"Whinefest" 2013 - Hackettstown,NJ

I have a granddaughter going through just that phase.

And her mama has to say, firmly but not angrily, "Try that again, please," because bossiness is simply not acceptable. She has to be extremely consistent, because this girl (whom I love dearly!) has a very forceful personality.

If you can stay on top of this attitude business, and not let her think she can do it as a game, you might be able to make a little dent in the drama and hang on until the girl gets through this stage (and goes on to the next one).

There's a temptation to think, sometimes, "Oh, this time it's cute - I'll just play along this once." Please don't. Be very consistent. Playing games and being different characters is fine (albeit exhausting). Talking that way is not.

Stop paying attention to the 'bossypants' behavior, today.

Don't call her character names-- you are only continuing to engage her and fueling the fire. She's griping and doesn't have a sense of humor about this.

You can give her cues: 'try/ask that again in a friendly voice'. If she can't, remove your attention. Be authoritative without explaining yourself too much. "oh, sorry, lion isn't pouring the tea now, zebra is. Lion can have the next turn."

I would also avoid an admonishments that no one wants to play with her when she's like this. Just show her. "Wow, daughter, you are yelling at me. I don't want to play when you yell at me." and then, go do something else. Try not to over-explain. Remember, the more you talk about it, label it, give attention to it-- the more attention she gets, albeit negative, sure, but it's only going to reinforce the behavior.

So-- keep your lips mostly zipped on the subject, other than to offer concrete corrections and redirection. What you *do* in these moments matters a lot more than what you *say*.

(PS-- I also have an old post from when my son was three, and it's about when he was whining for things, etc. Here's a link if you are also dealing with that:
http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-to-do-with-w...

Added: I didn't say mention this, but should: always be sure to compliment her on her kind words and pleasant tone when you hear it. **Do not** mention the undesired behavior in comparison. (no: "That's so much nicer than..." NO mentioning what you don't want to draw her attention to.) Just keep it simple: 'You sound so friendly.' or "I really like your please". Remember, our kids do want most of all to please us, even though it is their job to test boundaries from time to time. (Including the boundaries of civility.)

Hazel is right. You're pouring gasoline on her flames. Walk out of the room and give her NO attention. If you don't change things up, she's going to act this way for a lot longer.

Dawn

Listen to the wise advice of the Moms below. You're encouraging her to act that way. Most kids I know go through the whiny/bossy stage but the more you reward it the more you'll get.

Never underestimate the intelligence and perception of a three year old. They are masters at manipulation all in an adorable little package.
Don't take the bait!

My daughter went through her phases and oh gees it was hard. She is 18 now.

The Whiner.... I would repeat in a rhyming fashion. " Wendy Whiner go away come again another day"

The Bossy... I repeated .. " bossy Betty go away, come again another day"

It turned into a game and when I addressed her with ones of the names, she stopped.

To this day... If I call her Wendy or Betty, she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

It distracts them, does not engage in their behavior and it worked for me!

Btw... Daughter is a managing partner in training with our company!! You never know!!

I completely ignored them, no way I'm playing into that. Short phase, that.

:)

My 6 year old GD started to become a bossy pants. She spends every weekend at my house from Friday afternoon to Sunday night. I finally told her from now on to "check her bossy attitude at the door" when she comes. She has gotten much better.

Again, this is a matter of respect. Your kids can play with you, but they must ALWAYS do it in a respectful manner/tone.

Please shouldn't be a "special" word. Its an every day, all the time, better use it or you're not getting it word. I can't hear whining. I actually become deaf and see lips moving, but I don't understand what is said when there is a whining tone. It just doesn't work on me.

All kids are bossy pants, at certain ages.
I have a 6 year old and a 10 year old Tween.
These phases morph, per age.
What fun!

But really, at least my kids will get rational.
Or else!

hazel nailed it - lots of kind words and praise - ASK her to do things with "please" and "thank yous", expect her to do the same. don't comply unless she is using her manners and asking nicely.

"honey, being Ms. Bossy Britches will never get you what you want, you will have to ask nicely" is a perfectly acceptable answer. and feel free to use "no" when appropriate.

there have been a few moments when my son (who is 6 now) tried that tactic. "mom tell me to pass the syrup" (just so he can say his punchline "NO WAY JOSE!" for the fiftieth time) and i thought "oh THAT'S how he felt being asked to name all the colors over and over again for family members, etc". I actually said the words, "no son, you're not in charge and i'm not your trick pony" lol.

it's not a good feeling to be bossed around by someone three feet tall lol. we used the "that tone/word/etc will never get you a YES answer" a lot. (used it for tantrums too - "that behavior will NEVER get you what you want". i told him that straight up. and stuck by it.) it didn't last long thank goodness - if it doesn't work, they quit trying it. hang in there mama!