Why Is It Always My Responsibility?

Good Question...I have exactly the same problem. Mine extends into EVERYTHING though. I work a very stressful retail job, make half what my husband makes, but I work HARD. And I do just about everything. Seems a common problem, and I am working on it!!!

I wouldn't give him the option. Next time school calls tell them to call him. I had the same situation with my ex husband until I sat down and had a "chat" with him. He is now pretty understanding and tries to help out with "sick" days as much as he can!

Hi J.,

Sorry for the late reply. I laughed when I saw your post and just had to respond. We call this the "Milk Syndrome" in my house. I bet you could ask any mom right now how much milk is left in her fridge and she could tell you (because she knows that the kids/hubby have cereal for breakfast every morning and if they run out of milk the world will stop!!). Ask dad and he will have no idea!! It's sad and true at the same time. Women just tend to be more tuned into those things. I have brought this up to my husband (who is awesome by the way but still suffers from the milk syndrome)and he has said almost the same exact thing- I make more money than you do (therefore inferring that my time is less important). HOWEVER, when it comes to parenting or household chores- you both get paid the same-NOTHING. I think the reply about who makes more money is demeaning and borders on misogyny. My husband is pretty wonderful when it comes to household chores and the like, but it is ALWAYS me who has had to take time off work to tend to sick kids. Unfortunately for me, this may be the case for awhile as my husband is in medical school and it is extremely difficult to get a day off. My two cents: agree that you will take turns on staying with the kids when they are sick. If he still balks, then bring up that maybe you should start taking turns on cooking dinner, and grocery shopping, and doing laundry, and taking the kids to practice, and, and, and.... you get the point. Your husband may make more money than you, but you are worth WAY more when it comes to making your home safe and happy. He needs to recognize this and step up. Good luck!!

I also agree with the lawyer.

As a single mother I have to fulfill both my obligation to my children and to my boss.
Definitely take the time to sit down and discuss this as a problem that needs solving (without emotions). Explain that you can take her to the Dentist some of the time, but not all. See what would work for his schedule. It may be that he could go in a few hours late or leave a little early - and then try to schedule appointments to fit around both your needs. This should go for regular Doctor appointments too.
As far as sick days go - try to alternate them. But also be flexible about times when one of you can't take off.
I am blessed to have a mother that will help me. If I find I will have a problem leaving work, I call and see if maybe she can. If she can't then I explain and go. But she is honest about her ability to leave.
Or you could try doing half days - one of you picks the sick child up and keeps them for a few hours, and then the other of you comes home and takes care of them. That way neither of you puts their job under too great a strain.
If your husband refuses to compromise (for whatever reason), you might think about reminding him that a nanny is an expensive alternative.

If that doesn't work, you might also remind him that you aren't a single mother and don't want to live like one.

Hi J.,
Quite honestly, it is tough to figure out a solution, if you both work full time. For braces, always check with the orthodontist, if they offer afternoon appointments-most places do, as middle school kids aren't too keen on missing school.
As far as taking turns, think if your husband's job really is the more important one. Do you have all the benefits through him? How about retirement plan? I make 1/3 of my husband's salary, but my health and dental beats everything-so my husband is quite motivated to make sure I don't miss too much work. And even if you don't have great benefits, or other perks, it seems like you like your job a lot-you can always mention that it costs less for you to work than to quit and to pay for therapy:) But do some search for a back-up sitter, especially for your younger one,
A.

I am a SAHM, so I am not in the same boat, but my mother-in-law has told me the exact same story about her life with small kids.

Your husband is most likely kinda stuck in the old idea that it is the man's job to go out and work and the woman's job to care for the kids. I'm sure you are also not only the only one making the kids' appointments, but the only one who even knows what Dr they see.

Explain to your husband how important your job is to you and that you understand that he makes more, but the money is worth the sacrifice to you in order to feel valued and fulfilled. You are more than just a wife and a mother and he needs to support that. It is hard for a husband to see his wife's job as an equal to his. Ask him as a compromise to take over 1/3 of the days. Maybe even let him choose which one's work best for his company.

He is right that in the workplace, it is more accepted for a mother to take time off for her kids than for a father to, and that is why men are given more promotions and more money... The boss is confident that the majority of men will ultimately put their job before their family. I ask my husband to be sure he is putting his family first and stand up to his boss and let him know that while he is committed to his job, his family comes first. Most bosses are dad's too, and will understand the occasional missed day as long as it is not a day that he has a very important task.

Good luck... it is all about negotiation and team work, and nagging or critisizing him will get you no where.

J.,
I'm a stay at home mom, but I feel your pain. My father-in-law lives with us and he is retired. With both of these adult men that I love dearly, it is my sole responsibility to take care of EVERYTHING. The reason men bow out quickly is because they are simple people. Women require details about everything. (Just ask my husband, he'll tell you.) It is easier for a woman to take care of the important things because a typical man wouldn't know what to do. As my brother-in-law has stated,"when you were sick, who took care of you? Mom. When you needed help, who helped you? Mom." I agree with him. For years the mother has been the emotional support and health care provider. The men only had to work and bring home the dough. The reason I mention my father-in-law is because when he had heart surgery, I was pregnant with my first child. Even though I was pregnant, I was working an 8-5 job and also taking time off work to take him to the hospital or doctor as well as OB appointments. To this day, I still take care of everyone including him. It's not that he's incapable, it's just that I know all of his medical history and I'm the one who has always spoken with his doctors.(When doctors talk, he doesn't understand their jargon even in laymans terms, so I decode for him.) I know more about his health than his own sons. If he is sick, I'm the one that calls the doctor for him and talks with them. In my opinion, women are better care takers because they need and understand details where a man can't comprehend anything more than his job. I understand how frustrated you are. If your boss is rolling eyes at you, don't even think for a second that they matter. And don't let their reaction make you feel guilty. You are a responsible parent who cares about the welfare and needs of your family. If your job is on the line because of your family issues then that job isn't family friendly and it's not worth having. See if you can do without a job and if not, look for something that might be less stressful and more flexible. (When we decided for me to quit my job, it was a no brainer. By the time I paid for fuel and daycare, I would only bring home $200 each month. Not worth it for us. I would be working to pay the daycare. All we had to do was cut back on extras and we've been fine for over 7 years.) Try not to take things personally, you're just being a GREAT MOM. Good Luck

I totally empathize with you. How much money you make should have no bearing on who takes time off for your child. You both work hard and have lots of responsibilities at work. When my daughter was first born it was always me who took time off from work, however eventually she was sick on a day that I had meetings that were too important to miss. I insisted that my partner use his time off to stay home with her and it began a pattern of checking in with each other to see who is more able to miss a particular day. Sometimes we split the day in half now, and if we both are busy at work, then whoever did not stay home last time has the responsibility. It turns out that he really likes spending extra time with his daughter when he can, so it's worked out well, so far.

Good luck.

As a lawyer who has done family law, it is usually the mother who misses work - either because the mother has the more flexible schedule, because the mother tends to be more nurturing and wants to be there, because employers tend to be less hostile to mothers who take time off for their children but more hostile toward fathers who take time off.

Also, as a lawyer I will say that in the case of divorce or separation the parent who fulfills these obligations is generally the parent who wins custody.

As a mom, I will say that I'm sad that your daughters' parents are fighting over who has to stay with them when they're sick or have appointments and who "gets" to stay at work.

My guess is that your husband's position is not just about money - it's about the fact that this has been the division of labor for the last 12 years and the fact that it would be very difficult (and embarassing) for him to take time off of work.

It takes two to fight. You guys are clearly talking to brick walls rather than trying to have a rational, reasonable conversation that ends in a compromise. If your husband is anything like most men, he loves to "fix" problems. Present him with the problem in a very mature and professional fashion WITHOUT the emotion and the accusations and ask him for help solving the problem.

Perhaps you'll need to find an orthodontist that makes weekend or evening appointments. Maybe you'll need to hire a caregiver on the days your children are sick. Maybe the two of you can come up with a better solution - but the fighting obviously isn't doing anyone any good because it's not leading to a productive resolution.

Its unfair, but what I see at my workplace is that its the mothers taking time off to take care of childrens' needs. Some things are destined to be unequal! But I share your frustration since I've been there too. I can suggest that you let him know how it is affecting your work and that your reviews and future promotions and raises are at risk if your bosses perceive you not putting 100% into your job. Of course we all want to, and should, put family first. But if we can do that without affecting our job/income/careers then the whole family benefits. He needs to share the load -- they are his children too. Good luck.

Until the work place becomes family friendly, it doesn't make any more sense for one of you more than the other, to take time off work.

Ideas:

Take turns.
Hire a stay-at-home mom to be on call when you need extra support.
Don't tell your employer the time you need is for your kids...instead, say you have a banking appointment, etc. Plan days off as far in advance as possible. You are earning and entitled to vacation days and sick days...don't let it seem your kids are a burden, take the time off for yourself.

It is like that for me also. My children are 17 and 19 now. My work schedule has always been around their needs. My husband always helped but not if it meant taking time off of work. He always made more money than I did and I guess that made his relationship with his boss more important than mine. For the most part I have been very lucky that the people I worked for understood that I was a mom and a professional but like you it caused some major stress during crunch time. I guess the best thing to do is look at the possitive side and that is the relationship you have with your children. My son calls me from college several times a week filling me in on everything including how to cure a hangover. My daughter recently wrote a paper about her spirituality and how I was a monumental influence because I took her to church (even though she really didn't want to go) and I was always around to talk about the important stuff. Don't get me wrong both kids talk to their dad too and have their own relationship with him but it is different because of the time that I sacraficed for them over the years.

Don't listen to the woman who never left the 1600's. This is a give and take society and women do not always have to give while everyone else takes.

C.

Ask him if he really thinks he's being fair to you to have to use all of your sick and vacation days. What if you get really sick and have no sick or vacation days left and get not pay for it or loose your job because of his selfish attitude?

Hi J., It does sound like something that you need to discuss openly with your husband by letting him know that you want to take turns instead of using all of your vacation time. My husband and I take turns with our children so we share the responsibility. It makes life a lot easier and less stressful for both of us.

I have to agree with Suzanne. I would also have to ask, why is it an option for you to take the full load? You should demand that he share the missed days with you. Just take turns. Being home with sick kids and trips to doctor appointments is part of being a parent, since you both work he needs to share the responsibility.

Hi J.! Have you ever thought about making an income at home? Then, you would BE THERE all the time when your kids need you!
:>) J.

I'm a divorced mom who works full time for a CPA. I don't get compensated for the time it takes to go to the orthodontist or the pediatrician. My ex, works nights and could easily take them but, it's too much of a strain on his lifestyle.
I feel your pain. Maybe a grandparent, close friend or Aunt/Uncle could help out. My Mother-in-law (she always will be she's great!) helps me out when she can, as well as my parents even though they both have other obligations.

I agree that the responsibility should be shared. I also say who makes the most money is not the issue. The mother who is a lawyer gave you the best advice. Wait awhile until the frustration and/or anger has dissapated and bring it up again as a problem that needs to be solved.

Another viewpoint about the situation is that most people don't like to be told that they have to do something. Isn't that part of your anger?
So back off from comlaining and causing him to be defensive. Co-operate together to find a solution. You have several options as listed by the mom who is a lawyer.

Perhaps it would help if you went together to see a negotiator or even a marriage counselor so that you both can learn better how to make decisions together.

J.,

I'm in the same boat. It is always me who has to take the time off when our son is ill or has an appointment. My husband does make a higher income, but he also has more time off than I do, and can make up the work. I'd like to hear advice, too.

"he makes more money," So? It's PAID time off. There's the money he uses as an excuse... are there any more excuses?

I have to wonder... is he that scared of being a father? I guess I am simply amazed that he doesn't jump at the idea of spending quality time with his kids.

My opinion could be clouded though. I am a stay-at-home mom, but I am also a full-time student. I have classes at my school two days a week and online courses to do at home. There's no money in this. When my babysitter called in on a day that I had tests to take, my husband immediately called his work and let them know that he HAD to stay home with the kids because I couldn't miss school. We talk and decide which one of us would have the easier time taking the day off and we go with it. He takes his PTO to help me out whenever I need it... even though my going to school does not currently bring us income.

I would talk to him and explain that eventually he has to help out with the extra family stuff (sick kids, appointments, etc.). Don't get emotional though. When emotions get involved, true communication usually flies out the window.

Good luck.

J.~
You know I wish I had an answer for you. I think that they must to born with that defect. (lol :-)) I guess if it were me, I'd ask him what the plan was in the event that I lost my job due to the fact that I had to repeatidly call in to work. Maybe he doesn't understand how close you are to that posibility. That could solber him up if the finances are not able to handle just his income in the event that you would lose your job. Good luck on this. I'll be looking forward to hearing how things turn out for you.
Regards,
T. S.

I would ask my husband how he would feel about me staying home full time instead of working. When I was married to my ex he never used to help, so I used to tell him, "Well, I'll stay home full time, and I'll be able to clean up after you" and that did the trick. Explain to your husband that if you take any more time off, you are going to lose your job! How would he feel about you not having an income?

Also have a babysitter in reserves that can watch your child when she is sick. Maybe there is a family member that can do that. Maybe there is "sick child" day care close by somewhere. I used to have senior friends who would watch my child when he was sick, and therefore didn't have to stress about taking more time off work.

I think your husband is being a little unreasonable expecting you to pull all of this off. Tell him that the next time the child has appointments that HE has to take them, or it won't get done. Your daughter won't get braces if he doesn't take her. See what happens.

While this is partially a question of spouses respecting each others responsibilities, it's also a about how child-friendly work places are. Oregon has a law requiring your employer to let you stay home from work to care for a sick child without putting your job in jeopardy. But it's hard when you don't have enough time off (American standard of 10 days is ridiculous) and a disrespectful boss. If your company is large, your could talk to human resources about the boss's attitude and your concerns (despite the law).

Do you go on family vacations? What does your husband do with his extra PTO (from not staying home with the kids)? If you use all yours up, does that means your husband takes a vacation without you!?!

We've always had someone (either me or my husband) that we labeled the flexible one who would deal with doctor appointments and sick days. For 3 years it was my husband (who makes more money than me). Now it's me (even though I don't get PTO). But even the flexible person was allowed to request that the other one stay home, because they have a busy day/important meeting, etc.

On the one hand, I agree with your husband's reasoning as far as he earns more than you do, so his missing work instead of you would have a greater financial impact on your family. On the other hand, I can see where you would like to use some of your PTO for FUN things once in a while instead of using it all up on sick days. On the third hand (that I don't actually have ;)) if it is PTO meaning PAID time off, why does it matter who earns more if they are still being paid for that day of missed work? Hmmmm... maybe a compromise with your husband... he takes every 3rd appointment or sick day just to help out? If this were my situation, I would suggest that to my husband, it seems very fair to me. And sometimes mommies are just more comforting than daddies when a kid doesn't feel good. Hope you get things worked out.

hi, i am in a lil similar situation...with the exception that the father of my children is UNEMPLOYED...yet i still have to take time off of work everytime any of our kids have appoinments...drives me crazy.....our fights are always about him having the time to just be there and go, and do something for his kids..to where if i have to take them i have to use my leave, or make up the time that i am gone...his argument is that...its the mothers job! and that its just how he was raised, that the mother takes care of all that kind of stuff....(and i never mention the fact that if thats how he was raised, than shouldn't it be the fathers job to be the one working and providing for his family :) ) so not that our situations are the same....just that i have to take our kids to all of our appointments also...and take time off of work....just like you! hope you two find a way to maybe meet half way....me and my boyfriends half way mark has been....especially when it comes to our 2 year old...if they can't go to school because they are sick...then he keeps them home with him...and that works for us...have a great day..

It's not always your responsiblity. My husband and I take turns with this kind of thing because he understands that I am important to my company. I also understand that he is important to his company. You both made the kids, they are the responsibility of both of you. What are you supposed to do when you are actually sick, and you don't have any PTO time left to cover for your illness because you've spent it all on your kids? Then what income will you rely on? You need to have a serious talk with your husband about this, and make him understand that your employers are not happy about this and you feel it's going to eventually cost you your job.

I am not in the same boat, because in the long run I was able to stay home. I think you are completely correct in your feelings, it doesn't matter how much money you make. You are obligated to your employer as much as your husband is. If I was to go back to work, I told my husband that if I did, it was 50-50 all the way, no ifs ands or buts. Fortunately, my husband realized that with his job he didn't have the flexibilty and we made the decision for me to be at home. You are just as dedicated to your career as he is and if you both are working, then childcare is a split issue. I think if you approach it with your husband as a commitment/work ethic issue and side-go the money issue, maybe he would be more understanding. Or maybe you could say, ok, I will be home when they are sick, but you have to do DR/dentist appointments which only take a few hours. He gets the added benefit of spending more time with his child, even if it is just taking her to the dentist every few weeks. He could make it into wonderful time spent - I only wish my dad had done things like that with me.
Good luck. I totally feel for what you are going thru.

if it's paid time off, what's the difference who take the time off? if he's still going to get paid, he should take half! :)

You are not alone. My husband is the same way. My husband and I work opposite shifts for childcare purposes and even if I get a morning DR appt for one of the kids he still thinks that I should just take the morning off. I have had to finally just tell him that he needs to have the one of the kids to an appointment at this time this place this day and not give him the choice. I was at the same point you were he makes more money but we count on both incomes and I was not going to risk my job. He was somewhat bent out of shape the first couple of times but he has come around and seems to be better.
J. A

Man! Lots of choices! Sometimes guys are so clueless, but believe me - it sucks raising kids completely alone, so do what you can to keep on communicating calmly! If you have a limited amount of PTO, it would seem to me that it would run out at some point... What happens when your bank of time runs out? Would you have to take time off without pay??? That seems scary! If your hubby likes doing the summer vacation thing, this may be a logical arguement supporting his choice to take equal (or at least close to it) time to take care of the kids so YOU can be there to save the day (and make all of the arrangements, etc.) when the sunny weather comes and he gets the travelling bug... Good luck!!!

I am not going to read everyones responses.

But. Let me tell you. It seemed like I was reading MY life story. My son is 1 yrs old. and you know how those appointments are when they are babies, you go to the doc all the time. My husband took our baby by himself for the first time about a month ago... And DID NOT ask the doc all the questions i wanted answers for.

My husband thinks since i am the MOM i do it, its my responsiblity. I sat down with him since i was fed up with it all. I told him you wanted this baby just as much as i did, you wanted to have a child... "YOU CAN HELP" i dont care who makes more money then who. Its the fact that its there child too. Dont men think that we have enough on our hands????? who wakes up with them, who feeds them, who takes them to daycare everyday, who bathes them everyday, who dresses them, who puts them to bed. LOL, Since i had this conversation with my husband that if he wasnt gonna help me then i might as well leave and do it on my own... he straigten right up, now it seems like he is doing everything... AND ITS KINDA NICE

I think that you should tell him that you cant do everything. say your job is just as important to this family as his. PERIOD.

I am only 19 years old but everyone says that i am way mature for my age and i know i am.

My son is the world to me and i hope he appreciates everthing i do for him :)

GOOD LUCK
HOPE THIS HELPS

My husband is this way too. I have found that I need to hire someone to help me if I need help with the kids. A responsible teenager or young adult to take my kids places while I do what I need to do. It doesn't always have to be you, but that doesn't mean it has to be your husband. I think as parents and as people who work you are both pretty much working at maximum capacity at all times and expecting one or the other to take care of something extra is to much. Ask for help from someone else. Maybe use craigslist.org.

There is no reason why you need to be the parent to make every doc/dentist visit. Ask your hubby if he wouldn't mind you just working part time so you have time to actually fit in all of these doc visits (since he makes sooo much $)
He needs to annie up on his side and realize that these children are 50% his responsability. Don't let him tell you how it is either :)

H.

I would cut it to him this way if he is refusing...tell him that he was there and ready before the kids came he was more then willing to take responsiblity in making them so why should all the pain and duty of missing work fall on you!! Men think that it is all on us most the time to do that sort of thing but let him know your boss is getting upset and he has to start helping

J., It is NOT your sole responsibility. The children are your children (collectively) as a couple, therefore the burden/responsibility of these kiddos - and all things involved - fall on you both as parents.

I think it is very important you find a time/place, quiet and without interruption, for a talk. Be very honest with your spouse about your resentment and the imbalance. I would hazard a guess there are otherthings you assume full responsibility for (carpool, soccer, etc.?). Practice your speech, making sure there is no whining, no anger, just deliver it matter of fact. Keep the emotion out of it - it is so easy to sound like you're complaining... don't. Have a very straightforward conversation, as if you were discussing an investment. What you feel is justified, and legitimate. Part of a strong relationship is honesty. Holding back is a form of dishonesty. Taking more than your fair share of someone is also dishonest. It causes an imbalance, that if not addressed, can easily grow.
When you've talked to him, did you talk about this problem done in a heated or emotional fashion? Was it done amidst the interruptions of life, dinner, family time, etc.?

It's important that while you may not be the bread winner of the household, your salary/career is recognized as important. I assume your home requires the additional income. As a supportive spouse, your mister needs to respect your career, and the demands thereof. Does he also realize that what your daughter sees in your relationship is what she will most likely mirror in her own, when she's an adult? She could be the one taking more than her fair share, but chances are, she would end up being the one bearing the load - like you. Is that what he wants for his girl?

You need to have a heart to heart with him in an environment that will not allow interruptions. He needs to understand the importance of your job for you, and your family (financially), and the demands the job places on you - thus emphasizing WHY your PTO is so important. This is NOT a financial issue. PTO is totally unrelated to finances, our employers give us PTO so we can have time to de-stress/attend to personal issues in an effort to perform better at our jobs.

Ask him how he would feel if his PTO time were never there for him to <insert whatever he does w/his PTO>.

If he refuses to listen or share the burden, you need to enlist the help of someone he respects. His parents, a pastor, a counselor. I promise you, if you don't stand strong, you will forfeit in other parts in your life/relationship... other things that are important for YOU.
The resentment will fester, and any imbalance anywhere in your relationship will become apparent, and your discontent will grow. It's how we work as humans.

Marriage is a partnership based on sharing and support. Sometimes partners take advantage of one another - and with no mal intent. THey just sort of act like stingy little toddlers and I believe, the majority of the time, they don't see it, or believe that's what they're doing. It sometimes takes a third/outside party to parent away those bad habits in the adults we love.

I hope this helps. I've dealt with this in my own son (he's 24) and while he has no kids, he wasn't pulling his weight around the house while my DIL worked long days too... :O) I also know from experience this emotion, as I dealt with it in my first marriage. YOu have to not let YOU get lost while you're wearing so many hats - we're good at that, as women.

I know I'm getting long winded - but what else do you do with your PTO? Does it always go to kid related things? I mean, what do you do for YOU, J.? You're a photographer... Do you ever use your PTO to attend workshops? DO you cancel weddings because the kids are sick, or does he step in? What would happen were you to be faced with that dilemma?
There are some amazing photo workshops coming up in Seattle (weekend/evenings) over the next couple of months - I can email you the links - they range from 20-60.00 - if you're interested.

Does your family ever use your & Hubby's PTO for family things?

What happens when you're not available for the kiddo things? Does your girl just not go to the doctor? Does she miss her dental appts?

Do up two budgets, one with your income and with out your income to show your husband what will happen if you lose your job due to missing so much work. Show him that the extras that you are able to have with your income will be gone, which will cause more stress on him in the long run to make up for that missing money.

Unfortunately I can absolutely relate! I'm a single Mom of a twelve year old girl, once I returned to work after earning my bachelor's degree, I began asking her father for help with sick days, vacation days, appointments, etc. His response was always "Well I would do it if it was any other day...but I just can't miss work tomorrow." I would explain that I couldn't either, yet, somehow, it still always falls on my shoulders. very frustrating! I wish I had some more positive feedback for you, but like you said, misery loves company! :) Hang in there!

I am in the same boat; I work full time with 9 & 7 year old girls. My husband works longer hours and although he makes more than I do, he only has one other person to depend on when he is not there. I work for an attorney and often have deadlines to meet. We have nearby grandparents, but they are 30-45 minutes away from my home and, honestly, I can count the number of times they've been to my house in the last 9 years (we usually go there). It is a struggle. I asked my mom this same question -- her answer is "it is the age old way of thinking that is ingrained in men from 100s of years ago.. that the dads just let the moms take the responsibility.". If it is a one day illness, I usually do it, but if it lasts more than one day, he will usually do the second day. For appointments, I usually take care of those, too, but he has once or twice in the 9 years.. Hopefully you have a marriage in which you could sit down with your husband and tell him that if he wants you to work (which I am sure he does), then he needs to compromise on these situations that come up. They are his kids, too.

You are a woman, he is a man you are different. Accept and embrace the differences and cultivate your relationship together. When your children were young, who did/do they run to when sick, hurt or sad? When they needed attention, who did they cling to? Was it your husband? Who do you think the children want to do these things for them? It's time that we stop being so selfish in wanting to accomplish our own goals and achieve our own interests at the sacrifice of the children. If we cannot serve our homes properly and be a mother and wife, then something will not last, either your marriage, or your children will suffer. Read how many women are now divorced for believing such lies, and now struggle even more because of issues as this. Do you really think the money is worth dividing the home? I found that it is not, though I am tempted at times, it is not worth the striving and bickering and complaining that comes from me not willingly submitting to do what it is that women have done for thousands of years before the feminist movement began and polluted the minds of women with lies. Enjoy being a woman, and let your husband love to be your man!