Why Be Rude

Updated on July 10, 2017
F.W. asks from Indianapolis, IN
20 answers

Why are people on this site so rude? As a mother i always thought us as moms stick together and build eachother up. Guess i am wrong. Never in my life have people online made me cry. However that happened today. And since i couldnt figure out how to erase my question and delete my profile i had to replace my old question with this. Think about what you say before you speek. You never know what someone may be dealing with and words can be damaging.so unless you know the situation maybe you should keep your mouth shut or your keyboard silent unless you have something helpful or positive to say

What can I do next?

  • Add your own comment
  • Ask your own question
  • Join the Mamapedia community
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers


answers from Boston on

Yes, sometimes the moms here are rude. In real life, we know which people (friends and family) to share certain things. On here, we have no idea the history of folk that we ask.

I would say come here only every few months and do not be a 'regular'. Share only enough to get a question answered.

Good luck.



answers from San Antonio on

I often wonder myself why do people take my kindness for a weakness? I also believe that if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing.. Because as you said you never know what is going on with someone else... Have a blessed day!!

More Answers



answers from Fort Myers on

The truth hurts. If you ask stupid questions, you are going to get common sense answers back - which people think is mean. Am I pregnant? Stupidest question ever. Pee on a stick or go to your gyno.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Your post was full of contradictions. And now you're yelling at people. Why? You actually don't get to tell people they can't answer your question. And mostly everyone here is a mom, so that means we have all been pregnant unless there was an adoption involved. So what you are demanding doesn't even make sense.

People on this thread have given you good advice. They aren't here to be buddies with you. That's not what this site is for. And have you ANY idea how many "Could I be pregnant?" posts have been here through the years? Omg. Hundreds. Some are just plain ridiculous. (Not saying that about yours.) A LOT of MP moms don't like those questions. Pregnancy tests are available for cheap.

People ask questions and people give answers. Some look at prior posts if they can remember to so that they can give better answers. Some questioners don't like that because they really don't want answers - they just want affirmation of what they are themselves thinking. Then they act ugly to those who give honest answers. If that is what you want, you aren't going to get it here. Doctors don't practice on this site. They aren't paid and they don't want to get sued. We are moms, first and foremost. And that means we can't diagnose your medical problems. We can tell you what we think. Instead of getting upset about it, try to learn from it.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

You figure it is way too early for a very sensitive pregnancy test to pick up the hormone changes but you think your body would already be having major reactions to hormone changes? Okkie dokie

You may be pregnant, you may not, your body would not be reacting to being pregnant yet because the egg would have just implanted or not be implanted at all. I have never known antibiotics to be harmful to a baby.

What is odd though, the first thing they ask you is can you be pregnant and if you can't prove no they will run a pregnancy test. I am 49 and they ran two in the past month, once for xrays and MRI and again when I had surgery. I really really really doubt you went to a hospital and they didn't run one, they probably didn't mention it because it was negative.

Oh, a what happened, should have read on. They run the tests because there is a major liability issue if they don't. Doesn't matter how rushed they are, they aren't going to mess up a pregnancy and get sued for thousands over a one minute test. Thing is, they wouldn't be able to pick up a fertilized egg that hasn't implanted either so chill.

What, wait? you have other kids? You still don't know that there is generally two weeks from fertilization and implantation? But we made you sad? Maybe I am old school but really, you should know how children are made before you make them because that is the least complex part of raising them. Please, google, read, understand, the child you already have. More will come, they will outnumber you. Sure they are small but you mess it up they become big and out of control.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

ETA: Ok, per your SWH which is hard to decipher due to the errors but.... you stated in your question that the hospital did NO tests and then in SWH they did tests but didn't run them. Then you were told you have a UTI which requires a test to be run. Which is it?

No one is trying to be rude.. You need to go to the Dr to figure out if you are pregnant or if you have an underlying issue. Geepers.. no one was being judging. If you already have 2 children, I would think you have a network of Dr.'s, are capable of asking questions at an ER which is not the place to be for this, and write a paragraph correctly.

Go to the Dr. How on earth do you think we can tell you if you are pregnant or not over the Internet!?

Hard to believe tests weren't run at a hospital.

Go to the Dr for goodness sakes.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

You went to a hospital - and they ran NO tests?
How did they conclude you weren't pregnant let alone that you had/have a uti?
They didn't even have you pee in a cup?
If you have access to the internet - then Google the meds they gave you and see if they are alright to take while you are pregnant.
An INFECTION could hurt your baby (if you're pregnant) too - so don't just wait and see if it goes away on it's own

Make a doctor appointment - or visit Planned Parenthood.
First find out if you're pregnant (but if the home test was negative then probably not or at least not yet) and then get your UTI treated.
For us it took 4 years and a fertility specialist to get pregnant - and when it finally worked (positive blood test) - for quite awhile I was absolutely convinced it HADN'T worked because I had no/nada/zip symptoms what so ever.
No aches/pains, no nausea, no body changes/bloating - nothing.
It wasn't until I heard the heartbeat that it became 'real' for me.

On average - it take a couple an average of 1 whole year of trying to conceive before they achieve it.
That means for every couple that gets pregnant right away - there are plenty who take much longer.
Relax and enjoy the ride.
If you haven't got pregnant after 1 yr of trying (or 6 months if you're 35 or older), then see a fertility specialist and find out what issues (between you and Hubby - because the men have just as many issues as the women) that are in the way of your goal and see what the doctor recommends to over come them.
Good luck.

Oh, so you already ARE a mother?
So you know how this works - and why are you asking us if you're pregnant?
How would saying "Yes! It's twins! Way cool Girl!" be of any help to you?
If you are already a mom and/or are trying to do it again - please think about growing up.
You ask medical professionals medical questions - and you'll get some meaningful answers.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Well, that would be horribly counter productive now wouldn't it.

We're not hear to say "poor thing, life is so awful for you". We're hear to tell you what WE would do in similar circumstances. What we think of it all. It's not good to never hear the truth or see the view from someone else's line of sight.

It sometimes hurts to hear things that don't feel good, like a warm fuzzy blanket. But sometimes we need to hear that we're being a wiener and selfish and maybe need to stop what we're doing.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

My advice is to take your UTI meds. If you are pregnant (which I have no idea if you are or not), antibiotics won't hurt the pregnancy.

In two weeks, once the UTI is treated, then try taking a new pregnancy test.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

You did not ask for answers only from people who "know what someone may be dealing with". You have not told us what you are "dealing with" (other than cramps). And I did not see any rude answers given to you.

I would like to be the first to congratulate you on your pregnancy - enjoy your new addition!! But you might not be pregnant - I have been wrong before - so you should also talk to a doctor.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

You're mad at the ER. Why? Do you understand that the job of the ER is to keep people alive during life and death situations. For some unknown reason you thought your groin pain was a life and death emergency so you went to the ER. They did their job correctly. They determined you weren't going to die and sent you home after treating you the best they could. Don't be mad at them. Be mad at yourself for using the ER for something a regular doctor should have been used for.

And don't be mad at us for pointing out that we can NOT determine weather or not you are pregnant over the internet. Please get yourself a primary care doctor and stop wasting the time of the emergency room.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I sorry I missed your original question. It has been pulled.

There are rude people everywhere. You deal with people. You take what you need and leave the others. I've been on this site for 10 years. I've received some great advice, so-so advice and "bad" advice - but you know what? At they took the time to write and give their opinion. So you deal with it like noses - everyone has one.

If you can't handle people's opinions? Then on-line advice sites are not for you.

I've made friends with women on this site. Met some and plan on meeting others. There are some that are gone and MY OPINION? YAHOO!!! There are those that, i'm sure, miss them. Again - opinions.

You don't know what the responders are dealing with either. So for you to assume that they don't know what's going on in YOUR world? That's the pot calling the kettle black. Step back and breath. They took the time to comment and give you THEIR experience and advice - which YOU ASKED FOR.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Just seeing this now. You deleted your question and replaced it with a rant.

Sorry you found moms to be rude. The reason I like this site is because people say it like it is. They don't sugar coat their answers, like most friends tend to do (to spare our feelings). I have taken away many bits of wisdom from this site - gained from moms raising their kids. I'm sure the moms responded the best way they know how - if it's a bit direct, that's because this is an online site and you only get so many lines per answer. Short and sweet, or short and to the point.

Sorry you had a rough day. Sounds like you had a question about pregnancy - which is not a popular question on here as others have mentioned. My suggestion is hopefully you've tried a pregnancy test by this point and had the results you were looking for.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

Autumn, welcome to mamapedia. If you are pregnant I hope you feel welcome here through your parenting journey.

The members here really don't usually answer "am I pregnant" questions because we just don't know.

I remember back when I was TTC (trying to conceive) and I noticed every twinge and bump.

You are only three days from your expected period. Go to the drug store today (check out the internet for some coupons first) and buy a pregnancy text that can tell five days before you miss your period if you are pregnant. They are really really sensitive for the HcG in your urine that is only present when you are pregnant. Also, pick up a pack of the really cheap tests, not as sensitive but if you are like me you will want to test again if the sensitive one is negative.

Take it tomorrow morning with your first trip to the restroom of the morning. The HcG will be more concentrated that way. Good luck!! Let us know if you are expecting...now those questions are ones we can help more with...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

If you're trying to get pregnant, it's time to learn to evaluate the severity of symptoms and make important decisions about where best to get care. That means for you, and ultimately for a baby, for whom you will make choices about seeking care for every fever and rash.

So, you have a lot of symptoms that could be related to being pregnant, but could be related to lots of other things, including monthly hormonal changes, or a UTI. Now, for some unexplained reason, you decided to go to the ER for groin pain, instead of contacting your physician. Do you have a doctor? If you are trying to get pregnant but don't have a doctor or a Planned Parenthood clinic, why not? If it was a weekend and your doctor wasn't in the office, that's one thing. But you could have gone to an urgent care center or walk-in clinic. There are many of them in Terre Haute - just Google "walk in clinic" or "urgent care" and your zip code. You would not have waited so long, it would not have been nearly as expensive (to you or your insurance company), and it would not have delayed emergency physicians from attending to patients with dire emergencies. You cannot use an ER for regular care - and that is essential for anyone who wants to be a parent. So re-think that for the future.

You say they didn't do any tests. Really? Then how did they diagnose your UTI? Did you give them a urine sample? I'm guessing you did. I cannot believe that they prescribed antibiotics without some indication. Did they palpate/press on your abdomen? Then they did something to diagnose you. What did you want them to do, given that you hadn't contacted your own physician? They determined that you were not having an emergency, and they sent you home with appropriate treatment.

Did you tell them you might be pregnant or at least were trying to conceive? If not, re-think that. I'm guessing they asked you if you were pregnant. In fact, they might have run a pregnancy test on that same urine, and you just don't realize it. You must tell every medical provider as well as your dentist that you are trying. You ask if every treatment and medication is appropriate. When you get a medication from your pharmacist, you verify that it's safe for pregnancy. What you don't do is get the medication and then go home and decide not to take it. That can be more harmful to you or a fetus. You don't have to know the answers; you just have to ask those who are knowledgeable.

So, instead of getting all nervous and anxious, make 2 phone calls.
1) Call your doctor to explain your symptoms and ask if you should be seen. I'm guessing that the ER asked you the name of your primary care physician (either in person or on the forms you filled out) so your records of the ER visit will be sent to that MD. If you don't have a doctor, call your insurance company and ask for a referral. Usually they don't give insurance without you indicating who your PCP is (primary care provider).
2) Call your pharmacist - wherever you got the antibiotics - and ask if this particular medication is safe for someone who might be pregnant. You can ask the same question of the prescribing doctor or your PCP.

Beyond that, I'd suggest you enroll in a parenting class or first aid/CPR class so you start to learn about medical issues, how to care for a child, and so on. Call your local library, adult ed/vocational school or community center to see what's offered locally and in the evenings after work.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

I would call your doctor. What you are describing does kind of sound like a UTI to me (and not pregnancy), but I'm no doctor. Did the hospital ask for a urine sample? They can test for a UTI with a urine sample. If you were given a prescription, it's probably an anitbiotic, which is probably perfectly safe for pregnancy. If you do have a UTI and are pregnant, not taking the meds is actually putting your baby in more danger than taking the meds.

Call your doctor. That's really the best thing you can do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

negative pregnancy test means not pregnant. if they said you were in pain from a uti and gave meds for it check with the pharmacist to see if the drug can be taken if a pregnancy is suspected just to be safe

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Thank’s for your question Autumn.

Just as a friendly reminder, per Mamapedia Guidelines:

Medical questions may be asked, however, please know that the first and best source for the answers to all such questions will alway be an appropriate certified professional. Please always consult such a professional in these matters first and foremost.

Mamapedia does not offer medical advice to our members, and any such advice you receive on the site is taken at your own risk.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Greensboro on

That is so right. You tell girl



answers from Dallas on

I just wanted to respond to your post because I am going through the EXACT same symptoms right now. I will be 50 years old in 4 days though, so I think my symptoms may be related to Menopause. I did experience all of the symptoms you mentioned early in my Pregnancy, so just wait another week or so and take another test. Good Luck to you!!!

Next question: Really Concerned for My Bestie :/