Will Not Sleep

I lol'd a little when I read your question. First at "34 month old daughter." I don't really understand the counting-by-months thing after two years old. Because I hate math. She's almost three, right?

I also lol'd because we've all gone through this. Bedtime battles. I personally like SuperNanny's cure for this. Do your regular routine, put kid in bed, when they get up, tell them it's bedtime and lead them back to bed (no conversation), when they get up again lead them back to bed with no conversation and no eye contact. Repeat as many times as it takes, even if you have to basically sit there outside their room without acknowledging them, leading them back to bed every time.

From what I've seen, this method takes up to a week for the really stubborn kids, and just a couple of days for the average kids. The key is consistency. Never back down or show any emotion. Just keep on putting them into bed.

Here's a good article... http://www.singlemomsindiana.com/single-mom-blogs/better-...

Does she have a good bedtime routine that's followed every night? Do you let her whine it out for a while before going in to settle her? We follow Super Nanny's advice on sleep training. Every night our 34 month old puts her toys away starting at 7pm. Bath at 7:30, jammies and lotion, we brush her teeth and comb her hair, she says goodnight to her pet bunny, to me, to her sibling in utero, and then she chooses a book. 8pm dad reads her a book and tucks her in bed. Most nights she'll stand at the gate in her room and read or play with her stuffed animals for about 15 minutes and then she starts yelling for daddy. He goes in, says nothing, leads her back to bed, tucks her in, gives her a kiss and leaves. She goes to sleep. Once in a while she'll get out of bed again and we give her about 20 minutes before we go in there and do the tuck in all over again. So my best advice is to be sure there is a concrete routine every single night. It'll take a week, maybe 2 to get her into the rhythm but she should eventually.

Our daughter, also, doesn't nap and she hasn't in almost a year. If she has a nap during the day she won't sleep at night and the nap was getting to be a struggle so we gave it up.

Good luck!

Have you talked to your ped about this? If she isn't sleeping much at night and isn't sleeping at daycare, there is a problem.

Is she defiant on other things too? Is there a lot of yelling going on in your home? Are you having trouble controlling her? How do you discipline her?

You need to have calm in your house. When she acts badly, put her in her room and let her cry. Don't stand outside of her room so that she knows she has a captive audience. If she has no one listening to her have a fit, she will stop. After she stops, go in and remind her why she was put in her room, what she was supposed to do instead, and then tell her to say she is sorry for not doing what you asked. (I know some people don't feel that getting a child to apologize is appropriate, but I think that it teaches a child manners, and God knows, we need more of that in this world.) And expect her to do what you asked her to do.

If you do this each and every time she argues or fights with you about other things, she will start to learn that defying you gets her NOWHERE but in her room. You never give in to what she wants when she has a meltdown, she just gets put in her room instead, and after she comes out, she STILL has to do what you told her to do, or she gets put in her room again. And the entire time, you have to be calm, collected, serious, and give NO attention for bad behavior. Just tell her she isn't allowed to do that or she will go to her room. And EVERYTIME, put her there. Never tell her that you are going to do it, and then let her get away with it instead. You must be 100% consistent.

Start this on a weekend. If you have done this all day long, making her understand the rules and how they apply to her, by night time, she will decide to fight you to stay up, to see if she has tired YOU out enough that she can get her way. You must NOT give in. Do a quiet, happy night time routine, snack, bath, brushing teeth, drink of water, potty, read a book, and then tell her good night. Don't listen to ANY "I don't want to go to sleep". Leave her in her room and let her cry. She will eventually go to sleep.

Letting her cry is hard, but this is how you teach her that crying doesn't get what she wants. She is punishing you and punishing herself, and you can't let it go on.

Good luck,
Dawn

My first reaction is that she is doing this to get more of your time. I would try to change things so that when you ARE together, whether cooking or eating, she is more a part of what you are doing, so that she IS with you. Try to do your cooking in big batches, so that you can just microwave portions when it is suppertime. Also, do your shopping with her or while she is at day care, on your way home kind of thing, so that you and she can immediately do things that are fun and special together. If you are only getting a couple hrs a day together, make those times really TOGETHER times, and it might take the anxiety away from her needing to be a part of your every waking minute (and extending those minutes indefinitely!).

As far as actually getting her to sleep, there ar ea lot of theories out there, and you will have to figure out which parts work best for you guys. What worked for me was a) having a routine and keeping it the same almost every night (so once a month or so we could stay up late or do something out and come home and be out of our routine). b) including in that routine washing up (teeth, hands and face or teeth and bath), tickle time, story time. Story time he HAD to have his head on the pillow, or the book would close. He got 3 chances (well, two, really, and on the third I stopped) before I closed the book, turned off the light, and laid down with him. Generally he was asleep within a few minutes, 20 at the outside. As he got older (now he's 6) I could sometimes leave him and sit across the hall and get some work done. I would tell him I'll check on you four times, and make sure that I checked on him at LEAST once while he was awake. I also had to set my phone alarm to vibrate and put it into my pocket so that I would not fall asleep!

I really hope you figure it out, mama! Get some sleep!

Put her in her room in bed and tell her she does not have to go to sleep.
She can read some books, do anything quietly but must stay in her room.
Eventually, she will get tired and go to sleep.