Why Can't Us Women Be Happy About Ourselves?

I know for me, I am going to get a breast reduction some day. Not only am I in pain and that will fix it, but I KNOW I will feel better about myself. Is that vain, or being unhappy with myself? I truly don't think so. Could it seem totally unnecessary to you and like I'm altering my perfect body...sure. To me, my body is physically painful, out of proportion, and very very difficult to find clothing to cover it. I feel fine about myself now and feel attractive, but I don't see anything wrong withe feeling better. I'm guessing, that you exercise, eat right, or do something to stay in shape. Does your body change from that? Then you altered it. Did you feel better from the change? Do you wear makeup, dye your hair, wear a push up bra, body shaping undergarments, or use treatments on your skin? If you do any of those, there is some reason you want to look DIFFERENT (and not in the natural state God created you) to the world. All of those things alter your natural state, but you feel better. We ALL alter our physical selves, in different ways. I do understand what your saying and agree to an extent, but what you saying is not as simple as you make it. You are taking a very complicated part of a woman's psyche and putting into easy and simplified solutions. Unless you don't do a single thing to alter the way your physical body looks, then you can understand WHY some woman make changes. Something may seem very extreme to you, but in principal, it's no different then other alterations to the body. It's a very interesting discussion and I think the key is...every single on of us changes and alters how God made us.

PS. I DO hate my breasts and I can't wait to love them!

Just because someone has a procedure doesn't mean they're not happy with themselves.

I get my hair highlighted, go shopping for clothing that I perceive to be pretty, and get a regular manicure, pedicure and waxing. Some people get tattoos, piercings, etc. There are many ways women can choose to express themselves. Those are all alterations to what God has provided, yet they often don't come from a place of woeful depression.

Until you have to walk a mile in another womans' shoes, you never know how she feels or what she's experienced or why she's chosen to modify her physical appearance.

Judging women for getting plastic surgery, assuming that they're "not being happy" is just as bad as being negative toward others and their image.

Well said, S.!
I'm sure this isn't true for ALL women that alter their bodies, but I really think that happiness comes from inside and a sense of confidence and self esteem. When those are "missing" people think that XYZ will surely help how I feel about myself...often it doesn't. That's sad.
I'm 46 and it took me a long time to be completely comfortable in my own skin--flaws and all!

It is an active choice; whether or not we choose to accept who we are. For some women, having the plastic surgery changes their life in a positive way. For others it is simply the next "if only I had...". Either way, it is an active choice made by women, just as it is an active choice to not judge, or choose a positive attitude, or to choose to quite (or start) a vice. I am more concerned with whether or not people choose to be accountable for their choices than just the choices they make.

Do not paint a shade of victimization over women who have plastic surgery. They are simply making a choice in the hopes that they find their happiness. Some do, some do not. I have yet to meet anyone who is completely happy with every componant of their selves or their lives. I have a lot of respect for those who make active choices about what they do to make the changes they want over those who sit back and lament about their situation and do nothing to change it.

With that said, I understand what you are saying. Our society can be very judgmental and negative. Some people never learned to think and choose for themselves and try their best to fit in to what they believe the societal norms are. That is a very human thing to do. The choice of how to respond to that is individual. How will you actively choose to address it?

i just posted this exact same thing on cafe mom, as well as photos of women through out history that are supposed to be the definition of beauty (eve, venus, cleopatra, marilyn monroe, etc) and how they are NOT considered thin and beautiful by todays standards.

honestly, i dont know why we are like this other then the media. i am someone who is always saying dont fall pray to the media, etc etc etc. but i HATE how i look. too the point that i will look myself in the house for days because i am embarrassed to be seen in public. am i horrible? no. i stay relatively fit. im about 5'7 and 133 lbs. i take good care of my hair and body. but i am not "beautiful" by modern standards, and therefore, in my own messed up mind, i view myself as ugly and i feel embarrassed that i cannot hold up to celebrities and models.

why do i feel like that? i have no idea.

Why aren't we happy? Because we're people! We compare ourselves to others and others do the same to us. We've done it since we were children. There's this little nagging thing inside us that says, "What I am isn't enough - I wanna be (fill in the blank)." And then there's always the advertising world, which shouts at us 24/7 that we're substandard and must have their products to be happy, fulfilled, and successful. Ha!

Nobody has it all together. But I've noticed along the years that the people who do the best they can with what they have, and who have generally a positive outlook about themselves, are the most satisfied with life and the best at not putting other people down.

If I had some sort of genuinely handicapping feature, I would want it fixed if I could. There are some instances where change is definitely worthwhile.

I'm with you, though, basically. Let's make the best of what God gave us and be happy with it. Not that I will ever love my nose, but it works and people don't REALLY laugh at it the way I imagine them to! If I take care of what God gave me, even my midsection starts to come into line! Oh, and look... there's a whole lot more out there for me to think about than just me....

Could you be being "negative towards others" yourself? I think people have to do what makes them feel better about themselves. I don't understand body piercing and tattos and, although I probably wouldn't do it myself, I can understand some cosmetic procedures. I've never really liked my nose but other people like it so maybe I'm being too self critical. As far as taking care of your body goes, I believe that taking care of my body means staying healthy by eating right and exercising. For me, that's a challenge but one I try to stick with. For those we love, we want them to live long, healthy and happy lives. If they are too skinny or too fat, we may share our worry with them about the health effects of either extreme. God "created us in his image" which I believe means that we are to strive to do what is good. How we look and who we are, as individuals, is up to us. God bless.
I

god made pimples, skimpy eyelashes and birth defects too. should someone born without legs go without prosthetics? should acne-ridden teens forego treatment? how about makeup?
why so judgmental about folks who make decisions that you wouldn't? it's not like anyone's forcing anyone else to get a tummy tuck.
khairete
S.

For myself, the same reasons I wear clothes in public, even when it's 100 degrees out, and I also shave and wax and wear deodorant. Cultural convention.

While I've never had plastic surgery, I'd take it gladly over corsets/ powdered wigs/ breaking my feet to make them smaller/ neckrings/ female (or male) circumcision/10,000 other things men and women have done for the sake of being considered attractive over the past few millennia.

I DO get what you're saying, quite deeply ...however... in solace, it's not a new thing. People have been altering themselves for thousands of years.

I totally agree with you. But it is hard when our society pummels us with images of "beauty" and "sexuality" from day one. The are constantly bombarded with messages that say we are not good enough until we try product xyz.
Personally I do what I can to take care of myself. I try to eat right, exercise, and do the things that make me feel good. I wear what I wear because I like how i feel in it. I don't give a hoot what anyone but my husband thinks of how I look. When I have looked at my flabby-stretched-mark-certainly-a-mother belly I have had the thought, "a tummy tuck will take care of this." But then I think, "that's a lot of money I'd rather spend on something else." But most importantly plastic surgery is still surgery. There is no such thing as minor surgery. I couldn't risk even the thought that I go in for a completely unnecessary surgery and leave my girls without a mom. Can you imagine them growing up having to tell people, "mommy didn't make it through her surgery to make her boobs perky again." HA! I think we all have a little bit of vanity in us, but mine will never go that far.
Besides, if I have a good image of myself and think I am good enough the way I am, I am much more likely to be able to instill the same into my impressionable little girls.

I hope to instill in my DD a sense of self that will deflect any need to alter her natural beauty inside and out. So many issues can be traced back to family and the raising of our children. *judgmental alert* It drives me crazy when I see other mothers/fathers at the park too busy texting the ENTIRE time while their little ones are trying to get their attention. Asking them to play - to interact. If parent's are too busy with their own social lives, ignoring their children at this stage, I can only imagine how little interaction/influence they have when their children become more independent thus leaving other people/media/society the opening to influence their children.

*also, to those women who compare wearing makeup, getting a hair cut, ect - I believe there is a huge difference between someone who does these things to enhance their looks and those who go in to totally alter e.g. that Montag person from the hills who had what - 9, 20 or more alterations? HUGE difference!

It all boils down to self esteem and confidence. One thing I've learned - I won't ever be a size 10 again not matter how hard I try short of starving myself to death and living at the gym. BUT I DO work hard at keeping myself looking stylish and not frumpy - wearing stretch pants and a t-shirt is NOT appealing to men and most women don't feel sexy dressed like that. I wear trendy shirts, jeans, capris, cute dresses, keep my hair colored and styled, I don't do botox and I like to wear cute sexy underwear. Taking care of yourself makes you feel good - when you FEEL GOOD you LOOK GOOD and your confidence soars.

I agree with you. I think it's crazy how many people are getting things "fixed" Ya I understand you have the option, but I would never do it. Only in TWO situation would I even CONSIDER plastic surgery.

1. if it was some kind of reconstructive surgery from an accident... 2 or if I was one of those women with REALLY big boobs that hurt my back...I'd get them taken down a notch or two hehe

I also think it's horrible that these days 15 & 16 y/o girls are gettin nose jobs & other surgeries. Their mom's are totally OK with it. Makes me sick to be honest. Scares me to think that I might have a daughter one day. ::shiver::

lol

I dont necessarily think people are unhappy with ourselves, I for one, ( Mom in my late 40's am not) but I think our society has been obsessed with Hollywood actors and actresses, music stars and professional sports figures for way too long. In my opinion the entertainment industry and the media are to blame for women and men wanting to look "perfect" like these people. THis is such an unrealistic goal and so much hype is given to them. I think there are so many people out there of all shapes and sizes that are attractive in a natural way, each having their best features but when we see all of the glammed up models, actors and actresses, rockers and sports figures, we think less of ourselves. So many of them have had lots of "work done" on many of their parts, many have professional trainers and can afford to be at the gym for hrs each day I imagine. We would all look so much better if we had these options, but they are not people in the real world. I wish there we some" real people" role models and heros for children, young people and adults in our society who were not drop dead gorgeous but there are few. I liive in a state CA where many of these "beautiful people" are and beleive me, plastic surgery centers are abundant, I think it is sad too, but as long as we keep watching TV, buying fashion magazines, going to movies, concerts and watching and going to professional sports events things will not change dramatically. THis is part of the problem with society today be are obsessed with outward beauty, it is sad to me too. I try not to promote these things with my young teenage daughte,r but when she sees it all around her it is hard.

I think a lot of it has to do with Hollywood and the images it sends to women to be a certain way. There a few natural women that fit that mold but the majority of us have or have not the physical attibrutes. The doll Barbie is an example of extremes and was created by a woman but no one is shaped like that but many women did go out and try to become Barbie like in appearance. As a woman we are usually seeking acceptance of what we do and look like to "please" other people. We need to start inward and find the happy medium and say "I'm okay with the way I look," and leave it alone. Perfection is hard to maintain and there is no such thing.

To wrap it all up, enjoy what you do have and embrace the differences. As one person says she wears the sexy undies and is in seventh heaven. It's a thought process and it shows on the outside your confidence and it makes you feel better. If the undies are worn replace them you will get a good feeling doing that and it sure costs a lot less than the boob, tummy, butt, job. Become comfortable in your own skin. I have a few small rolls but that is due to surgeries and a bit of weight on and weight off but they do not show and I am not going to get upset. They are part of my life's tapestry and what I have learned and can share with others.

Best of luck to all. Be kind to yourself and live your life and feel good about yourself. Do stop and smell the roses along the way. The other S.

I am...at least mostly happy with myself. I could use a little more excercise for health reasons, but other than that... pretty happy.

I had body image issue all my life. I was chubby as a kid and teen and - well lets say curvaceous as a young woman. I still am, pretty normal figure (size 8) but I really do no longer feel the need to keep up with the Jones's and those Barbie dolls on TV. It helps that I don't watch much TV or Hollywood movies anymore.

Things really changed for me when I got pregnant. I loved my pregnant body and I was and still am in amazement what the female body can do - grow an entire new human being and give birth - pretty awesome.

I feel a little sad for women who plaster on makeup in the morning EVERY DAY, squeeze themselves into the most uncomfortable shoes, get waxed and nipped and tucked - what a waste of time and energy, and most women aren't even happy with themselves then.

I totally agree. And can we also start with NOT tattooing our beautiful forms. Really, artwork is for walls, and made to be (re)moved. I am unique enough that I don't need art on my body to stand out! I am remembered by more people than I remember.

Well kinda a touchy subject....I mean I have never had any plastic surgery but I do highlight my hair, get tan in the summer, work out so I have nice abs and diet like a mad woman after each of my babies so I can be thin again. So does that mean I'm any different then someone who gets a nose or boob job or someone who gets a little lipo instead of dieting? I mean yes I agree some woman go way over board with the whole changing yourself but almost all women do something to look a little better. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. If it make you feel better and your spouse likes the way you look why not get a boob job? Or put some pretty highlights in your hair?

I like to think about feeling good about myself as an inside job. Yes, I like to feel good about the way I look. I wear make-up, get my hair cut, buy nice clothes that I feel good in, but if I don't feel good at a deeper level within myself, the rest doesn't really make much difference for me and more clothes or a manicure don't get the job done either. The great thing is that we can be the cause of the great feeling we want when we learn to bring to life those things that matter most to us. It's very real. Check out my profile for more.

I think it is because people are covetous.We covet what we don't have. We aren't thankful to God for His good gifts. Pretty simple, really.