost 40 and the Director of Sales for the whole East Coast for a wireless company - he certainly doesn't want some dolphin crawling up his neck. I really hope she doesn't want to do one of those ankle tattoos. I think they're so cheesy (my opinion!) Good luck :)

My daughter went to mexico in 1997 and came home with tatoo on her ankle.
Two butterflies meanng mother and daughter,,,she was 18 and what could I say? business wise I still don't agree but motherwise "touching".

I myself do not like tattoos, and I am not socially conservative.

To some extent I agree that there is not much you can, but I would talk to her about the locations, and her future. I wish I were a vet. Vet school is very hard to get into..harder than Med School ...most DO NOT. She would be better off with experience in a Vet's office than a tattoo parlor. Experience counts as much as grades for getting into Vet School. I would try to ask her to be discreet about where she puts them until she is wearing that lab coat.

Unfortunately, some employers might discriminate against someone with tattoos, whether it's right or not.

When I decided at the end of my Freshman year, that I had too little chance of getting into vet school, I ended up being a chemical engineer. Let me tell you in 1989, it was hard enough being a female in chemical engineering, once I started looking for a job, without tattoos.

Life is not alway fair or easy.

Tatoos are a huge fad right now. She may regeret them later or not, but the fact is, it will be or will not be her regret. You and I both know that what she wants, thinks, feels at 17 can and should change as life experience inspires wisdom. At this point, while she is still in high school and being supported by you, out of respect, and not because you forbid it, she should acquiesce to your wishes. If it's true that she would leave home and marry/move in with her boyfriend rather than respect your wishes, your problems are bigger than tattoos.

i'm not personally fond of tatts, although i've seen many lovely ones. my older is like your daughter. at this point his entire back, one upper arm, his calf and his inside upper lip (!!!) are all inked, and he's got more planned. they're all personally meaningful and most are beautiful, but i sure wish he'd quit.
but i get no say in the matter. nor do you.
you must give up the idea that you can control her. you're only making things worse.
khairete
S.