Why Are Friend's Weddings So Important???

Haven't read all the responses so bear with me if I repeat.

In my day we didn't have 50 million reality shows about the dress, getting married, cake shops, wedding story etc. Reality shows have to be entertaining and sell a story or people don't watch them. Girls grow up thinking "Oh, this is how it is supposed to be done."

Just to show support. Its very important time in someones life and I think they should be spoiled a little. Its hard to get all of my friends together these days and this is one opportunity I would be seeing a lot of them. Just dont mess with my concert! LOL. Im going to try to do both that day. Lots of pumping for me the day before!! Wooo!

I agree.
I think if women put half as much effort into CHOOSING the right man as they do into choosing the centerpieces or favors for their , the divorce rate would drop dramatically!
IMO, it seems like so many women just grab the first guy that comes down the pike and then goes to work trying to mold, grow and change him. They think a good wedding produces a good marriage and nothing could be farther from the truth.
I think the best thing you could do for a daughter is to encourage the "pick wisely" aspect. There is nothing more sad than a powerless woman trapped in a marriage! And dragging O. or more kids through the mess.

Yep. It's the ME generation all right. I am floored by all of the expectations I see, too.

Yikes. I'd hate to be around these women when they get pregnant. Oh wait, we've already seen some posts about out of control (beyond just hormonal) pregnant women, too.

Thank goodness my daughter is 9. Maybe the pendulum will swing back the other way (towards being more giving and less self-centered) by the time she is ready to get married. I hope I am able to instill better values in her than a lot of what I am seeing out of this current generation.

I don't think it's a generational thing. I'm 28 and have never put that much emphasis on weddings or events, and nor do my friends.

I think that wedding shows like "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Bridezilla" have glorified the planning stages and have made it acceptable, even fashionable, to be a complete brat when you're involved in a wedding. I think that is completely disgraceful.

I agree with you, I will be discussing with my daughters the importance of MARRIAGE, and not weddings. With the elaborate weddings we see everywhere, you gotta wonder why the divorce rate is so high... and what a waste of time and money! Sheesh!

I got married in a courthouse in my flip flops, capri pants, and a t-shirt. The perfect white trash wedding, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. My husband and I were living in a tiny apartment, saving every dollar we had, and there was no way we were going to let a huge wedding set us off on a path of debt! We had much more important things to do with our young lives.

To this day, I cherish that decision, and it means more to me than any picture of me looking like a porcelain doll in a white dress.

Say you have 5 really good girlfriends and 5 family members that are getting married. That's 10 weddings. That's 10 showers. That's 20 days. Out of 365 days. Maybe I am out of the loop, but that really doesn't seem like a lot of days to take out of your busy schedule to celebrate with good friends and family.
L.

Mum4ever, welcome to the "ME" generation.

When I was in my 20s and everyone was getting married, the weddings were low key affairs, in parks, small churches, small receptions, much less fanfare then weddings are now.

I have a much younger friend who got married early this year, and though, they "eloped" there where many expectations of receptions and acknowledgments during the "elopement planning" and post wedding return.

But, think of popular TV - there are many shows on now about weddings and all feature over the top dresses and competitions, driving the wedding market to a fever pitch and encouraging young brides to "zilla" madness.

I say, start the wedding planning talks now with your daughter. LOL
So you both know what to expect when the time comes.

God Bless

Wow, so you've already decided what you're not going to do when your daughter gets married. Wow, sounds familiar with my mom's thinking and actions about 11 -12 years ago with my sister and I.

Well, since you've already made your decision as "mother of the bride" , I hope you're also ready for the hurt, disappointment and embarrassment you're going to cause upon your daugther. Oh, and don't forget the hurt that will come when you reopen that wound in your daughter because you later come to your senses and decide to be there for the other kids when their special day comes like you weren't for her. I hope you already know how you're going to apologize to her. Keep in mind you won't be able to go back and undo any of that hurt.

SMH

I've been fortunate to not have many friends who expected a ridiculous amount of time from everyone else for their weddings. But maybe that's why I'm friends with them. It strikes me as very self-absorbed when people expect all this fuss for their weddings and everyone to go so out of their way etc. So I expect most of these brides are like that much of the rest of their lives as well. I have a friend who is not a particularly close friend bc when we're together or talk on the phone, she can go on and on about herself without asking about me for a ridiculous amount of time. Guess what - she's the one who was going to have her wedding on an island and expect everyone to fly there... As I said, she's not a close friend. I think how parents raise their kids too has an impact. My parents often talked about how ridiculous some people are with wedding stuff or in general people's selfishness so that was in the back of my mind when I planned my wedding. I think if you have those general conversations with your daughter now, she'll "get it" by the time she's getting married.

When i got married I had a destination wedding and had NO issue with letting my friends off the hook. Thats just ridiculous. The day was about me and my man NOT my "bff"'s and chances are 20 years from now who's gonna really care who did or didn't show up, my family was there, my hubby was there that's all that mattered to me. I let my bridesmaids pick their dresses and didn't have any sort of parties, i got a surprise wedding shower/ bachelorette party that consisted of fun games and drinks at my MIL's with all the family. Perfect wedding ever, it makes me sad to see what all this is turning into these days!

If you their friend and have been invited, to me it would be rude not to show up.
I am 33 and I don't get all the pre wedding stuff. 14 years ago, I had a small wedding at a house with a small reception afterwards. A week AFTER my wedding, we had a small wedding shower at a church.
I don't get the big weddings, the fuss over the dress (my mom made mine), the pre partying, the drama, the stress!!!
Life is too short.... You found your love one, get married, and get on with your life.
LOL!
That's my opinion.

I don't think it is a generational thing because my ex sister in laws were like that. I think it is just some people are self-centered. I think we see it more in the younger generation because we have raised a lot of self-centered kids. We have also raised a lot of dependant kids as well, kids that have no idea how to make a decision on their own so they need their friends around to affirm their decisions.

I fear my daughter will be drug into a lot of this because I did raise my kids to make their own decisions....and they hated me for it.....until they became adults. My daughter is the go to girl if you can't make up your mind. She will not ask for a bit of help on her wedding but will be drug into everyone elses. She is actually considering my offer of a ladder and a check (elope ya know?).

I am so laid back I just got a place for my reception yesterday and only because out of sheer frustration my daughter emailed me the menu and told me to call the girl and bring my checkbook. :) I also stumbled into a dress so....just need invitations, flowers, err oh maybe decide who the wedding party is....and we will be married in 58 days. No one was drug into my wedding and actually my daughter inserted herself into mine. I think she is using it as a dry run.....:-/

Ok, so one of those posts were mine, about a friend who is in a wedding and being asked to pay an arm and a leg for her future SIL's wedding, my hunny is on the groom's side and I am just a guest. In short, I do find weddings important, not how much you spend or how lavish the event was but the celebrating in the joining of two lives. My question was mostly about customs in regards to is it really needed to spend all of this money. Most people think that being in someone's wedding is a true sign of friendship and think that it is required to do all of this, I have always found it a welcomed job when it is a wedding I support but I also put my financial ability to assist upfront so there are no questions or blindsides on costs. I think there are a lot of cultural things that go along with this mentality as well that I personally do not understand but hey, it's their wedding let them do what they want I guess ... I just rather the bride/groom be upfront and honest with their expectations.

I know you've already posted your response....but I agree that the current trends seem excessive. & this mindframe spills over into all of the planning & execution! Keep it simple, people!

I am amazed when I see pre-wedding party photos taken in limos, in chartered buses!! OMG how wasteful & ???!! I totally get the whole DD thing when it comes to drinking & driving, but ....really!

& how about that eye candy on the tables? Do we really need a centerpiece, personalized candy & snacks, + other trinkets which end up in the trash by the end of the night?

The whole advent of fondant on the cakes has spawned a trend of trying to top the most outrageous of the outrageous! It's like Tim Burton has taken over weddings! For me, there is nothing prettier than a simplistically-designed & decorated cake. A thing of beauty vs. drama ....as far as I'm concerned!

But all this said, I must add that the dresses are absolutely gorgeous....as are some of the color schemes. In our family, we had a wedding in lime green, black, & white. Put in a garden setting, with lots of fresh flowers....it was stunningly beautiful! Everything was simple...so it did not compete with the vibrant colors.

We've also seen larger wedding parties (ranging from 5-10 attendants) competing with intimate weddings, with no stand-up attendants. For me, less is more.....that handful of intimate weddings were profoundly "all about" the bride & groom!

**& before anyone blasts me, I am a color freak & have a houseful of trinkets! I have 5 bracelets on my left arm 24/7. I like bling. It's just that when it comes to weddings.....it should be all about the vows, the traditions, & the Peace that comes when life partners are joined by love & Faith.

Well when I got married I had one shower thown by my mom and mom inlaw and one party thrown by my maid of honor that's it. It was wonderful and my wedding didn't consume me or anyone else. My wedding itself was also very simple and no maintence (much like me) so I don't understand all the drama of running here and there for a year and a half before the big day. I planned mine in 9mos and it was just as nice and special..My cousin and a few friends weddings were more fuss involved in their planning but it didn't seem to consume them either one or two showers and a party with bridesmaids and all was fun no pressure and I can't imagine any of them being mad at me if I had not attended an event since I was the only one with kids at the time...I agree I don't understand all the fuss either I believe it's more about the marraige and not about the day or events. Although there is the bridezilla some may have to deal with.....

I would say it depends on the bride an how much of a "diva" she is.

Those that expect to be the center of attention in everything....are usually the main dramatic culprits for being pissy if their friends don't drop everything and savor her wedding.

I'm the opposite - I hate being the center of attention...and I hate wedding festivities all together (I BEGGED not to have a shower...and got overruled by my mother...see the explanation above). So I never expected anyone to go out of their way for me. If they couldn't come (or didn't want to), I didn't care at all.

I got married 6 yrs ago, so I think I probably fit into your description of the younger generation.

Everyone's different.

I think it is important to show suport to your friends as they celebrate their big milestones. But I also think that some of these go so way overboard it is ridiculous. Multiple showers, okay understood since not all groups can get together but to get upset if someone cannot make it for whatever reason is just wrong. When I got married, my best friend's daughter was sick with the flu. I totally understood and did not get upset with her about not being there,. I worked with a woman who had 8 weddings last year. 4 of them had 3 or 4 showers each and she was expected to be at each one. One of them had 3 bachelor parties, one out of town. I could not imagine having to make every one of those events or spend the money for them.

I was raised in a family that if you can go, go to show support. Now if you can not go, for whatever reason (money, time, distance and so on), that is ok. Depending on the event if gifts would be given I would send a nice card, thoughtful note and gift. If it was just an invite to go to the dress fitting and they had others there and I could not go due to time or distance I would give a thank you for the invite but unable to make it.

When it comes to weddings... well it various depending on the bride/groom. If you are in the wedding party there maybe alot if the couple wants to make a big thing of it... some maybe not so much to do. In the end if it is really important to the couple that their wedding party is involved in the activities they arrange those things with everyone in mind, they are more socail... OR they are good friends/family that understand if one can not make it to everything.

I think that if ANYONE demands all these things without giving thought or care if it is really reasonable is not someone I would be friends with, and if they were family I would be very honest with them that I love them but if they are insiting I MUST do it all then I will have to decline being involved.

You always have the right to decline an invitiation, just do it properly. If the other person is unreasonable about one not being involved enough then the other person is not being reasonable or understanding.

My sister-in-law lived in CA while hubby & I were planning the wedding. She was unable, understandabley, to be at anything but the rehearsal & wedding. She still was a bridesmaid and I was happy to have her apart of the wedding party.

I'm probably about the same age as you. I do think that if you are a part of the bridal party, there are some events that you do require your participation (bridesmaid dress shopping, bridal shower) or you shouldn't agree to it in the first place. And there are somethings that you will want to do with your friend like looking at dresses for her because, depending on how close this friend is, this is a big event in a woman's life and you may want to be there for your friend.

That said, I don't know about everyone else but when my friends got married, all of the weddings were staggered (one this year, one the next and so on), so there was really no reason why you couldn't attend the bridal shower and wedding unless you had a scheduling conflict, it was too far away or it happened to be a $$$ issue. To attend a wedding and bridal shower once a year was no skin off my nose and didn't disrupt my quality time with my family in the least. I'm just of the mind that for most of us, we are hopefully getting married once in our lifetime and this is our one and only chance to rejoice and celebrate their union. If you are a close friend or family member then you really should try to be there if at all possible. If you are not that close to the couple or they are more like an acquaintance then, of course, I can see not wanting to go.

Just my own opinion.

It's not a problem in my circle of friends / family. Bridal shower, Bachelorette party, wedding. Wedding is highest priority... if you can make the extras, grand, if not... no problem.