What?? Your husband poops standing up? Or he poops sitting down but for some strange reason stands up to wipe?? I didn't realize there are "girl ways" and "boy ways" to wipe one's butt. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
You are right about the teachers not wiping butts, and you are right that he needs to learn to do this well, so that poop doesn't get all over everything. So, if your husband doesn't want him to wipe while he's sitting down, tell your husband to teach him fast! And teach him to do it well. If your husband doesn't want to teach him, then tell him to get on board with you and tell your son that he made a big mistake, and boys should wipe while seated, also.
I'm sorry to offend you, but your husband is acting like a butt.