Will Weaning My Daughter Help Her While She's at Daycare? I Need Advice!

If my daycare provider told me to wean, I would find another daycare. Maybe the daycare provider isn't giving her enough attention?? It sounds like the daycare provider just doesn't want to deal with her. Maybe you should find a different provider. I wouldn't wean. I have had 3 in daycare and breastfed all three and had pumped breastmilk at daycare. They didn't have any issues adjusting to daycare.

Weaning would just be more seperation. I say don't do it. I would try a different day care, or at least try to find out what it is that is bothering her. My son was very unhappy at day care just because he was expected to take a nap without being rocked to sleep.

Don't eliminate breast feeding all together, but get her used to drinking out of the bottle, maybe start breast feeding only at night when she goes to bed, and use the bottle the rest of the time.

Do not wean. I think you will have an unhappy baby at home AND at daycare. This is a tough one. I also provide daycare in my home. It is very hard to watch all the kids when one is screaming all day. It is also very upsetting to the other children. I have noticed that one screaming baby will make everyone unhappy throughout the day. i was in the same situation a few years back. Both the mom and I came to terms that this situation was just not working for me or the baby. She pulled the baby and got a nanny. The baby seemed much happier at home and much more at ease in the comfort of her own home. Would a nanny be a possibility? Maybe your baby is not ready to part of group of other children.

Hi K.,

PLEASE do not even consider giving up brestfeeding!

I breastfed for 16 months. My daughter started her first home daycare at 3 months old. We had the same problem of nonstop crying at daycare. Three months after she started (she was better, but still cried a lot) our daycare provider said she decided she "couldn't focus on the toddlers (she had TWO) enough with a baby around, and it was just too hard" and gave us a two week notice. Just think how awful I would have felt if I had QUIT breastfeeding as an attempt to make the situation easier at daycare, and then a couple months later the provider 'fired us' anyways!! Looking back, I am so glad she quit us because I have since found much better providers for my daughter.

She is warning you that she is going to fire you. Really, how much do you think things will improve in a short amount of time if she is not willing to go the extra mile to make your baby happy (or at least content). If she has told you she is thinking of firing you, she has already given up.

I remember how HARD it was to be at work, knowing your baby is probably crying and missing you. It's really really hard and I feel for you. My advice to you is to find another provider. The providers job is to take care of your baby, this is what you pay her for. If she is 'giving up' then she is not doing her job. If it is too hard for her to handle your baby along with the other kids, then she should not accept that amount of kids, hire a helper, or get another job. At my job, I am not allowed to just "give up" when something is too hard, and I bet you aren't either.

If you start looking for another provider, interview as many providers as you possibly can. You can find them online at MN child care resources, and there you can see where they live, how much experience they have, how much education they have, how many kids they have, if they have a separate area for their daycare, ect.. Also, be sure to call and check if there are any complaints with the liscensing dept. and if you call enough, and beg, they MIGHT give you the names of some of the best ones (they aren't supposed to, but I talked one into giving me three names, and they were by far the best out there). There are a few really great providers out there, we go to one of them, but it took me almost 2 years to find her. Where are you located? If you are in south of the river suburbs, let me know because interviewed many many providers in this area.

Good luck to you!!

Find a new daycare provider. This is absurd and ridiculous. I cannot believe she even suggested this. I am fuming just reading your post. Not at you but at your daycare provider. She works for you and it is her job to take care of your child therefore she should be able to handle this situation. And telling you to wean because it will make her a better baby? OH MY GOODNESS this is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. Weaning her will only make it worse. Maybe your daughter doesn't like the provider? Maybe something about the situation bothers your daughter? At 7 months her only way of communicating that something is wrong is by crying. I would find a new provider immediately. If the provider is already thinking of "terminating" your daughter from her care then she is already treating her differently and probably has already given up on the situation. Find someone new quick.

do not wean.. breast is best.. breastfed babies are no more likely to scream at strangers..

my daughter never went to anyone screamed like crazy.. my son went to anyone.. both were breastfed.. it is their personality.

maybe you can find someone to watch your child in your home where she is more comfortable

DO NOT WEAN YOUR DAUGHTER unless both of you are ready! Your pediatrician will recommend that you breastfeed for a year, and every single day that you nurse will aid her in so many ways - everything from lower rates of disease (both now and in the future) to higher test scores.

Day care will get better - weaning will not aid in this transition, I think it will make it worse. Just their suggestion to wean shows me that they are not in tune with your daughter or with what is truly best for infants. Can you look for another center?

My heart goes out to you - please do not do what is against what your gut tells you, against what pediatricians recommend, and against what is best for your daughter.

There is no way I would wean her based on what the daycare provider wanted. You would be taking away the comfort and connection she has with you. I would definitely look into another childcare situation and not take her there any more regardless. I would not feel pressured to stop a wonderful and in the scheme of things a very short amount of time in your daughters life to breastfeed her. The La Leche League's philosophy on breastfeeding is that the breastfeeding relationship should continue as long as it is satisfying for both mother and baby. Your poor daughter is going through enough stress to add taking away the comfort and nutrition you provide her. I would find a daycare provider who is more understanding and willing to work with me on solutions. Breastfeeding also is helping your daughter with her immune system. By taking away the breastfeeding you are increasing her chances of getting sick. This is the last thing you need when she is being exposed to more children. This is definitely a case where you need to follow your heart and protect your breastfeeding relationship.

I am going through this same thing with a 10 month old baby. I have had her since 8 months. The mom breast fed exclusively from day one. She is so attatched to her mother that we are going through the same thing. She did start to drink from a bottle from day one. So I haven't had that. She also sleeps. So it's not as bad when she's sleeping. This mom is working graveyard. The problem comes in when I keep her in the mornings. 2 days per week I keep her late so mom can sleep before picking her up. When she wakes up and realizes mom is not here, she does nothing but cry. We've passed her around between my mother and I. We've tried all kinds of things with her. She will stop and play for a few minutes, maybe 5, maybe 20, and once in awhile, even 35-40 minutes. But then all the sudden she thinks of mom and is wailing again. Holding her does not help and she has the loudest wail I've experiened in YEARS. It goes right through my head and is making me go the rest of the way deaf I'm sure. The whole thing does make me a nervous wreck. But mom is working so hard and only sleeping when the kids nap. I'd keep them more if I had the space.

This mom did start weaning right from the start and I can't say that it hasn't helped. I mean she does stop and play some. I think the weaning has kept her from refusing a bottle here. She has to eat. If she fed her on demand before bringing her, then she'd probably just learn to sleep through the night without eating. She still drinks a couple times at night. I'm glad because I'd probably get no sleep if she was holding out for her moms breast.

I agree with the provider. I don't think a baby this attatched will give the world a chance so long as they can only think of you. No one else feels like you, looks like you, smells like you and they wouldn't taste like you even if they could nurse her which they can't.

It won't likely be the only answer. It's a rare provider that can deal with this until this phase passes. I warn you because I see it online everyday. I belong to providers groups and everyday someone says they are considering giving notice to parents of a screamer. Providers try so hard to stay strong. But there's nothing more shattering to the nerves than a baby that won't stop crying no matter what we try. I've never let a baby go because of crying. But it's wore on my nerves and so far I've lost 40% of my hearing because of crying babies. Look it up if you don't believe me. One of the largest reasons for losing hearing is because a babies scream is terrible for the ear drums. Just 2-3 minutes is enough to damage the ears. Imagine hours!

I can't believe that your provider would actually suggest that you don't breastfeed. I would be looking for a new daycare provider. Do what feels right to you.

Your daycare lady is probably just eager to help ease your baby's misery (and her own!) and is suggesting something that seemed to work for her. I'm wondering whether there isn't something else that would help your daughter feel less anxious during your absence.

I agree that you should schedule time to nurse at drop-off and pick-up if you're not doing that already. It might make the daycare location seem homier. And try snuggling with a soft stuffed animal while you nurse at home. Get your daughter to associate it with you, with nursing, with comfort. Sleep with it for several nights so it smells like you. Then take it to daycare and see if having that "proxy pet" helps.

One other thought is to feed her occasionally at home, or have her daddy feed her, with expressed milk in the same bottle you offer at daycare. Be sure she's taking the bottle well. If she's not, it will definitely be part of her distress. She may not like the nipple shape. There are other nipple options to experiment with that might suit her better.

This has got to be hard for everyone involved, K.. I sure hope your daughter adjusts soon.

I am shocked that you provider would suggest this. She apparently had missed the research that shows that breastfed babies are healthier, at less risk for infections and obesity and have less behavioral problems the longer they are breastfed.

I would start looking for a new provider. This person, may she be nice, does not seem to click with your daughter and any professional provider would be able to deal with the "stress" that comes with adding a new client that will need some period to adjust.
Separation anxiety is normal for this age group and it will pass. There are many things that she could try and I am not quite sure what you mean by "giving up"... she just puts her down and lets her wail? Have you witnessed her attempts to console your daughter? Maybe you can stick around and observe for a bit (from another room or outside through the window) and give her some tips might work for you.

I doubt that weaning her will make things better. Usually with infants and toddlers the less change the better. Imagine it from her perspective, not only are you leaving her with a stranger every day, now you only take away her source of comfort, food and closeness to you.

How will you feel if you do wean, things do not improve and your provider drops you?

You desire to nurse is NOT selfish, it is the best for you and your baby, especially given the fact you you have to place her in daycare to work.

Look for someone who is more patient and maybe more knowledgeable with infants and willing to work with you.

Good luck!

Don't give up breastfeeding your 7 month old on the advice of your daycare provider!!! That is such bad advice! Every child will require a transition period from being home with mom to daycare. If your daycare provider cannot handle that fact, it is probably because she is completely over ratio! The maximum number of kids under the age of 7 a provider is supposed ot have is 4 (even if some of them are her own). I would start looking for a different daycare right now!

What if you nurse her when you get to daycare- so she relaxes a little bit at the daycare, and then again at daycare when you pick her up?
Also maybe give the daycare workers a blanket that smells like you- something that may comfort your darling daughter (babies have AMAZING smell still at 7 months!).
I think weaning is the WRONG answer. There's a reason she misses you so- because breastfeeding is the best way to bond with your baby!!! :)
Another tip maybe- leaving a picture of you- at least for a little while- so she can see your face while taking a bottle?
I'd try a million different things before I weaned. Breastfeeding was such an amazing experience for me that I didn't stop until my son was ready- even though I still wasn't!! :)

grrr I feel for you, this makes me angry and she is not my baby. have you talked to your dr? or a LAC or a LLL? I think they will be better able to understand the situation and help you w/ this as it must be heartbreaking for sure. I am a SAHM so I cant really help you on the daycare issue sorry but I have been nursing my DD for 18 mo now so I totally understand what you are saying w/ that. I have also working in Daycare for 13 years and I must say that maybe it really is the place? really bc yes there are kids that do cry when mom leaves but usually not that bad.....mabye a diff. place would be a better fit for your daughter, someone that can soothe her better someone that understands nursing better...I know you said you like her but honestly she should be more supportive, understanding and better able to soothe your poor LO. oh I forgot to ask, can you take a longer lunch and come nurse your baby??? Lots of jobs will let you do that as they are required to allow you to pump you can see if they are willing to let you go nurse insteed....I was going to return to work and my employer was going to allow for this. good luck really and please dont wean due to pressure please call your LAC or LLL and even your Dr. and I honestly dont think weaning will even be an easy and fast thing to do either, if she is not interested in weaning herself then YOU have to wean her and I am sure that is going to come w/ a whole host of other problems and more tears. I knwo when I night weaned my DD it was a nightmare for a week, but she was 15 mo and still not sleeping 5 hrs to say she was going through the night...it had to be done. well good luck and I wish you all the best. xo

Wow you are getting a lot of responses here! Sorry if this is a repeat, I didn't read all 30 responses. But I did have an idea...I wonder if it would help if you picked a special blanket and always had it close to you and her when she nursed. Then send that blanket to daycare with her, and make sure they have it close whenever they are trying to feed her your breastmilk or comfort her for a nap. I think the smell of you and the association of comfort she has with the blanket might help to sooth her. I've even heard of you actually sleeping with the blanket (I know it sounds crazy) so that it smells like you. Good luck! I know it's hard, but like most things it WILL get better!

K.,I agree with everybody who advise you not to stop BF(even though I did not BF my baby myself).
Here is another thought-may be there is a chance you can quit your job for a while(take a few months off)-if it's possible.They grow so fast,you can always go back to work later.Obviously your baby unhappy with something and even if you follow the weaning advise,you can't be sure that this even help(I can't even imagine how cruel that will be-separation from mom AND weaning for the same time!).
I'd honestly,for the sake of my child, stay at home at least for the first year.I understand that it's hard to loose another income,but again,baby comes first.And,yes,I'd find another provider,if staying home is not an option

First seperation anxiety is really common in children and adults when a new routine comes into play. You will both get into a routine and things will get back to normal. However, you can not show any type of anxiety when you leave because she will pick up on it and continue to be in that state for awhile. But I would suggest that during the times that the daycare has her you will want to repeat the same methods being used.. bottle feeding. Yes I know that It would be very difficult for both of you. But if you set the same routine as daycare you won't have the anxiety that you are having. I am not say to give us breastfeeding all the time but only the times, say nap time that a bottle be used. Still breast feed during all the other times that you normally have her at home. Night time, breakfast time whatever. Plus you will have to wean her at some point and this is just a little way of starting that procedure. Also are you giving her baby foods, fruits, vegetables etc? I really would suggest that you maintain the same schedule as the day care, this will keep the same schedule day in/out and cause less confusion for your baby.

Your instincts are right on! Weaning is notttt the right thing to do! Your daycare provider may think they have her best interests in mind but they don't, they have theirs. Your daughter is not one year yet, therefore its best for her to nurse. Period. End of story. In fact, if they say anything again, all you have to say is that the AAP and the WHO recommend breastfeeding for at least a year and you are going with their advice.

I agree that suggesting you stop nursing is alarming. I find it insensitive to say to a worrying mother that you need to stop doing one of the most comforting things you can do for your baby. In my opinion it shows a bit of ignorance on your provider's part, too. You have only been with this provider for a few weeks, so if you are uncertain about her perhaps you should find a new daycare. Maybe your baby will like a different setting as well (home vs. center or vice versa). I know it can be so stressful finding daycare though :(

I also want to add that I am sure your baby will adjust and that you will see that she falls into a different routine at daycare. She will begin to eat and sleep with them even if she relies on nursing at home. It really is amazing. I have found out that my son can sleep without his "guy" because it happened at daycare. Our children know what they can get away with depending on who their caretaker is.

I want to second what Mari says - children grow up so quickly. Can you move to a smaller house? Sell a car? It sounds like staying home would be the very best here. Working at this point just does not seem to be worth all of the stress that the baby is going through. You might be a single mom, in which case I would try to find another provider, but if not, the answer is to stay home and enjoy the time with your precious child.

I wouldn't wean - that is ridiculous. It is a great comfort to her and would only stress her out more. Not to mention the enormous health benefit to you both.

I would look into a breastfeeding moms club and ask if any of the breastfeeding moms / past breastfeeding moms would be willing to watch her. They tend to be more willing to carry her around, wear her, rock her to sleep and generally understand the powerful bond a breastfed baby has for their mommy. They also understand how to properly heat breastmilk and the cues a breastfed baby gives off.

Boobie-fed kids are a different creature and require a quiet, loving provider that understands their needs. I highly recommend another, long-term nursing mom to take care of her, rather than a "typical" daycare.

My heart goes out to you and her! Is it at all possible to NOT work so much?
Best of luck!

Please don't wean her just because it MIGHT help. There is a good chance that it won't help and then you will unable to go back. Unfortunately some kids do not separate well from their parents. My nephew is similar. He will scream for hours (and he has LUNGS like I have never experienced), refuse to eat, etc. He has been this way since he was about 7 months old and now he is almost 2. It has made life very difficult for my sister and BIL. I am about the only caregiver who has been able to tolerate him for a full babysitting session. There is no magic technique to make him feel better when his parents leave. He just feels it way more intensely than any other child I have ever met. His sister had some separation anxiety, but nothing like him. It has made life very difficult for them as most sitters have quit after a few sessions.

I suggest trying a few of the things people have suggested (not the weaning, though) but also start thinking about whether your daughter will be able to continue in a daycare setting. Some kids thrive in day care and some kids don't. My son thrived until 16 months and then went down hill. He was biting, hitting multiple kids every day. We met with the provider every week to strategize. But every week it continued and I was more and more distraught each passing week. After 5 more months of this we were also close to having the daycare kick him out. We eventually had to make a very tough decision for me to stay home with him. It almost ruined my marriage and almost destroyed our family business and as well made our finances really tough (we cut back in every area possible). Turns out our son had sensory processing disorder and the day care setting was torture to him. As hard as it was, I am so glad we made the decision to change things around in our lives for his sake. It made all the difference in the world. I know people assume there is no way they could afford to stay home, but sometimes that is the sacrifice that has to be made.

Good luck to you and I hope you will update us on anything you try that works. Big hugs. I know what a stressful time this is for you.

DO NOT stop breastfeeding. Trust me you will totally regret it. I had to stop breastfeeding my son who is now 13 months at 7 months for another reason. I got really sick and dehydrated and my supply dried up and it was so sad and hard for me because I loved breastfeeding so much.
If I were you I would try to find another provider that is more patient with your baby. And continue to pump your milk and feed her out of the bottles while you work. But they do make bottles now that are shaped like the breast. My son took those because I had a hard time getting him to take a bottle while I was breastfeeding also. And she most likley wont take the bottle from you so get someone else to do it like daddy or grandma. And you probably wont be able to be in the same room while this is happening. It's best not to do it when she is absolutley starving or upset. It's best to do it when she's in a really good mood because she'll take it better when she's not so upset.
That poor baby! I feel so bad that she is so upset she wont eat and cry for 3 hours. It makes it worse too when she is starving and sleepy. Well, I wish you luck and I hope everything gets better for the both of you! :)

Even if she was over a year, weaning isn't advised during times of stress or transition, and starting daycare is one of those times. My son has been in daycare since he was 5 months old, and took bottles during there and nursed with me morning, night and on weekends. (We started him on one bottle a day with dad at ~ 4 weeks so that he was used to them). Crying when you leave is totally normal, but crying for three hours after this many weeks is not. I agree with the others above, your daughter isn't in the right daycare. Different children have different needs. For example, my son's daycare is fine (actually great) for him, but he's been very independent since he was born. If he'd been like some of the other babies there, who always seemed to want to be held and who spent a lot of time crying (because even with a 4:1 ration, the caregivers couldn't always hold them, and also because they believe in fostering independence in children), I would have pulled him out and put him into a more nurturing, attachment-oriented situation. Good luck finding a better place for your daughter, and keep up the nursing as long as you both love it. (15.5 months and still going twice a day).

I only scanned all of the many wonderful answers you recieved..but will also add my own confirmations to the mix.... Do NOT stop nursing your baby!

I do home based childcare (13 years now..in Brooklyn Park)..and I would never ever suggest a Mom stop nursing her own baby! I would hope for more of a schedule or strive for a bit more regular timely feedings while at my house, as that will make my day...all of our day...go smoother. But to suggest a mom stop nursing?? Never ever! I work with families to encourage breastfeeding as long as they are willing to do it.

Try some of the other things I saw...the blanket that smells like you is a great one..use it when feeding her...you can sleep with it close to your body a bunch of times, things like that so it sorta absorbs your smell. Smell is a very strong sense in babies (those breastfed little ones can usually smell Momma when she enters a room!) and that can be comforting and familiar as they eat. Also make sure the bottles you are using are ones she REALLY does like. If you are nursing...make sure some bottle feedings are happening (like from Dad, etc) with the bottles and make sure she is eating as vigorously as you think is normal from them. If shes a bit lazy and uninterested or fussy that way it could be the bottle too...there are so many options...bottles and nipple styles....one might entice her more than what you are using??? (some nursing moms have to not be in the same room as baby will want the "real" thing and real source!)

Personally I think I would be insulted if a childcare provider suggested weaning to me. Its a very personal decision and not one for anyone else to make but a Mommy. I only was able to nurse for about 2 months with my own child despite every effort made...and wish I could have made it last longer. Don't allow anyone to pressure you into a decision that isn't right for you. thats not their call.

Good luck.
If you are in the northern suburb area (BP, BC especially...contact me..I do referrals for our home childcare association....)

Relax. Instead of seeing this as a right thing and a wrong thing for your daughter, know that there are many good ways to take care of her. When you relax, things will ease for her too. If your daycare provider "terminates" you can be sure that she is not the right person for your daughter--so it's great if she helps you to see that right away. If you're really loving nursing your daughter, then find ways to keep on doing it. Trust yourself and your heart to guide you.

I would not stop. I nursed my daughter until she was 18 months. I pumped during the day. I am not sure if you are giving breast milk in bottle or formula - or maybe try a different type of bottle.

My son I was not able to - I just did not produce enough to feed him. I think it was that with daughter I could not stop producing milk and they had to give me meds 3 years later - or because I got VERY sick and tried to go back to work 3 days after he was born.

Can you try leaving baby with someone else on a weekend to see how he or she responds to that person?

I also forgot she had and still has a shirt that I slept in - my mom made it into a blanket with pieces of the shirt on it - daughter is now 13 years old :)

I can feel your pain because I had a breastfed baby who wouldn't take a bottle. Ever. I ended up becoming a SAHM. That wasn't the only reason, but that was at least one factor in the decision. I know everyone can't do that. Even though I empathize with you, I can also understand your provider's viewpoint. I work in a church nursery and screaming kids are very stressful both for the child and the provider. I can understand why she thinks your baby can no longer continue in her program. It must be hard for her to take care of the other children while your daughter is crying. I would look into other daycare possibilities. Is there a daycare closer to your work so that you could breastfeed her during your lunch break? What about trying a sitter in your home so your daughter's in a familiar setting? Is there any possibility of working part time during this difficult transition period? Not sure that would help, but it might ease the stress for both you and your baby. Good luck.

I think weaning your daughter would be even that much more traumatic. It might be easier for the daycare worker, but it's NOT what is best for your daughter. Please do not wean her. She needs your milk. Maybe your daughter is trying to tell you something, like, to get her a new daycare provider. She may only be 7 months old, but babies can feel stress and can sense when something isn't right. I highly recommend you ask around and find her better care when you're at work. Good luck! I completely empathize with you!

I work in a daycare and we would never ask a parent to stop breast feeding . She will adjust it takes time . Does she have a special blanket or plushed animal she loves . If she does put your scent on it wear it around the house for a litttle while before bringing her to daycare . Work with the daycare lady show her how you hold her when she is sad or when you put her to sleep . Even when you feed her we tried to hold a nursed baby as close as we can when feeding a bottle if that is what they like . She has to have some patients when it comes to having a new one in her care it takes time . Work with her and if it does not work out then find a new place I know it is hard to find good daycare some one you trust . Believe me I have two kids of my own I work for a wonderful daycare and trust them with all my heart .Good luck do not stop breast feeding .

I felt very pressured by other people to stop nursing my son when he was 5 months old for similar reasons. I was stupid and listened to people and still regret not being able to nurse him longer. (Not for any other reason than that I loved nursing and he did too!)

My daughter is now 8 months old and when I was on maternity leave we both realized me working full time wasn't working. I'm staying home now and my daughter is exclusively breastfed! I am so happy to be doing what I want to do -- and doing what I feel is right for our baby, not other people -- this time around.

Hang in there mama! Don't stop nursing that baby unless YOU think it's the right thing to do for you and your baby.

Also, I used to work full time when our son a baby. My husband found a better job, we had to sell our house and move to another state and start renting... but now I'm staying home with our kids. Didn't think we could ever do it. It was worth it all. If you deep in your heart want to be home, maybe talk to your hubs about how to make it happen.

If it just can't work to have you home, know working full time does get better with time. We ditched daycare, found a really amazing in-home nanny through a local Christian college for just a little more $$ than we were spending with daycare, and she became a beloved member of our family and our son adored her. She's still his "auntie" now that I'm home.... maybe that might be a better option for your daughter? She would get more one-on-one attention.

I'm sure this has already been said, but I just had to add my vote to the Do Not Stop Nursing camp. You love nursing! It is fabulous for your daughter and for you. Your baby is still very small and breastmilk is so healthy for her. Quitting nursing to make your daycare person's life easier is a terrible reason. There is absolutely no way in the world to consider nursing a selfish act. No way.

I would look for another provider (look on Craigslist for a stay at home mom who also values breastfeeding and has the time and energy to wear your daughter in a sling/be patient with her until she is more comfortable). I don't think your provider is a bad person - I just think that some babies (I had one too) have major separation anxiety and don't do well in childcare arrangements that are totally fine for other kids.

When you interview new people, be honest about your daughter and make sure they are up for it. When my daughter transitioned to care at 11 months, she had a very hard time. I knew she would because of her personality so I picked someone extremely loving and patient with only one other child. My provider wore my daughter on her back for a good month while she got used to the change and we both did everything we could to help her sleep (you are right that a tired hungry baby is a very stressed baby).

Don't stop nursing and keep looking for someone who can give your daughter the time and attention she needs right now. You won't regret it.

B.

PS Consider posting whereabouts in the city you are (not an address of course!) - some people might have recommendations for other providers.

You should not have to wean your daughter to take her to daycare. I nursed both my daughters until 14 months +, worked full-time, and nursed exclusively on the weekends. The one thing though is that you mention that you nurse on demand on the weekends. She should really be on more of a nursing schedule at 7mo. Try to get her on a schedule on the weekends and hold her off during feedings. Maybe like 4 hours in between feedings so she doesn't sit at daycare wanting to nurse all the time. She could also start eating some rice cereal if she hasn't already. If getting her on a schedule doesn't help, I'd seriously consider switching daycares or finding a daycare center. Your dayare lady sounds like she doesn't want to deal with crying so maybe she's not right for taking care of babies.

I had the same problem. I would look for another daycare provider - one that will work with you to help ease your LO's transition. My son was 6 months old when we placed him in an in home daycare. He was EBF and hated the bottle - but loved solids. So - the first day care lady hated that he wouldn't take the bottle and tried to force it on him - he cried all day and made himself sick. After 3 weeks - I took a week off of work and stayed home with him. I BF on demand and had my husband feed him 1 bottle per day. My son still didn't like it - but he drank it. We found another daycare and told the lady up front that it was going to be a challenge. She said that she was willing to work with him - trying the bottle at odd times - when he wasn't so upset, and she was willing to "wear" him in a carrier until he settled down. Now, my son still cries every morning when I drop him off, but our provider tells me that it lasts about 10 minutes and then he starts playing. I strongly suggest a new provider - I really think that our son just didn't like his other daycare lady and she was frustrated with him - babies can sense that. Good luck to you.

What???? I cannot believe your provider advised you to wean! Your daughter is going through a normal developmental phase. Weaning her is not the answer to this. Your provider needs to exert patience and a basic understanding of child development! Your provider and your daughter need to build a relationship of trust, which does take many weeks for some children. Avoiding eating is completely normal for children to go through the first few weeks/months of care. My own daughter did not eat school food for 3 months the first time I had to put her in care.

In a perfect world you could spend lots of time with a provider to build a relationship first before ever leaving her alone with a basic stranger. But that is not how it is, and a great, professional provider will be empathetic to what she is going through and provide as much possible support to the family as possible throughout the transition.

I am so sorry that someone who supposed to be in partnership with you is telling you to stop nursing!

Weaning is not the solution to the problem here. My son nursed until 13 months and he needed that nursing session right after work--reconnecting and knowing I was home again. I would be a little uncomfortable about a provider who suggested weaning as a solution if you did not bring it up.

If you consider providers closer to your work you could visit during your lunch and nurse her to sleep for a nap. I'm not sure what your state's laws are, but in New York employees can take time to pump or nurse during the work day until their child is 3 years old if they want.

You have probably already done things like nursed her at drop-off and nursing her right when you get there, but that can help ease transitions if you haven't tried it. Try a pacifier for naptime if she is using one (not all kids will even use one, so that might not work). If she is not on solids, she might be ready. A co-worker's daughter stopped taking bottles during the day and waited for her mom before she was a year, she just ate solids and waited to nurse. If she is not on a cup, you could try that, or offer breastmilk in something other than a bottle, like in a cup. You will feel a lot worse if you wean. The weaning hormones are rough and you do not want to deal with that right now. Good luck...

I do not think that is the answer, but possibly trying to only bottle feed her(Breast Milk of course) while you are home with her during the normal time she would be at the day care? Then nurse on more of a schedule when home so that her days are more consistant. Also just because your day care lady may take great care of your daughter doesn't mean she knows what is best for you or your family. The first sitter I had for my daughter was feeding her 6-8ozs of BM at each feeding because that is what she was used to doing with other babies, well it was making it really hard for my daughter to feel full while I nursed her so I asked her to only feed her 4 ozs and do it every two hours(our nursing schedule). She was not happy bc this was more work for her, but I didn't care because it was important that we be able to continue to nurse... it worked and we nursed until we were ready to stop. (she still only drinks 4ozs at a time though)
Something else to think about, they have some kind of doll you can buy that you sleep with for a couple of days which absorbs your scent very strong so that she could take with her to day care and maybe hold it while drinking her bottle??
I hope that helps, if I were you I would just search and search until I find the answer (which would not be weaning), the Leleche League has some really great resources out there to help...

I have to second Julie and Cindy. I think it would definitely be more traumatic for both of you to suddenly stop breastfeeding altogether. Look for another daycare provider, and do NOT wean (the bottle of breastmilk at nap/bed time sounds like a good compromise with daycare and should help ease the nap/bed times when she's not at home with you). Momma's milk is absolutely the best for your little sweetheart, so by all means do it as long as you are both happy! But as Julie said, babies know more than we give them credit for. If she is crying for 3 hours after you leave, something is wrong--my gut says to try a different care provider.

I don't think stopping nursing is the answer either!!! Maybe try a different bottle or tippy. My 9 month old prefers nursing and would only take a bottle for her daycare teacher who went on maternity leave the week before Memorial. and then baby went on bottle strike! She has done a NUK Learner cup fairly well (1 oz or so - but her bottles were only 2-3 oz before) and the last 2 days has done a 1 oz bottle in morning. ...some people swear by the playtex bottles for nursing babies. My has done the NUK bottles well...quite a few of the nursing moms at daycare use those or the AVENT ones seem to be popular too.

If she is threatening to "terminate" because of this she does not seem like a very flexible, compassionate, sympathic daycare provider! and I agree with others...maybe time to look for another daycare provider. Good luck!

Goodness! I don't really know what to say! I don't really think that weaning her is going to make much of a difference, to be honest. Does she have a lovey? Or something you could give her to start using as a lovey? Even an old t-shirt that smells like you might help. Do you think that she doesn't want the bottle and that's why she's getting upset? Maybe try to give her a bottle once a day on the weekends? Does she have favorite toys, if so maybe pack those in her diaper bag. I don't really have much of an answer I guess. Just know that you're not alone. My youngest is a HUGE mamma's girl. I can't leave her anywhere. We tried to leave her at my cousin's this weekend (people that she is totally familiar with) and all she did was cry. They wound up bringing her back :(
I can only imagine how hard it must be for the daycare provider and the other children to listen to the baby cry for hours on end. It could be that your daughter just doesn't like the provider or the other children. I have an aunt that my oldest daughter just didn't like for some reason. She would scream like a banshee whenever my aunt came around. There was no reason for it at all.
((HUGS)) and I hope you can get something figured out!

Reading Suzi's response from the point of view of a daycare provider, it really opened my eyes.

My daughter went through about 1 month of crying when she transitioned into a new center, 2 times. I don't think it was quite this bad, but it was bad. So, it could take some time. And I don't think weaning would help; having your child feel safe and secure will help her through stressful situations, and this includes continuing the nursing bond with you.

But, after reading Suzi's comments... wow. I was initially horrified that your lady would terminate you over this (I would have been terminated twice!!!), but now I have more sympathy to the daycare provider.

I think you might be better off looking for a new daycare situation, maybe in-your-home, where your little one feels more comfortable. Or maybe a large center, where the daycare teachers can trade off managing your little one during her crying spell so they can take a break from it while she gets used to her new situation.

I think you need to listen to your instinct. You said that the bottom line is you don't want to do this. You know what is best for your baby and giving up nursing is not it for you or her. Is there any way you can look for childcare elsewhere? When I put my daughter in daycare, they had an extra person come in to hold her (which I admit is above and beyond what most places will do) for about a week so that she got some extra love while she adjusted. It took a couple weeks, but she loves going now. I think you are right--if you quit the one thing that is most comforting to her while all of this is going on, it will only make you both feel worse. Did she ever take a bottle before daycare? If so, I think your problem has more to do with the daycare lady than the method of feeding.

your instincts are right: dont wean!! if you think about it, taking away something else your daughter loves and cherishes will only make the situation WORSE! this is horrid advice, and im speechless that someone would think that this was the best for your child. they have no right to say that! you have every right as her mother to be the one who decides how and when to nurse. NOT some child care provider.

contact a local or nearby la leche league group! www.llli.org will have a place where you can see all the groups in your state. look carefully, there might not be one in your town, but there might be one nearby you. its worth the search.

you remember; you are hiring the day care. not the other way around. you pay HER. so you are the one in control of the situation here. you have every right to remove her from that day care and find someone or another place that will be more kind and polite to you and find other ways than weaning to do this.

this is so so so common for kids this age to feel this way about separations. have you tried leaving something of yours with her? a shirt, a pillowcase, something that smells like you? does she have her own little blankie, a nuk, something she snuggles with? try sending something with her that might comfort her.

obviously, they are not doing a good job transitioning her. babies that age are usually easy to distract. have they tried playing with her, distracting her with something else, with other kids, with a movie? what have THEY done that makes your daughter hate to be there so badly that shes crying for hours? this doesnt sound right to me. as a former child care provider, i NEVER had a child cry longer than 30 minutes after drop off and even that long was rare. you can always distract them with a toy, a swing, a movie, a song, a game. i cant imagine your daughter being that upset for that long unless they are spending the whole time trying to get her to stop crying and forgetting about the fact that kids are easily distractable.

in other thoughts; is she getting enough sleep in general? its typical for kids this age to still need 2 naps a day. are they not considering that shes crying because she is tired and in need of her first nap? is she not sleeping well enough at home ?

im so so so sorry you have to go through this but im even more sorry that you are being "forced" to wean for some day care lady's selfish reasons. im sorry, but that is NOT right. it is NOT selfish of you to want to give your child the best that there possibly is for her!! your milk is not only perfect for her because its human milk for human babies, but its perfect for her exactly at the age she is!! milk changes over time, and even for kids over a year old, it provides a lot of immunity, not to mention the comfort aspect! :) :) just keep nursing mama!! you are doing the right thing! :)