Why Are They Going at It??

They are tired or at least mine are. I teach first grade and kids stay busy all day long. Also, they have had to be on their best behavior all day. It's exhausting! My daughter is in first grade this year too. She passes out when she gets still. She never did that in kinder. I think it will settle down when they get used to the school routine.

Give them their snack in the car the moment you pick them up.
They are hungry and tired.

They are exhausted and have had to hold their behaviors together the whole time.

When they get home, let them have 30 minutes to decompress, then start the homework. I agree, they may need to do this on separate rooms.

I would separate them for homework. Completely different rooms. They are a distraction to each other, and fighting is a convenient way to avoid homework. And, all electronics in the house need to be off.

In the car, rather than you sitting quietly and letting them talk, turn off the radio and say "A, tell me about your day" and if B says anything at all, calmly but firmly say "It is A's turn to tell me about her day, then it will be your turn". Be sure to switch up who you ask first. And be very firm about one being politely quiet while the other talks. I found with my kids, when I got the standard "Nothing" about school, I would start with "what did you eat at lunch? Who did you sit with? What did you play at recess? " and of course if you are aware of anything special in their day, such as going to the library or show and tell, ask specifically about that.

This is happening because... they are exhausted, after their day of "work"/listening/being spot on/doing things per instruction all day/being in a classroom ALL day/having to sit still ALL day/not being able to just wander around whenever, and they are CONCENTRATING so much all day long. And not to mention, they have to be quiet, all day long and not talk out of turn etc.
School... is tiring. And especially for young children.
When they come home, a child HAS to deflate. And unwind.
They were not playing all day, but working.

My kids, who are now in 1st grade and 5th grade, are the SAME way too, as you describe your kids after school. And yes, IN the car, it starts. As soon as I pick them up. It is not only your, kids.
It is because, they are wound up and need to unwind. AND ALSO... it means, that the child needs food in them. When my kids go for long periods without food, they get low blood sugar... and then it DOES affect their moods/disposition/demeanor...and they get, fussy. So as soon as we go home, I give them a solid, snack. Food. And they can still eat dinner just fine.

I also, have them do homework AFTER they have deflated and unwound.
Even if it is just tracing letters... if a kid is TIRED and HUNGRY and GRUMPY... they cannot do it. They are young children. Not an adult.
For a young child, having to FOCUS all day, and be perfect in school... is TIRING. They come home, and need to unwind.

I would also, get them to bed, earlier.
What time do your kids go to bed???
Mine go to bed around 8:00, but BY 8:30. Even if my kids are different ages.
If they go to bed later... it portends a bad day, the next day.
I KNOW that. AND therefore, it portends a bad day, the next day after school, too.

Also, once my kids get a good solid snack, their mood changes and they balance out.

Especially the first couple years, and then even then, especially for the first couple months at the beginning of the year...

... Kids use up all their self control AT school.

It's exhausting.

________________

BIG HINT:

Do the same homework they are. With your OTHER hand. It will still be easier for you, because you've been strengthening your off hand for at least 20 (if not 30 or 40) years, while they've only had those hands for 5 or 6 years AND you already know how to read... but it will build a little empathy for how frustrating "just" tracing letters is. :) :) :)

Ditto everyone else. They are tired and hungry at the end of the day, especially during the first few weeks of school while their bodies are still adjusting, and that makes for cranky kids.
Feed them, let them have some down time before homework and if they continue to bicker, separate them. They'll adjust (but of course there will always be SOME bickering,they are siblings after all!)

My daughter is so exhausted from school when I pick her up she does not want me to ask any questions. They are probably both tired and every little thing irritates when tired. I would impose a "quiet" rule and perhaps play some music and hand them each a drink with a straw or a snack so their mouths are busy. Then either quiet time in their own rooms or no talking in front of the tv to relax for half an hour. Then homework either one at a time while the other one is outside or doing something alone, then switch, or in separate rooms. Good luck.

Definitely make that snack a priority. We often say "feed the beast" when it comes to our younger son. Amazing how many times his mood does a complete 180 (degrees) when he's had something to eat.

It's very possible they are actually competing for your attention. Could you have them do homework at different times? They would get some one-on-one attention with you and get some alone time.

My boys are 2 years apart in school. Right now the youngest is getting quite a bit of attention because he's just going through a tough time. It can be h*** o* my oldest, so I'm trying to give him undivided attention whenever I can.

Good luck! My kids are fairly young, so I can't say for certain, but I suspect this is like so many other aspects of parenting. You go through some easy times and some ... not so easy times.

I'm voting for tired and hungry, too. Your children have had a structured day, they're mentally as well as physically tired, and something's gotta give. (What gives seems to be Mama's temper. But so it goes).

How about feeding them when they get home and then sending them out to play in the back yard for a little while? They don't have to play together! They each can do something - staying out of each other's way - that changes their brain focus, works off some physical energy, and gets them some fresh air. That might actually be more restful than turning the TV on. Then they can do their homework. I would probably try saying to each child, "Pick a room (or I'll assign you one) to work in, and when you need help, come see me in the kitchen."

Keep in mind that this is only the beginning of the school year. The after-school routine might fall into a good pattern as time goes on.

It is the first week of school.....it's alot of adjusting to do, Theres been 3 whole months of doind as they please, or of mommy's quiet and calm schedule.....now, it's back to scheduling and order and organization. It's alot for the little ones. By the time you get them, they're tired, hungry, and very cranky. Give it a week or 2 and it should stop. It also might be that they see each other too much. In school, at lunch, recess, in the car. It'll pass. Try not to worry.

I think Perfect2 hit the nail on the head! School is exhausting for the kids. They have to sit still, focus on the teacher, watch their manners with others etc. When they are home they can let it all out. Unfortunately they let it out on each other. Kinda like the toddler getting picked up from daycare and has a meltdown on mom. Why? Because Mom was safe, mom would be there no matter what. I think snack after school is terrific but I would save the tv for a reward after homework is done. Talk about what their favorite thing about school was during snack time.

Sorry if part of it doesn't fit exactly (change "tantrum" to "bickering with sibling"), but below is a cut/paste of my response to a question about a 4 yr old tantrumming after preschool:

"If the tantrums were at home after getting home from preschool, then you need to be aware that it is perfectly normal for even a GREAT kiddo, to "lose it" after they get home sometimes. It can be quite stressful for these little people to go off all day (or even a half day) into a new and different environment with all these "expectations" placed upon them.

Usually, if they manage to keep it all together at school, something is going to hit the fan at home. At least in the early years. Maybe not for an hour, either. But give him a chance to fall apart in the safety of home/mom, and then go right back to your regular routine. It still doesn't mean that you have to suck it up and "make him feel better" when he has a tantrum (send him to his room to do it, whatever you would normally do), but expect that there will be a few, and when it is over, let it be over."

My kids still are grouchy with each other when they first are picked up from school. They are 6th grade and 9th grade. But they get over it faster now, usually just a few minutes. It goes faster if they ignore each other for 5 minutes. Mostly, they just NEED to ignore each other. Usually, whomever got picked up first would get over the grouchies before the last one to get picked up. So she has a tendency to aggravate her older brother, who hasn't had a chance to "decompress" yet. I just tell her to leave him alone for a few minutes.

I dont think it's realistic to have them do homework in separate rooms, If you have five and six yr olds who do their homework independently I envy you!!
It sounds like the K is in afternoon K? maybe he could do his homework in the AM when he is fresher? and your first grader could have some precious alone time with mommy when he does his homework in the afternoon?
Also try to "feed the meter" give them lots of attention when they first arrive home from school, I'm sure its hard (looking at your profile you have a full house!!) But try to shower those two with attention the first 20-30 minutes they are home, be dramatic about how happy you and siblings are to have them back in the house, put off homework time another 15 minutes to see if it helps.
And read some books about sibling rivalry like "You're all my Favorites" and "Pocket Full of Kisses"

I would say their establishing dominance again. Seeing who's in control of the other one....not a bad thing. They're just working it out. They might need some time apart right when they get home, maybe 15 minutes.

They are (hopefully) on their best behavior all day at school - listening, following rules, sitting still, etc. By the time they get home, they just want to be themselves. They want to do what they want, when they want and they don't want anyone else interfering. It is very common for kids to act up when they get home from school. Now that they have both spent all day getting along and playing nicely with their peers, they don't want to deal with another child - even a sibling - that they have to be nice to. Plus, they know they can get away with a lot more around you than around their teachers.

Hi, A.:
By no means is it okay to have unresolved conflict.
You need to find out what it is both need.

Stop the car and find out what is going on between them.
Tell them you are not going further until they tell you what is
the matter.

When you get home have a circle dialogue with them to
get them to share their concerns and then make an agreement
to resolve their difficulty.

Good luck.
D.

They have just come from an environment where most their thoughts and actions are being directed and controlled by other people. They are desperate to start taking some control again. Couple this with a little hunger and some tiredness, and you've got a perfect recipe for kids to go at it. I would suggest that rather than tv time to help them unwind, send them to their seperate rooms for some quiet play time or even a quick lay down. Or, if they aren't at all tired, get them outside to stretch their legs. They've been couped up all day long. Or, have them join you in the kitchen one at a time to discuss their days while they help you make a snack. Let them lead the discussions. Good luck!