Whistling Coworker Driving Me Crazy.

Updated on August 01, 2014
K.M. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
27 answers

I work in a cubicle environment in a small division of a large agency. My coworker, who is separated from me by only a cheap, cloth, partial wall, is loud. All the time. She talks at the top of her voice; she's outspoken and opinionated on everything; she thinks out loud; and when she's not talking, she's whistling. I’ve asked her to tone it down. About her loud talking, she says, “I’m used to talking loud on the phone because I’m frequently talking to people out in the field,” but I hear all of her conversations (of course) and it’s very rare that she’s talking to someone in the field. Whatever…I don’t like the constant chatter but I can live with it. About her whistling, she says “I don’t even realize I’m doing it.” I have said something to her about it on several occasions. I don’t feel like I should have to repeatedly ask her to stop whistling. I’m not convinced that she doesn’t know she’s doing it, either. I think she does it even though she knows it bothers me.

What makes things worse is that she and our boss are buddies. When I first told her that her loudness and especially her whistling annoyed me, she told our boss about it, and our boss (who has her own office in a separate room) said, “Well then she (meaning me) will just have to move.” I wouldn’t mind moving, but that’s not a solution, because the only open cubicle I could move to is still in this room, just a few feet away. It is a cube I used to sit in, and my coworker’s noise bothered me when I sat there too. If I tried to push the issue with our boss, it would just be seen as whining and I would become the “bad guy.” The other thing that really bothers me is that two other people who office in this room have told me they are sick of her noise too, but they won’t say anything to her or to our boss, so it reinforces to our boss that it’s just me being difficult because I’m the only one who’s complained about it.

Things I have tried already include spending $60 on a nice white noise machine, but it doesn’t drown her out even when I have it right next to my head, and after a time that noise becomes distracting, too. I have also tried to wear earphones and listen to white noise from a phone app or listen to music, but after a while the earphones start to hurt my ears, and again that noise makes it hard to concentrate as well. I have tried singing every time she starts to whistle (country music, which she hates lol), but again it doesn’t help me get my work done any faster and it’s childish and passive aggressive, anyway.

It would be easier if I didn’t like her but I actually like her as a person. I just hate sharing a workspace with her. We get along about everything except for this.

This coworker has worked here over 30 years (I’ve been here for five) and she is used to getting her way. She knows everyone here and if she wanted to, she could send my reputation down the drain and make it really unpleasant for me to work here. I’m not saying she wants to, but if she got pissed at me she might. I’ve watched people get in trouble with senior staff after she’s complained about them. So yes, I worry about getting on her bad side. Plus, she has a more aggressive personality than I do. I’m nonconfrontational and find it hard to constantly ask someone to do something for my benefit that requires effort on their part, and having to repeatedly ask for the same thing is really uncomfortable for me. I’m to the point, though, that I’m ready to start saying “can you please stop whistling?” every time she whistles, even if I have to do it 200 times a day, which I probably will. It will likely make for a crappy(er) work environment for me, but at least I won’t go home every day with a headache and in a bad mood.

I feel trapped. It’s to the point that I’m actively looking for another job because I feel like it’s an unfixable situation. Either I force the issue and wind up being portrayed as a troublemaker, or I just deal with it and dread coming to work every day. At the same time, I don’t want to become the reason that she hates coming to work. Any advice?

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So What Happened?

Thank you, ladies, for the great advice and suggestions. I hear what you're saying about learning to block it out, focus, etc. and I try to do that. The constant talking used to bother me more than it does now, so I call that improvement. The whistling, though - it's like a drill bit straight to the temple. I definitely have some decisions to make. AV, that's a question I ask myself quite often. I think someone would have to quit or retire for there to be room for me to move up...but that's not out of the question. Lots of people in my office are close to retirement. Looloo, my boss has said before that she thinks the relationships at work are more important than the work, so I know where you're coming from. She's like an older version of a sorority girl, lol. She spends most of her day chatting with people and then complains because she doesn't have time to get the work done. And for that she makes six figures. AND she calls herself an introvert. Hardly! Maybe I should shoot HER with the water gun and reward her with chocolate when she's good, Michelle :) Ally, I like your idea of recording her. I might actually do that! Right now I am leaning toward just calling her on her whistling every time she does it. I'll just save the recording because sooner or later she'll get irritated and probably say I'm overreacting. Then I can show her I'm not. Pam, everyone else in my office is very considerate. I don't think it's part of working in an office, either. I've worked in several offices and this is the first time I've had to deal with someone who just ignores the fact that other people share the same workspace. The rest of us just live in her world, TF! Gidget, have you ever tried to concentrate with a white noise machine right next to your head? No? Then you don't know what you're talking about, do you? I find that very telling. Julie, I can tell from your response to my question and other questions that you're opinionated, outspoken, and aggressive - just like my coworker! But I think your heart is in the right place even though you come across as condescending, so thank you for your snarky advice :) I'm sorry you have to deal with a psycho down the hall. Could my situation be much worse than it is? You bet! Doesn't make my concerns any less valid, though!

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M.G.

answers from Kansas City on

Do you watch The Big Bang Theory? Shoot her with a water gun when she whistles and feed her chocolates when she's quiet. (It sounds like you wouldn't need to invest much in chocolate.)

Good Luck

10 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

I work in an open office space with 8 other people, and a constant traffic of Soldiers coming in and out. I moved here from my own office and lovely silence. Needless to say, it was very difficult to get used to hearing everything All. The. Time.

So I learned to focus intently on my own work. My own emails. My own calls. And if it sucked too much, and I had no work left to do, I'd log onto Mamapedia and answer some questions. As you can see, I'm here a lot.

You have to learn to cope, and control what you can control, because you can't control the inane chatter, whistling, clicking pen, tapping foot, clearing throat, etc., etc., etc.....you can only control you.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Give it up...you are not going to win this one.

She has been there much longer than you and she is chummy with the boss. If you make such a huge deal over this, you will come across as high-maintenance.

You need to either find a way to not let this bother you, or you need to find a new place to work.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Lollipops? Hard Candy like Jolly ranchers. Lemon drops.. Sour candy is hard to whistle with in your mouth. Taffy, really sticky candy..

Hand her one every time she begins to whistle.

I do not know what to tell you. 30 years is a long, long time.
She is not going to change.

If ear plugs do not work for you, I would consider finding a new job.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I don't think everything you've described is part of working in an office... I used to sit in a cube and no one was inconsiderate on a regular basis and I am hyper sensitive to annoying noises. Can you turn on a radio? Not with headphones but just a radio on low or an ipod with speakers to be able to choose your music? I listen all day. Then try to focus your subconscious on the music vs her. I'm in a private office but I think used to have my radio on very low in a cube. People are so considerate where I work. They'd be deemed very unprofessional if they weren't and probably fired or certainly languish. Ear plugs also might help. Or head phones at least part of the day. Better to have that and take them off when your ears hurt for a break and put them back on later. Do you see an open cube somewhere else? If so, just ask to move there. Blame yourself. Say you're really sensitive to noise and want to do a good job etc. She doesn't bother anyone else or no one else is that close? If other people are so close and it doesn't bother them, then you are in the minority and have to do what you can. If she bothers lots of people, then try to get a group to approach your boss. Last straw is you try to find another job...

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L.Z.

answers from Seattle on

I would be playful about it. The next time you hear her whistling, I'd bring over a post-it note with one word on it, like "donuts" or something (think of a cute word you like - anything). Then tell her it's your "safe" word and every time you hear her whistling you will call out "Donuts" to gently remind her that she's doing it again. She can't trash you for being nice about it. Tell her you love her, but you can't concentrate with the whistling. Say it in a playful, jovial manner. Maybe she will respond to humor.

Another idea, play background music in the office area so she won't have to whistle and she'll have some music to listen to. That might help, as long as everyone can work with music playing.

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T.Y.

answers from Boston on

I would invest in a pair of noise cancelling headphones. If anyone questions why you are wearing them say, "My job is really important to me and I want to do a great job. The noise from my co worker is very distracting." Perhaps she'll be moved to her own office. In any case you can enjoy the quiet!

Best,
T. Y

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Nope. Not "normal" office environment.
It sounds extreme.
I think will you will have to decide if it's all or nothing, and act accordingly.

Personally I love the watergun idea! Practice putting it away fast! She'll never even know it was you! Lol

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I take it you are in a small business without a human resources department? Or if you have one, is it one person, maybe another buddy of the boss? Or since it's a "large agency" the large HR department would only toss this down to your boss, who would retaliate against you? I feel for you....

I'd normally advise going to HR since you know this woman is impervious to comments or requests and she is definitely having a negative impact on your ability to do your job. But the situation you describe -- especially the fact that she can badmouth people and to the boss and those people get hassled -- tells me this isn't a very professional environment and she and the boss aren't very professional people.

I think you're right simply to be seeking a new job. Unless your current company has other locations to which you can transfer, or other departments in the building where you could transfer and be physically away from her -- you are trapped. (Does the larger agency have any transfer or promotion opportunities that would make it worth staying there long enough to try to move up or move to another office? Worth considering if it's doable.)

A sensible boss would be someone you could go to and who would handle this chatty whistler with humor and directness, but you don't have that. This could turn into "I asked for help with this, the boss retaliated against me for it" and that could end up as a retaliation case and so on and so on....Not worth it. It's not over sexual harassment, or workplace bullying, etc. But it IS having a clear negative effect on you. So I'd truly work to get out.

And meanwhile, if the earphones that hurt your ears are the "ear bud" types that stick into the ear canal, please get the large, padded noise canceling earphones now available. Worth every penny. You don't necessarily have to listen to white noise -- true noise-canceling headphones can act like earplugs, only more comfortable, without a recording going on. The ear bud type is utterly unwearable for me and kills my whole head.

4 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I'm no help with ideas. Possibly look fir another job.

She knows this bugs you and she's purposely not trying to help.

I was on a flight Tuesday and sat by a woman who spoke little to no English and kept popping her gum. I was ready to parachute out of the plane because it drive me nuts. I kept looking toward her, put my hands over my ears and even my daughter in sets next to me commented about it.

Overall.. Many people just live in a me me me world and don't care about others at all. My go to response for ppl like this is " it's all about you... We just live in your world"

Best wishes... I know it's annoying to the nth degree.

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I.O.

answers from McAllen on

I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago. I am the queen of tuning people out, even to the point where I actually do not hear them. I can't live in that mode, though. It was hard when I was expected to go in and out of that mode. My boss even told me that it would make for good camaraderie for me to keep my ears open and chime in occasionally. They talked about everything but work, and I am an introvert, so I quite simply was not interested. I wasn't friendly enough with any of them--maybe six or eight in the one section ALL squealing to the tops of their lungs--for my requests to be seen as polite. All of them were on one side of the fence, and I was decidedly on the other. When the boss called me on the carpet in her private and quiet office, telling me that not joining in and sometimes wearing headphones looked like I wanted to remain separate from them, I confirmed that I felt forced to remain "separate" because I was having difficulty focusing while on the phone with customers, I had no interest in hearing about the partying and possible accidental pregnancies and daily dinner plans (actual private phone conversations with one woman--who sat away from the cluster--and her husband). (That same woman was LOUD all day long with everybody on the phone and anyone who approached her desk, so any call or visit to her was shared with the room.) I also did not wish to add my personal business to the mix.

I was told that I was wrong and not a team player. I was there for only a few months.

Under those circumstances--especially given your personality--I don't think that you should stay there. You can't control other people, and there'll be some of that everywhere, but to varying degrees. One day, you're gonna bash her head in with the three-hole punch, and then your boss will be annoyed.

If you're up for it, call out her name and remind her that she is whistling every single time she does it. See how she responds to that. You can even throw in the occasional "Damn it, Helen!" even if that's not her name. (That might be fun: Give her a new name each time.)

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Thirty years, maybe you should start placing some RV catalogs on her desk!

Move to the other cubicle and noise proof that sucker. http://www.audimuteacousticpanels.com/acoustical-panels?u...

Try various different ear plugs. I have a set at work that don't hurt my ears. I like my peace and quiet too. I tune everything out with my favorite music on Pandora.

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

I have a coworker that smacks her food very loudly, and the same coworker sings- not loudly but enough to be completely annoying. It's the food smacking that drives me completely insane because I swear she eats ALL DAY LONG.
I actually found that those large "air traffic controller" headphones do a great job of canceling out noise without hurting my ears (I have larger ears, too). I turn on classical music which isn't as distracting as other genres.
That's the only solution I have. Just know you are not alone.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

You can not change someone else, you can only change your own behavior at this point since you know she is aware of the issue. I would try ear plugs or noise canceling headphones. Yes, the ones that go in your ear can start to hurt but they still make the old school ones that fit over your ears, or wax ear plus that do not have to go inside.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would try ear plugs that "go into" your ears.

Then if that didn't work, I'd try those big noie cancelling headphones that
go over your head.

Then I'd play music in your cube. If she hates country music and you
like it then play that.

I think I'd move to that other cube if that person is less annoying than
this one is.

I'd, also, start looking for another job if it were me. Sounds like she can
do whatever she wants since she's been there forever & is favored by the
boss.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Everything you described is part of an office. Even if she disappeared off the earth you would find another co worker to hate on. If you are that distractible perhaps an office environment isn't the right place for you.

You are causing your own dread. You are so focused on her noises you can't block them out. This is all within your ability to control but you are choosing to dwell on it and be miserable.

What I am talking about is have you ever had a friend say this sound in a song drives them nuts, or they think is funny, or whatever. You never noticed the sound before but now you pick it up every time you hear the song. If your friend said it was funny you smile, if they said it drove them nuts it starts to drive you nuts.

That is exactly what you are doing with your coworker.

You want the meaning of bad coworker I will send you the psycho down the hall. Her boss and her boss's boss want to fire her but they are scared of her. We are all pretty sure when they do the deed she is going to shoot up the office or claim to be jumping off a bridge during rush hour. I will take the whistler over that one any day. Oh and she flashed our whole office her new bra, she is not attractive, made one old lady feel her boobs. Still think whistler is a problem?

Ya know people saying this isn't normal office stuff listen to her description. "top of her voice", "outspoken", "opinionated" These are not the way people describe the talker in their office, this is how you describe the talker in the office when you don't like them. Fact is if she is still in the same room as her she will keep hearing her because this woman gets on her nerves. The other fact is the woman is not doing anything wrong so why should she change because one worker is intolerant?

I am not trying to be negative it is just there is nothing her boss can do to help her.

Oh and Gidget has a good point, if white noise gets on your nerves?

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M.O.

answers from Dallas on

If the boss and your fellow coworkers don't have enough of a problem with it to say anything, you might just be in the wrong type of work environment. I'm doubtful it will change based on what you described here.

Among your last options is to go to your boss and request to move to a different cubicle farther away as soon as one opens up, and for now, take the one that makes even a few feet of difference. Take blame for the problem ("I realize I need a quieter environment to focus on our customers and be more efficient") and avoid mentioning your loud coworker at all.

You might want to see if any junior employees would be willing to switch with you as well, if you haven't poisoned the well by trash-talking the loud talker in the break room.

Then drop serious cash on a decent pair of noise canceling headphones ($200+ at minimum to get a "good" pair that will offer real silence).

And don't forget to cruise indeed.com for new opportunities when you have time.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Maybe trade off what you do, or try to vary your work schedule so that you're at your desk when she's away at lunch and vice versa. It can be hard when you don't want to confront someone but if you have said, "Your whistling is bothering people" already, then you might indeed want to go to plan B and tap the wall and say "Judy! You're doing it again." If she claims you're being intrusive to her, say she told you she doesn't know when she does it so perhaps if you remind her she'll become more aware.

We all have quirks and things to deal with in the office, but I'd try that route before I looked for a job if I otherwise liked it. Are you allowed to have a radio? If so, can you tune it to music you like?

ETA: I had a job where I wanted to do my task and be left alone and the boss was such a micromanager she nagged me about my route to work. Eventually, about 6 yrs in, I had enough and left. If you really think it's time to jump ship, do so, but don't let it be just about her. In my case, it was that the company was sold and other things were changing, too. Sure enough, after I left, nearly 100 people were laid off. Do you think there's any room to grow there? If not, let that be your guide.

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N.H.

answers from Peoria on

I would take your co-workers that agree with you to your boss, close the door, if she has one, & just state "Ms. Jones, I realize that you and Sally Sue may be friends and we do not have an issue with that but as a boss/supervisor, we feel that you need to look at our complaint in an unbiased & objective manner. We've complained before about Sally Sue's whistling to no avail. Sally Sue is disturbing the office environment with her constant whistling. It's not only unprofessional, in our opinions, but it also hinders our ability to get our work done b/c it is so distracting.

We would greatly appreciate it if you would take our complaint in a professional & unbiased approach as a supervisor and ask her to stop b/c it is a huge distration to all of us."

Hopefully, taking your co-workers in the office with you will show that it's not just you, one person, that has the complaint. Sometimes bosses see only what they want to see & nothing more...taking more than yourself in there will reinforce what you're saying. Also, by acknowledging her possible friendship with the whistler will help your boss know that you're not bohered by their friendship, just the whistling. Hope this helps, good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Chattanooga on

She says she doesn't notice when she does it... I have a few things I do that I know are annoying, and I honestly don't realize I am doing it unless someone points it out to me.

I had a co-worker who was really annoyed by a habit I had (I used to click my fingernails together out of habit.) and I told him to call me out on it every time he noticed me doing it. We both understood that I wasn't doing it on purpose, and that it really was annoying so neither one of us had hard feelings toward the other and decided to work together to solve the problem. He called me out often enough that I started registering that I was doing it, and eventually I was able to break the habit.

Maybe you can get one of those service bells, and when she starts whistling you can ding it to signal to her that she needs to stop. That way, you don't have to expend so much energy/stop what you are doing to ask her to stop.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

I found it very telling that you said you tried white noise, which you later found distracting. I've never heard of anyone finding white noise to be distracting.

White noise is supposed to be the type of noise that allows people to block everything else out and really concentrate. Now, if it doesn't completely block her out, it's not going to be too helpful. But if just having white noise is distracting to you, I doubt you will be happy unless you work in complete silence.

It sounds like you either need to find a job that gives you your own office, or you need to find a "work from home" situation.

ETA - Ok, I absolutely was not trying to upset you or insult you in any way! I am very sorry that my words upset you. I was honestly trying to show you a different perspective. I think most people would not find white noise to be distracting. Some would find excessive talking to be distracting, at least initially. Even more people would be bothered by the whistling. But hardly think anyone would find the white noise bothersome. My point was, I think you happen to be someone who is more sensitive to noises. Nothing wrong with that, but it is very helpful to know that about yourself.

"G., have you ever tried to concentrate with a white noise machine right next to your head? No? Then you don't know what you're talking about, do you? I find that very telling."

Actually, I find white noise to be very soothing. It honestly helps me to concentrate. And yes, I have tried to concentrate with it right next to my head. Doesn't bother me at all. Only helps. But conversations don't generally distract me, and I probably wouldn't be bothered by the whistling. However, I cannot stand loud music. I hate dance clubs and bars with loud music and when people crank the music in the car, and I absolutely loath concerts. But that's just me, and I know that about myself. So I avoid those situations.

My point is, life is much happier when we recognize these things In ourselves and avoid those things that really get on our nerves. There's nothing wrong with you being bothered by this. This bothers you. So now you need to find a way to not have to deal with it. I really think I would either get some good noise canceling ear plugs or headphones or find a different work situation.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

omg, i'm twitching just reading this!
i just have zero tolerance for Loud People!
clearly you're in a bind. you've asked her to be thoughtful, and your boss isn't going to back you up. i guess headphones (really good ones, like bose noise-canceling ones) aren't an option?
gahhhhhhh!!!!!!
:X khairete
S.

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D..

answers from Miami on

You won't become the reason she will hate to come to work. She rules the roost. Don't you know that? You are the one who hates going to work.

She will win out every time. Just do yourself a favor and go find another job. You aren't going to get anywhere with this issue. Just leave it alone. I hope your job search doesn't last long.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

I would totally record her, and then play it back on occasion. Really loud. For a long time.

Make her listen to herself. It may not stop her but at least you can have fun with it.

Good luck.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I understand what it's like. I worked in a call center where we had cubicles and it was very hard. I was next to a guy that was hard of hearing and talked loudly.

I was fortunate in that we were in a large building and I moved a long way away from him, I actually moved from Windows support to MAC support. Wonderful change for me. My call time went down from sometimes over 2 hours to less than 15 minutes. MAC's are so much easier.

I think that you do have a problem, I know that moving is not an option at this point. You've spent money you should not have to spend, you have tried many things to get over this.

I do think you need to go to the boss and just let it all out. Let this boss know you really like your co-worker but you can't stand the noise and are beginning the search for a new job. This way they'll be award of the calls for references. It can't hurt at this point to put it out there that the reason you're leaving is this person. That their habits and noise makes it difficult for you to work.

I think this also might make the point that this person is a bit overbearing and an issue in the workplace.

They'll either move this person to a more secluded area so that everyone can be happier or they'll simply help you along your way.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Can't you just ask to move your desk?

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