Where Is My Daddy?

I explained my daughter's adoption to her when she was two. We told her that she didn't come from MY tummy, my sister wanted her to have the best family ever so that's how we became her parents. Done. Deal. Nothing to hide, nothing to act strange about and we answered her questions.

What do you guys do when he asks? Distract him? Change the subject? Just tell him, it will be fine. Families are different.

"Some children just have mommies, and some children just have daddies."
You can elaborate more when he's older.
Unless you want to explain the full scientific and emotional aspect of casual sex to him now?
But I'm pretty sure he's too young to grasp that.
Just keep it simple.
If he asks why, just say, "that's just the way it is."
A pretty spiritual and lovely response to a very complicated and messy question :)

What is wrong with answering the questions with short, honest, non-opinionated answers.

If he wants to know where he is at, tell him where you last knew he was. If he asks why he isn't around, tell him he has chosen not to be. If he wants to know when will he come around, tell him you can't answer that.

You don't have to give false promises, but don't say things that you have to fix later.

If you tell him he doesn't have a daddy...he will tell people just that.

When my oldest was little we answered it like mamazita said.

Some families have just mommy's, some just daddy's and some have both. When he asked why I would always tell him because I loved him so much that it filled up the mommy and daddy spot.

Then I got married and he had a "dad". Then it was why didn't he have one before, I would say because we were waiting for the perfect dad to come along. That held him over until he was old enough to hear that his dad chose to be not a part of our lives.

He was about 8 when he put two and two together and realize that his "dad" wasn't his "real" dad. Then I started answering his questions truthful with out alot of detail. a couple years later the questions really started coming and we sat down and talked and I told him everything.

It just needs to be truthful with out giving details and making sure they know how much they are loved.. even if there is only one parent.

At this age a simple "We don't have a daddy in our family" should suffice. When he's a little older and asking more complex questions she can start getting more into the difference between a "daddy" and a "father" and how he has a father who unfortunately has chosen at this time not to be a daddy. But he's way too young for that now.

It's also good to point out how every family is different (only mommies, only daddies, only grandma, etc. etc.) and, if there's a male role model present (grandpa, uncle, boyfriend, whatever) it's good to stress "and YOU have a Grandpa Joe" or whomever.

"We don't have a daddy in our family" is a good answer for curious young friends too. They will bring it up.

There are probably some good books for guidance available at the library or through Amazon that cover this issue. Type in "single parenting" in the Amazon site.

Best of luck!

the truth is the best thing to tell him.

I don't know where he is. He left before you were born.

Don't make up stories...don't lie. just tell the truth. I do NOT know where he is. Anything else will make him conjure up dreams of some hero, doing something important to save the world, etc. and if and when he ever meets him - his world will be shattered when he finds out that his dad just didn't give a damn.

Hopefully your niece has learned to be a tad bit more selective!!!

I like Bvic and Mamazita's reaponses about "we don't have a daddy in our family." And focusing on what he has. It's easy for kids to understand without being a huge deal.

I'm a single mother of an adopted child with no father listed on her original birth certificate or the one from the adoption. She literally is as close to father-less as it gets. She started asking at about 3 when they celebrated Father's Day at school, and it was also when other kids started saying "you don't have a daddy.". When she'd ask, I'd say, "well, tthat's true. God makes all different kinds of families, and he didn't give you a daddy or me a husband. Instead, he gave you a Meme. An uncle, Cousin Todd..." And we'd go through the full litany right down to our dog and the dogs of our extended family! We have a very, very small family. Sometimes she'll ask "why?," but the standard response is, "I don't know how God decides who will be a family. But, he made sure that you have a family where we have lots of love to share. He gave you a mommy, Meme, uncle..." And go through the litany. Someday, the story may be more complex, but it works for the age.

Just tell him the truth. "Your daddy lives in Albuquerque" or whatever. Usually that is enough. When they ask why, you just say "because that's where he wants to live."
My almost 4 granddaughter told me "My grandpa lives in a box."
Referring to my ex that passed away a couple of years ago and his ashes are sitting on a shelf in their home. When my granddaughter told me this I asked her "why?", she said "because he's dead." End of story.

I hate people who lie to there children. Telling them so an so is there father wen they know damn well he isnt. I grew up with a Stepdad, and trust me my mother never lied or tried to pin a child to anyone. She was completely honest to us. And in the end we decided what was what. I think everyone has the right to know who there actual parents are. Even if it hurt to be honest. Because in the end its always good for the child.

Wen my stepdaugther turned 6 last year, me amd my x sat down with her and explained to her that I wasnt her 1st mommy lol! And let me say nothing has changed.

When my 4 year old asks, I tell him it just me and him in our family. If he asks more I tell him I didn't know his Father very long or very well but am grateful for the gift he gave me.

And when he tries telling me "My daddy says I don't have to (pick up toys, eat dinner, go to bed)" I just roll my eyes.....

My granddaughter is like this. She has not seen her daddy since she was very small. He has child support garnished out of his wages so I tell her he works very far away but he loves her enough to send money to her every week so she can have the things she needs.

I think that makes it more acceptable.

My grandson's dad lives here in this town. He is a....well, I don't want my answer reported as inappropriate so I won't say. He has 2 older daughters and the youngest, not even old enough to drive is living with her boyfriend since daddy dearest kicked her out last year. She does not go to school or even try to better herself. She is such a sad little girl. The other daughter is still in the home but just got out of rehab. She is not out of high school yet. The dad has a daughter just 6 months younger than my grandson and she does pretty well living with him and her mom I guess. We have seen the littlest one once, at my grandsons 3rd birthday. Then the 2 older girls we met this month.

This dad does not hold down a job for more than a few months of the year. How the woman he is with stands that I do not know. His sisters have told my grandson that their dad is not a nice person and he doesn't want them either.

So telling a child the truth can sometimes be too harsh and make them feel unlovable or help them develop low self esteem and poor self image. I think making the best of the situation is fine even if it is a bit off the actual truth.

That's up to your niece to answer.

C. - we are only in control of ourselves. Take care of you, your niece will take care of her son.

This is your opportunity to take the high road. Let her figure it out. :)

(I'm rooting for you - high road, high road, high road) :)

Just say that you don't know and let your niece handle it. As he gets older, your niece will need to admit to him that she made a mistake so that he sees that this is preventable. He will need to have that discussion about why sex before marriage is so hurtful for the possible children.

Best response is the truth. You don't know. Just remind him how much yall love him. You don't want to make something up and then later he find out not true then he's mad at yall for lying. As he gets older he'll understand and it will be easier to explain. Good Luck